Growing Up Gilmore
by KoffeeKween
Summary: The party ended with a kiss and a hope. Rory was off to the campaign trail and our favorite couple have seemed to land back on "they will". But old habits die hard, and sometimes the only way to get to the middle you want is to go back to the beginning and try again. AU – Picks up at the end of S7. It may take some time- but our JavaJukies will get there. LL. Please Review.
1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

 **As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from Time to time.**

* * *

 **PROLOGUE - May 2008**

Luke walked up to her front door with a feeling somewhere between contentment and abject terror. It was like that moment at the summit of your favorite roller coaster. You knew you loved it, but for a split second before the drop, you always wondered if it would be worth it.

He stopped for a second, a slow smile spreading across his face.

She was always worth it.

It had been a week since the graduation party under the tents. A week since their kiss. A week since Rory got on a bus to follow that Senator around the country. A week since he had seen Lorelai.

He had wanted to jump right back in to things with her, but she had claimed she needed the time to recover from Rory leaving and to figure some things out. Deep down, he thought this was part of their problem, each of them needing to do everything on their own terms, neither one willing to risk depending on the other. He hoped they could change this time. He was willing to do anything to make this work.

Lorelai had seen him coming up the walk and opened the door before he could even knock. She stepped out onto the porch, pulling the door shut behind her.

"Hey" she whispered, looking at him.

There was something in her eyes that worried him, but then again, Rory had been gone a week and he was sure it had hit her hard.

He leaned in to her, anxious to kiss her. As he closed his eyes, he felt rather than saw her head shift a fraction of an inch, his kiss landing on the corner of her mouth.

He opened his eyes in time to see a single tear slip down her check, and in that moment, he knew.

"No" was the only word he choke out.

"Luke, I … I have to"

"No" he said louder, as though through his own force of will he could stop what he knew was coming.

"Just listen" she began "I can't do it again. And God I want to. I love you. I will always love you. I sang that stupid song for you… well for Rory cause at first you weren't even there, but then you were, and it's always you, it will always be you. But Farmer leaves in the end because he knows he isn't what she needs him to be, and I am not what you need Luke, I'm just not. I'm nothing but trouble for you and I can't do it again. I can't hurt you and I can't watch you shut me out. I can't go back to hurting for you all the time. I have to go and grow up"

He stood there looking at her, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. He knew he should say something but he didn't know what.

"Luke, please try to understand. I know this doesn't make sense to you, but I grew up with Rory and I think I only just realized how wrong that was. I have somehow stayed frozen at sixteen. I mean sure I raised a daughter on my own and she is pretty fantastic and she is going off into the world and I realized I never did that. She's left me behind like the old High School friend who stays in town while you go off to conquer the world. I don't know how to just be me. I have to learn how to be just Lorelai… not Emily and Richard's daughter, not Rory's mother, and not Luke's… whatever. Just Lorelai. I have never done that."

Ok, he thought to himself. Maybe this isn't so bad. Maybe she just needs to get a way for a little while and find herself… or whatever the hell it is the hippies all say. For the first time since she opened the door, he allowed himself to hope.

"So what is this, some kind of Eat Pray Love thing?" he asked, noticing even in her current mood her eyebrows arched and she couldn't help but smile. "What" he asked, "You told me all about it when you read it. Believe it or not, I do listen Lorelai."

"Kind of like that and I know you listen, even when you don't want to," she answered quietly

"So where are you going?" he asked, for the first time hopeful that this was not a permanent goodbye.

"I don't know," she answered, her eyes shifting down.

"Lorelai…."

"Okay, how about I'd rather not say"

"When will you be back?" he asked, the fear returning and lodging in his throat.

"I don't know. I really don't"

"Lorelai…" he whispered. He wasn't sure if it was a curse or a prayer, but it was her and she was both.

"Luke… I know… and I love you, and…" as she spoke, she had unconsciously reached for him, attempting to draw comfort from his strength, not even realizing it until he began to yell.

"NO" he yelled jumping away from her. "You do not get to tell me you love me. You do not get to stand there with the tears and the sad and the …NO. This is all you, baby. You are choosing this. So do NOT stand there and tell me you love me and look to me for comfort when you are the one who is running away…. AGAIN. Why am I even surprised at this point. I should know better."

"Luke, please…. I"

"Goodbye Lorelai"

"Wait…." She called to him as he stormed towards his truck. "Please it's important"

He turned to look at her, working to keep his composure, he slowly walked back until he was standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm… well…. Here" she said, handing him a thin envelope.

"I don't want a Dear Luke letter"

"It's not... it's the money for the inn"

Luke dropped the envelope as if it was hot

"No"

"Luke it's your money. Take it, please. I am not selling the house. At least not now. Not until… well, anyway, I will have someone look in on it from time to time. I will get you the money you put into the house one day, but for now, this is all I have, the $30,000." She had slowly moved closer to him. Now in front of him, she bent, retrieved the envelope and held it out to him once again. "Luke…please"

He grabbed the envelope from her and shoved it in his pocket. He looked at her then and for all of his anger and his beloved righteous indignation, all he wanted to do was fold her into his arms and protect her.

"Lorelai. Please. Make me understand"

"I don't think I can," she answered, not looking at him.

"Try" he whispered, sitting on the porch step.

"I have to run away from home," she said, sitting next to him on the step.

"Didn't you do that at sixteen?" he asked, instantly regretting how it sounded, but knowing she would understand his meaning.

"I did. And in some ways, I grew up in a single night at Hartford Memorial Hospital. It's amazing how the world shifts when they hand you a baby and tell you it's yours. I learned to do what I had to do. I learned to work, to pay bills, to be a mother, to be a friend, to be in business. But I never learned to be an adult. Not really. I feel like my entire life has been some bizarre Freaky Friday thing, only I'm not really either, not the mom, not the daughter. I have spent 19 years playing dress-up and pretending to be an adult."

"Ok. I can get some of that. But I still don't get why you can't stay here… why we can't…"

"Luke. We both know I'm not what you need"

"Are you quoting song lyrics to me?" he asked quietly. God save him, he loved her so much.

"Cheesy song lyrics. But it doesn't make it less true"

"Are you coming back? I mean should I bother hoping or is this it? I mean if it's just some time you need, I can give you time." Luke asked, rubbing the back of his neck in frustration.

"Luke. I don't know. But I need you to do something for me"

"What"

"Don't wait for me"

"What" he asked, sure he had heard her wrong.

"I don't want you to wait for me. I want you to be happy. I don't want to be the thing that you lug around with you that keeps you from living. I don't want you to wait"

"Right" he said the anger flooding his body again. He stood up quickly and began pacing at the foot of the steps. "Right. So this is all crap then. You're leaving, you made up your mind and you are walking away"

"I'm trying to do what's right," she yelled, tired and frustrated at not being able to make him understand.

"You know what Lorelai," he said, leaning down to where she was sitting and looking deep into her eyes, "you can go to hell"

* * *

 **Author's Note**

 **I know this is not where everyone wants our favorite couple to be after their Bon Voyage kiss. Please stick with me…. I'm not saying when, I'm not saying how…. But I promise you, they will get there. It might take a little longer than you like – but good things are worth waiting for (I hope).**

 **I welcome your feedback and reviews.**


	2. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

 **As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from Time to time.**

* * *

 **Chapter One - May 2008**

It's been a week, he realizes. A week of coming out here every night and getting blind drunk. A week since she locked up the house and left. A week since Babette called Coop on him for sitting in the dark in front of her house at two in the morning, yelling at a woman who wasn't home - who would probably never be home again.

And yet, here he is, once again, because of her.

Luke Danes does not mope. He does not wallow and he does not pine. He certainly doesn't spend the better part of a month hand carving the world's largest and most passive aggressive wedding gift. But somehow, he realizes, he has done all that and more for her. And she is gone anyway.

Luke understands his own limitations. He may not be all sensitive and verbal, but he has always known who he is…and who he isn't, and who he isn't, is a moron who sits under a chuppah at 2 o'clock in the morning, drinking beer and … and…

"Shit" he mumbles into the night air, "what the hell am I doing"

"I believe the word is brooding" comes a voice from the dark

"I don't brood," he mutters, handing an unopened beer to his nephew

"You prefer wallow? How about sulk" Jess asks

"How about you shut up" Luke answers, taking another pull from the beer.

"Rory called" Jess says quietly, sitting next to his uncle on the ground

"Good for you"

"She was worried"

"She shouldn't be" Luke muttered.

"Well that's clear. I always sit in the dark outside my ex- whatever's house drinking beer and muttering"

"How did you know where to find me?"

"Rory."

"How did she know?"

"I think Babette told Patty who told Taylor who was overheard by Dean who emailed Rory who called me. Why is it that everything in this town ends up sounding like an overly convoluted game of Clue?"

"I thought maybe Lorelai…"

"No" Jess answered quickly.

He took a moment then to really look at his Uncle.

While Luke might never be considered fashionable, behind the flannel and the scruff it was always pretty clear he took good care of himself. But the man sitting in front of Jess looked like he had crawled out from under a rock. He looked tired and thin, and for the first time that Jess could remember, he looked old.

He hadn't gotten much from Rory when she called. At first, he had almost blown her off. He wasn't looking to get caught up in some overly – emotional Dr. Phil trip, and he always thought the whole will they/ won't they thing that his Uncle and Lorelai had going on bordered on insane. He had been all ready to tell Rory to get some other sucker to stick his nose into that particular lion's den, when she had said the one thing Jess would never have expected, the one thing that let him know that his was not their typical Ross and Rachael wanna be bullshit, but a real problem. "When you talk to Luke," she had said, entitled as always, certain that he would run to her aid, "when you see him, tell him that he deserves so much better. Tell him that I am on his side".

The idea that Rory had aligned against Lorelai for any reason gave him pause. And in that moment, he had known. If whatever this was had been bad enough to cause a rift between the so-called Gilmore Girls, then he knew, whatever Lorelai had done had probably about killed his uncle.

So here he was, back in this stupid, God forsaken town.

"What the hell happened Luke?"

"You think I know?" he exploded, jumping to his feet. "You think I ever know what the hell is going on in that brain of hers? I know she was singing, I know I made a tent, I know we kissed, and I know she's gone. What else is there to know? She's gone," he yelled, warming up to the rant.

Ranting- he thought to himself- better than wallowing.

"Luke"

"No Jess. She left. You think I understand any of it? Always on her terms, always what she wants, what she needs. Never what I want, what I need. Has she ever even asked me what I want?" Luke yelled

"I'm sure…"

"No. The answer is no. She is so used to having her own way. What about my way? What about what I want? We were kissing and then…"

Luke sat heavily on the ground, his anger spent for the moment and reached for a beer.

"So what happened?"

"What did Rory say happened?"

Jess wondered for a moment if he should deliver Rory's message, if he should tell his Uncle that whatever this was, it had cost Lorelai her relationship with Rory. But if he knew Luke, he knew that knowledge wouldn't help. It would only make Luke more miserable and angrier.

"She didn't tell me the whole story," answered Jess honestly. "She called and asked if I could come here for a couple of days. Said you might need me. Said Lorelai left town. She didn't seem to know too many details, or if she did, she's keeping them to herself. So, I'll ask again – what happened?"

Luke sighed deeply. He seemed to weigh his words carefully. Jess waited. He understood his uncle only too well, and knew that pushing him into a quick answer would get him nothing but more ranting.

"I made a tent," he muttered.

"I thought it's a chuppah"

"No, for Rory's party. I made a tent to cover the town square. She sang to me"

"Rory did?" Jess asked, confused.

"Lorelai"

"She sang?"

"That stupid song from the movie… the Kevin Costner thing, what the hell is it called? She made me watch it twice… he's a bodyguard and… I don't remember… stupid movie, stupid song"

"The Bodyguard?" Jess asked.

"What?"

"The movie, Luke, is called The Bodyguard"

"Do I care?"

"You seemed to" Jess answered with a smirk. "So, Lorelai sang to you, and then what?"

"I made a tent. It was raining. She needed the tent. Then we kissed."

"Ok and…" Jess said.

"Why are we talking about this?" Luke yelled, jumping up again.

"Luke…"

"No, I mean it" he shouted, "why are we talking about this? What will it change? What the hell has talking ever accomplished? Ask her that one day. All those words, you ever wonder how many words she uses in a day? In an hour? She never stops. And for all of that, what the hell does she say? I'll tell you, nothing! She just talks and talks and says God knows what about God knows what. On and on with the movies and the books and the random crap that only makes sense to her. She's like one of those little wind-up dolls, on and on she goes, and she never says a friggen thing."

"Did she say goodbye?" Jess asked quietly.

"Yeah"

"Did she say where she was going?"

"No"

"Did she say when she would be back?" Jess asked

"No"

"Shit"

"Yeah" Luke muttered, opening another beer.

"Did she say why?"

"She's not what I need."

"What?"

"I don't know. It's from the song"

"What song"

"The stupid Bodyguard song"

Jess pondered this quietly for a moment before speaking again.

"Have I ever told you my theory that Whitney Houston, Celine Dion and Mariah Carrey are really three witches dedicated to making as many men miserable as they can?"

Luke looked at his nephew with something like gratitude.

"So," Jess said, indicating the Chuppah in front of him, "you wanna burn it down"

"No" Luke muttered.

"Wanna devil-egg her house?"

"No"

"Wanna sit here and get drunk?"

"Absolutely" Luke said.

Luke Danes was not romantic. He was not silly or free-spirited or open to change.

Nevertheless, Luke Danes was patient. He knew how to wait. Only, part of him wondered, even though she had told him not to, if that was what she was counting on. And if she was, if she was expecting him to sit around Stars Hollow hoping for her to blow back into town, he had to decide for himself if waiting was going to be worth it.

For his part, Jess took another beer and studied his Uncle.

Luke had been his example of manhood, his example of the man he wanted to become. Solid, dependable, honest. He admired Luke far more than he would ever admit to. Yet at the same time, he pitied Luke. Stuck in this crazy town with all of its crazy people. Sure, it was home, and on some level, Jess knew that Luke loved the place, but he also knew that Luke had never been farther than Hartford for more than a vacation. It's easy to love something when it's the only choice you have.

"Hey, Luke" Jess asked turning to his Uncle who had taken his seat under the Chuppah once more.

"Yeah" Luke asked

"You ever think of leaving?" Jess asked

"And going where"

"I don't know" Jess answered. "Where would you want to go?"

"I don't know" Luke answered. "Besides, my life is here"

"No, you're diner is here. Your history is here. But your future can be anything you want."

"Not anything I want" Luke muttered, the beer now moving him from anger to sullenness.

"True" Jess said, hearing the faint slur in Luke's words. "It's too late for you to pitch for the Yankees"

"Red Sox" Luke corrected automatically.

"Whatever. The point is, there is nothing making you stay here."

"What if she comes back," he whispered, knowing he sounded more than a little pathetic

"What if she does?"

"I wouldn't be here," he said

"True." Jess answered.

"And I don't know"

"Okay." Jess said and took out his phone to shoot Rory a quick text, letting her know he had found Luke and that he was fine, relatively speaking anyway.

Luke for his part, thought about what his Nephew had said. Leave Stars Hollow? And do what? He wasn't young anymore, and other than running a diner and some basic handy man skills, he didn't have a resume to speak of, or a degree. He knew that he didn't have the style or the attitude for sales or business, and honestly, the thought of wearing a suit everyday seemed like a very particular kind of hell. So he could leave and do what?

"What about a job" Luke asked, and Jess smiled that he hadn't dismissed the idea out of hand.

"Well you have the diner. I am sure you would have to pay someone to manage it full time, but as the owner, you would still draw a salary," Jess said slowly, not wanting to move Luke too fast. The man hated change, and just the fact that he was considering this, no matter how drunken his mind right now, was huge.

His phone emitted a short buzz in his hand. He looked down to see a message from Rory

 _(Is he ok)_ the text asked

 _(Not really)_ he typed back

 _(I hate her for this)_ came the reply from Rory

 _(No you don't)_ Jess answered

There was a pause when he thought maybe Rory had gotten busy or otherwise distracted. After a moment or two, his phone buzzed again.

 _(No, I don't)_ Rory replied. In his mind, he could hear her voice, equal parts frustration and guilt.

 _(Do you think she's coming back)_ Jess typed. As he hit send, Luke's hand shot out and grabbed the phone.

"Luke, don't," he said, trying to get the phone back from his Uncle. Whatever Rory's response to his last question, he didn't want Luke to see it.

"Who are you typing to" Luke asked.

"It's called texting, and … uhm… Rory"

"Rory"

"Still worried, Uncle Luke," he answered making a grab for the phone. Even drunk, Luke was far more athletic than Jess and was able to hold on to the phone easily.

Just then, the phone vibrated in Luke's hand, startling him. With a short grunt, he dropped the phone to the ground at Jess's feet. Jess picked it up and quickly read what was written there.

 _(I don't know. But if she does, I hope he tells her to go to hell)_ was the reply.

Luke cleared his throat and held his hand out to Jess

"Let me see"

"What if the messages are private, inappropriate even?"

Luke snatched the phone scowling and muttering under his breath

"What was that Luke?"

"Not my step daughter, but still my Rory. That talk is not allowed. "

"Got it" Jess said and smiled.

"How do I do this?" Luke asked, pushing buttons indiscriminately. He had a cell phone, but nothing like this thing his nephew was carrying.

"Here" Jess said bringing up the text thread and handing it to Luke. "Just don't get…" Jess could hear Luke's intake of breath and knew that he had just realized that Rory was angry with her mother on his behalf.

"Can you tell her something for me?"

"Sure" said Jess, ready to type.

"Tell her I love her. Tell her I am fine and she is my Rory forever no matter what else."

"Got it" said Jess, "Anything else?"

Luke hesitated and then quietly added, "Tell her to call her mother. Lorelai is probably hurting and she needs Rory"

And in that moment, Jess knew that while he might convince Luke to leave Stars Hollow, Luke would never really stop waiting for Lorelai Gilmore to come home.


	3. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:**

 **As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from Time to time.**

* * *

 **Chapter Two - June 2008**

It had been a month since the night Jess came out and found him drunk at Lorelai's house. Jess had stayed for a week, helping Luke get back to some semblance of normal. However, eventually, he had to return to the city and Luke was left to try and keep moving forward.

Time passed, as it always seemed to do. He was back to spending every moment possible at the diner, most days both opening and closing the place. He went to town meetings; he argued with Taylor, he hid from Miss Patty and her wandering hands. Basically, to someone who didn't know him well, it would seem that very little had changed for Luke.

The reality, however, was very different.

Days were fine. He had work and it kept him busy. Between cooking and the deliveries, there wasn't a lot of time to sit and think. And that pace was exactly what he wanted. He wanted a day with little time to think, and no time to remember. So he put his head down, backwards cap in place as always, and plowed forward.

For the first week after Jess left, he hid in the kitchen of the diner, leaving the dining room to Lane to manage. His fear was that someone would ask the question, someone would say her name. But somehow, even with the crazy gossip that was the lifeblood of the town, no one mentioned Lorelai.

Luke suspected that while he was here, Jess had read key members of the town the riot act and convinced them to lay off his Uncle. The reality was that whether Jess had said anything or not (and he had in fact asked Miss Patty and Babette to lay off around Luke) didn't really matter. Luke, for all of his gruff unfriendliness, was a part of the town. He had lived there all his life and he was loved deeply. Therefore, the very people who normally would have been the first to gossip instead made it their mission to protect him, and to protect him fiercely. They knew that while Luke had been damaged before, bruised and battered by Rachael and by Lorelai the first time, this time he was effectively broken. He was functioning, sure. He would grump, argue, and threaten Kirk, but he was a shell, and the people who knew him best knew it.

So, no one mentioned her. It was as if she had never existed…except. No one sat on her stool. The first stool in front of the cash register remained empty, and every so often, when there was a lull, he could hear her laugh as she begged him for coffee.

Even so, the days were bearable. But eventually, the diner had to close for the night, and that was when he found himself floundering.

He had taken to running again, pushing himself, punishing himself for whatever he had done to cause this mess. He no longer allowed himself to go and sit at her house, but he ran past it every night, refusing to pause, pushing himself till his muscles burned and his mind was empty. He ran at night with the rest of the town sleeping, driving himself to exhaustion, anything to avoid that moment in his bed when sleep wouldn't come… that moment when even after everything, he could still see her face.

Once home from his run, he would shower, eat, maybe watch a game. He would wander back downstairs and scrub the stove, the floors, and every inch of the kitchen until it gleamed. He would work until he felt his eyes beginning to close. Then he would stumble upstairs, and wait for sleep.

It was the twenty minutes when he let himself remember. And for that, it was the best and worst twenty minutes of each day.

But still, time passes, and his daughter April was currently visiting for a few days before she headed off to science camp. She was sitting at the diner counter, drinking iced tea and flipping through the latest issue of Scientific American. With her in the apartment, he hadn't been able to keep up his nighttime rituals, and after two days, the cracks were beginning to show in his carefully constructed façade.

"Hey Dad?" she asked, not really looking up.

"Huh?" he asked, not really interested and hating himself for his indifference.

"I haven't seen Lorelai and Rory around. Are they away?" she asked.

The din of voices in the diner dropped subtly as everyone listened for his response.

"Rory got a job covering the presidential campaign. I thought I told you that," he answered, wiping down the counter with more force than necessary.

"Oh, yeah, that's right." she answered, turning a page in her magazine. "And what about Lorelai?" she asked

Her voice was casual, but the truth was she knew some of what was going on. The gossip embargo had gone a long way towards keeping talk away from Luke, but Stars Hollow was what it was, and she had heard the whispers around town.

"Yeah…uhm…. She's out of town," he answered, not looking at April.

"Is she coming back?" she asked.

"Don't know" Luke answered.

"You don't know when she's coming back or you don't know if she's coming back?" April pushed.

"I just don't know" came the gruff response.

"I was just wondering 'cause when I talked to you a few weeks ago, after that party for Rory, it sounded like maybe you guys had some plans for this summer."

"Apparently not" Luke answered, beginning to lose patience with the conversation.

April chose that moment to look up at her father, and she could see the slump of his shoulders and the pain in his eyes. She wanted to take back the questions, but she also wanted to know what was going on.

"Do you still have her email address? I'd like to talk to her" April asked.

She expected him to mumble something and stalk back into the kitchen. What she didn't expect was for him to slam the coffee pot down with enough force to make it shatter.

"Damn it" he yelled, either at her, the coffee or the world in general she wasn't sure.

"Dad?" she asked, he voice suddenly very small and her eyes very big,

"April… look… I'm sorry. I'm tired okay? I haven't been sleeping well and... well… I'm sorry. Look," he said reaching into the till for a twenty, "take this and go down to the beauty shop, or to the book store or whatever. Let me clean this up and we'll go out to Sniffy's for dinner tonight, okay?" He looked at her and she could see guilt and sorrow and absolute exhaustion written in every line in his face.

"Okay" she answered quietly and left the diner. He turned back to the kitchen before he noticed one of his customers get up and follow the girl out the door.

April, too confused and upset to shop made her way to the gazebo and sat. A moment later, Miss Patty sat next to her and patted her shoulder gently.

"He didn't mean to do that sweetie, you know that right?" she asked the girl. "I have known your father since he was just a boy, and for all his bluster, there is not a gentler soul than Luke Danes"

"I know that" April said quickly, wishing for the millionth time that one day this place and these people would be hers too, and that the loyalty and love they had for her dad would pass on to her.

"He's just having a rough time right now, but it had nothing to do with you" Miss Patty said, lighting a cigarette and carefully blowing the smoke away from the girl.

"Yes it does" April said quietly.

"Of course it doesn't. It's just grown up stuff" Patty said.

"Grown up stuff" April said with a bitter laugh, "how come whenever something is too complicated or too real it gets labeled as grownup stuff and hidden in a corner? Why do you all assume that just because I am a kid I am deaf and blind? I will have you know I am almost fifteen. I know things. For example, I know I'm the reason they didn't get married last year. I know that if I had never shown up they would be happy now, living in her house and probably trying to start a family of their own. I'm not stupid you know" April yelled, getting a full head of steam and beginning to pace around the gazebo.

"I know you're not"

"That's right, I'm not stupid. I am in every honors class there is. I am the original geek. I know things, I hear things. I know my mom wouldn't let him bring me around Lorelai when I first came here, and that he let her do that, that he choose me over Lorelai. I know that Lorelai waited and it never got any better. And then when he finally took my mom to court, I know that Lorelai was the one to write the letter to convince the judge to side with my dad. But by then it was too late. It had already been ruined. And if not for me and my stupid science fair project none of this would be happening"

Patty looked at the girl and for the first time saw Luke in his daughters face. Maybe it was the ranting, or the pacing, but mostly it was the look of absolute misery at the idea that she might have caused someone she loved pain.

"Now you stop that and come sit down by me" Patty said, putting out her cigarette and patting the bench beside her.

April tentatively sat down next to the older woman and braced herself to be yelled at for such a display. Instead, Patty carefully folded April into her arms and stroked the girl's hair.

"I'm sorry Miss Patty" April said quietly

"Now stop that too. No need for apologies, not to me." Patty continued to hold the girl, letting her gather herself. After a moment April sat back and Patty looked carefully into the girl's eyes. "Now clearly you are a very smart young lady. And maybe your dad is wrong to keep so much from you, but that is not for me to say. What I can tell you is this. There is some truth to some of what you said. When you came into Luke's life, things changed for him, and for Lorelai. Neither of them handled it well and neither of them is completely to blame. But none of that is your fault. I have watched Luke grow into fatherhood, and he loves you and no matter what else has happened, there is not a moment of any day where he wishes that you hadn't found him"

"But" April said, ready to disagree.

"Now hush. I haven't known Lorelai for as long as I've known your daddy, but I know her just as well, and the one thing that girl understands is being a mom. She was always such an amazing mom to Rory. I don't know anyone who would disagree. And believe me when I tell you, she never for a moment blamed you for what happened between her and Luke. Not for one moment. More than that. You said your dad chose you over her and that was what ruined things?"

April nodded miserably.

"Well if he had chosen anyone over you, even her, he wouldn't be the man she loved. Can you understand that? No one in the world knows better than Lorelai Gilmore about choosing your daughter over everything else. She would have expected nothing less from Luke. And not for one minute did she blame you."

April looked at the older woman, wanting so badly to believe her, but still not sure.

"The thing you have to know about Lorelai, and your dad too, is that they are both so strong. Now strength is a great thing. But too much of it, like anything else, can be dangerous. Your daddy and Lorelai don't know how not to be strong. They don't know how to ask for help. And they don't know how to rely on someone besides themselves. Whether or not you had come here, that would have still been their problem.

"But what happened" April asked Patty. "What happened this time to make her leave?"

"The truth is, I don't really know sweetheart" Patty answered.

"He's just so sad" April whispered. "He doesn't think I hear him at night tossing and turning and muttering under his breath but he just misses her so much. I wish I could call her or tell her, or do something"

"Darling girl, you really are your father's daughter aren't you? But you can't fix this any more than he can. She has to fix it, and the truth is I don't know if she can, or if she is ever even going to try."

April considered this for a moment

"I know how much he hates that she's gone, but part of me hopes she doesn't come back. I mean I really liked her. She was fantastic in so many ways, but, if she can hurt him this much and not even care, then I don't want her to come back. It's obvious she doesn't love him, and if that's the case, then she should just stay lost"

Miss Patty looked at the girl and tied to find an answer that was both honest and appropriate. The truth was Patty loved both Luke and Lorelai. And until recently, that had never been an either or proposition.

"I'm going to tell you something about Lorelai. Maybe I shouldn't but you're a smart girl so I'm guessing you figured some of it out on your own already." Patty paused for a moment, trying to decide how to continue. "Lorelai had Rory when she was not much older than you are now. She came from a very different world than Stars Hollow, and she left that world with a baby in tow because she wanted to make her own way. For years she took care of herself and Rory. She worked hard and protected that girl from everything and everyone. I bet you know something about having a mom like that," Patty said looking at the girl.

"Yeah. Yeah I do," April answered, nodding slowly.

"Well Rory was the whole world to Lorelai. And she was determined to do it all on her own, with no help from anyone. Of course, no one can do something like that on their own, not at thirty and certainly not at sixteen. So slowly she let people in, let them help her. First it was Mia, who owned the inn where Lorelai worked. Mia was like a second Mom to her. Then Sookie, and Babette, and even me a little. But never a man, any man. Until your dad."

April turned to look at Miss Patty. She had always wondered how they had become "Luke and Lorelai", but she had never been able to ask her dad, not even when things were still okay.

Patty settled into her storyteller mode and continued talking.

"They became friends slowly. And he started doing little things for her, fixing things, helping her out, and she let him. She trusted him. Meanwhile, your dad was always a loner. He had friends, sure, but no one he let get close to him. That is until her. He let her in. Their love was always there. And I bet in a lot of ways their love will be there forever. I don't know exactly what happened, but I know that whatever it was, she didn't do it because she doesn't love your father. If anything, I am willing to bet that in her heart, she thinks she is doing what is best for him because she loves him more than she knows how to"

April considered Patty for a moment before whispering "not good enough"

"What" asked Patty, having not understood what the girl had said.

"I said that's not good enough. You don't do this to someone you love. No matter what her reasons are, they are not good enough."

Patty, who loved Lorelai like a daughter shook her head and smiled sadly. "You know what kiddo, you are absolutely right."

Luke, having finished cleaning up the broken glass, approached the gazebo carefully. He wasn't sure what Patty was telling his daughter.

"Hey dad" April said cautiously, not sure if he was still angry.

"Hey kid" he answered. "Miss Patty" he said with a half a smile. "You wouldn't be telling my daughter any tall tales would you?" he struggled to keep his tone light, but the look in his eyes told Patty that she was treading a thin line in talking to April.

"Not at all Luke. We were just getting some things out in the open." Patty said smiling.

"Well, I've got it from here" he answered

"I guess you do. See you around April"

"Bye Miss Patty" April called as the woman made her way back to her dance studio. "And thank you"

"So" Luke said, sitting on the bench next to April where Patty had just been. "I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry about that"

"I know," said April quietly.

"Sometimes my temper just…. Well anyway, it wasn't about you and I'm sorry" Luke said, hoping it would be the end of it, but knowing it wouldn't be, knowing he was going to have to talk about this with her. "So," he asked clearing his throat, "what were you and Miss Patty talking about? "

"The sad state of the arts in American public high schools"

"April" Luke warned.

"We were talking about Lorelai," April answered quietly, not wanting to set him off again.

"And what did Miss Patty say? Because she doesn't know what happened," Luke said, getting ready to dig in to a really good rant.

"She said she doesn't know what happened"

"Well that….oh," Luke said sitting back down beside his daughter. "Well that's right then."

"She also said that it's not my fault," April said quietly.

"Well of course it's not your fault. Why would she even suggest such a thing? Of all the irresponsible…" Luke was brought up short when he saw the tears streaming down his daughter's face. "Oh, April. Did you think this was your fault?"

"Well isn't it? I mean I hear things around here. I don't know why everything thinks I don't, but I do. And to hear it you and she are like that couple in the stupid movie my mom watches – the one where they're best friends and then they're not and then he comes to the New Year's Eve party…"

"When Harry Met Sally" Luke interrupted.

April looked at her father surprised.

"Lorelai likes that movie too," he said quietly.

"Well, yeah, that movie. People talk about you like you're some amazing love story, and here I come to mess it all up. She must hate me"

"Never" Luke said fiercely. "Never for one minute did she hate you. She didn't blame you and she never would. Neither do I."

"I would blame me"

"No. Listen to me; it's just… well…. I can't really explain it… it's…." Luke tried to grasp for an explanation and couldn't.

"It's grown up stuff?" April said with a small smile.

"Yeah" her dad answered, hugging her to him. "Yeah, I guess it is"

April kept her head nuzzled into Luke's jacket. She knew what she wanted to say, but that didn't make it any easier.

"Dad" she started tentatively, "I'm sorry I mentioned Lorelai. I won't mention her anymore. I just don't understand what happened. When I talked to you after the party you all had for Rory you were so happy, and even though you didn't say so right out loud, I knew you guys were getting back together, or at least I thought you were. Then I get here the other day, she's gone and you're miserable. Miss Patty didn't tell me what happened cause I don't think she knows, but I told her, I hope at this point that Lorelai never comes back"

"Oh April" Luke sighed.

"But you want her to, don't you. You still want her to come back." April asked, looking at him carefully.

"I don't know kid. I really don't." Luke said, and realized for the first time that it was the truth. Part of him had begun to accept that she might not come back, and that part, small though it may be, had begun the long slow process of beginning to move on.

* * *

 _Meanwhile, somewhere in Vermont_

Lorelai Gilmore stepped out of her car and handed her key to the valet. This was the third inn she had visited in the month since she had left Stars Hollow… since she had left him.

Her eyes took in all the little details and filed them in her mind to be included in her daily report to her new bosses.

She walked up the steps to the Worthington Inn, noticing that the lawn was a bit overgrown. As she entered the lobby, the woman at reception barely looked up from her computer, mumbling, "Can I help you" without even making eye contact

"Hi. I'm Lorelai Gilmore and I have a reservation," she said, making her tone pleasant

"Oh yeah" the girl said, finally looking up. "Hang on and I will check"

The girl (who had never introduced herself, another mark against this floundering inn) finally found the reservation and handed Lorelai a key.

"The room is on the second floor. There is no elevator, but the stairs are over there. The restaurant is open for afternoon tea, but if you want dinner, you can either go into town or order pizza"

"Thanks." Lorelai said, already making the decision that it would be pizza in her room tonight.

The girl looked back to her computer without another word and Lorelai made her way to her room.

Thirty minutes later, Lorelai was unpacked and sitting on her bed making notes in a small notebook. She looked at the clock and decided now was as good a time as any for her daily uncomfortable call with Rory.

She knew Rory was angry with her for leaving Stars Hollow… for leaving him. She knew that Rory was disappointed and more than that, she knew that in so many ways Luke and Rory had a relationship that was independent of her. Rory adored Luke, had looked to him as both a father figure and a friend over the years. She knew if anyone else had done this, had hurt Luke in this way, Rory would have been unforgiving. As it was, Rory was coolly civil to her mother these days, refusing to even try and understand the reasons for what Lorelai had done.

"Hey there offspring. How's the World's Greatest Reporter" Lorelai said when Rory answered the phone.

"I'm fine mom. How are you?"

"Oh you know me, different inn, different town, same crappy coffee" Lorelai rambled, instantly regretting the coffee reference as soon as it was out of her mouth.

"You deserve bad coffee," Rory mumbled.

Rory, for her part, was still furious with what her mother had done. But the reality was that she couldn't keep being angry. It had been a month of terse phone calls and quick emails. This wasn't who they were, and Rory, while she didn't forgive her mother's behavior, missed her best friend nonetheless.

"Now that is cold," Lorelai said lightly, once again attempting to use humor to defuse a bad situation.

"Good. You deserve it cold. You deserve cold, bad coffee with grounds floating in it," Rory said, smiling slightly.

"Rory, why won't you let me explain…?" Lorelai began for the thirtieth time in thirty days.

"No" Rory said. "I am trying really hard not to keep being mad at you. I remember the whole thing with Dean and the hardest part was knowing how much you hated what I had done, and I couldn't understand how we could be on opposite sides of something so important. But I get it now, because as mad as you were at me for that, is how mad I am at you for this" Rory said sharply.

Lorelai inhaled. Rory's words struck a chord. She also realized that Rory sounded like an adult. And for all her hurt and her confusion, Lorelai took a moment to bask in the pride of having raised such a remarkable young woman.

"Rory, I hate you being mad at me," Lorelai said quietly.

"Too bad, because I am mad. So, no. I am not going to understand. But, I will try to stop being this angry at you because the truth is I miss you, but you can't make me understand why you left. Whatever you have to say is ridiculous and self-serving. You were afraid, so you kicked his teeth in before he could hurt you again. It was childish and wrong"

"YES!" Lorelai screamed

"What? You agree?" Rory asked clearly confused.

"Yes. It was childish. That is what I have been trying to tell you. I did this because a woman my age shouldn't behave like a character on the upcoming 90210 reboot – which by the way, is destined to suck. I mean what is Beverly Hills High without Donna Martin? 'Donna Martin Graduates'" Lorelai began to chant

"Mom" Rory yelled into the phone, distracting her mother from one of her never-ending pop culture tangents. "Focus. What are you talking about?"

Lorelai stopped. She was used to knowing everything that happened in Rory's life, but lately she had realized that especially when it came to Luke, Rory knew very little of what went on in her mother's heart.

"Rory, I just can't do it again. I don't know how to love him," Lorelai whispered

"From Beverly hills to Bethlehem mom?" Rory asked, laughing a little at her mother's unintended show tune reference.

"I'm serious Rory. I don't know how to love him like a woman instead of a little girl," Lorelai said, quickly adding, "don't say dirty".

Lorelai could hear Rory laugh on the other end of the line and exhaled for the first time in weeks.

"But mom, why couldn't you figure it out together?" she asked seriously.

"Because the problem isn't ours, it's mine. I know how to be a mom and I know all these other grown up skills but I never learned how to be a lover or a spouse or even a partner to a man. Face it. I giggle and flirt and pout to get my way. But I don't know how to share, how to compromise, how to give anyone else control over my happiness. I don't know how to let him in. And I need to figure that out"

"And what if" Rory asked, knowing in advance the question would hurt as much as the answer, "what if by the time you figure this all out he is done waiting for you. What if you lose him anyway?"

"Oh Rory babe, I already lost him. I lost him when I gave him that ultimatum on the street outside the diner. I lost him when I slept with your dad. I lost him when I let myself forget myself and let him push me out of his life without a fight. I lost him years ago. And if I go to him now, I didn't get him back, I won't get us back. I will get three months, maybe six before we are back at the beginning."

"He was so hurt," Rory said quietly.

"I know" Lorelai began, but Rory cut her off.

"No you don't know. I… well… I sent Jess"

"You what?" asked Lorelai.

"Apparently he, Luke, not Jess, was going to our house in the middle of the night, sitting under the chuppah, getting drunk and yelling at you. Babette called Coop, who didn't arrest him, but did warn him to keep it down. Anyway, Dean heard about it from Kirk or Taylor or someone and emailed me. So I called Jess to go check on him"

"And what did Jess say," Lorelai asked, her voice small.

"What do you care" Rory answered quickly.

"Oh babe, I always care. You know that right? I will love him always."

"Jess said it was awful. He was drunk. I've never even seen Luke drunk. Anyway, in the middle of all of this Jess starts texting me, and I guess Luke realized what was going on because he took the phone from Jess to read what we had been saying. And you know what he told me, even after everything, you know what he said?"

"What" Lorelai asked, fearing the answer.

"He told me not to be mad at you. He told me to call you because you were hurt too and you needed me. Everything you did and he still cared about you"

"I know," whispered Lorelai. "I don't deserve him. And that, as much as anything is why I left."


	4. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:**

 **As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from Time to time.**

* * *

 **Chapter Three - December 2008**

It had been six months since Lorelai's visit to the Worthington in Vermont. Six months of living out of suitcases. She and Rory had gotten back most of their rhythm. It was clear that Rory was still angry and Lorelai was still sad, but they avoided the subject as best they could, focusing instead on their jobs and the other safer aspects of their lives.

Lorelai was currently in a boutique hotel in Florida. This would be her last stop before Christmas. She looked out the window and sighed. How anyone could live here was beyond her. It was sixty degrees out and the entire concept of a warm and muggy Christmas just left her feeling depressed.

Over the past six months, she had reestablished some of her relationships in Stars Hollow. She had been in touch with Sookie pretty regularly, keeping up on the Dragonfly. She had offered to sell her share of the business to the chef, even offering to do it on a payment plan, but Sookie would hear none of it. So instead, she promoted Michel, using the salary she would have otherwise drawn from the inn to raise his pay.

It had taken her and Sookie a while to find their stride again. As much as Sookie was Lorelai's best friend, she had known Luke all her life and loved him like a brother. It had been a while before she could forgive what she thought of as Lorelai's callousness towards the man.

For her part, Lorelai didn't want to put Sookie, or anyone else, in the middle of this, and therefore went out of her way not to ask about Luke during their phone calls.

Other than Sookie, Lorelai had spoken to Babette about once a month to check on her house. To her credit, Babette never mentioned the Luke getting drunk under the chuppah incident, and Lorelai never let on that she knew.

In fact, the one common thread among all the conversations she had with her Stars Hollow family was no one ever mentioned Luke. Whether that was for her benefit or for his, she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

Her real family, however, was not nearly that considerate.

"When are you going to stop this foolishness and go home" came the sharp voice from her mother as soon as Lorelai answered her phone.

"Gee mom, how are you? What's new in Hartford? Seen any movies lately?" Lorelai said, avoiding her mother's question altogether.

"Oh for heaven's sake Lorelai, this is now bordering on ridiculous, even for you. Have you spoken to him at all?" Emily asked

"You know I haven't mom"

"Well why not?"

"Mom, we've been through this. Repeatedly. I can't talk to him. I had to leave. I had to…"

"Grow up, yes I know Lorelai. You've told me. And as usual, nothing I say will change your mind. While you are busy growing up, you should try to improve on how stubborn you are" Emily said smartly into the phone.

Lorelai held her tongue, not wanting to fight.

"So," Emily continued, undeterred by her daughter's uncharacteristic silence "when does your flight land?"

"I land tomorrow night at six"

"Good. I will have a driver meet you and bring you to the house."

"Thank you mom"

"Of course. Now as you requested I haven't told anyone except Rory that you are coming."

"Thank you"

"And you are only staying the week?" Emily asked

"Only until New Year"

"Well that's fine." Emily said

Lorelai wasn't exactly excited about spending the week at her parents' home in Hartford, but she wanted to see Rory for the holidays and she couldn't go back to Stars Hollow. This seemed like the safest alternative. She knew that at her parents' house she could hide out, never leaving if she didn't want to. She knew that even though she would likely be tense and miserable, she would also be safe.

The two finished discussing plans for the upcoming week, and finally, Emily signed off, needing to get ready for some function or another, and Lorelai was left to her own devices.

After flipping through the TV channels offered by the hotel (a good variety but at these prices there should be at least one movie channel), Lorelai once again picked up her phone, dialing the familiar number without even looking.

"Thank you for calling the Dragonfly Inn, this is Michel, how may I help you?" came the familiar greeting

"Michel, it's Lorelai" she answered

"Yes, well, I would be impressed, but I hardly remember who you are" he answered in his usual snooty way.

"You remember me, tall, annoying, frightening coffee addiction," she laughed

"It seems to be coming back to me, yes," he answered. "How have you been?"

"I've been ok. How about you?"

"I've been dreadful. I am overworked. All these stupid people with their stupid questions, how am I supposed to know if it's going to snow?" he grumbled.

Lorelai laughed, all of a sudden missing Michel and her inn and everything else.

"Hey Michel, is Sookie there?" she asked.

"One moment, I will put you through to the kitchen," he answered.

She heard the click and waited for the call to transfer.

* * *

 _Meanwhile in Stars Hallow…_

Sookie reached for the phone that was ringing at her desk, tripping over herself as she crossed the room and pulling down a stack of empty mixing bowls in her wake.

"Jiminy, drat" she yelled, flailing to keep her balance and not cause further distraction.

One of the kitchen staff grabbed her elbow and righted her while another picked up the bowls. In the kitchen of the Dragonfly, Sookie maintenance was everybit as choreographed and perfect as dinner service ever was.

"This is Sookie," she answered, sitting in her desk chair

"Hey Sook, it's me" Lorelai said

"Hey Lorelai. How are you? What's going on? How are all the inns? Tell the truth; are any of the restaurants as good as ours? Have there been any amazing recipes? Have you been cheating on my tartlets?"

Lorelai laughed at her friend's rapid-fire questions. She missed this, all of it, her town, her inn, her life. Maybe she had been wrong, maybe it was time to go home for real.

"So, Sookie how is everything?" Lorelai asked. She knew the rules. She couldn't ask about him, wouldn't do that to her friend. Nevertheless, she could ask the question vaguely enough that Sookie could choose to answer in any way she wanted.

"Oh this place never changes, you know that. Jackson is thrilled to be back to being a private citizen. Power never really agreed with him. And let's see, Miss Patty is now offering a striptease class. Taylor had a fit of course at the last town meeting, but she says it's aerobic. I don't know about aerobic but you should have seen Luke run when she tried to pull his shirt off and get him to join…" Sookie's voice trailed off to nothing, realizing what she had said.

Lorelai, not wanting to make it worse, chose to just acknowledge the statement and move one. "He always was a little afraid of Miss Patty and Babette," she said quietly hoping to move the conversation on.

But the reality is, Sookie was her best friend for a reason, and as much as she had spent six months trying not to mention Luke in front of Lorelai, now that she had, she had to know what was going on.

"Have you spoken to him at all?" she asked, instantly answering her own question "no I guess you haven't. I would have known, someone would have known. Do you want to talk to him?" she asked.

The truth was Lorelai had had six months to think about her reasons for leaving Stars Hollow, and regardless of what she had told her mother, the truth was she was beginning to think she had made a horrible mistake.

She had run, plain and simple. The idea that she would somehow learn to be a better adult by running away from her life was ludicrous and she knew it. She had been afraid. The truth was she didn't think she deserved him. She didn't think she was good enough. If she had met her, she would have told Luke to run.

And... If she was being honest… she didn't trust him either. Didn't trust him to not rant, or worse to not just freeze her out. She didn't trust him to take her as-is. He was always just a little bit disapproving of her, the food she ate, the coffee, where she came from. He always seemed to treat her quirks with a passive kind of acceptance, as though he loved her in spite of all of it, when what she wanted was for him to love her because of all of it.

Lorelai sighed. "I want to talk to him more than anything, but I can't. I did this awful ridiculous thing. I left. The one thing I swore I would never do again and I did it. I ran. And yeah I had reasons, even if they were stupid reasons, but it doesn't change the fact that maybe love isn't enough."

"So you still love him," Sookie asked her friend.

"Love was never our problem, Sook," she answered sighing deeply. "Acceptance was".

"So fix it. Come home and fix it"

"No" Lorelai said. "Listen, I have to go"

"No wait, I'm sorry. Don't hang up. See, this is why I never mention him anymore. This is why I pretend it never happened, because I love you both and I don't want to hurt either of you."

"I know Sookie, it's okay"

"I don't mention you to him either. No one does" Sookie said quietly.

"How is he?" Lorelai asked.

"He's okay. He's…. I don't know…. He's a little different I guess. But he's okay. April comes whenever she can and that seems to help. They were here for dinner last week, she was here for the weekend, she really is beautiful, and so smart…. I did it again, didn't I?" Sookie asked in defeat. "I keep just making this worse"

Lorelai was silent

"Lorelai sweetie are you there?" Sookie asked

"He brought her to the inn? To my inn? Why?" Lorelai whispered.

"He wanted her to see it. They talk about you sometimes. Not often, but she knows who you are to him, and I actually think it has been helping him to treat you like an ex-wife rather than trying to define what you two are"

"Like his ex-wife"

"Damn it" Sookie screamed. "I suck at this. I had been doing so good and then stupid me, I mention him once and then ka-pow it's the only thing I can talk about. I am sorry. I'll stop. And I will go back to not mentioning him. 'He who shall not be named' right…. Lorelai?" Sookie waited.

"Like his ex-wife" Lorelai repeated, "well I guess that makes sense. Listen, Sookie, I have to go. Busy day tomorrow. Go hug Michel for me and be sure to wrinkle his shirt a little, it always annoys him…"

"Lorelai, wait"

"No really Sookie, it's ok. I just have to go. I will talk to you later though, okay? I have to go, but…. Merry Christmas."

"You too sweetie, Merry Christmas to you"

Lorelai hung up the phone and wept.

* * *

Lorelai spent the week at her parents' house in a fog. Christmas had been a lovely if quiet event. Rory had shown up on Christmas Eve, full of stories about life in DC. Now that Senator Obama had become President Elect Obama, Rory was working full time in the capitol, covering the transition. She had taken her flair for feature writing and was using it to pen a weekly column about the young politicos who surrounded the charismatic man.

She had been speaking regularly to Jess, a fact her mother knew but mostly ignored.

Lorelai spent the holiday week holed up in her parents' house, watching TV and trying to figure out how she had screwed up her life so spectacularly. Now on the night before New Year's Eve, she began to wonder if maybe it wasn't too late. Maybe she should just go to him, beg him for yet another chance. Maybe she should tell him what she was afraid.

She wandered into the living room, unnoticed by Rory who was talking animatedly on the phone.

"No…"Rory exclaimed, clearly unnerved by whatever she was hearing. "But I thought…. No, no you're right. It's a good thing. I am sure of it." Rory listened some more, still unaware of her mother's presence in the room. "It's just so fast. I mean, did he sell… oh. Well that makes sence." Rory listened some more, nodding her head in agreement. "Well, it's her own fault. What? No, I'm not going to tell her. Why? Because I don't want to. When is he… oh… he's already gone? But… No…. you're right…. It's a good thing… it's just…."all of a sudden, Rory shifted on the couch and saw her mother standing there. "Listen I have to go. No…. I'm okay. I'll call you later. Okay, Happy New Year to you too… yeah… Bye".

Rory hung up the phone and looked at her mother.

"So" Lorelai said breezily "Who isn't supposed to know what? Is there some new Paris dirt?"

"No… it's nothing"

"Rory…."

"I don't want to talk about it mom" Rory said quietly, avoiding her mother's curious gaze

"Is it Logan?" she asked. "Who was on the phone? Was it Finn?"

"Jess"

"What?"

"Jess. Jess is who was on the phone." Rory answered quietly, still not meeting her mother's eye.

"And so… how is our very own J.D. Salinger? Did he finally break down and buy his very own people shooting hat?"

"Mom..."

"I'm kidding. I know you guys are friends… wait… you're just friends, right?"

"Yes mom, just friends. He's actually seeing someone in New York. A dancer. I met her last time I was in the city. She's perfect for him. She doesn't take any of his crap and isn't impressed by his rebel without a cause act"

"Good one… James Dean…. Keeping the JD references alive. If I could figure out a way to work Heather's into this conversation we would have the teen angst trifecta"

"Mom…."

"Listen Rory, I want to hear all about the boy wonder, or is Wonder Boy more appropriate, but I have to run out for a few minutes. I won't be gone long," Lorelai said backing out of the room.

"Mom wait" Rory said, but she knew it was no use.

Rory heard the door slam and the Jeep start up in the driveway. Not knowing what else to do, she called Sookie.

* * *

Lorelai pulled up in front of the dinner and sat in her car. She didn't want to go in, but she had to know. Had he really left? It was the only explanation for the conversation she had overheard Rory having. She sat there looking in the window, seeing all the familiar faces. She figured she would sit here and wait and see if she saw the telltale flash of flannel.

She was concentrating so hard that when Sookie knocked on her window, she screamed.

Rolling down her window, she greeted her friend.

"Hey Sookie." She said, trying to mask the fear and embarrassment in her voice. Embarrassment at having been caught sitting outside his diner like a love struck teen, and fear that it didn't matter, that she was too late.

"Lorelai" Sookie said.

Lorelai looked at her friend and noticed that Sookie couldn't meet her eye.

"He's gone isn't he," Lorelai asked quietly.

"Yeah"

"Do you know where he is?" she asked.

"Yeah" Sookie said again, still looking at the ground

"Are you going to tell me?" Lorelai asked, trying to keep the shrill edge out of her voice.

"I told him I wouldn't" Sookie said, finally meeting her eye.

"You talked to him? You know what happened? Please Sookie" Lorelai begged. She hated putting her friend in the middle, but she had to know.

"I can't Lorelai," Sookie said sadly.

Lorelai could tell the other woman was struggling, torn between competing loyalties. All of a sudden, Sookie brightened. Her hand reached through the window and grabbed Lorelai's arm.

"Jackson is in the greenhouse," Sookie said triumphantly.

"Ok….."

"Yup, he's in the greenhouse all alone. I have to go to the market and pick up some things, so I won't be back for at least thirty minutes."

"Sookie, I am not quite sure…."

"I mean I promised Luke I wouldn't tell you what was going on and I can't break that promise. But I never promised not to tell Jackson…. And if I'm not there to stop him I can't be responsible…."

Lorelai caught on instantly and put the car in drive. Squeezing her friend's hand, she said quietly "Thanks Sook" and drove away.

Lorelai pulled up in front of Sookie's house and stopped the car. Now that she was here, she wasn't sure if she wanted to know. What if he had met someone? What if he had realized she had been right all along and he met someone else?

Gathering her courage and knowing whatever had happened, she had brought it on herself; she walked around the side of the house and knocked on the green house door.

"Lorelai" Jackson said, greeting her with a hug. "How are you? Does Sookie know you're here?"

"I saw her outside the diner," Lorelai said, hugging the man back.

"The diner" Jackson repeated. "Yeah… you know that diner" he stuttered "Good coffee, not enough salads"

"I know he's gone," Lorelai said quietly.

"She told you?" Jackson asked, "I can't believe she told you. She was so worried that you would be mad at her for helping him and especially for introducing her to Tiffany, but I think it's a good thing for him. And as much as he hates New York he has Jess there, and that's good. And it might not be a permanent move, I mean he didn't sell the diner, so he might be back…."Jackson paused and looked at Lorelai's face as she processed all of this information

"She didn't tell you" he said quietly "Did she?"

Lorelai shook her head

"She sent you over here so I would tell you?"

Lorelai couldn't speak so she nodded her head silently.

"Well, that's just great" Jackson muttered, unhappy to have been the bearer of such news.

"I have to go. Tell Sookie I'm not mad at her. I know she was looking out for him. And I told him not to wait… so I guess I have no one to blame but myself. Make sure she knows I understand and that I hope Tiffany is good for him"

Lorelai began running back to her car as Jackson thought about what she had said.

"Wait, Lorelai, you don't understand. It's not, I mean she's not, she's just… wait!" he yelled.

But it was too late.

Lorelai was gone.


	5. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:**

 **I know it's taking a little while to get there. I hope you will stick with me. I won't say when and I won't say how, but I will say that all will turn out right in the land of the JavaJunkie.**

 **As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from Time to time.**

* * *

 **Chapter Four – March 2009**

Luke still hadn't adjusted to the noise, or the smells, or the people. Three months in Manhattan and he still woke up each morning wondering what he had been thinking.

He can still remember Sookie coming into the diner right before Christmas. It was the first time she had set foot in the place since Lorelai had left. He had seen her around town before that, had spoken to her more than once, but until that day he hadn't been sure if in her leaving, Lorelai had tainted one of the few real friendships he had left in the Hollow.

He knew that Sookie was more Lorelai's friend than his. He was realistic about the girl code and all the rest of it. But Sookie and he had gone through school together. And while they hadn't been part of the same crowd (he had hung with the other jocks, lettering in baseball and track, while she had been part of the marching band and 4-H) in a town as small as Stars Hollow, everyone knew everyone, and even then he had had a soft spot for the accident prone girl with the rowdy laugh and the seep set dimples.

When he had first gotten to know Lorelai and realized that she had come to town and joined herself immediately to Sookie, it had made such perfect sense to him. They seemed to belong together, probably the only two people in town capable of keeping up with each other.

So as he watched her that December night, pacing outside his diner in the snow, he had at first been annoyed. But he had slowly realized her hesitation probably had more to do with her concerns about his comfort than her own.

He had ultimately gone to the door

"Are you going to pace there all night?" he asked gruffly.

Of course he had startled her, causing her to reel backwards and almost take Kirk, who was walking past, down with her as she struggled for balance.

"Hi Luke" she had said brightly. "You startled me" she scolded.

"Easy to do Sookie"

"Yeah" she had replied with a short laugh.

"You coming in or are you going to pace some more?" he asked, holding the door open for her.

She had come inside and sat at the counter.

Their conversation was stilted at first. For years, Lorelai had been their main link, the thing they shared. With that off the table, the conversation was hard on them both. Grasping for common ground, they settled on cooking.

It wasn't long before she was talking about her time in Hartford, apprenticing to different chefs at different restaurants. It all sounded interesting to Luke, who was self taught and pulled most of his inspiration from memories of his mother's cooking.

He closed the diner while she sat there, sipping coffee and trying not to be obvious as she studied him.

"How are you Luke?" she finally asked.

"Okay" he mumbled.

"Luke…."

"Have you spoken to her" he asked.

"She calls the inn once a week to check on things. She's doing... well I guess the same version of okay as you are"

"She left" he said quietly. For some reason, he found the idea that she was suffering ridiculous considering the whole thing had been her choice.

"I know. And I don't understand it any more than anyone else. But she is my friend and I have to respect that" Sookie answered.

"Yeah" he said

"But Luke" she said, waiting for him to turn so she could see his face, "you're my friend too. And I don't want you to be hurt, or at least, since I know you're already hurt, I don't want you to be more hurt, or something like that. I don't know how to say what I'm trying to say" she said with a laugh.

"Can I tell you something" he asked, knowing he was taking a gamble.

"Of course" she answered with a smile.

"But please Sookie, this is between you and me. You can't run back to her and tell her"

"She and I don't talk about you. She doesn't ask me and I don't offer."

"Well…" he hesitated, shifting the hat on his head "I am thinking of leaving town"

"Forever?"

"Well… for now anyway," he answered.

"Where?" she asked

"Well, I don't know. I need to do something else I think. Jess mentioned it, that I should leave, and I guess the idea stuck with me. I was thinking of maybe going to school, cooking school"

Sookie couldn't help it, she burst out laughing.

"It's not that funny. Okay so I'm only a diner cook. I get it. I don't know about all that frou-frou crap you serve at the inn, but maybe…"

By this point Sookie was waving her hands and laughing so hard she almost fell off her chair.

"Oh Luke, I'm not laughing at you… well okay I am, but not like you think. It's just why?"

"Why what?" he asked confused

"Why go to school? You already know more than you would learn at CIA or somewhere else."

"It was just a thought" he mumbled.

"Wait!" she screamed, jumping off the stool and bouncing excitedly. "Are you serious about this? I mean really really serious?"

"Yeah"

"Well, I mean, if you really want to try this, I think I might have an idea"

"Sookie, I don't want you to give me cooking lessons" he said, hoping he hadn't insulted her but knowing that such an arrangement was unlikely to work.

"Oh no. Not me. I think that would be terrible. But Tiffany…"

"Who's Tiffany?" he asked. "I'm not looking for a set up"

"What… no, it's not like that. Tiffany was a classmate of mine in cooking school. After graduation, we worked together at The Chateau in Hartford. We've kept in touch and she recently opened her own place. All organic, farm to table type thing. It's supposed to be the next big thing. Anyway, she has been trying to staff up, she needs a couple of decent line chefs, but she is torn because most of the real talent is way too expensive for her to hire, and she doesn't want to try to run a business with an unknown for help. If you're really serious about this, I could call her. I mean, there would be a learning curve for sure. And you would have to be willing to give up being in charge, to take orders from someone else, but she's great, and I think you'd like her a lot. And if you want, I'll call her right now…. Oh… this could be excellent."

By this point Sookie was bouncing and waving and gesturing wildly. And in that moment, he missed Lorelai so much he almost couldn't breathe.

"Sookie, calm down for a second"

"But it's such a great idea and I would be helping two friends for the price of one"

"Wait a second. Sookie…." He yelled, trying to get the excited woman's attention. "Sookie!" he tried again "Sit down would you?"

Sookie sat.

They had talked more about the details and the specifics. Luke was concerned about how much he didn't know and whether he would be able to cut it in a fancy restaurant kitchen. But Sookie was convinced it would work, and soon her excitement had infected him and he had told her to make the call.

* * *

So here he was, three months into his apprenticeship with Tiffany.

As he made his way from the small studio he was renting to the restaurant, he reflected on the last three months. The first couple of weeks had been crazy. Sookie had warned him that there would be a learning curve, but it took two weeks for him to master the simple act of cutting vegetables, peeling garlic and breaking down chicken to Tiffany's exacting specifications.

After that he had moved on to learning basic sauces and some other techniques that were beyond anything he needed in the diner. Now with three months under his belt, she was beginning to trust him enough to let him cook some of the simpler dishes for lunch service.

He entered the restaurant through the kitchen door. Dressed like all the other chefs in his black pants and white chef's jacket, he still sometimes felt like he was in a Halloween costume, but he liked the simplicity of wearing a uniform.

"Morning Luke" called David, the one of the other lunch chefs. "How's it going?"

"Morning" Luke answered, preparing his station and getting right to work.

"Hi Luke" said Heather from his other side.

"Hey" mumbled Luke, heading back to the pantry for some ingredients he needed.

"Jeeze" Heather muttered, looking at David. "I don't get it. Does he ever speak?"

The other chef shook his head and shrugged.

While Luke had taken well to the structure and discipline of a kitchen brigade, he wasn't a part of the group. Some of it was a function of age. David and Heather, like most of the other line chefs, were in their twenties, this being their first or second job out of school. But most of the problem was Luke himself, who didn't make friends easily and preferred to work in silence.

Luke put his head down and kept working, setting everything he would need with precision and making sure the work area was spotless ahead of the upcoming service.

"Gather please" came the call from the door, alerting them all to Tiffany's presence.

Luke looked up and smiled at the diminutive women. No more than five foot two, Tiffany looked like she should be playing Tinkerbelle at Disney instead of running a restaurant. Her blond hair was short, the ends tipped in bright pink hair dye, and her large green eyes always looked like she was about to burst out laughing. "Irish eyes" his father would have said. Tiffany would flit around the kitchen, checking all the prep work, tasting sauces and stocks and ensuring her team had everything in place.

Luke had learned quickly to not judge Tiffany by her Disney proportions. The woman was a whiz in the kitchen and had little patience for anyone who did not pull their own weight. She could curse like a sailor, drink like a frat boy and wither a grown man with a simple arch of the eyebrow. So while Luke failed to build anything like camaraderie with the rest of the kitchen staff, he had taken to Tiffany and her no nonsense attitude almost at once.

"It's going to be a busy service," she said to the three chefs gathered before her. "We are mostly booked which is great for us. Please keep the communication going during service," she said, "This means you Luke. I need you to sound off so we know what's going on at your station."

"Yes chef" he said, still getting used to the required response.

"Okay, I have a challenge for the three of you. I want to add a more hearty salad to the menu for lunch. Something people can order that can be both decadent and healthy. Start playing with ideas in the next couple of days, come in early Saturday and show me what you're thinking. IF I like it, it goes on the menu. Okay, carry on. Luke come and see me please."

Luke wandered over to Tiffany smiling.

"What's up?" he asked, hoping he wasn't being singled out for some mistake he had made.

"What are you doing tomorrow afternoon?" Tiffany asked.

"Nothing. Day off"

"Good." Tiffany said, handing him a slip of paper. "Here is my address, be there at two."

"What? I mean, uhm…. Is there something you need or…" he stammered, not sure where this was going.

"I need you to be there at two. Go finish prepping your station" and with that, she went to prep the front of house for the service.

Luke spent the rest of the day and the following morning trying to figure out what Tiffany wanted him for. He hoped it wasn't anything romantic. He had tried to make it clear to Sookie that he wasn't interested in meeting anyone, and as much as he liked Tiffany, and as attractive as she was, he hadn't changed his mind on that score.

Two o'clock found him ringing the buzzer to her apartment. Since it was Monday, the restaurant was closed. Luke was wearing his general get up, jeans and a blue and white flannel, his baseball hat perched in its regular spot on his head.

Tiffany answered the buzzer on the second ring and ushered him into the small apartment.

"Damn, I thought Sookie was exaggerating" she said under her breath.

Luke had no idea what she was referring to, but it didn't sound good.

They rounded the corner and entered her apartment. Luke was getting more uncomfortable by the second. He liked Tiffany and wasn't sure exactly what her intentions were, but he was learning a lot at the restaurant, and didn't want to jeopardize the opportunity he had been given.

"Look, Tiffany, I'm not sure what Sookie told you about me, or why exactly I'm here, but…."

"Hang on" Tiffany said putting a hand up to silence him. "Wait here" she said, gesturing absently to the living room. With that she disappeared into what he could only assume was a bedroom.

"Tiffany?" he called, trying to get a sense of what she was doing.

"Sookie told me a little about you. She said you are a great guy and a hard worker and I would agree on both counts" he heard her call from the other room. "She said you had gone through some stuff lately, and that you needed a change, and she thought I could help you shake some of the dust off"

Tiffany came back into the room. "She also told me you are only three inches to the left of a hermit, that your fashion choices suck, that while you are generous, you have almost no people skills, and that you have been hung up on some woman named Laurie for like nine years and it has become a problem." Tiffany looked at him appraisingly. "So, that about sum it up?"

Luke shook his head, stunned that Sookie had shared so much about him with this woman. As he tried to shift through all the information, his mind caught on one of the items on her list.

"Sookie has a problem with how I look?" Luke said, not sure why this should bother him.

"No" said Tiffany "She said you are very good looking, which you are, what she said was that you don't know how to dress. But we will come back to that later"

"Wait, what?"

"Later. First, tell me about Laurie" Tiffany asked.

"Lorelai, and no" He said

"Why not"

"I don't know, I just don't want to talk about it"

"Why not"

"I don't know… I don't know you like that, and I am not trying to get to know you like that. I mean, you're great and all, but I don't think… I mean… well, I don't want to talk about it." Luke said gruffly.

"I see what she meant about the no people skills" Tiffany said with a laugh.

Before Luke could reply, the buzzer rang again.

"Would you just sit down already?" Tiffany said going to answer the door.

With Tiffany out of the room, Luke sat in a corner chair, and studied his surroundings. The apartment was small, but it was neat, without a lot of clutter. The one wall was lined in bookshelves, the other with framed black and white photos of what appeared to be a farm.

Tiffany returned a few minutes later with another woman and a teenage boy in tow.

"Luke this is Suzanne" Tiffany introduced the woman to Luke. "And this is Suze's son Milo. Milo is nineteen"

"What's up" Milo muttered.

"Oh my God" Suzanne exclaimed, "you weren't even kidding"

"Not even a little" Tiffany answered. "I mean I thought Sookie was just you know… being Sookie, but wow. I friggen owe her twenty bucks on this"

"Okay, that's it" Luke said jumping up "What the hell is going on"

The two women shook their heads with a little laugh.

"Luke" Tiffany said. "This is Milo"

"We already covered that" Luke said confused.

"He is Suzanne's son" she continued

"Okay"

"He's nineteen" Tiffany insisted

"And…." Luke asked, still not sure what the point of all of this was.

"Look at him" Tiffany insisted.

Luke took in the boy. He seemed like a perfectly normal kid. A little tall for his age, a little gangly, but otherwise normal.

"I'm looking at him" Luke said, trying to figure out the point.

"What do you see?" asked Tiffany, pointing back and forth between the boy and the man.

"I don't know…. I see a normal kid" Luke answered becoming more frustrated by the second.

"Here let me try" said Suzanne. "This is my son who is nineteen"

"Oh for crying out loud, yes, he's your son… and…"

"How old are you Luke?"

"What" he asked, unsure of what new turn the conversation had taken.

"How old?"

"Forty- Four" he answered.

"Why the hell are you dressed like a nineteen year old boy?"

Luke took a second to look at the boys clothes. Jeans, tee-shirt, flannel over the tee-shirt, open and flapping, baseball cap backwards on his head.

"Ok, yes, we are dressed alike. So what. I like flannel" Luke said defensively.

"Oh honey" Tiffany said, laughing. "I like under-roos. I don't wear them anymore outside of the comfort of my own home. You see what I'm saying?"

"Listen" Luke said edging back towards the door. "This is who I am. I like who I am, I like how I dress. It's comfortable. It's me. What the hell is this all about?"

"This is about stepping into the future"

"I don't need to step into the future" he said. "I don't like fancy clothes. I like jeans. I like my shirts and I LIKE FLANNEL" he yelled, tired of this entire conversation.

"Luke, relax, sit down" Suzanne said, motioning to the couch.

"I don't want to sit down"

"Sit down Luke" Tiffany said with the same clipped tone she used in the kitchen when someone was not doing as she instructed.

"Fine" Luke said, sitting back in his chair. He didn't want to be on the couch in between the two women.

"Mom, can I go now" Milo asked looking at his phone. "I'm supposed to meet Charlie and Jarred"

"Go ahead."

"Bye Milo" called Tiffany as the boy left.

Luke looked at the two women on the couch.

"So what, he was just here to help you make me look stupid?"

"Now Luke" said Suzanne, "He didn't make you look stupid. You bought yourself that shirt"

"That's it" Luke said, starting to rise again.

"Don't mind Suzanne. She only had marginally more people skills than you do" Tiffany said, patting the other woman's thigh. "Lucky for her she's tall, and she can kiss, so I love her anyway"

Luke looked back and forth between the two women. "You're…." he said, unsure of how to finish the sentence, or if he was supposed to say something. This day had descended into the surreal quickly.

"She's my girlfriend" Tiffany said with a smile.

"Oh." Luke said, trying to figure out if there was some protocol for this moment.

"Relax Luke. It's fine. We figured Sookie told you"

"You know Sookie too?" Luke asked, still trying to figure out what the hell he was doing in this apartment on his day off.

"Yeah. I think I met Sookie when…. I guess when I was bartending at Dunham."

"Probably about then"

"Great girl" Suzanne laughed. "A bit on the crazy side, but great girl"

"She is." Luke agreed. "Listen, this has been interesting, but…."

"You want to know why you're here" Tiffany said, finishing his thought.

"Yeah" Luke said looking between them.

"Well to be our love slave of course" Tiffany answered with a straight face.

"Wait… I thought… I mean aren't you two… and I mean I'm flattered but… I don't think… huh…"Luke stuttered not sure where to look.

Tiffany and Suzanne burst out laughing.

"Look how red his face is getting" Tiffany exclaimed.

"Tiff, you are mean"

"I am adorable" Tiffany said with a little pout.

"You are sadistic" Suzanne contradicted. "Look at him, he doesn't know if he should shit or go blind"

"Okay" Luke said looking at the women again "I'm done. Please tell me what the hell I am doing here" Luke said loudly, his patience clearly at an end.

"Alight, I'm sorry. You're right. We've been messing with you and I'm sorry" said Tiffany. "Think of it as a belated welcome to the restaurant hazing. Seriously, there was no ulterior motive. Just keeping a promise to a friend"

"What promise was that, to shave ten years off my life" Luke asked.

"No. We promised Sookie we wouldn't let you be a hermit," answered Suzanne. "We figured you've been here three months which is plenty of time to settle in, but as far as Tiffany could tell, you don't have much of a life."

"I have a life" Luke said.

"Other than work, what do you do?" Tiffany asked.

"I go running"

"Okay, and"

"I went to a Hockey game last month at the Garden"

"What else?"

"Uhm…. I don't know. I haven't been keeping track" Luke said defensively.

"Have you made any friends yet?" Suzanne asked gently.

"Sure"

"Who" Tiffany asked.

"I don't know…. What is this about?"

"Look. I know you aren't much for socializing. And I get that other than me and Gus the bartender, you're like twenty years older than most of the rest of the staff at the restaurant," said Tiffany, "but, it seems to me you came here to try something new, which means whatever you were doing clearly wasn't working for you. So what I was thinking is if this whole New York thing is supposed to be a new start for you, why not really make it a new start. Figure out what you want."

Luke thought about what she was saying and it had a certain amount of sense.

"Best thing about New York" Suzanne said, looking straight at him "you can be anything you want here."

"I'll think about it" Luke said quietly.

"Good" Tiffany said with a smile. "Now that that is settled, what do you say we go to Shmitties for lunch and beers?"

"I'm in" said Suzanne, standing up. "Luke?"

"Let's go" he said, beginning to smile.

* * *

 _Meanwhile, somewhere in Texas_

Lorelai was in yet another inn, writing yet another report. She was beyond excited that her one year contract was almost up and that in three more months, she was heading home for good.

She had been visiting Stars Hollow in between trips more frequently since the New Year. With Luke gone, she wasn't afraid of seeing him around every corner, but on the other hand, with Luke gone, it didn't really feel like Stars Hollow anymore.

Lorelai sighed and wondered for the hundredth time how it had all gotten to here. Had she just gone with it, they could be living together by now, maybe even married. She would be running her inn and everything would be fine. Yet even with all that regret, there was part of her that knew these last months on the road had been invaluable.

As a secret shopper of hotels and inns, her job was to visit places all over the county and report back to her superiors on how well they were running. Some of them were properties they already owned and wanted to check up on. Others were properties they were interested in acquiring. The work had started out interesting, but at this point she was pretty much over it. However, one perk of the job is that for the first time in her life she had the freedom to figure out who she wanted to be.

Each new inn was a new opportunity to see what she liked. Just like Julia Roberts in the Runaway Bride, she realized she didn't know what kind of eggs she really liked… or almost anything else about herself. She had spent the last nine months trying new things, keeping those she liked, discarding the rest, and the result was that while there were some things about her that would never change (her love of coffee, her obsession with movies and her ability to eat her own weight in red vines) there were some new things she would have never known, including her love of yoga, her ability to enjoy a salad, and her new found desire to sit quietly sometimes and just read a good book.

Her phone rang from her bedside table. She looked at the screen and smiled.

Emily.

This was another new aspect to Lorelai. She had discovered if she slowed down for a minute and stopped reacting to what she thought her mother was going to say and instead actually listened to what the woman was really saying, that sometimes, her mother was quite…. well really quite okay.

"Hi Mom" she said, pushing the talk button on the phone

"Lorelai, how are you?"

"Okay"

"Where are you?" the older Gilmore woman asked.

"Texas" she answered.

"Do you like it?"

"No" Lorelai answered sullenly.

"Why not"

"Oh mom, I think I am just over this whole thing, you know? I just want to be done and come home".

"Well, yes, that is why I am calling actually. I have been in touch with your neighbor Babette. Interesting woman that one, tell me, is her husband a mute?"

"Morey? No. Morey talks"

"Well if you say so. Anyway. I told her that I needed your keys, but she wouldn't give them to me. Can you please call her and tell her it's alright"

"Why do you need my keys mom?" Lorelai asked. As much as she was trying to build a better relationship with her mother, she was still leery of giving Emily Gilmore too much power over her day to day life.

"You're coming home in three months are you not?"

"Yes, in June Mom"

"Well No one has lived in that house since you left. For whatever reason, when you come to town you either stay with your father and I or you stay at the inn. Can I assume when you come home in June it will be to your own house?"

"Yeah mom, I'll be going back to the Crap Shack" she answered.

"Lorelai please"

"Sorry mom. Yes I will be going home" she said trying to hide the dread in her voice. The reality was there was still so much of Luke in that place and the idea of facing those memories alone, without Rory and with Luke gone, she hadn't had the nerve yet.

"Well then it needs a spruce" Emily said with finality.

"I don't want a spruce" Lorelai said, just for the sake of saying it. She remembered a very similar conversation and couldn't help but smile.

"Don't be ridiculous Lorelai. You never say no to a spruce."

"What was I thinking? Spruce away"

"Thank you. So you'll call your Babette and tell her to give me the keys?" Emily asked.

"I'll call her tonight"

"Good. Well that's all. Have a good night Lorelai" her mother said

"Night Mom" she answered hanging up the phone.

Three more months, and she would be home.


	6. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:**

 **As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from Time to time.**

* * *

 **Chapter Five – June 2009**

Lorelai felt the morning sun stream through the window. She stretched luxuriously on the bed, feeling the high quality sheets rub against her skin. She slowly opened her eyes and looked around the room. The last hotel room. Lorelai couldn't help but smile. This was the last stop on what she had begun to think of as the Lorelai Discovery Tour. And she had to admit; she was pleased she was finishing up here, close enough to home to be familiar but still exciting enough to be a great location for a last hurrah before she returned to Stars Hollow and tried to find a way to reconcile her new self with her old life.

She looked at her iPhone and smiled. She had hesitated to buy one of these things, initially intimidated by the sleek design, convinced she would lose or drop it. Rory had talked her into it when she first went on the road, and Lorelai had to admit the device made staying in touch much simpler.

Six thirty the display read. This was another one of those unexpected items of self-discovery she had made on this trip. She liked to be up early these days, to have the time to get up and greet the day slowly.

She climbed out of the bed and after using the bathroom, pulled her hair into a messy ponytail, pulled her yoga mat from beside her suitcase and began to stretch. Moving smoothly through various poses, she let her mind go, focusing on the feel of her muscles and the rhythm of her breathing. She moved with a grace and a stillness that she had never realized she possessed, and as she continued through her morning practice, she felt the calmness settle over her.

Once finished with her yoga, she hopped into the shower. While the water beat down over her head, she let go of her lists and her planning and let her mind flit from one topic to the next. She looked at each thing her mind settled on as an archeologist might look at an artifact of an ancient culture, no judgment, no opinion, just interest. She had starting doing this right around the time she discovered yoga. While she enjoyed the movement of yoga and the strength and calm it seemed to bring her, meditation was not her style. She couldn't sit still that long without fidgeting, and she had quickly realized that while the yoga made her feel centered and calm, meditation made her feel like she wasn't accomplishing anything. So she had developed her own system, using her time in the shower to let her mind just drift and giving her an opportunity to figure out what she was thinking and feeling without allowing herself to rush to judgment.

Getting out of the shower and drying her hair, Lorelai was not surprised to realize that her thoughts were cluttered with Stars Hollow and Luke. It had been six months since he had left Stars Hollow and moved to parts unknown – well not exactly unknown – she knew he was here in the city, but she didn't know much more than that. She didn't know if he had met someone, although Sookie had explained Tiffany to Lorelai right away once Jackson had told her about their miscommunication, but still, he was an attractive man and she didn't doubt he could find someone to warm either his bed or his heart was he so inclined.

Applying her final touches of lipstick, Lorelai looked at herself appraisingly in the mirror. _Not bad for forty_ she thought to herself, smiling. The whole four-oh thing had snuck up on her this year, and she realized that while certain things were probably forever beyond her at this point (giving birth again, touring with the Bangles) she had it in her to find someone, either for the long or short term, if she so desired. The problem was lack of interest and lack of motivation. She had realized somewhere around month five, she didn't want someone… or rather, she didn't want just anyone.

Lorelai had been propositioned more than once as she made her way from hotel to hotel. Most of the men were seedy, away from wives for business trips and looking to hook up with a stranger met in a bar. These types of activities didn't interest Lorelai. As many assumptions as people make about a girl who gets pregnant at sixteen, she had never been promiscuous. There had been Chris, of course, in high school, leading to Rory. Then there had been the years in the shed, learning to be a mother. She had gone out a few times when she had moved to Stars Hollow, men she met here and there, she had even slept with one of them on and off for a few months, a lovely guy named Tim who had wanted nothing and expected nothing from her. Eventually there had been Alex. Then Max and Jason, but that had been all. Except of course for Luke.

Luke.

His name had been buzzing in her ear since she arrived at JFK. Knowing he was around somewhere made her antsy, but she figured the city was huge and honestly what were the odds. She went over the few details she had gleaned from Sookie and other members of the community. He had moved to New York but not sold the diner. He was apprenticing under another chef, trying to develop his cooking. And other than Sookie who saw him occasionally when she came in to see Tiffany and her other chef friends, no one had heard anything from him.

Well, almost no one, she thought to herself.

Rory.

Rory had been in touch with Luke in the past few months. Initially Jess had played go-between for the two, delivering messages and answering questions. Ultimately, in true Jess style, he had grown tired of being their messenger and had told Rory if she wanted to check on Luke, she should do it herself. To her credit, Rory had discussed it with Lorelai, laying her cards on the table. It had been about two months ago, and with the exception of the dropping out of Yale thing, and of course, the sleeping with married Dean thing, it was as angry as Lorelai had ever been with her daughter.

"No," Lorelai said simply when Rory mentioned that she had been keeping in touch with Luke via Jess and was now planning a more direct communication.

"Excuse me" Rory's voice traveled down the phone line.

"I said no. That's it, end of discussion"

"You've got to be kidding me. You know I'm not eight years old, right?"

"Rory, please"

"No, you please. You never stood between me having a relationship with my dad"

"How can you compare the two?"

"How can you not?" yelled Rory. "Except if it's to say that Luke was more of a father to me, or at least a father figure, than my actual dad was. He has always been a part of my life. You chose to let him go. I didn't and I won't. He may be nothing to you, but he's my family"

"He's not nothing to me Rory. You know that."

"Well"

"But can't you understand what it's like for me, to know you are in touch with him, to know that through you I can find out…. I can know…. Rory, how can you not get this?" Lorelai asked sighing.

"Mom" she said, taking a moment to decide exactly what to say. After a hesitation, she spoke. "I do know that it is hard for you, me being in touch with Luke. But, the truth is, it was your choice. I think this year has been great for you. I really do. But you didn't have to blow up your entire life just to figure it out. That was your choice. He would have given you the year. He would have given you anything. And you went all scorched earth on him and destroyed everything. So while it might be uncomfortable for you, me being in touch with him, I am not asking you if it's okay, I am letting you know that this is how it is now. And I'm sorry if you don't like it, but I'm not sorry enough not to do it"

Following that conversation, Lorelai and Rory hadn't spoken for two weeks. As much progress as Lorelai felt she had made becoming her own woman, she was having a harder time accepting that Rory too was an adult and entitled to make decisions that were best for her rather than best for Lorelai. Ultimately Lorelai had called Rory to talk it out.

"I get it" Lorelai had said by way of greeting. "I get why you need to be in touch with him."

"And…" Rory asked

"And…. I don't like it" Lorelai continued.

"And…" Rory asked again.

"And… it's not about me." Lorelai said quietly. "It's about your relationship with someone you love, someone who has been in your life since you were a child. And I don't have to like it"

"Thank you" Rory said quietly.

"I'm sorry for being a baby." Lorelai said. "Old habits"

"I would have gone with old dog new tricks"

"Mean" said Lorelai.

"Yeah. You're right" said Rory.

"So," Lorelai said, clearing her throat and trying to strike the perfect tone between laughter and seriousness, "we need rules."

"Rules?" Rory asked.

"Yes. Otherwise it's going to be too easy for you and I to fight over this. So rule number one: you will not mention Luke to me, not who he's dating, where he is, nothing. Agree?"

"Agree"

"Rule number two – there will be no medaling. You are not Haley Mills…"

"Or Lindsay Lohan… perfectly acceptable remake by the way…."

"True, and don't interrupt. No medaling."

"Agree" Rory said. "And I have a rule for you. If I can't tell, you can't ask. No asking about him, no trying to get info. Nothing."

"Don't ask don't tell… you really did move to Washington"

"Mom" Rory said, wanting to know her mother understood.

"Yeah, "Lorelai sighed. "Agree".

They had talked a little more about it that night, and that had been it. It hadn't come up again, and true to their agreement, Lorelai hadn't asked and Rory hadn't told.

That had been sometime in April. Now, with June heating up, Lorelai had this final weekend and then she would be heading home. All she had to get through was as final lunch meeting with the managing partner, who would inevitably try to convince her to stay on for another year, and then she was meeting Rory and Emily at bar near the theater district to begin their "Gilmore Girls Weekend."

The whole three-generation girls' weekend idea had started as a joke, but had taken on a life of its own when Lorelai mentioned it to Emily on their weekly Sunday phone call. So after some careful coordination, they had agreed that Emily and Rory would come into the city and meet Lorelai to celebrate her final job and to indulge in some shopping and other frivolity.

Now as Lorelai headed down 7th avenue, she brought her mind to the task at hand, setting aside thoughts of Rory and Luke and Stars Hollow, thinking about what she wanted to get out of this final meeting.

She found the small restaurant where they were meeting. She was pleased they had chosen this as opposed to the hotel bar. She had discovered she loved these funky out of the way places, perhaps less fancy but usually with far more interesting food.

"Alan, Matthew" Lorelai said, kissing each man's cheek in turn.

She looked around the space. It was dark and clean, with chrome touches. It wasn't quite her style, but it was beautiful, and more importantly, it smelled like heaven.

The hostess, realizing the party was complete, led the threesome to a table in the back. The place was doing a brisk lunchtime business, but there was something about the layout of the room that seemed to minimize rather than emphasize the regular restaurant din of voices. They took their seats at the table, the hostess handing them an oversized menu and placing a wine list on the table.

"There are lunch specials on the back page." The hostess told them. "Your waitress will be Shannon and she will tell you about everything".

With the hostess gone, Alan and Matthew launched into their pitch.

"I told you one year and out" Lorelai said simply, "I don't want to do this forever. I miss the Dragonfly. And while I want to see what else there is out there for me, I don't want to stay on the road."

"What about a move to our corporate offices here in the city then?" Alan asked

"Alan, I appreciate it. I do. But it's time, and I am ready to go home" Lorelai answered, opening her menu. "Now…. Let's figure out what to get for lunch."

Realizing Lorelai wouldn't change her mind, her lunch companions abandoned the pitch and instead the three began examining the menu. When the waitress came to the table, Alan ordered some kind of gourmet burger thing, Matthew ordered fish tacos, and Lorelai ordered a salad.

"Red vine salad" the waitress said to Lorelai, "Good choice. It's my favorite"

"I liked the name. Best candy in the world are red vines," she said with a laugh.

"Well I hope you like it," the waitress added.

Lunch carried on. The three colleagues laughed at some of the different things they had seen while on the road.

As predicted, the food was outstanding. The salad was the perfect blend of tart and sweet, and somehow the chef had managed to make some of the elements seem almost like candy. Even before her "green food awakening" – as Rory called it – she probably would have eaten this salad.

With lunch over, they began talking about some of her final reports and recommendations as the waitress brought them their coffee.

"So," the waitress asked Lorelai, "what did you think of the salad?"

"It was fantastic. I mean I am not a great lover of salads. Well, I've started eating them recently, you know, getting older, being healthy and all that, but I still prefer a good cheeseburger and fries. But, this was amazing. I have no idea how they got the meat to taste like it was coated in cherry candy without making it clawing, but they did. It's like it's a magical salad. Please give my complements to the chef"

Shannon laughed at the excited woman in front of her, immediately taken by her enthusiasm. "Will do, I'm glad you liked it. I will leave the check here. Please take your time and let me know if you want more coffee"

The three colleagues continued the conversation as the waitress headed back to the kitchen.

"Another satisfied customer, Luke" yelled Shannon. "That salad really is incredible."

"Glad to hear it" Luke said smiling.

The last three months had been interesting for Luke.

* * *

After what Suzanne referred to as the "unfortunate flannel intervention" Luke grudgingly acknowledged that he had managed to shut down somewhere around the age of twenty-two and had never really moved on.

So Luke had been trying… trying to talk more, trying to think more, trying to take a few more chances.

Changes had been slow to start. After that first night, playing pool and drinking, Tiffany and Suzanne had come back to his apartment and purged his wardrobe of anything they found offensive. He sat back, watching them throw things on the floor.

"Stacy and Clinton would have killed you for this," Tiffany said, holding up a particularly ratty green flannel.

"Who are Stacy and Clinton?" he had asked. "Do they work in the restaurant?"

Both women had laughed and kept on grabbing hands full of flannel out of his closet.

When the purge was complete, Luke was left with three pairs of jeans that they had deemed acceptable (of course this was sight unseen as he had refused to model them, even after Stephanie had reminded him that they weren't interested in ogling his ass), four or five good tee-shirts, the dress up clothes that Lorelai had bought him for his date with Nicole, and his green Army jacket.

As he looked around the destruction of his closet, Tiffany and Suzanne began shoving all the flannel into a garbage bag, laughingly asking if Good Will would even take this stuff. Luke, glancing over and seeing a flash of blue and white plaid, had nearly vaulted over his bed to grab the shirt out of the bag.

"Not this one" he said, grabbing the shirt and throwing it on the bed. He quickly scanned through the pile and found the red plaid he was looking for. "And not this one either" he said, tossing that one to join the blue on white one.

"Luke, it's time to let go" Tiffany said.

"They're ugly Luke. Waaaayyyyy too ugly" Suzanne added laughing,

"I am not getting rid of these. You can have the rest but these are… they're… I got the red one from…. And then that first morning, going to the diner in the blue one and everyone was there… and …. Just, leave me alone, they're mine," he had finally yelled, balling the two shirts up, throwing them into the closest and slamming the door.

"This must be a Laurie thing," Tiffany said.

"Damn-it her name is Lorelai. Lorelai. Not Lauren! Not Laurie! Not Laura. And yes, okay, yes… the shirts remind me of her. She got me the red one for Christmas one year, with matching red boxers. And the blue and white one… she… adopted it. I don't know what it is with women stealing clothes after sex, but that one was hers by the end more than it was mine. You can have the rest, and if you want, I will even promise not to wear them, I don't usually wear these two anyway, but you can't have these. I am not pinig or whatever. It's over and she's not coming back, and even if she comes back, I'm here, not there, and I am not waiting on her anymore, not really, but… you can't have those two shirts. They are what I have left."

"You still love her?" Suzanne asked. Luke noticed that she didn't sound like she was judging; only that she was asking.

"Yeah" he said quietly. "Always will probably. Doesn't change anything."

* * *

Luke came out of his memories when he realized Shannon was standing in front of him expectantly.

"Were you still talking" Luke teased.

"I said you should come out and let her thank you in person"

"No thank you" Luke said. He had grown fond of Shannon. She reminded him of what Liz might have been like if she hadn't been…. Well… Liz.

"Come on, she's really pretty"

"No" he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yes. You know you want to…."

"I really don't though"

"Come on Luke, what's it been, six months?"

"It's been longer than that," he mumbled.

"Ok, unnecessary"

"What, you can talk about my sex life and I can't?"

"I wasn't talking about your sex life. I don't even want to think about your sex life," she said, making an overly exaggerated gagging face.

"Nice" Luke said, but he was laughing.

"Come on Luke" she wheedled. "You know you're going to give in, so just hurry up and do it. Please…. Come meet the pretty lady… come on, you can do it"

Luke sighed. In moments like these, it wasn't Liz the young waitress reminded him of.

"Fine" Luke relented, and grabbing the bandana off his head, he followed Shannon into the dining room.

Shannon crossed to the table she had been serving. They had already gotten up and were getting their stuff together in preparation of leaving.

"I wanted to bring out the creator of the magical Red Vine salad." Shannon said.

Lorelai looked up when she started speaking but the smile died on her lips. All of a sudden, Shannon realized, the woman looked terrified.

Shannon looked behind her to Luke and realized he had frozen in place a few feet from the table.

A million emotions flooded through Luke. Anger, frustration, sadness, hope, confusion. He couldn't understand why she was here, why she was in his restaurant. He shifted on his feet, ready to begin yelling, just because he could, just because he was confused and stunned, and yelling seemed like the easiest option. However, before he could speak, he looked at her face and all words died on his lips.

She looked actually scared. She looked like she was going to throw-up, or cry, or throw-up and then cry. Suddenly, he didn't want to yell. He didn't want to rant. He didn't know what he wanted to do, but he knew he couldn't stand her looking at him like that, as though she was actually afraid of him.

He took a few more steps towards the table and spoke quietly.

"Of all the gin joints in all the world…" he whispered, looking at her from under his eyelashes. His hands were jammed in his pockets and a small smile was on his face.

Lorelai looked up sharply taking in the man standing before her smiling. And all at once, all of the air rushed out of her. He was smiling. He didn't look angry or confused. He didn't look like she felt, as though the world had stopped spinning and he was reeling and seasick. And she understood in that moment, there was only one reason he could be so calm. He had done what she had asked.

He had moved on.

She tried to recover quickly, to mask the pain and not embarrass herself or him.

"Really?" she asked, looking at him, trying to make eye contact.

"It was on the other night so I watched it again"

"Good movie" she said. She forced herself to smile her normal bright smile. "And amazing salad. Seriously. You know how I feel about salad. Or felt, I have been eating salads, all vegetables, anyway, and only two cups of coffee a day… ok, three, sometimes four, but I have been being healthier"

Luke looked at her. She seemed back to her normal self. The fear and sadness he had seen when he first walked over was gone. It must have been a momentary thing. She seemed fine now.

Tiffany had walked into the dining room during the exchange and now she walked over to the group, eager to ensure that there wasn't a problem. Everything looked fine now, but she could have sworn that for a moment the pretty blue eyed woman had looked like she was going to be sick.

"Hi" she said extending her hand. "Tiffany Lambach. This is my restaurant"

"It's wonderful. Really good. Great." All of a sudden, she noticed the other woman's extended hand and grasped it firmly. "Sorry. I'm Lorelai Gilmore".

Tiffany heard Shannon gasp.

"Lorelai, it's nice to meet you," Tiffany said. She realized how uncomfortable this had the potential to become. "Shannon, please go check on the couple at table seven. "Tiffany said releasing Lorelai's hand.

All of a sudden, Lorelai shook her head. She looked like she was coming out of a dream.

"Sorry, I forgot my manners. This is Matthew and this is Alan. They are my business associates. Or were I guess. Last day today. Alan, Matt, this is Tiffany, the restaurant owner, and this is Luke Danes."

Everyone exchanged handshakes. Alan and Matthew knew they were missing something, but they weren't sure what.

"Lorelai" Alan said, tapping her on the shoulder, "We have to get going. Remember what we said. We'd love to have you back if you ever want to do another cross country tour"

Alan and then Matthew hugged Lorelai, each also saying goodbye to Luke and Tiffany before leaving.

Lorelai said her goodbyes, but as the two men left, she continued to stand there, trying not to look at Luke and not being able to help herself.

"You look good," she said all of a sudden.

"So do you," Luke answered.

"Right, well, must be the salads" Lorelai said.

Tiffany wasn't sure how long the two were planning to stand there not looking directly at each other, but she didn't want to leave her friend alone. Lorelai seemed like a nice enough person, and God knew Luke had never really said a negative word against her, but she knew how far he had come in the last six months, and she didn't want to walk away and have Lorelai, intentionally or not, undo all that effort.

Luke seemed to realize all of a sudden that they were all standing there awkwardly. He cleared his throat and spoke.

"Well, Lorelai, you here in the city now?"

"Only for this weekend. My mother and Rory are meeting me this evening for a girl's weekend. Then I am actually going home, back to Stars Hollow. I miss the inn and my life and…." But she couldn't say more. "Are you here for good now" she asked him.

"For now, anyway" he said.

"Great, good. I'm glad. You look good. Happy. You're happy. I'm glad. I'm babbling which means I should go. Tiffany, it's a great place. Luke I… well… yeah. Great salad and… well…. Ok." She said grabbing her purse and spinning to the door. "Bye" she said and then she fled.

Tiffany stood looking between the woman who had just left and the man who had become one of her dearest friends. "Luke…."

"Don't" he said and stalked back to the kitchen.

Tiffany paused a moment. And then, even though she knew Luke would likely kill her, she couldn't help it. She took off out the door to see if she could catch Lorelai.

In the thirty-five seconds it took Tiffany to cross the restaurant and walk out the door, she had worked up a pretty good head of steam. This woman had caused so much damage and to stand there smiling and gushing on about salads, oblivious to the pain she had caused, the pain she continued to cause. Tiffany was ready to let her know exactly what she thought of Lorelai Gilmore.

Until

Tiffany stepped out the front door in time to see Lorelai run around the corner. Tiffany followed her and almost ended up almost colliding with her as she followed her around a corner where Lorelai had stopped suddenly.

"Hey" Tiffany yelled to try and get Lorelai's attention.

Lorelai stopped, looking down, not speaking to Tiffany.

"As I live and breathe the infamous Lorelai Gilmore," Tiffany continued.

Finally, Lorelai looked up and Tiffany took in the woman's pale face, her red eyes, the tears streaming down her face. Suddenly Tiffany had forgotten what she had wanted to say.

"Is he really okay" she asked Tiffany quietly.

"He's better" Tiffany answered,

"Good. I'm glad. I never would have come here if I had known. I didn't know. Please let him know I didn't know." Lorelai said quietly,

Tiffany didn't know what she had expected, but this broken crying woman wasn't it.

Lorelai saw the other woman looking at her.

"I know you hate me. You're his friend and you hate me. That's fine. I was his friend for years and I hate me. But please, I didn't do it to hurt him. I did it so I would stop hurting him. So he would stop hurting me. I didn't know how else to grow up except this way. I needed to figure out if I could do it. If I could be Lorelai Gilmore. I knew I was risking losing him, but it seemed like it was still better, that having him and it all just being the same was worse. And here I am and the funny thing is I finally figured it out. I finally figured it all out and now I realize, it wasn't better this way. Because what was the point of all of this. To learn how to stop hurting him just in time to lose him anyway? Damn it…. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to … never mind. You don't need this, and besides, as I said, you have every right to hate me."

"I don't hate you" Tiffany answered, "I want to, but I understand leaving in order to stop causing damage. I understand loving someone so much that leaving seems easier than knowing you will hurt them over and over again. So I don't hate you. But that man in there has become one of my best friends. And it took months for him to stop mourning you and begin living again. So just… look, no offence, but just go away"

Lorelai looked at the diminutive woman standing before her. She was glad Luke had found friends.

"Please, tell him…. I don't know what you should tell him. I have to go" Lorelai said. And before Tiffany could respond, Lorelai had squared her shoulders, walked to the curb and gotten into a waiting cab.

"Damn" Tiffany muttered, and returned to the restaurant.

When she got back into the kitchen, Luke was chopping onions.

"Oldest chef trick in the world" Tiffany said, "Get out all your aggression and no one can tell if you're really crying or if it's the onions"

"I don't want to talk about it," Luke said not looking up

"Luke"

"It was bound to happen" Luke said. "And so it happened."

"Are you okay?" Tiffany asked.

Luke stopped chopping and looked up to the ceiling. He seemed to be gathering his thoughts.

"I'm okay" Luke said, "I mean, did you see her? She was fine. She was laughing and doing her whole rambling thing and she seemed fine so I'm fine too"

Tiffany looked at the man, disbelief shinning out of her eyes. Up until this moment, she was prepared to coddle Luke, at least as much as he would allow. She was ready to tell her friend that while she now understood that Lorelai hadn't been malicious when she left, she also understood that the woman was a little unhinged and he was probably better off. Only problem was, she realized looking at her friend; he was clearly just as crazy.

"So this was the problem all along. It wasn't that she ran, it wasn't that you shut her out. The problem is you might be the two stupidest freaking people that have ever been"

"What?"

"No Luke – I get it… you're fine, you're sitting in here cursing and muttering and retreating into yourself before my eyes. She's fine but she's sitting in the street hysterical talking about how she's sorry. But yes, I agree, you're both fine. You're both great."

"She was hysterical?" he asked quietly.

"She was destroyed. And you want to know why?" Tiffany asked, getting louder with each word until she was screaming, "you want to know what part of it killed her most. It was that she thinks you're FINE"

Luke just looked at her, stunned.

"Is she still out there?" Luke asked

"She got in a cab." Tiffany said

Without waiting, Luke grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket. He waited a moment to get his emotions in check and then dialed.

He listened to the outgoing voicemail message play and at the tone, he began to speak.

"Hey, it's me….l uhm Luke… right…. Anyway, I thought you should know Lorelai was just here, in my place. No… not my place like my place…. My restaurant… not my restaurant… the restaurant where I work… uhm yeah… It wasn't a set up, I mean I don't think she knew and I didn't know and anyway, it wasn't ok and I don't know….. Anyway…. I know this breaks our rules about talking about her, but I thought you should know. So…. Yeah well…. Uhm" he heard the shrill beep in his ear, shoved the phone back in his pocket.

"Luke" Tiffany said, waiting to see what he was thinking.

"I'm not fine" was all he said before he went back to chopping.

* * *

Rory was sitting in the back of the town car with her grandmother. Emily had insisted the car would pick her up at Grand Central when her train from DC arrived. Rory had looked at the phone when it had rung, but seeing it was Luke, she had let it go to voicemail. Now with the indicator light blinking, she entered the password, put the phone to her ear to listen.

Emily Gilmore watched her granddaughter with interest. The girl was looking more and more sick the longer she listened to the message. By the time Rory hung up the phone, she was pale.

"For heaven's sake Rory are you alright?" Emily asked.

"Yes grandma, fine" Rory answered distractedly.

"Well then who was on the phone?"

"Uhm," Rory answered.

"Was it a new young man?"

"What? No, grandma. It was Luke"

"You're mother's Luke?"

"Yes. Luke" Rory answered. She wasn't sure where her mother was or what was going on, but she was irrationally grateful that she would be meeting her in a couple of hours at most and that she would be here if her mom was imploding.

"Is everything alright?"

"He's living in the city now. And it seems Mom ran into him this afternoon."

"Oh dear"

"Yes, oh dear in deed" Rory answered.

"Well what happened? What did he say?" Emily asked.

"He sounded completely shaken. He said she came to his restaurant, and other than that and a lot of uhms and ahhs, he said it wasn't okay. And then the voicemail disconnected him"

"Should we call him back?"

"No," said Rory. "There is no point. He's not going to tell me anything else."

"Well should we call your mother?"

"I'm calling her now" said Rory "just, hang on…. Hi mom" Rory said. "Just checking in. Grandma just picked me up at the train station, so where are you?"

Emily watched Rory's face, trying to get a sense of what Lorelai was saying.

"Okay mom, well why don't we just head to the hotel then and meet you there instead of the bar. We can figure out our next steps from there." Rory listened for a few more minutes. "Okay mom, we'll see you in about 15 minutes"

Rory hung up the phone.

"Did she mention Luke" asked Emily, "I didn't hear you mention Luke"?

"She didn't mention it," Rory said. "But she wouldn't. We have rules."

"What rules? There are not rules between mothers and daughters," said Emily.

"And how did that work out for you over the years grandma" Rory asked quietly.

"Point taken. So what do we do?"

"We go to the hotel. We stop along the way for red wine and candy. We don't tell her we stopped for it, we just bring it in, we listen, we don't push her, we don't yell at her or judge her." Rory said simply.

"I understand Rory. How about if I just follow your lead?"

"Thank you Grandma" Rory answered.

Rory and Emily knocked on Lorelai's hotel room door a little less than twenty minutes later.

Lorelai had taken a quick shower, re-applied her makeup and was smiling and laughing when she answered the door. She had led them into the suite of rooms that she had arranged for, talking a mile a minute about how pleased she was that her contract was up and that she was returning home, how beautiful Rory looked, how nice her mother's suit was, anything to keep on filling the void. The void terrified Lorelai. She was sure that if there were silence, it would turn into an enormous hole from which she would never escape.

Now, two hours had elapsed. They had opted for room service rather than going out, and with the meal done, and well into their second bottle of wine, Emily had had enough.

"Lorelai Victoria Gilmore." Emily said standing up. "Will you stop chattering for five minutes and tell us what happened when you saw Luke today?"

"Grandma… the rules!" Rory whispered, not wanting to look at her mother.

"He called you Rory? What am I saying? Of course, he called you. Great. His friend Tiffany probably went inside to tell him I was outside and freaking out and crying and miserable, and after he was done feeling all superior for being over it and being happy and whatever, how perfect that he took the time to call you and let you know that you're crazy mommy was freaking out."

"Mom," Rory said, "It wasn't like that. He sounded awful in the message."

"Well, you're right. He's not a mean man. I am sure he felt badly for me. I am sure there was a healthy dose of self-righteousness in there, I did ask for this. I told him not to wait, so I can't very well be upset now that he moved on. And in fact I did too. I moved on. This was just a moment. I wasn't prepared to see him and now I have and he's over it, and so I am too. I mean, sure, I guess part of me always thought we would find our way, but some things aren't meant to be, and I'm glad he's happy"

Emily had been listening to her daughter spin steadily further and further out of control during this diatribe, and now she simply couldn't take it anymore.

"Bullshit" Emily blurted

"Grandma" Rory said

"Well I'm sorry, and you know I generally don't approve of that kind of language, but right now there is simply no other word, so again, I say Bull…..Shit!" Emily exclaimed, drawing each word out.

"Mom" Lorelai said looking confused and small.

"I have never met two more willfully ignorant people than you and Luke"

"Grandma, we talked about not pushing" Rory said

"Oh hush" Emily said to her granddaughter, and then turned her focus back to Lorelai, "You have always been stubborn Lorelai, and I tried for years to break you of it, but the truth is, I was always a bit jealous of you."

"Of me?" Lorelai asked, "But why?"

"You have always been so brave. I was never as brave as you were. If I had been, I would have stood up to Trix, or at least stood up to your father about Trix. If I had been brave, I would have supported you when you came home pregnant rather than pushing you away. So perhaps I should have told you all of this sooner, but there it is. I admire you Lorelai. I admire your strength and your bravery."

"Thank you Mom" Lorelai said confused.

"Which is why I can't understand how you can possibly be such an idiot!" Emily exclaimed.

"And there's the Emily Gilmore we know and love" said Lorelai, pouring herself more wine.

"Well, I am sorry Lorelai, but I don't understand all of this. Do you love this man?"

"What man? The stay puffed marshmallow man? Sure…."

"Can you please be serious?" Emily snuffed.

"Yes, mom. I assume we are talking about Luke. Yes I love him," Lorelai whispered.

"And you always have and always will" said her mother with certainty

"Probably" Lorelai agreed.

"So then what is the problem?"

"Oh mom, it's too much. It's been too long, too much anger and heart ache. Too many lies and omissions"

"Never mind all that," Emily said. "Do you love him?"

"Yes"

"Well good. Let's focus on that. After all the rest is just details"

"Mom, I think it's more than details"

"No it's not. Nothing is more than details. And I happen to be very good at details" Emily said with a smile.

"Mom, please. Don't meddle. I know last time you went to see him and he came back to me, but it wasn't good. I don't know if we will ever both find our way to each other again, but if we do, it has to be because of us, not because of you," Lorelai said pointing at her mother, then shifting to look at her daughter "or because of you".

"Yes mom. It's already rule number two… no parent trap"

"Good" Lorelai said. "So, what then Mom? I am sure you have a plan"

"As a matter of fact I do. We are going to finish the wine and go to bed. Tomorrow we will get up, shop, have some brunch and then perhaps see if there are tickets for anything worth seeing. We will prepare for your return to Stars Hollow on Sunday and we will have a very pleasant weekend, just as planned."

"And what about all of this?" Lorelai said gesturing around the room.

"The room?" Emily asked

"Now who's being willfully ignorant? Not the room mom, me… this…. The whole thing…"

"I thought you don't want me to meddle"

Lorelai looked at her mother carefully then. "That's right, I don't"

"Well then fine. We're agreed. More wine please," she said holding out her glass.

"I don't get it," Lorelai said.

"You never have Lorelai," Emily said. "But you will. In the meantime, pour the wine and try to trust your mother."

Lorelai poured the wine.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **To all my fellow JavaJunkies…. We are getting there. Slowly but surely… I hope you will bear with me for a while longer. If not me…. Put your faith in Emily.**


	7. Chapter 6

**Author's Note**

 **The characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from time to time.**

* * *

 **Chapter Six – September 2009**

Luke sat on the park bench enjoying the warmth of the September sunshine, grateful that the summer heat had finally broken. No one had prepared him for summer in New York. Between the buildings and the people, what should have been simply hot had become oppressive and miserable. It had been a terrible summer. Of course, if Luke was being honest, something he was trying hard to do these days, it hadn't been the weather that had made the last three months unbearable.

Luke stretched his long legs out in front of him, took a swig from his water bottle and continued to wait for his nephew Jess.

He and Jess had grown close in the time Luke had been living in the city. What started as an occasional ball game or beer had become a standing Sunday visit, and Luke was pleased he was getting to know this mysterious young man as more than just a nephew but as a friend.

Luke looked down at his legs clad in cargo shorts, flip flops on his feet. He had kept running all summer, and he felt as fit and fine as he had in his twenties. Of course, the mirror told a different story. Gone for good was the ever present baseball hat, but without it he could see his hairline beginning to recede, the brown starting to become flecked with grey. He laughed remembering when Jess had pointed out his "new look" over the summer. He had traded in all the old stuff (traded in might be less accurate then saying it had been stolen when Tiffany and Suzanne had staged a second raid on his closet in July), but since then he had found a comfortable, casual style that worked for him without making him look like an aging skater boy.

Luke squinted into the sunshine and thought again about the idea of honesty. He had always thought of himself as a good man, and was self righteous in his understanding of right and wrong. It had taken Jess to point out that while he was good, he was often less than honest, especially with himself, and with the people who mattered most.

The night he had seen Lorelai at the restaurant in June, he had finished his shift and headed home with the absolute intention of getting drunk.

He had been changing out of his work clothes when he heard a knock at the door. He had taken a moment to irrationally hope that it was her, that she had come to him, that she had done what he was too much of a coward to do. He had thrown the door open, but instead of her laughing blue eyes, he had seen Jess' serious brown ones.

"Hey" he said looking at his nephew, and in that moment it became too hard to pretend. So for the second time in a single day he uttered the four words that he had spent a lifetime avoiding. "I am not fine"

"No kidding" Jess replied, moving past him into the apartment.

"Rory called?" Luke asked.

"Yup"

Luke swallowed and waited for more information. When none was forthcoming he asked. "How is she?"

"She's really good!" Jess answered lightly.

"She is?"

"Sure. She loves the job. She's dating a congressional staffer, but I don't think it will last past summer. He's a republican. You have a beer?" Jess asked, moving past Luke to the refrigerator.

"What? No. Not Rory."

"Not Rory what?" Jess asked smirking.

"Not how's Rory. How's Lorelai?"

"I didn't talk to Lorelai. You could call her and ask for yourself" Jess challenged.

Luke grabbed the newly purchased bottle of Jack Daniels off the counter and poured a couple of fingers into a glass.

"Can't." he said, knocking back a healthy slug of the brown liquid.

"No, I don't guess you can't." Jess answered.

"She ran away. She ran away over and over again" Luke said quietly.

"That she did."

"She ran away, and I never went after her" he said quietly.

"No you did not"

"I never fought for her. Not after the party for her parents, not after April, not after she gave me that stupid ultimatum. She ran, but I never once fought for her to stay. I'm a coward" Luke said, finishing the drink and pouring another.

"Let me tell you a story, about my friend, let's call him Phil" said Jess with a sardonic smile.

"Shut up" Luke said, "I'm being serious"

"I know you are, Luke."

"It's not supposed to be like this. When you love someone, when you're in love, it should be easy. It shouldn't be so freakin' hard"

"You don't read enough" answered Jess.

"What?"

"If you read more you'd know love is always hard. But real love is also always worth it"

"Since when did you get so philosophical?"

"I guess I've grown up" Jess answered, sipping his beer.

"I want to call her" Luke said

"So call her"

"And say what, I'm not fine, you're not fine, let's work it out?"

"Why not?"

"Because what if she is fine"

"She's not" Jess stated.

"How do you know?" Luke asked.

"I like to read" Jess answered cryptically.

The evening wore on, Jess finishing his beer and switching to water, Luke drinking glass after glass of Jack Daniels.

"I just…. I don't know… I should have told her stuff" Luke yelled, pacing across the tiny apartment. "I should have told her the big stuff like April, but I should have told her the little stuff too. Should have told her what I was thinking. Should have told her I loved all the stupid quirks about her that I pretended annoyed me. I should have told her that I hate her diet and her coffee addiction because I'm afraid she'll die and leave me alone. And somehow here I am, alone anyway, and I never told her anything at all."

Sometime around two in the morning, Jess had finally managed to get his Uncle into bed.

"I love her" Luke whispered. "I should have told her more. I looked at you like you were some punk but at least you're and honest punk. You told Rory you loved her."

"You told Lorelai you loved her" Jess said.

"Sure, when it was easy. But I didn't tell her when it mattered. I didn't tell her when it was hard. I didn't tell her a lot of things"

"So tell her" Jess said simply.

But by then Luke had fallen asleep.

Luke had intended to call her the next day, but he wanted to take the time to figure out what he was going to say. A day became a week, which became two, and still he didn't call.

He had spoken to Rory the week after he had seen Lorelai. She had called him in the evening as he sat in his apartment trying to stay cool.

"Hey Luke" she said.

"Hey kid" he answered smiling. At least he still had Rory, who he loved like a daughter. At least he hadn't lost them both.

"So listen, I love you, and you know that, but she's my mother, and my best friend, so you know there are rules."

"Rory I know and…"

"Listen" Rory interrupted, "just this once, I am willing to suspend the rules. Limited time offer. So if you have anything to ask, anything to say, do it now."

Luke took a breath. His instinct was to tell Rory he was fine and to laugh it all off, but he remembered the night in his apartment with Jess and the realization that he needed to learn to say what he was thinking instead of only saying what he thought he was supposed to. "How is she?" he asked.

"Not okay" Rory answered simply. "She didn't know you would be there. She had been doing so well and I think it just sucker punched her, seeing you like that, realizing that she had come so far only to find out the one thing she really wanted was gone. She's back at home, but she's so sad."

"Rory…" he whispered.

"You asked Luke. Did you want me to lie and tell you she is great because she's not, and I don't think you are either"

"I'm not" Luke said. "I just…. I don't know how this all happened"

"You're both too proud and too strong and too stubborn." She said. "You were supposed to love each other, yet neither of you were ever willing to let the other one in. What did you think was going to happen?"

"Rory?" he asked.

"No. I am beginning to think I called under false pretences. I don't care what you have to say. I want you to hear what I have to say. Do you know I stopped speaking to her for two weeks when she first left? She was devastated and I refused to be there because I was so angry at her for hurting you. Poor Luke was all I could think over and over again. Poor kind Luke who had done everything for us, been everything to us. But time went on and even though she and I made up, I have been mad at her this whole time. Only now I think I should be mad at you too. Cause it wasn't just her. It was both of you. You both found this amazing gift and you…. You…. You shit on it!" Rory yelled.

For a moment no one said anything. Luke could hear Rory breathe on the other end of the line and he suspected she was crying.

"Rory"

"I'm sorry Luke. I shouldn't have called"

"No!" he yelled. "No. You were right to call. And you're right about the rest of it too. It was both of us."

"Yeah" Rory said quietly.

"I never told her things. And when she tried to talk to me, I made fun of her, or I ignored her, or I pretended I didn't understand"

"Luke, I didn't mean to call and make it worse" Rory said.

"You can't make it worse. It can't be worse."

"Yeah" she agreed.

"Can I ask you a question Rory?"

"What?"

"Is it too late?" he asked.

"Honestly Luke, I don't know" Rory said. "The reality is she is hurting right now, but she was fine. It was actually incredible to see the woman she became in the last year. She was always strong, but this was a different kind of strong. Less frenetic, more centered. Calmer. Did you know she started doing yoga?"

"Lorelai?" he asked with wonder.

"I know. She tried it at one of the inns she was supposed to evaluate. They offered free classes. She loves it. Says it makes her feel centered."

"Wow" he said with wonder.

"She's learning to cook too. Nothing fancy, but Sookie has been teaching her since she got home. Simple stuff, chicken, some fish, salads. She says she enjoys it."

"She's cooking?"

"She's doing a lot of things. And that's what I'm trying to tell you. The past year was amazing for her. She finally had a chance to find out so many things about herself. And up until she saw you again she really was fine"

"So up until then she was over it. So maybe I should let it go then is what you're telling me"

"Luke, do you ever actually listen?"

"I'm trying" he said.

"She was fine and she will be fine again. Just like I am guessing until she walked into your restaurant you were fine and you will be again" Rory said.

"Okay…."

"The thing is who the hell wants to settle for fine?" she had asked.

And for that, Luke had no answer.

After talking to Rory, Luke had started thinking hard about what he wanted for his life. He knew he had a lot of fences to mend, but for the first time, he began thinking about what he wanted for himself instead of what everyone else wanted from him.

July had brought April to the city for a month of her summer vacation. She was a full fledged teen ager now, interested in boys and makeup as much as she was in science. They had spent the month taking in all the city had to offer, even spending a weekend on the Jersey Shore where April could visit the marine biology center at Sandy Hook.

It had been a great month with her. Jess had joined them as often as he could, and they had laughed a lot. But still, at the back of his mind, Luke was aware that time was passing and that with each week that went by it would get harder and harder to call Lorelai. Yet, no matter how many times he picked up the phone, he couldn't dial.

He put April back on a plane in early August and fell back into his routine of work and home and Jess on Sundays. Tiffany and Suzanne had tried to draw him out, but he was trapped in his own mind, conscious that he needed to learn to let people in but not sure where to begin.

Now with September arriving, Luke finally had an idea of what he needed to do. But first, he wanted to talk to Jess.

Jess arrived a few minutes later, taking the spot next to his uncle on the bench.

"What's up?" he asked Luke, smiling.

"Hey." Luke answered, still staring into space.

"You okay?"

"I never thanked you for that night" Luke said, "Or for the night last year in the yard. Seems you always end up taking care of me when I'm drunk"

"No worries," Jess said, "just don't make a habit of it."

"Right. Listen, can I ask you something Jess?"

"Forty-two"

"What?"

"Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything" said Jess

"Again, what?"

"Never mind. Ask away" Jess said laughing to himself.

"Do you think it's still possible to make it better? Lorelai I mean?"

"Well, I didn't think you meant the Red Sox coaching staff" Jess said.

"I'm serious"

"I know. Yes, I think you can still make it better. But then again I'm an optimist."

"No you're not" said Luke.

"No," agreed Jess, "I'm not."

"But you think it's possible."

"I think it has to be" Jess said simply.

"Then do you think it's possible for me to make it worse"

"How" Jess asked, "What are you thinking?"

"By not going home yet. Do you think by staying away I am making it worse?"

Jess thought about it. "Are you thinking you want to stay in New York permanently?" he asked.

"God no" Luke said laughing. "This thing with Tiffany was supposed to be for a year. The year is up in December. I can go home then, but…"

"But what?"

"But a friend of Tiffany owns a place in Colorado, and they are looking for someone for the winter. It could be a chance to see a different part of the country, to learn a different style of cooking, but then if I go, I won't get back to Stars Hollow until at least next June"

"You want to do this? Go to Colorado" Jess asked.

"I do. I've never done anything like this. I spent my whole life in that town, as you pointed out. And no question, I want to go back. But, I can't explain it, it's like I came here to New York because of you, and because Sookie had a friend, and it's been great, but it's still been what someone else told me I should do. If I do this, go to Colorado, it will be because it's what I want. I don't know if I have ever done something just because it was what I wanted. Am I being selfish?" he asked quietly. "Am I about to make this worse?"

Jess looked at his Uncle. He knew that if he told him to, Luke would return to Stars Hollow in December and beg Lorelai to take him back. But it would be the same old Luke doing the begging. Better clothes maybe, a little more open, a little more willing to have fun, but at heart, the same old Luke. Jess weighed it out and began to speak.

"Here's what I think" Jess said slowly. "I think if you want to do this, you have to. But I think if you disappear to Colorado without a word, it will be the end. I spoke to Rory last week. I know we usually have the whole cone of silence thing… what she tells me doesn't pass to you and what you tell me doesn't pass to her, but I think you need to know what she said."

"Okay…" Luke said.

"She says Lorelai is doing better. She is working at the Dragonfly again, though she kept that guy Michel on as manager, so she is only there part time. She has been helping her mother with some stuff for some charity or something, but all in all, she's fine."

"Well," Luke said uncertainly, "That's good, isn't it?"

"She hasn't stopped hoping. According to Rory, Lorelai still thinks there's a chance. Apparently the old lady…"

"Emily?"

"Right, Rory's grandmother, she has convinced Lorelai that it will all work out, and that all she has to do is remember that she loves you."

"She still loves me?" Luke said shyly.

"I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer" Jess said snidely.

"Sorry, go on"

"So I think right now, today, you can still make this better. I think nine months from now, if in that time you don't talk to her, don't tell her that you are coming home at some point, I think you wait those nine months and there is a good chance she will be gone for good."

"So I should say no to Colorado?" Luke asked, sounding disappointed.

"You really aren't that bright are you Uncle Luke?" Jess teased. "I'm not telling you whether or not you should go. I am telling you that I am not who you should be talking to about this."

"I'm afraid to call her." Luke said honestly. It was still hard for him to admit, but it was also true.

"I know, and I had an idea about that" Jess said handing his Uncle a slip of paper.

"What's this?"

"The nuclear launch codes" Jess snarked. "It's her email address. You don't want to call her yet? Write to her. Sometimes, that's easier."

Luke looked at the slip of paper in his hand and smiled.

* * *

 _ **Meanwhile, in Hartford**_

Lorelai knocked on the door to her mother's house and was greeted by Gretchen.

"Well, hello" Lorelai said smiling. Gretchen had been with her mother for a solid four months now. Emily was clearly mellowing in her old age.

"Mrs. Gilmore is out on the patio. I can show you back" Gretchen said.

"No problem, I know the way" Lorelai said, walking through the house and letting herself out the patio door. "Hey Mom" she greeted.

"Lorelai, thank you for coming"

"Well you said it was important"

"It is," said Emily. "I have a business proposition for you"

"You looking to have someone killed, 'cause I don't do wet work" Lorelai said with a smile.

"Lorelai, please, can we abstain from the movie references for one afternoon?" Emily asked.

"I'll try. So what's this proposition? Are you going to make me an offer I can't refuse?"

Emily scowled at Lorelai.

"Sorry mom, continue, what's the idea."

"Thank you," said Emily. "Now before I tell you, you have to promise to listen to the entire idea and not fly off the handle"

"I can do that" Lorelai said seriously.

Her relationship with Emily had improved by leaps and bounds in the past year. What had started as a kind of careful truce had grown into a mutual admiration and respect since the weekend in New York. While they would never completely understand each other, and while they would each, on occasion, make the other crazy, they had begun the slow process of trusting each other, and of becoming friends.

"Good," said Emily. "Now, about two years ago I bought a property. I had an idea of using it at the time, but that fell through. It has been sitting unoccupied, and your father has been trying to get me to sell it. But I bought it with my own money, and so he can't sell it unless I approve which I don't."

"You and dad aren't having problems again" Lorelai asked carefully.

"Of course not," Emily answered. "Just a disagreement over this property, but nothing serious. Anyway, he understands that ultimately it is mine to do what I want with and I don't want to sell."

"Okay," Lorelai said, "but I don't see what this has to do with me"

"I'm getting to that" Emily said. "So I was talking to Birdie Smyth yesterday. You remember her, don't you?"

"No"

"Of course you do. Her son Andrew was in school with you and Christopher. I think her granddaughter Mimi went to Chilton, but she is of course younger than Rory"

"Doesn't ring a bell"

"Birdie. She was always trying to get your father to play mixed doubles with her"

"Mom," Lorelai interrupted, "if I pretend to remember Birdie, will you continue the story?"

"Anyway" Emily sighed, arching an eyebrow at Lorelai, "she mentioned that her son Andrew had just gotten back from one of those corporate retreat things. You know, golfing, rope course, workshops. It's meant to improve working teams. Anyway, it sounded dreadful, but she swears everyone is doing them. So I looked into it and it seems it is a big thing right now. So I was thinking, if we expand on the main structure and build a few out buildings, my property would be perfect for this sort of thing."

"I'd have to see the property, but it's a solid idea mom. The corporate retreats are becoming big business again. The Dragonfly isn't set up for them, it's not our clientele, but in the right setting, it would be a good idea. Is the property local? Cause if it is, you can get a good New York client base if you do it right." Lorelai said smiling.

"You mean if we do it right" Emily responded.

"What do you mean we?"

"I mean, I want to bring you on as a partner. I put up the money, you put up the know-how, we split everything fifty – fifty" Emily said proudly.

"Mom…" Lorelai hedged. She was thrilled with their new relationship, but working together was a whole different thing. "I don't know. I still have the dragonfly"

"Lorelai, you barely work part time there. You were gone a full year and the business thrived. They don't need you. I need you" Emily said.

"I would have to think about it. Where's the property" Lorelai asked.

"Actually it's not too far from Stars Hollow" Emily answered.

"Where?" Lorelai asked. She knew most of the properties in the vicinity and nothing she could think of would suit this… unless…

"Mom, no" she whispered.

"Lorelai, be reasonable"

"You bought the house? You bought the Luke house anyway? Even after I told you we weren't getting married?" Lorelai asked, remembering the day in the realtors with her mother and the beautiful property the older woman had wanted to buy as a wedding gift.

"Well honestly, how was I to have known you would both be this stubborn?" Emily sighed. "Now your father wants to sell it, but I think this would be a much better idea."

"I don't know" Lorelai said.

"Will you at least think about it" Emily asked. She too was pleased with their new relationship, and one of the things she has learned is that it was always better to not push her daughter.

"Okay" Lorelai said.

"Just, you'll really think about it? Not that thing where you agree to think about it but really you've already made up your mind?" Emily clarified.

"I promise to think about it mom. It is a good idea, I just… I need a little time" Lorelai said.

"Fair enough," Emily answered, seemingly letting it drop. "Would you like some iced tea?"

The rest of the afternoon passed pleasantly enough. After a light supper with both her parents, Lorelai stopped by the dragonfly to pick up some messages and say hi to Sookie.

It was dark by the time Lorelai finally got home. She was restless and she knew it was because of her mother's idea. She couldn't shake the thought that it would be a great opportunity. If only she wasn't afraid that every day would be a reminder that the property was going to be filled with stuffy businessmen instead of the sticky but wonderful children she and Luke may have had.

Unable to find anything of interest on TV, and having finished the last chapter of her latest book, Lorelai logged onto her computer to check her email.

After sifting through ads for penis implants and offers from Nigerian princes, she saw an address she didn't recognize, and her heart froze.

FROM: DinerGuy

TO: LVGilmore

SUBJECT: Hi

She double clicked on the message and began to read.

Lorelai

Jess gave me your email address. I hope that's okay.

I wanted to call you a hundred times since June, but I didn't know what to say.

Jess suggested I just tell you the truth.

But as you may have realized by now, I'm not so good with that.

But here it goes.

I'm not fine.

I have been teaching myself all summer to say that.

I'm not fine.

I miss you every day.

I spoke to Rory who said you've taken up yoga. I can't imagine you doing yoga, but Rory says you like it so I'm glad. I started running again when I first came to the city and I have kept it up. I don't think I could beat my old high school record, but it's good to just run. Gives me time to think.

Mostly, I think about you.

I wonder how I could have made it better.

I should have chased you and made you listen. But then again, I could never really make you listen anymore than you could make me talk.

Was that the problem?

I don't know what to say to you. It's why I haven't called, even though I really wanted to. I just don't know what to say without making it worse.

Can it get worse? I don't think it can, but then again, what do I know.

I hear you're home again. I'm glad.

I should be home next June. Nine more months. I know, it seems long, but I have a chance to cook for a season in Aspen, and I just really want to go. I don't remember the last time I did something just because I wanted to, so I am going to do this and hope that by staying away for nine more months I am not doing irreparable harm.

Then again, maybe there is no more harm left to be done.

I hope that's not the case.

Jess says you still love me. He said he knows it because he likes to read. I don't know what that means, but he's a smart kid, so I am hopeful he's right.

I guess that sounds pretty arrogant, and if so, I don't mean it that way.

I just mean to say, I hope you might still love me, at least a little. I know I still love you.

But then again, love was never our problem, was it?

So, I will be in New York until the New Year and then I will be in Aspen from January until June. After that… well I guess we will have to see.

So I am going to hit send now, and I am not going to reread this and give myself a chance to chicken out of sending it.

I meant what I said.

I miss you every day.

Don't be mad at Rory for telling me about the yoga. She only talked about you that one time, and it was mostly her yelling at me, so I guess we both managed to piss her off.

She really is an amazing kid.

Then again, she has a really amazing mother.

I hope to hear from you soon,

Luke.

Lorelai reread the message twice, and then, following Luke's lead, she clicked reply and began to type.

FROM: LVGilmore

TO: DinerGuy

SUBJECT: RE: Hi

Luke

I am glad to hear from you, glad Jess gave you my address.

Aspen… wow… sounds like an incredible opportunity. I am happy for you.

I don't know what to say, there was a lot in your email, and I think I need to process some of it. But I can tell you this –

I miss you every day too

And I love you every day

And you're right

Love was never our problem.

It was amazing to read your email, and I appreciate what you said. And I think part of the problem was that you don't talk and I don't listen, just like you said. I also think part of the problem is that we are both afraid to rely on anyone. But I have had a lot of time to think about it and I think the biggest problem was that I didn't know how to trust that you loved me. I still don't.

Part of it was not knowing myself, not knowing who I am outside of the definitions I have had for my entire life… dedicated mom, delinquent daughter, flakey girlfriend. I guess by not getting to know myself it was that much harder to let anyone else really know me. But I have realized, it's not just me. I wanted you to know me, but you weren't interested in that. You kept me at arms length. You used to tell me that you showed me how you felt because you don't do words, and I said I was okay with that, but I'm not. I need the words, and I don't know if you have them to give.

But Jess is right (don't tell him I said so) and I do still love you. But I am scared that I love who I think you are and you love who you think I am, and really, we don't actually know each other very well at all.

So go to Aspen (it sounds really exciting, and please know that I really am so very proud).

But maybe we can use this time to find the words

To find each other

To become friends, if not again, then maybe for the first time.

I love you. My mom (yes, I am quoting Emily Gilmore, and no I am not drunk lol), but my mom says that if we love each other the rest is just details. And I see what she is trying to say, and I think to a large degree she's right.

On the other hand, it won't work if we only love some shadow image of each other.

I think in this case the details matter.

I'm not mad at Rory for telling you about the yoga (it really is great, you should try it)

And I really am glad you wrote.

Don't be a stranger

Write back soon.

Always

Lorelai.

Like Luke, Lorelai didn't pause to reread. She simply clicked send.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **So we're getting there. I know it's taking some time. Please stay with me. And please, I welcome reviews.**

 **I want to thank DSLeo who put the picture in my head of Luke as a skater boy.**

 **And 42 as the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything is a quote from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy**


	8. Chapter 7

**Author's Note:**

 **As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from Time to time.**

* * *

 **Chapter Seven – December 2009**

With two days until the New Year, Lorelai looked around her house and thought not for the first time, how much had changed.

She had been home for six months, and in that time, she had found a new balance with herself and with the town. The Dragonfly, still managed by Michel, was in great shape, but her mother had been right, it didn't need her. It had been strange to have nothing required of her, and at first, the free time had been unsettling. But the months had also been good. There had never been a time in her life when she hadn't been beholden to a schedule or to responsibilities. She had used the time to make some decisions about what she really wanted to do next.

She had made her way back into town life, once again attending meetings and town events, volunteering to help with costumes at the school plays and Miss Patty's recitals. When people asked, which they didn't often do, she told them she and Luke were friends, and left it at that, not wanting their relationship, whatever it was destined to become, to once again be open to town debate.

But after six months, she had realized she wasn't cut out for the life of leisure. The truth was that even with the ability to go to DC on a whim to visit Rory, and even with the various events she had agreed to help her mother with, she was bored.

She and her mother had gone round and round about the renovation of the Luke House (which was how Lorelai always thought of it, though she never said it out loud.) They had both agreed that focusing on a business clientele was limiting and had ultimately discussed turning it into a retreat and spa, with both day services as well as getaway packages. Intellectually, she knew the idea was sound, and that it was a great business opportunity. More than that, she was optimistic that she and Emily could work together, if not harmoniously, then at least without bloodshed. And there was no denying that the idea of doing a project where money was no object was exciting.

Her only fear was the daily reminder of Luke. She had initially been convinced that being in that house would just hurt too much.

So much had changed.

This time last year, she had been hiding out at her parents' house, running away from memories of Luke, and trying to figure out what was going to happen next. She remembered acutely hearing Rory on the phone, and speeding to the diner only to discover that Luke was already gone. She remembered returning to Hartford, desperate to move past her disappointment.

It had been a blow to Lorelai to realize that no matter what she had said to Luke, no matter what she thought she had meant, she really had expected him to sit above the diner for another eight years if necessary, mooning over her horoscope and waiting. It wasn't until that moment that she had realized how absolutely she had believed he would always be there. Granted, she had doubted that he loved her in a real way by then, doubted that they would be able to have all the things she dreamed of, but she had also never realized how completely entitled to him she felt, like a spoiled child who knew that a toy had been outgrown but who was at the same time unwilling to let anyone else play with it.

Lorelai shook her head, trying to move past the painful memories.

She and Luke were talking now, and it was a good thing. Better than good, she mentally amended, it was amazing. Through email, they had finally found a vehicle for all those things they had been unwilling to say.

It hadn't been easy at first. After the initial exchange that had been filled with words of love as well as words of sadness and fear, their emails had reverted to chatty missives full of anecdotes and recounting of their current lives. Luke had talked about April's visits to the city and trying to keep her away from the college guys that worked in the restaurant. Lorelai talked about re-entering her life at the Dragonfly and her interactions with Sookie and Michel.

About a month in, she realized that they could go on like this indefinitely and it would be fine, and they would be friends. But she knew if there was any hope for something more, she would have to bite the bullet and do what she hated; she would have to be serious, and she would have to make him talk.

It had been Halloween, and she had been sitting at home, the last of the trick or treaters gone, when she had finally decided enough was enough. She had been typing him a breezy email about Babette and Mory's latest Halloween display, and telling him that Lane had refused to put up any of Tylor's town approved decorations in the diner she was now managing on Luke's behalf, stating simply that they were "not rock and roll". Lorelai had taken a moment to reread what she had written, and when she finished, she deleted it all, and began again.

Instead of anecdotes and punchlines, she had told him that she needed him to tell her, straight out, what he needed, and that she would try to do the same.

She had explained her realization that as much as she claimed to rebel from expectations, it was all show, and that ultimately she always ended up behaving exactly how everyone expected her to.

Her parents expected a delinquent and a disappointment and she had obliged spectacularly for years, time and again going out of her way to prove their expectations right.

Rory had expected her to be a mother and a caretaker, but also a friend and accomplice. Lorelai had obliged this in a million good ways, but also in some very bad ways, including a failure to set any kind of parental boundaries and a failure to allow Rory to experience the consequences of bad decisions, which upon reflection, probably had helped lead to the whole debacle with Dean.

She talked about other people, both central and peripheral to her life and how those various relationships had played out.

And then, she had talked about Luke.

She had tried to explain that he had been her rock for so many years, taking care of what needed tending, fixing what was broken, and that she had loved and depended on him because of that. But, whether intentional or not, he had often treated her like a well-loved if over-indulged child, and she realized now that she had lived up to his expectations too. She had allowed him to be the adult, while she often regressed to the teenager she had not been allowed to be, teasing him and playing with him, and then becoming sullen and angry when he was not able to read her mind and know what was wrong.

She explained that she hadn't realized she was doing it, but it had been their pattern, both as friends and as lovers. And she also explained that even though she knew it was a cycle of behavior they had both created, it hurt when he did treat her like a child, withholding information, patronizing her, and not allowing her to have an adult role in their relationship.

She had finished the email with a promise and a request.

"I promise to work on being me rather than being who I think you expect me to be," she had written.

"I also have a request. I need you to come to me and tell me what you need. I need you to rely on me and know that I can handle it."

She had hit send on the email and shut her laptop, hoping she hadn't driven him too far too fast.

It was less than thirty minutes when her iPhone buzzed alerting her to an incoming email.

FROM: DinerGuy

TO: LVGilmore

SUBJECT: RE: Trick or Treat

 _Happy Halloween Lorelai. I will have you know I wore an orange bandana to work today in your honor. I even bought candy to hand out if any kids trick or treat in the building – actual candy! Of course, only a handful of kids came and now I am stuck with a bowl of candy. Anyway…_

 _I just read your email. In fact, I read it twice. Then I paced around my apartment for five minutes forcing myself to calm down (something I have been trying as an alternative to just flying off the handle) and then I read it again. And I only have one response: you're right._

 _You're right in saying I treated you like a child. I didn't mean to, and I hope you know it came from wanting to take care of you, from loving you. And it came from my sense that it was my job – to be the man, to be the provider. And to tell the truth, it came from the fact that I felt like I had to… that one of us had the be the grownup, and clearly it was going to be me. And that wasn't fair to either of us._

 _I also did it because it was the only way I knew (especially before) to show you how I felt._

 _But there was more to it. I liked thinking of you as in need of my protection. I know that's wrong, but it's true. I like feeling needed, especially by you. Knowing how strong you are for everyone else, I liked feeling like you didn't have to be strong for me, that I could be strong for you._

 _But I think it became a giant circle. I wanted to take care of you, and you would let me, but resent it. You would act like I needed to be the adult, and so I would, and I would resent it. And so not knowing what else to do, you would tease and mock me and I would complain._

 _(Damn, we really are bad at this….)_

 _So I guess we have to do better. I don't want to treat you like I child, but (I don't know how to say this without sounding like an ass) but I don't want you to "grow up" either. I know I complained all the time and pretended it aggravated me, but I wish I had half of your lightness, your wonder. I envy the way you look at the world with amazement. I never have, at least not that I remember, and I wanted to protect that in you. I hope that doesn't sound condescending, I just don't know how else to say it. I told you once that I know I am grumpy about things, but I don't want you to be. That was true then. It's true now too – although I am realizing, I don't really want to be grumpy about things either. I am working on it. But I will also work on making sure I treat you like an equal instead of trying to protect you all the time._

 _Since you ended with a request and a promise, I will do the same._

 _I promise to tell you what I need and to let you protect me once in a while._

 _I request that you stop expecting me to read your mind. I'm just not good at it._

 _I hope you're watching the Great Pumpkin, eating red vines and having a good Halloween._

 _Luke._

That email had been the beginning of a new chapter for them.

They communicated almost daily, and while not every email was long or emotional, every one ended with a promise and a request.

Sometimes the promises were silly, like when Luke promised to take at least three yoga classes before making anymore "downward dog" jokes, and when Lorelai requested that he send Sookie the recipe for the Red Vine salad she had loved. But the promises and requests were serious too, such as when Lorelai promised to be honest with him and let him know right away that he was shutting her out and when Luke requested that he be allowed to give April Lorelai's email address because he wanted them to get to know each other too.

As they emailed back and forth, getting to know each other in new and old ways, Lorelai realized that no matter what, Luke would be in her life one way or another. It was with that in mind, right before Thanksgiving, she had told her mother to draw up that papers and that come spring; they would begin work on the Luke House.

Now here she sat, the evening before New Year's Eve, and she realized that for the first time, she was actually content.

Rory was scheduled to arrive at any moment. She had decided to blow off the DC parties and spend New Year's Eve with her mom the following night, watching Dick Clark and eating Mallowmars. Lorelai had tried to make sure Rory knew that she was fine and that it wasn't required for her to come home, but Rory had insisted, saying that she was tired of the scene in DC and that she didn't have anyone to kiss at midnight anyway.

Lorelai tapped the screen of her phone to check the time and saw a new email alert.

FROM: DinerGuy

TO: LVGilmore

SUBJECT: New Year's Eve

 _Hey._

 _I just wanted to send you a quick note 'cause I was thinking about you. I wish you were going to be here tomorrow night. Tiffany is throwing a massive New Year's Eve party, and even though I was happy to work, she scheduled me for lunch and then told me I was required to attend._

 _I just love parties! (This is me being very sarcastic)._

 _The truth is, I don't hate parties as much as I used to, at least not the small parties Tiffany and Suzanne usually throw, just a dozen or so people hanging out, good food, conversation. I have, believe it or not, come to like that sort of thing (I know… crazy, huh?)_

 _But this? This is going to be a nightmare. Two hundred people in formal wear (yes, she is making me wear a tux, and apparently there is some kind of rule against clip on bow ties, so I have no idea how I am going to deal with that nonsense) standing around the restaurant, laughing at stupid jokes and pretending to be having a good time._

 _Have I mentioned I am not looking forward to this?_

 _At least Jess is coming. The girl he's been seeing is going to be out of town, so he won't know anyone there either. And of course April is in town (did I tell you that? She flew out the day after Christmas and is going back the day after New Year.) She is beyond thrilled about the party. Apparently it's all about the dress. (By the way, should I be letting her wear makeup and heels to this thing?)_

 _Anyway, I have to get going, but before I go – my promise and my request._

 _I promise to be thinking of you tomorrow night at midnight_

 _I request that you maybe think of me too?_

 _(God, that was lame. But still, it was true)_

 _Talk to you tomorrow_

 _Luke._

Lorelai was getting ready to respond when she heard Rory come through front door, and all at once she had a better idea.

"Hey there mini-me" Lorelai called. "I'm in the kitchen hatching an evil plot. Get your lovely tush in here and help me."

Rory came in, hugged her mother and grabbed a mug for coffee.

"Okay, shoot, but I am not going to try to convince Taylor that the gazebo is haunted again. It was too much work, and it was really mean" Rory laughed, joining her mother at the table.

Lorelai smiled.

"Ok," Lorelai said, folding her hands on the table and trying to look at least a little serious. "I have an idea, but I need you to tell me if it's a bad idea. And I don't want you to worry about my feelings. If you think I am being an idiot I need you to tell me."

"Okay…." Rory said intrigued. "But first, may I compliment you on realizing that not all of your ideas are good ones"

"Yes, yes, you are my Ethel. My I continue?"

"Go ahead Lucy" Rory laughed.

"So, Luke emailed me," Lorelai began. She saw the brief flash of worry that crossed Rory's face before the smile returned, and thought once again how much this whole thing had hurt her daughter.

"How's that whole thing going? Does he call you ShopGirl?"

"Cute but no."

"Seriously," Rory said, stirring her coffee, "how's it going?"

"Really good I think. I mean, it's not all deep meaningful exchanges, but we are talking about stuff. Talking about what we need from each other. And, I don't know, he's changed somehow. He's more open. He jokes around. I swear to you Rory, he is actually silly sometimes."

"Luke?" Rory asked, "Say it isn't so"

"It is. And it's wonderful and exciting. Somehow I grew up and he's gotten… I don't know… younger or something. I mean he's still Luke. He still thinks that all processed foods are a direct path to hell and that too much coffee is akin to heroin, but I can't explain it. He has friends. He goes out. He eats French fries"

"No" Rory exclaimed

"Well, knowing Luke, he probably ate one French fry, and then ran 10 miles and ate nothing but Kale for a month, but still. That's what I'm telling you. He's the same, but he's different too."

Rory looked at her mother, considering her words before she spoke again.

"Well you are too, mom. The same, but different I mean. And not just the salads and the cooking and the yoga. I mean, you're grounded now in a way I have never seen. You're still nuts and you're still… I don't know… quirky I guess…" Rory stopped as she watched her mother make silly faces at her. "But you're quieter. You're not afraid to just be quiet anymore. It's nice. I'm proud of you," Rory finished.

"Thanks babe. I'm proud of me too. Which is why I need to know if this is a good idea or a bad idea" Lorelai said.

"Well I will be happy to weigh in as soon as you tell me the idea."

"Right. So Luke emailed me a little while ago, and Tiffany, I told you about Tiffany, well Tiffany is throwing a New Year's Eve party at the restaurant and is making Luke go, as a guest, not as staff. Apparently it's black tie, tons of people, you know the scene"

"These are a few of Luke's favorite things" Rory sang

"Right. And then January 2nd he leaves for Colorado."

"So, your idea…"

"Well, we've been talking all this time, or emailing really cause we haven't spoken on the phone at all, but as much as we are getting to know each other and in some ways I feel like I am closer to him than I ever was, we never mention seeing each other again, except in the context of him coming home next June."

"So….."

"Want to crash a fancy New York New Year's Eve party with me?" Lorelai asked, closing her eyes and waiting for Rory's response.

"Well… I don't think we should crash" Rory answered slowly.

"So you think it's a bad idea?" Lorelai said, and Rory smiled at her mother's obvious disappointment.

"I didn't say that. My point is… a lady never crashes a party" Rory said and took out her phone.

Lorelai waited to see who her daughter was calling.

"Hey Sookie" Rory said. "What are you and Jackson doing for New Year's Eve?" she asked. "Well… Mom and I were going to do the whole Dick Clark thing but then we heard about this amazing party being thrown at a trendy New York restaurant, and it occurred to us since you know the owner, you might be able to wrangle us some invites….No, I think she wants to surprise him…. Well you know they've been talking, well writing…. Yeah I know…. No I don't know…. Well, okay, that makes sense… let me get a pen…. No, mom won't be mad at you, I think she'll understand, and I think if the shoe were on the other foot she would expect the same… ok…. Okay I will tell her and I will let you know… Okay. Thanks Sook. Bye"

Lorelai watched her daughter expectantly.

"What did she say?" asked Lorelai.

"She said you should call Tiffany and ask"

"No way" said Lorelai.

"It's her party, and you don't know how tight the guest list might be. And Sookie doesn't want to get in the middle of it, and you can't blame her. By the way, if Tiffany says ok, Sookie and Jackson are in."

"So you want me to call this woman, who met me exactly once while I was sobbing and ranting like a madwoman and ask her to let me come to her posh New Year's Eve party."

"Yup"

"You call" Lorelai said.

"No"

"Come on… please…."

"Nope. This is all you Lucy."

"Mean" Lorelai muttered.

"Mom, you know this is the right way to do this. Sookie has tried so hard to stay out of this, and you can't blame her for not wanting to contribute to something that may or may not be a good idea…" Rory said.

"But I thought you said it was a good idea" Lorelai questioned. "If you think this is a mistake, tell me now."

"I don't think it's a mistake. But I also think you and Luke in a room for the first time since the last time is unpredictable, and not only do I understand Sookie not wanting to be the one to set it up, I also think that Tiffany should have a choice as to whether this reunion occurs during the middle of an event that is probably very important to her business"

"Why are you always so freakin' sensible?" Lorelai complained.

"It's the way you made me. Now are you going to call Tiffany?"

"I don't know," Lorelai hesitated. "I am sure that woman does not think too kindly of me. At best, she thinks I am a raving lunatic. At worst she thinks I am the devil spawn that broke Luke's heart."

"Didn't you tell me she and Luke are really close," Rory asked.

"Well, yeah… but…"

"So don't you think she knows that you guys have been in touch, and that you're both trying?"

"Probably," Lorelai agreed.

"And in all honesty, isn't she the person most likely to know if this is a good idea… to know if Luke will think this is a good idea"

"Yeah"

"So," Rory said, passing her mom the page where she had scribbled down the phone number, "call her."

"I will" Lorelai said.

"Now mom. Now or never"

Lorelai took a deep breath and dialed the phone.

"Hello?" came a voice from the other end.

"Hi Tiffany?"

"This is," she said, "Who's this?"

"Uhm… this is Lorelai…." She said, after a moment she added "Lorelai Gilmore?"

"I don't know too many other Lorelai's" Tiffany answered. "What can I do for you?"

"Uhm… ok, well first, I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? For what?" Tiffany asked.

"I'm sorry for being an insane person when I met you in June. I usually try to make a better first impression. It takes most people months to find out how crazy I really am" Lorelai said.

She heard Tiffany chuckle on the other end of the line and hoped that was a good sign.

"Well, I'm guessing that wasn't your finest hour. But then again going to a meeting and finding your ex… well your whatever was the chef couldn't have been a great moment for you."

"Yeah, in my top ten list of crazy surprises it ranked between getting pregnant at sixteen and finding out that Milli Vanilli was lip synching all along." Lorelai answered.

This time, she heard Tiffany laugh outright, and Lorelai felt herself relax a little bit.

"You are almost exactly how Luke described you," Tiffany said. "He told me that you two have been in touch lately, and while he doesn't give me all the details, I can see that he is happier for it."

"I am too," Lorelai agreed.

"And I also know that whatever went on between you two was not all on you. He made sure I knew that. It's important to him that I not hate you." Tiffany said bluntly.

"Well, it's important to me that you don't hate me too," Lorelai responded, on guard again.

"I did but I don't"

"Excuse me?" Lorelai asked.

"Hate you. I don't hate you. I mean… I just realized how ridiculous that sounded." Tiffany laughed. "I'm not known for my tact."

"That's okay. I'm not known for my coherent segues. Speaking of which, can I have four tickets to your New Year's Eve party, please?" Lorelai asked in one breath.

"I'm sorry, what?" Tiffany asked.

"I mean of course I will pay you for them, if this is a business thing, which it sounded like it might be with the black tie and all. And before you ask, no Luke doesn't know I am asking. I wanted to surprise him, hopefully with better results than the last time I surprised him at your restaurant, which was of course a surprise to me too, so then I guess it wasn't really me surprising him that time, though it would be this time"

"Whoah!" Tiffany interrupted. "Take a breath Lorelai."

"Sorry. Nervous babbling thing."

"You said four tickets?" Tiffany asked.

"Well me, and my daughter Rory, who is very close to Luke. And then I was also going to bring Sookie and Jackson. I figured this way it is more friends coming to spend the holiday and have some fun and not me trying to ambush him… which I'm not… trying to ambush him… I just want to see him, before he goes to Colorado, and I don't know where we are or what we are, but I need to just see him… and I figure this way he doesn't feel like I am pressuring him, or expecting anything which I'm not and… And I am babbling again so I will shut up now" Lorelai said.

Rory was watching this exchange with amusement. Her mother was so worked up over this. It was fun to watch.

"Listen, Lorelai," Tiffany said. But before she could continue, Lorelai interrupted.

"Please don't say no, okay. I mean, I don't mean to sound like I am begging, unless it will help to beg and then I will beg! I just really want to see him. Seeing him in a tux is just a bonus. NO! Forget I said that. I didn't mean that, I mean I did mean it in so far as Luke looks really good in a tux, well in a suit, I don't think I have ever seen him in a tux, but I mean with the tall and the shoulders, how bad could it be, but I didn't mean I was asking to come and look at Luke in a tux"

"MOM" Rory yelled.

"What?" she asked, covering the phone.

"Shut up!"

"Right shutting up," she said to Rory, and then switching her attention back to the phone. "Okay, sorry, shutting up for real now."

By this point, Tiffany was hysterical laughing.

"Tiffany?" Lorelai asked, not sure what was so funny.

"I'm sorry," Tiffany sputtered, trying to get herself under control. "I am just picturing you going on and on like that to Luke and wondering how he managed not to kill you"

"Yeah" Lorelai said quietly.

"No wait, I'm sorry. That is not how I meant that. Honestly. I told you, no tact. For what it's worth, I think you were just as amazing for not killing Mr. one word answers"

"We balance each other out I guess," Lorelai said, still unsure of what Tiffany thought.

"Well, I was starting to tell you, I can leave four tickets at the door for you, no problem. And I will keep your secret and let you surprise Luke. But I want to be there when you arrive."

"To keep guard?" Lorelai asked, fearing the woman still didn't trust her.

"No" Tiffany assured her, "I just want to see his face when you walk in."

"Thank you Tiffany."

"No worries. And no charge. The event was free by invitation, so consider yourself invited."

"Thanks again"

"Lorelai," Tiffany said quietly, "I think Luke is really amazing. And it has been something to see him this past year come to life. And for what it's worth, I am happy about this. I think it's a great idea."

"You have no idea what that means to me" Lorelai said softly.

"See you tomorrow. Why don't you plan to get here around eight. I told Luke to be here at seven, which means he will be good and bored by the time you arrive. And don't forget to text me before you come in so that I can be there to see his face. This is my cell so you can use this number"

"Will do Tiffany. See you tomorrow"

"Bye Lorelai" Tiffany said, and hung up the phone.

Lorelai looked at her daughter, the enormity of what she had done sinking in.

"So we're going to New York?" Rory asked.

"So it would seem," Lorelai answered. "What the hell am I going to wear?"

"Hand me the phone will you?" Rory asked.

"What, you know Vera Wang personally these days?" Lorelai teased.

"Better," Rory said dialing. "Hey Grandma, I know it's late but we have a bit of a fashion emergency. We need three gowns, formal, for me, mom and Sookie, and a tux for Jackson, and we need them in time to get on a train to New York with enough time to check into a hotel, get ready for a party and arrive at eight sharp… so figure we need to be on a train by one in the afternoon?... tomorrow…. New Year 's Eve party…. No, it was last minute… mom is going to surprise Luke…." Rory listened for another moment and then held the phone out to her mother. "It's for you" she said.

"Mom?" Lorelai asked nervously.

"Call Sookie and Jackson now, are they at home?"

"Yes mom"

"Well good. Call them now and tell them to be ready at eight PM sharp. My driver and I will pick you and Rory up at your house and then go get them. Do we have to worry about their children?"

"No mom, the kids are with Jackson's mom until New Year's day so that Jackson and Sookie could have a few days alone. It was her Christmas present to them"

"Perfect. Tell them to be ready"

"Mom, you realize the party isn't until tomorrow night, right?" Lorelai asked. "I don't think we need to go in now"

"Lorelai, we have a tremendous amount to do. Getting dresses for you girls, a suit for Jackson, hair makeup, all of it. To be ready tomorrow night at eight we should have started yesterday. But no worries, I will tell Miss Celine to meet us at the plaza at eight AM sharp. She will have samples for all of you to try on and we will go from there."

"Mom, none of us can afford Miss Celine or the Plaza for that matter…"

"Nonsense Lorelai. What is the good of having money if I am not allowed to spend it as I choose? And this is how I choose to spend my money, so not another word." Emily huffed.

"Wow. Thank you mom. But still, you don't want to be stuck in the city for New Year 's Eve. What about dad."

"I will have your father join me at the plaza in tomorrow evening. I believe Sissy Clarkson was having a gathering in the city, and if not, I am sure your father and I can manage to keep ourselves amused," Emily said suggestively.

"Gross mom"

"What. It should please you that your father and I have a healthy sex life"

"Remember the good old days when you and I weren't on speaking terms" Lorelai laughed.

"Don't be juvenile Lorelai. So call Sookie and then get ready. I will be to you with the car at seven forty-five and then we will pick up Sookie and Jackson."

"Thank you Mom," Lorelai said simply.

"Lorelai…" Emily said her voice suspiciously rough, "it is my pleasure".

Lorelai looked at Rory.

"We have forty-five minutes to get ready. Go pack whatever you think you might need. I am right behind you. I just have to send a quick email and call Sookie."

"You're not going to tell him, are you?" Rory asked, taking for granted that her mom was going to email Luke.

"No, I'm not going to tell him. But if I don't answer he will wonder why."

Rory went to her room to unpack and then pack again, while Lorelai grabbed her laptop and opened it.

FROM: LVGilmore

TO: DinerGuy

SUBJECT: RE: New Year's Eve

 _Poor Luke, forced to go to the scary party by his mean mean friend._

 _Buck up little camper, you can still ski the K-12._

 _Seriously Luke, maybe the party will be better than you're expecting._

 _I have to run. Rory is here and we have big plans to ring in the New Year Gilmore Girl style, which of course means preparations are in order. But I wanted to drop you a quick note to tell you that I hope you have a great time at the party._

 _And by the way, the reason a real bow tie is better than a clip on is because you can undo it at the end of the night and be all Frank Sinatra sexy like. Trust me, it's a good look. Especially on you, I'm sure._

 _Ok then. Gotta go, but –_

 _Promise: I promise I will be thinking of you at the stroke of midnight._

 _Request: Let your daughter wear heels and makeup to the party. She is almost sixteen. It's perfectly fine. And if she finds a cute, age appropriate guy to kiss at midnight – please don't kill him (and having Jess kill him is not an acceptable alternative.)_

 _Always,_

 _Lorelai._

Lorelai hit send, picked up her phone and dialed.

"Hey Sook, it's me" She said quickly.

"What's going on? Are we going to New York tomorrow night?"

"Nope, "Lorelai answered. "We're going tonight. In fact we are going less than an hour"

"What" Sookie screamed, forcing Lorelai to hold the phone away from her ear?

"Emily strikes again. She is picking us up here in her car and then we will be to you at eight. Bring just what you need to get ready for tomorrow night and stuff for during the day or whatever. Our formal wear is being provided by Miss Celine"

"Oh my God. Thee Miss Celine? But Lorelai, how…"

"No time to talk now. Get ready and tell Jackson. We will be there at eight."

"See you then" Sookie giggled and disconnected the call.

With that, Lorelai ran to get ready.

At seven forty-five sharp, there was a knock on her door. By some miracle, both Lorelai and Rory were ready and waiting.

"Miss Gilmore," said the uniformed man, "I am James. Where is your bag?"

"No problem, I've got it," Lorelai said, bending to grab her overnight bag.

"Mom, do you know nothing," Rory teased. "A lady never handles her own baggage"

"Well thank God I managed to teach one of you something" came Emily's voice from the front steps. "James, take their luggage to the car please. Lorelai, Rory, time is wasting."

Lorelai locked the house and the three women headed to the car.

Fifteen minutes later, they were pulling up in front of Sookie and Jackson's. Lorelai got out to ring the bell, followed by James.

"Hey Sook, you ready?" asked Lorelai. "Sookie?" she asked again when she saw her friend looked dumbstruck.

"Is that limo for us?" Sookie asked as Jackson joined her on the stoop. "Jackson, I think that limo is for us"

"You're traveling Gilmore style tonight. Let's go," said Lorelai.

She led her friends to the car and once James had stowed the additional luggage they were off.

Greetings were made all around. Sookie continued to gush over the limo while Jackson poured himself a scotch from the well-stocked bar. Emily and Rory discussed dress styles in anticipation of the next morning.

Lorelai listed to the conversations around her, pleased to be surrounded by these people who were all her family. She looked over at Sookie giggling like a girl and realized that she had missed their easy rapport in the last year and a half. The truth was that she knew Sookie held her mostly responsible for what had happened with Luke, and that had changed their entire dynamic.

Sookie must have felt Lorelai staring because she scooted over to sit next to her friend.

"What's going on sweetie? You okay? You're not getting carsick are you?" Sookie asked

"No, not carsick. Just thinking about how much I love you." Lorelai answered.

"Oh, honey, I love you too. You know that,"

"I do. But this whole thing with Luke…"

"Yeah, that sucked a lot," answered Sookie.

"Yeah it did. And I'm sorry Sook. I really am"

"Funny you should mention that. I am sorry too." Said Sookie looking down. "I am sorry for being mad at you and for blaming everything on you. I think everyone did, and that must have made it so much harder for you, to know that everyone had decided you were wrong without knowing the whole story."

"Sookie, it's okay…" Lorelai said, looking down.

"No, it's not okay. It had to be terrible for you. Just, with Luke, I think between his mom and his dad and his always being alone, the town somehow sainted him. I can't explain it better than that, but no one could imagine he would ever do anything wrong… whereas…"

"Whereas I had two broken engagements, one of them to Luke himself, a failed marriage and a string of insanity a mile wide. It's okay, I get it," Lorelai said quietly.

"But it was wrong. We were wrong. It wasn't just you, and even if everybody else didn't know that, I should have, and I'm sorry."

"But we're fine Sook" Lorelai said, putting her arm around her friend.

"Are we, because I don't see you as much as I used to and I miss you."

Lorelai was about to tell Sookie once again that it was fine, when she realized that maybe the whole truth telling thing wasn't just about Luke. Maybe it was about everyone she loved.

"You know what Sookie… it did suck. And it sucked worse knowing you blamed me for all of it. I mean I know you love Luke, but I was your best friend and it hurt so much to know that you had not only thought he was better off without me, but that you were the one to help him to leave," Lorelai said as gently as possible.

"I'm so sorry Lorelai"

"I know Sookie. And you're right; I guess I haven't been around as much. But that part is my fault, not yours. I was angry, and hurt, and scared that you must have thought I was a pretty terrible person, and rather than talking to you about it, I disappeared. I have been working so hard on telling Luke what I am thinking, I just this minute realized that maybe I should be doing that with everyone I love"

"Oh Lorelai" Sookie said quietly, "I think you are the most amazing person I know."

"Back at you Sook" Lorelai said smiling.

"So…. Are we really okay now?" Sookie asked hesitantly.

"Absolutely" Lorelai said, giving her a hug.

The rest of the car ride passed in a haze of funny anecdotes and good cheer.

Finally, the group arrived at the Plaza hotel. Emily led the group to the concierge while a bellhop wrangled their luggage.

"Good evening. I have a reservation under Mrs. Emily Gilmore," she said to the man behind the desk.

"Mrs. Gilmore, good evening and welcome to the Plaza."

"Thank you. I should have a two bedroom suite as well as a one bedroom suite on the main reservation"

"I see that here. In addition we have…"

"That will do, Emily said cutting him off. "I trust you made the rest of the arrangements according to my specifications"

"Of course Mrs. Gilmore"

"Well then that's fine. Please have someone show us up to our rooms now."

"Of course. Charles" he said signaling the bellhop, "Please show our guests to their rooms"

The group entered the elevator and followed Charles to the first suite.

"This is the suite for Mrs. Gilmore and guests." He said opening the door. "The second suite for Mr. and Mrs. Jackson Belleville is down the hall. I will place your luggage," he said, handing Emily and then Jackson room keys and disappearing with their bags.

"Okay" said Emily walking into the suite's sitting room, "tomorrow morning we will meet here at seven thirty. I trust that isn't too early," she said looking at Jackson and Sookie.

"It's fine" they said looking around the room in awe.

"Good. We will met here for breakfast. Miss Celine will be here at eight to being determining dresses for the girls. Jackson, I made an appointment for you at Richard's tailor. He will set you up with a tuxedo. You then have an appointment for a haircut and a shave. Don't worry about finding anything, I have a car scheduled to take you."

"Mrs. Gilmore…" Jackson began.

"It's Emily. Now, the girls will of course need much more time then you will so I was hoping you would be willing to do me a favor tomorrow Jackson"

"Sure" he said.

"One of Richard's former colleagues, Justin Archer, has a son named Danny. Danny studied at MIT and is currently at Princeton doing some work on Hydroponics. He has been wanting to discuss his ideas with a working professional to get some input. I was hoping it wouldn't be putting you out too much to have lunch with him."

Jackson was staring at her as though she had told him that Santa Claus was inviting him for cookies and cocoa at the North Pole.

"Are you talking about Daniel Archer? Thee Daniel Archer. You want me to have lunch with Daniel Archer?" Jackson said incredulously.

"You would be doing me a great favor," Emily said with a smile.

"Oh wow, Sookie, I'm going to meet Daniel Archer. I can't believe it." Jackson said.

"So good. That's settled. You'll have lunch with Danny around one. After that your time is your own, just be here at the suite and ready to go at seven thirty." Emily said smiling. "Sookie, you will be with me and the girls all day. Our schedule will be a bit more hectic I am afraid. We will meet with Miss Celine first to select dresses. I told her to have a few of her best seamstresses on standby, as I am sure there will be alterations needed. I then made appointments for all of us at Nicola's to get hair and nails done. We will have time for a light lunch. By a lucky coincidence, our old friend Anthony is in town, so he squeezed us in at his restaurant at one and will join us for lunch. He runs the most charming little French restaurant… more like a Parisian market, really. I do hope you like French food Sookie"

"You don't mean Anthony Bourdain do you?" Sookie asked.

"Of course," Emily said.

"Of course," Sookie repeated, looking a little hysterical. "Why, yes, Anthony Bourdain. Sure. Having Lunch with Anthony Bourdain." Sookie laughed again, "Lorelai is your mom really a fairy godmother?"

Lorelai looked at her mother amazed. Somehow, the woman had hit on the exact things that would make this trip special for Jackson and Sookie without making them feel awkward or beholden. Catching her mother's eye, Lorelai smiled and mouthed "thank you".

The group finished finalizing plans. Lorelai and Rory headed further into the suite. Jackson headed off in search of their room, but Sookie hesitated, wanting to speak to Emily alone.

"Emily?" Sookie asked tentatively.

"Yes Sookie?"

"Well I don't want you to think we don't appreciate all of this, but the tux and the dress and everything… it's just... I mean, Jackson doesn't need a tailored tux, a rental is fine. And I can go to Macy's tomorrow for a dress. I don't want you to think that… I mean we aren't…. and this hotel, it's beautiful… amazing… but you have to let us know…"

Emily smiled and took the younger woman's hand.

"Sookie. I know that Lorelai and I have not had the best relationship. We have been working on that and it is getting so much better. But I also know that you were my daughter's family when I wasn't. And that makes you my family too. So let me do this, all right? Let me enjoy this."

"If you're sure… I don't want to take advantage or…"

"Sookie, it is I who am grateful to you. So, enough of this now. You are a Gilmore, if not in name then in heart, and no Gilmore wears off the rack to a formal event. Understand?" Emily said, squeezing Sookie's hand and smiling.

"Thank you Emily." Sookie said, all at once enveloping Emily into a tight hug. "Thank you Emily." She said again. Then, releasing the older woman, she went in search of her room and Jackson.

Emily shut the door to find Lorelai standing in the shadows crying.

"Lorelai, what is it?" Emily asked. "Where's Rory?"

"In our room. I assumed Rory and I would share" Lorelai said quietly.

"That was my intention unless it's a problem"

"No, it's perfect" Lorelai assured her.

"Well then…" Emily began, but not before Lorelai interrupted her.

"Can I … I mean I know we don't usually… but… Sookie…" Lorelai mumbled, not meeting her mother's eye.

"Lorelai" Emily asked, walking to her daughter, "Lorelai are you okay?"

"Can I have a hug too?" Lorelai asked quietly.

Emily looked at her for a moment before stepping forward and opening her arms. "I love you Lorelai," she said, taking her daughter into her arms. "And I am so very proud of you. I only wish I had been half the mother to you that you are to Rory. You amaze and inspire me"

"Thank you mom." Lorelai said pulling back. "I know you think I'm overly stubborn, but that strength to always do what needs to be done, to never settle, to never quit, I learned that from you. You are formidable, and…" she said quietly, "you inspire me too."

"Thank you Lorelai" Emily said, her eyes shining. "Now…" she said gathering herself back together, "go to sleep. Tomorrow is a big day."

"Ok." Lorelai agreed, "Goodnight mom"

"Goodnight Lorelai" she answered. And both women went to bed.


	9. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: I know this update took a while…. Sorry about that.**

 **As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from Time to time.**

* * *

 **Chapter Eight – 2009/2010- New Year's Eve**

The following morning found the group sitting once again in Emily's suite, finishing their breakfasts and preparing for the day ahead. As the clock struck eight, Sookie said goodbye to Jackson who was meeting his driver in the lobby. Lorelai and Rory discussed the possible dress options and began to debate what would be best in terms of color and style. Once Jackson left, Sookie joined her friends on the couch. All of the women were excited and restless. As for Emily, she was behind the closed door of the adjoining room giving very specific instructions to Miss Celine.

With a flourish only possible of the small woman, Miss Celine entered the room hugging each of the women.

"Beautiful as always" she effused. "Natalie, and Audrey of course" she said looking at Lorelai and Rory in turn, "And who is this, it seems you've brought me Elizabeth Taylor to round out our group"

"Hi, I'm Sookie," said the chef giggling.

"Nonsense" exclaimed Miss Celine, "Look at those flashing eyes, and I am sure there is a stunning décolletage under that blouse, you can't deny it. Liz Taylor of course!" she stated.

Sookie giggled, looking first to Lorelai and then to Emily, "I don't know if I have ever discussed my décolletage before ten in the morning before, but what the hell" she said, laughing loudly.

"Now, since time is of the essence, I have very specific ideas for each of you. Trust me, the clock striking twelve will not matter in the slightest. You three will be so beautiful, you will simply stop time" Miss Celine said, smiling.

"We trust you implicitly" Emily told her with a smile.

"Excellent. And as well you should. After all, Coco wanted a little blue dress, but I told her, nothing is better than black. Now, if you will excuse me, I will continue my preparations. I will be ready in a moment," she said disappearing back into the adjoining room.

"Now, ladies," Emily said to the group, "I thought we should start our preparations with a toast" she said, handing each woman a glass of champagne, "and since it is New Year's Eve, I would like to offer… well not a resolution. But perhaps a hope… that the coming year will be a good one for all of us," she said smiling and raising her glass to each one.

"I second that Grandma" said Rory holding up her glass, "And I would like to add that having the three of you in my life has taught me so much. Each of you has shown me how to be the woman I want to be, and so, thank you, and I love you."

"Oh oh oh …. Me next…. I have one…," Sookie said, beginning to clap before she remembered she was holding a champagne flute. She managed to not spill any, took a breath and continued, "Well, of course I have a million things I could say about Rory…. You, kitten, are amazing and I am so proud I got to watch you grow into this incredible woman. And Emily, I don't have words for how honored I am to be a part of this weekend and that you would include me in your family. But my toast, or resolution or whatever is for Lorelai," Sookie said, looking directly at her friend. "Well, I love you. You are so strong and so amazing and just…I can't even tell you what you have meant to me all these years… and you've always been there for me…. And I haven't… I mean I wasn't…. and I'm sorry, but I want you to know…You're…. well…"Sookie began waving her hands in front of her face as she fought back tears, "I swear I'm not pregnant" she yelled, making Lorelai and Rory laugh, "It's just, well, I love you," she finished, walking over to hug Lorelai.

"Wow," Lorelai said, "You all know I'm dying or anything right?" she said with a laugh, overcome by the emotion in the room. "Okay. So I guess it's my turn. I propose a toast to Kelsey Grammar!" she said smiling, "Ok, bad joke. Sorry. Seriously… Well, first of all, thank you for coming with me, for helping me, for not telling me I am crazy…"

"I did tell you that you're crazy," Rory said.

"Oh… I have too" agreed Sookie.

"My opinion of your sanity is well documented Lorelai," Emily said with an arch smile.

"Right well then perhaps I should say thank you for going along with me even though I am crazy. I'd like to think I learned a lot this year. One of the things that occurred to me is that while I know so many people, I can count the people I love without using up both hands. I love the three of you. I love my father. I love Mia," she added, glancing at Emily and relieved to see she didn't seem offended, "And… well…. I love Luke. That's it. Those are the people who make up my life and my heart. And I know that I am not the easiest person to love in return. But I am so grateful that you are all in my life, that somehow I have these amazing people who love me and support me. And so," she said raising her glass high, "I toast you, I thank you, I love you, and now…" she said draining her glass, "I want to see Sookie's Décolletage. On with the dresses!" she yelled.

The women all laughed and finished their champagne as they began the process of selecting their dresses for the evening to come.

Sookie went first, wandering into the room with Miss Celine, leaving the Gilmores sitting in the suite discussing dress color.

"I was thinking of pink," said Lorelai.

"No pink," Rory said with finality.

"But I love pink" said Lorelai "It's my signature color," she added, donning a terrible southern accent.

"I really think anything but pink mom," Rory said.

"But what do you all of a sudden have against pink?"

"I don't know… Pink is…" Rory was explaining, when Emily jumped up shouting.

"Julia Roberts"

"Pretty Woman" Lorelai answered. "Are we playing catchphrase?"

"Julia Roberts said that in that movie with Sally Fields and the woman with the gigantic breasts. 'Pink is my Signature Color'. She says that and then she dies" Emily laughed triumphantly.

"Well she dies after, but yeah mom, it's from Steel Magnolias"

"Yes! Steel Magnolias. I saw that movie"

"It's a great movie Grandma" Rory said seriously, unsure of where Emily was going with this.

"It was too sad. Nevertheless, that's not the point. I knew what you were talking about"

"Mom?" Lorelai asked trying not to laugh.

"Oh you go ahead and laugh at me, with all your little jokes and references. You know I could make overly esoteric references that no one else understands too if I related everything back to say… Marcel Proust"

"I think Rory would still get it," Lorelai said seriously.

"Never mind" Emily said pouring herself more champagne, clearly pleased with herself.

Lorelai walked over and held her glass out for her mother to top off. "You really didn't like Steel Magnolias?" she asked.

"Well it was better than Terms of Endearment" Emily answered, "Although, Jack Nicholson…"

"Stop right there before I am scarred for life" Lorelai said.

"Why mom? You like Jack Nicholson. You said he's hot"

"Exactly. And I am not ready to have the same taste in men as my mother. That is not okay for me," said Lorelai.

"Lorelai, please. Besides, if truth be told, I must admit that Luke has a certain…" Emily started, but Lorelai cut her off

"I beg you not to finish that sentence Mom. Begging. Really really begging" Lorelai said.

Emily turned to her daughter to reply, but further conversation was interrupted when Sookie entered the room.

"Well, what do you think?" asked Miss Celine. "Is she not ravishing? Is she not the very picture of a lusty Liz? She was worried that there was too much cleavage, but as I told Jane Russell during the rehearsals for Gentlemen Prefer Blonds when she had to wear that bathing suit… when you've got it, flaunt it, besides, as I predicted, she is beautiful, is she not"

Sookie was dressed in a black gown, the sweetheart neckline trimmed in crystals that accented her eyes. Fabric gathered around her breasts in artful folds before floating to the floor in an almost weightless cascade of fabric. The overall effect made Sookie look like something out of a Renaissance Portrait.

"Well, Sookie dear, you are lovely," Emily said. "If I may, we should have them put your hair up, show off the line of your neck"

"Definitely hair up" agreed Rory.

"And no necklace, just earrings" Lorelai said.

"It's good right," Sookie said, looking in the mirror that Miss Celine had set up.

"It's amazing Sook" Lorelai said.

"It is perfection," said Miss Celine. "Now quickly, go take it off and we will have it ready for you this evening. Now I do believe Audrey is next," she said holding her hand out to Rory. "I brought something in the most divine red for you," she said leading the girls out the door.

A few minutes later, Sookie returned in her street clothes, and took some more champagne.

"Is this what it feels like to be a princess," she asked Lorelai

"This is better than being a princess," Emily answered. "No inbreeding"

All three women laughed and waited for Rory.

As promiced, Miss Celine had found a beautiful red dress that set off the cream of Rory's skin and the blue of her eyes. The dress was shorter than Sookie's but still appropriate for the formality of the evening. The bodice was fitted to Rory's slender frame while the skirt had just enough volume to be playful. Everyone ooh'd and aah'd as Rory modeled for them before returning to the room to change back into her jeans.

Finally, it was Lorelai's turn.

Lorelai stood up, ready to enter the room. Miss Celine stood in the doorway beckoning. "I have the most perfect something for you," she said as Lorelai closed the door behind her.

* * *

 _ **Meanwhile….**_

"Hey Tiffany" Luke said approaching the chef in her office.

"No" She answered, not even looking up at him.

"How can you say no, you don't even know what I was going to say?"

"Yes I do, and my answer is still no,"

"You do realize I am a grown man, right?" Luke said, crossing his arms.

"I do realize that. But the fact still remains, you will be here, you will wear a tux and a tie, you will smile and dance and it will not be as bad as you think" Tiffany said.

"Seriously, I just…. This is not how I want to spend my New Year's Eve."

"What, you get a better offer?" Tiffany asked.

"Well, not really, I mean…. I could always…. But she didn't really ask, but then again neither did I, otherwise maybe… I don't know… I could call, that might… but no…. but maybe…"

"Luke," Tiffany said waving her hands in front of his eyes, "perhaps the whole stream of consciousness thing works for some people, but we mortals require full sentences…"

"Right. Sorry. I was just thinking I should have invited Lorelai to the party tonight. But I didn't because what if we're not there yet. But what if we are? What if she expected me to invite her and now she's pissed or hurt. Or maybe she doesn't think we're there either… but I think we are there, or we could be there…what do you think? Are we there yet?"

"Did you just say 'are we there yet?' What are you, five?"

"You know what I meant" Luke answered, his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

"I promise you I don't. Where, there?" Asked Tiffany.

"New Year's Eve there… kissing at midnight there… I don't want to push her, and I don't want to push me. I mean this is it. Ninth inning."

"You know how I feel about the baseball analogies Luke," Tiffany said with a laugh

"I know. I just need to do it right. But then I start to think that is where I always go wrong, needing to do it in a certain way and not listening to her way, but is it so wrong to know my way is the way I want…"

"I think I lost you again"

"Look. I'm not stupid enough to think that there are unlimited chances. This is it. Either we get it right this time or there won't be another next time, and that's…. well… it's…."

"It's a shit-ton of pressure is what it is," Tiffany said with a smile.

"Yeah," Luke agreed. "So I didn't ask her about New Year's Eve 'cause I don't know if we're there, and she didn't ask me either because she probably doesn't know either, but now I really just want to get in my truck and drive to her house and tell her…."

"Tell her what?"

"That's the thing; I don't know what to tell her. The first time, we never really talked about it. I made a few gestures and then I kissed her. The next time was a lot of the same. Did you know she proposed to me? I mean I wanted to propose, I would have proposed… eventually… but I didn't know how to ask. And now we email all the time, and it's great, and I tell her stuff, real stuff and stupid stuff too, but this is big. Ninth inning big. And so if I go to her house tonight what am I supposed to say?"

"Well," said Tiffany, knowing all about Lorelai's surprise and not wanting to tip her hand, yet still wanting to help her friend, "Instead of worrying about what you're supposed to tell her, what would you want to tell her?"

"I don't know" Luke said.

"Sure you do."

"I want her to tell me that…. Well that she loves me…."

"Well you know she loves you," Tiffany interrupted, "But that's not what I asked. It's not about what you want her to say, you have to know what you want to say"

"I want to tell her I love her, and yeah she know that, but I want her to know I love her because of her, not because she's beautiful, even though she is, and not because she is this amazing strong person, but I love her because…. Well…. Because… and that's where I go blank, I know I love her, but I don't know how to tell her why I love her, and I know if I can't tell her why, she won't really trust it, or me."

"Oh Luke," Tiffany said, looking at the man before her, "All she has to do is look at you to know you love her."

"I know, but I want to be able to tell her…. I can't explain it… it's important for me to be able to tell her, even just once, that there is no one else, and that all the things that other people notice they are not what's important, not to me," his voice was beginning to take on its ranting tone.

"So tell her that Luke"

"Tell her what? That I don't know why I love her but I do? I don't think that's the kind of thing a woman waits her whole life to hear," he yelled.

"Hey – you know that whole yelling at the wrong person thing? You're doing it again"

"Well you started it," Luke shouted, though now his raised voice was for effect and there was clear laughter in his eyes.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the very paragon on maturity, Mr. Luke Danes" Tiffany said laughing.

"I miss her like crazy," he said quietly. "I want to go see her. Maybe I should drive there, figure out what to say on the way"

"You can't blow off the party," Tiffany said.

"You know I think I can," he answered.

Tiffany was beginning to think the only thing to stop him would be to spoil the surprise, when inspiration hit.

"April" she said smiling.

"What?" Luke asked.

"Right now, April is with Shannon and Suzanne getting a pedicure and otherwise primping for this party. You can't take this party away from her, and you're not going to let her go to a New York party at sixteen without you."

"Jess will be here, he can keep an eye on her" Luke stated, "But no, I would just worry about her and damn it!" he yelled.

"Tell you what," Tiffany said, "I'll make you a deal. You think about what you want to tell her. Be here at seven, schmooze, dance, smile, give it a chance and if by eight thirty you still want to drive to Connecticut, I will watch April for you, and you will still have plenty of time to make it to Stars Hollow before midnight."

"Seven thirty" Luke Countered.

"Eight thirty" Tiffany reaffirmed, "Take it or leave it"

"Fine."

"But be here at seven Luke. For every minute you're late, that's another minute you have to wait to leave"

"Yes Chef" he mumbled, and then in a move Lorelai herself would have applauded, Luke looked at Tiffany and stuck out his tongue.

"Nice" she laughed.

"It was either that or flip you off" he said laughing.

"Well I am glad you opted for the high road." She said. "Now get out of my office"

Luke went to finish his shift and figure out how to say what he wanted to say.

* * *

 _ **Meanwhile...**_

The girls finished dress selection and headed to Nicola's to have their hair washed and the color touched up. Nicola agreed to bring two of her assistants and to meet the group in Emily's suite at five to help them get styled. Following their hair appointments, and manicures and pedicures, Emily arranged for a quick stop at Neiman Marcus to get appropriate shoes and other details the girls would need.

They enjoyed their lunch tremendously, though no one more so than Sookie who spent five minutes close to hyperventilating to be in the presence of the great chef. Ultimately, he had one of his waiters bring a small shot of grappa to the table, and after that, Sookie seemed to relax.

All in all, it had been a wonderful day. Everyone had laughed. Emily hadn't even balked when Lorelai chose a pair of shoes with rhinestone accents and stiletto heels.

"If I don't have something goofy on, he might not know it's me," she explained while her mother shook her head.

Five o'clock found them being washed and styled by Nicola and her team while makeup artists began matching colors and determining palates. By six thirty, all the women had moved into the adjoining rooms to get dressed and do final preparations.

Richard arrived with Jackson a little after seven, and the two men joined Emily to wait for Lorelai, Rory and Sookie to emerge. As they sat, Richard hugged his wife carefully and whispered in her ear.

"You enjoyed this, didn't you?" he asked.

"More than I think you can understand Richard." She answered. "She let me do this. I still can't believe she let me be a part of this."

"Well, I'm glad," he said smiling. Then raising his voice, he called to the closed door of the room the girls were in, "Now come along then, as I understood it you were leaving at seven-thirty sharp. It is now nine minutes after seven and I expect to drink a toast with you all before you leave"

The door opened and Sookie and Rory emerged smiling. They were both beautiful in their dresses, and they were each made even lovelier by the happiness and excitement radiating off of them. They said hello to the rest of the room, each of them accepting a champagne flute from Richard. After a moment, all sets of eyes turned to look at the now open door, but Lorelai did not appear.

Lorelai was sitting at the makeup table, looking at her reflection and wondering if this hadn't been a catastrophic mistake. Luke and surprises did not always work out well, and history had shown what happened when she showed up unannounced and demanded things be done on her timetable. Perhaps there was a reason he hadn't invited her, she thought to herself for the first time. Could he have a date, she wondered, but she discounted the idea as quickly as it had come. Luke was a lot of things, but he wasn't manipulative or deceitful. Perhaps he simply hadn't wanted her to be there.

Lorelai continued to sit and stare at her reflection. She had to admit she looked good. Of course, her looks were second nature to her, an easy way to distract people from looking to closely beneath the surface, most of them so fixated on the blue of her eyes or the brightness of her smile. Luke had seen beyond her looks, she thought. He had seen _her,_ and he had seen just how flawed and scared and weak she really was. Perhaps that had been the mistake. To let him see all of that instead of only letting him see the blue of her eyes.

No, she thought to herself. The mistake hadn't been letting him in. The mistake had been refusing to let him in all the way. She had blamed him for keeping her at arm's length, but she had been no better, only letting him see as much as she wanted, only giving him as much as made her comfortable.

Lorelai's wonderings were interrupted by a knock at the doorframe. Lorelai looked up to see her father standing there.

"Hi dad" she said, continuing to regard herself in the mirror.

"Lorelai," Richard Gilmore said bending to kiss his daughter's cheek. "You look beautiful," he said.

"Thanks dad" she answered.

"But then again, you always do look beautiful. Why are you sitting in here? The car will be here any moment, and I would think you would want to have a drink before you go."

"I'll be right there" she answered, not moving.

Richard Gilmore considered his daughter carefully, a gentle smile playing at his lips. "Lorelai, are you nervous?" her father asked.

"Of course I'm nervous," she huffed.

"I apologize; it's just… well I have never seen you nervous before. If asked, I would have said you were incapable of being nervous"

"You've seen me nervous," she said looking at her father, "I get nervous"

"No," he replied, "I have seen you worried or stressed about your business or Rory. I have seen you angry, and I think perhaps I even saw you scared once or twice, but I have never seen you nervous before, not like this, certainly not over a man. It's… well… I think it's wonderful," he concluded with a smile.

"I'm about to have a panic attack and you think it's wonderful?" she asked.

"I do. Moreover, I will tell you why. This man, your Luke, has managed to do what no one in the world has ever done, he has made you nervous, and that means, whether you like it or not, he has made you let him in. You love him"

"Of course I love him. I was going to marry him at one point. I love Luke, this shouldn't be news," Lorelai said looking back at the mirror.

"Did you love Max?" her father questioned.

"Yes… well… no…. and yes…."

"And did you love Christopher?"

"I guess so… in a way… at the time…"

"And yet, neither of those men made you nervous. Yet Luke does. Because you love him, without equivocation."

"Okay, Luke makes me nervous. Great."

"Lorelai, you are so much your mother's daughter"

"If this is a pep talk I hope it gets better," she said with a laugh.

"Your mother is unflappable. She is a rock. And when she and I began, it used to bother me. She was never nervous. She always seemed to know exactly what her next step should be; her next ten steps. It always left me feeling slightly unsure. Then, one night, I arrived early to pick her up from her dorm for our date. Well, rather than waiting in the lounge, I went to her room. The door was ajar, I could see her staring into the mirror much the way I found you tonight, and she looked… terrified…, and when I knocked on the doorframe, she dropped her bottle of perfume. She gathered herself together in an instant, but I had seen it. She had been nervous. About seeing me! I had made this beautiful, intelligent, extraordinarily strong woman so nervous she dropped her perfume. It was one of the greatest moments of my life"

"Dad?" she asked, not sure she understood.

"It was that moment when I knew that she actually loved me, that I was important enough to… well to flap the unflappable Emily."

"Ok,"

"Lorelai," he said, taking her hands and helping her to stand up, "it's good that you're nervous. It means it matters, he matters, and that is a wonderful thing," he said kissing her cheek lightly.

"Can I ask you something dad," she said quietly.

"Of course."

"Do you think this is a mistake? Showing up here? Do you think this is what I do wrong; I jump first and look later? Do you think this is something only a fool would do?" As she spoke, she had turned away from her father, not wanting to see his reaction and not wanting him to see her fear.

"Lorelai," he said sitting on a small chair next to her seat. "Lorelai, I think you leap without looking. I think you often don't consider the consequences of your actions or the ways in which your actions affect other people."

"Thank you for telling me the truth" she mumbled, feeling horrible.

"You didn't let me finish," he said. "I think you are all those things, given to flights of fancy and at times incapable of seeing anything beyond your own way of thinking. But with all of that, and notice I said with all of that, not in spite of it - with all of that, I think you are an extraordinary woman. I think you have a bravery unlike anything I have ever known, and I think the reason you leap before you look is because you never stop to be afraid. And given everything, I think that is quite remarkable," he finished. "Now, let's go have our drink, and then I believe you all have a car waiting," he said, leading her into the main room.

* * *

 _ **Meanwhile...**_

Luke looked at his watch for what felt like the thousandth time and noted that a measly three minutes had passed.

"Dad" said April, "Are you going to smile at all tonight?"

"I'm sorry kid," he said, trying to smile for her benefit.

"This is a party. It should be fun," she said looking up at him.

He looked at his daughter and thought, not for the first time, how truly incredible she was. Here was this beautiful intelligent young woman, and he had no idea how he had gotten so lucky. As crazy as she was, he had to admit that Anna had done a fantastic job.

April looked at her dad and sighed. She knew that his heart wasn't in this party, that his heart was 100 miles north in Connecticut. The past year had helped her understand that it hadn't been her fault, but she still hated that he and Lorelai weren't together and that her father was sad.

"Dad," she said looking at him, "I'm sorry this isn't where you want to be tonight."

"No, April," he said placing his arm around the girl, "it's not that. I want to be here with you. I just miss Lorelai. But it's not a big deal. Honest. In fact," he said looking across the room and then holding his hand out to her, "would you do your old man the honor of this dance?" he asked, bowing slightly.

April looked at him, a slow smile spreading across her face. Her father had changed so much in the past year. Sure he was still surly and grumpy. But he was also so kind. Of course he had always been kind, but lately it seemed, he didn't mind letting that side show. And he was talking to her. Just the fact that he had mentioned Lorelai, had admitted to missing her, that was huge from where they were a year ago.

"Yes please," she said smiling.

Luke led his daughter onto the dance floor, holding her lightly in his arms.

As they began to dance, Luke thought again of what a miracle it was that he was a father. He thought of all the years he had missed and had to stop and remind himself of all the years yet to come.

As the song ended, he saw a telltale mop of brown hair approaching. Keeping hold of his daughter, he walked over to greet his nephew.

"Hey Luke," Jess said coming up to his uncle.

"Finally made it," Luke said, giving the younger man a one armed hug.

"It's only ten till eight. Hey April," Jess said, hugging his cousin. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks Jess" she said with a smile. "Lorelai said I should look for a cute boy to kiss at midnight"

"I'm cute," Jess said.

"You're my cousin"

"Exactly. And I will be the only boy you kiss for at least five more years" Jess said.

"I thought you were supposed to be the cool one. Rory said you're the cool one"

"Rory said I'm cool?" he asked with a smirk.

"She also said you're arrogant and full of yourself," said April with a smile.

"Since when are you talking to Rory anyway?" Jess asked.

"Well…. Lorelai gave me Rory's email address, so I can get advice about college and stuff. She's cool"

"Ah…the illusions of the young," Jess laughed, not wanting to admit that he agreed.

During this exchange, Luke had glanced back at his watch, a small frown returning to his face.

"What's his problem," Jess asked April, gesturing to his Uncle.

"He misses Lorelai," April answered. She leaned in to Jess's ear, not wanting her father to overhear "I heard him talking to Tiffany. He wants to go surprise Lorelai at home instead of being here."

"That's not a bad idea," Jess said, taking out his phone.

"Who are you calling," April asked.

"Your own personal hero," he answered, "Hey Rory" he said into the phone, "You with your mom? Good, what are you doing… what… I can't hear you… who's yelling in the background…. Well I can't hear you over Sookie…. Well go in another room, this is important… what do you mean you can't… Oh you're in the car? Well where are you going? To a party… really, with your mom and Sookie and Jackson… wow you really know how to live it up… me? Well I'm… yes, I'm at a party with my cousin and my uncle… yes yes… I prefer to be the pot actually, thanks for asking. Why was I calling? Well… I wanted to see if your mom was home… No… Well… Luke was thinking of… what? Okay, call me back in fifteen minutes, I'll be here. Okay, bye," Jess hung up.

"Who were you talking to? "Luke asked.

"No one" said Jess, while at the same time, April answered "Rory."

"Jess…" Luke said, giving his nephew a quiet stare.

"I was just checking in, seeing what the Gilmore Girls were doing to celebrate, if they were at home in case someone wanted to stop by," Jess said staring back at his Uncle.

"Busy body" Luke said, glancing at his watch. "You're as bad as Miss Patty" he grumbled, but Jess could tell his uncle was quietly pleased.

"Hey, I resent that," Jess said, "Besides I don't see nearly as much action as Miss Patty does"

"Jess!" Luke admonished, looking significantly at April, "not appropriate."

"Oh please dad," April answered. "I know all about sex"

"I am going to pretend you didn't just say that," Luke said, his ears turning red.

"So does this mean you don't want to know what she said?" he asked his Uncle.

"I want to know," said April.

"I do too," said Tiffany, joining their group. "Wait, what do we want to know?"

"What Rory said," April answered.

"What Rory said about what?" Suzanne asked, joining the group. Shannon was with her as was Suzanne's son Milo. A small crowd had gathered around Luke.

"Who's Rory?" Asked Shannon.

"Lorelai's daughter," answered Suzanne.

"And who are you?" Milo asked with a lazy smile, looking squarely at April.

"My daughter," Luke said, crossing his arms and staring the younger man down. "She's sixteen, and I own a shotgun and a shovel"

"And I am willing to help" said Jess, stepping closer to the young man.

The adults laughed while April blushed and Milo busied himself looking anywhere but at April.

"So seriously, what's going on?" Tiffany asked Jess.

"I don't really know. I was talking to Rory, which is not normally cause for this much excitement. She, her mom, and her mom's friends are going to some party or something. She's going to call me back in a few minutes when they get where they're going. And I am not sure why this conversation is interesting to anyone except me" he said, raising his eyebrow to his uncle.

"It's not. I mean, just when you talk to Rory, please tell her to tell Lorelai happy New Year for me." Luke said quietly.

"Okay, will do" Jess said.

Just as Luke was about to say something else, Tiffany's phone began to buzz.

"Is it time?" asked Suzanne.

"Looks like it" Tiffany answered,

"Time for what?" Shannon asked.

"Just a friend letting me know she got here." Tiffany answered with a smile.

Just then, Jess's phone buzzed. "Rory" he said, looking at the text his friend had sent. "She says they got to their party."

"Don't forget to tell her to tell Lorelai happy New Year," Luke said.

"Tell her yourself," said Tiffany, pointing to near the door.

Luke turned, and in that moment he understood what it meant to have your breath taken away. He understood every poet and every love song. In that moment, he knew that there was nothing in the world more perfect to him than Lorelai Gilmore.

She was standing just inside the door, Sookie, Jackson and Rory to either side of her. She was looking around the room, and he could see from her face and the posture of her sholders, that she was nervous. He took in every inch of her, her gown, some color between blue and silver and purple that he couldn't begin to describe, her hair soft and loose around her sholders, her blue eyes wide and unsure and hopeful. She looked like a dream, and for a moment, he could do nothing but stare at her. She hadn't seen him yet, and as his attention drew back to her expressive eyes, it hit him again that she looked nervous, and in that moment, the chorus of unsure voices that forever argued in his mind were immediately silenced. She was nervous, and for some reason, this realization gave him strength.

Richard Gilmore would have understood.

The group surrounding Luke hadn't moved. They stood looking from Luke to Lorelai, until April, with an exuberance possible only when you're sixteen, broke the spell.

"Hey look," she said turning to Jess, "It's Rory" and with that, April went up on her tippy toes and began waving her arms. "Hey, Hey Rory" she called.

The group looked over to where April stood. Sookie, Jackson and Rory began moving forward but Lorelai froze.

There he was. Luke. Her Luke. She brought her hands up to her stomach and was not surprised to find they were shaking. She looked at his face, trying to see if he looked angry or surprised or…. Maybe, hopefully, happy. She took in his broad shoulders and his clean-shaven face. His hair was different, cut shorter than she was used to, but it was his smile, lopsided and shy, and they were his eyes, staring at her with strength and love.

"Luke" she whispered. And while there was no way he had heard her across the crowded party, Lorelai saw him react. She saw him stride towards her, his steps sure, until he was standing right in front of her.

"You're here," he said quietly.

"I thought I would surprise you," Lorelai said. "I hope it's…" but that was all she got out before he had pulled her into his arms, crushing her against him in a hug. He had forgotten how perfectly she fit in his arms, and the smell of her hair and the sound of her heartbeat was all he needed to know he was home.

"You're here," he repeated into her hair. "You came here, for me?"

He felt Lorelai nod against his chest. He hugged her a moment longer and then let go so that he could say hi to the rest of his guests.

"Jackson man, good to see you," Luke said, shaking the other man's hand, "And Sookie, you look… well, you look beautiful," he said, noticing Jackson tighten his arm around his wife and whisper something in her ear that caused her to blush.

Rory stepped up to Luke and tilted her head at him questioningly. Before she could think of something to say, he had swept her up in a hug. "That you for bringing her kid," he said roughly.

"This was all her idea," Rory whispered in his ear.

"But she never would have gone through with it without you. Thank you Rory."

Rory pulled back and looked at the man who had been so many things to her over the course of her life. "You can thank me by saving me a dance. And don't give me any of your 'I don't dance' nonsense, cause I distinctly remember hearing someone go on and on and on that you, my friend, can waltz," Rory said, noticing with pleasure that Luke was blushing while Jess was laughing at his Uncle outright, a fact that was not lost on Rory. "And you," she said turning to Jess and poking him in the chest with her finger, "I guess you're my escort this evening, so I will be expecting a dance with you as well," she said.

Jess pulled her into a hug and then grabbed her hand, twirling her into an awkward spin. "I'd be honored Miss Gilmore" he said laughing. "Drinks?" he asked Rory. She agreed and the two friends set off towards the bar. They had only got a few steps when he turned back to his young cousin, "Well what are you waiting for April – you don't want to hang out with the grown up's do you?" he laughed.

"By dad"

"Stay with Jess" Luke admonished, kissing his daughter on the head.

April began to walk away and then turned back. Luke waited for whatever she was going to say, but April neatly stepped past him and turned her full attention to Lorelai.

"Uhm, Lorelai?" the young girl said, a clear question in her voice, "I just wanted to say, well…"

"What is it April? Are you okay? Is this… I mean… I didn't mean to break up your evening with you dad… I hope you don't…"

"No!" April exclaimed, "Sorry. I inherited the random yelling for no reason thing from my dad," she added, bringing her voice to a more appropriate volume.

"I am familiar with the phenomena," Lorelai laughed.

"But seriously, no, you aren't crashing anything or whatever. I was trying to say I am really glad you're here."

"Really?" Lorelai asked.

"Yeah." April smiled. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," Lorelai said with a shy smile. "Well let me look at you," Lorelai said, taking the girl's hands and holding her arms wide. "You look stunning. A fact I think that young man over there noticed too," she said subtly gesturing to Milo.

"Dad and Jess already threatened to kill him, so I doubt he'll be talking to me" April answered.

"Not if he knows what's good for him," Luke said with a grumble. "He's almost twenty."

"Oh," said Lorelai, turning back to April. "That is a little too old, I think."

"Yeah," said April. "But seriously, it's good you're here. Now he can stop staring at his watch and waiting until eight thirty."

"What was going to happen at eight thirty?" Lorelai asked.

"That was the time Tiffany said he could leave to drive to Stars Hollow and surprise you," she said, looking up at her father.

"How did you…" Luke sputtered, but April interrupted him.

"How many times do I have to remind you people that I hear things," she said.

Luke leaned down and kissed the top of his daughter's head. "Aren't Jess and Rory waiting for you?" he said, "Go scram."

Luke watched April wander off to join Rory and Jess. When he turned back to Lorelai, she was staring at him.

"What?" he asked gently, still in shock that she was here.

"You were going to come see me tonight?" she asked.

"That was the plan," he said smiling.

"So then you're ok with this, with my showing up here?" she asked, still uncertain.

"More than okay," he answered shyly.

The two stood there looking at each other, smiling, until they heard someone clear their throat. Turning, Lorelai found Sookie, Jackson, Tiffany and Suzanne standing there watching them. Lorelai turned immediately to Tiffany and smiled.

"Thank you for letting me crash your party," Lorelai said with a smile.

"Thank you for giving me a heads up. It was so worth it to see his face," she said smiling.

"Wait," Luke said, looking at his friend, "you knew about this?" he asked.

"I did too," said Suzanne, before turning to Lorelai. "I'm Suzanne. And you're the famous Lorelai" she said smiling.

"Famous… uhm…. Depends on what you heard I guess," she said.

The group laughed.

"So," Lorelai said indicating Sookie, "You all know each other?"

"Sookie and I were in school together, and then worked together in Hartford." Answered Tiffany.

"And I met them both when they used to come to my bar at the end of their shift to bitch about their boss," Suzanne added.

"And I am meeting them now," said Sookie's husband.

"Sorry, right" Sookie exclaimed, smacking her forehead. "I was just so excited. This is Jackson, grower of the most amazing vegetables on the east coast and my husband," Sookie said, grabbing his hand and squeezing it.

"Nice to meet you Jackson" Tiffany said. "Sookie told us so much about you"

"Yes…"Suzanne said laughing, "She told us sooooooooo much,"

"Suzanne, stop that," Sookie said laughing as Jackson blushed.

"Sookie," Luke said trying to rescue the embarrassed man from more attention, "I guess you were in on this too," he said with a smile.

"Oh, it was incredible. I'm sitting at home with Jackson last night when Lorelai calls about the party, next thing you know we are being whisked away to New York in a limo, being fitted for formal wear, eating lunch with Anthony Bourdain, sipping champagne at the plaza. I'm telling you, it was mission impossible Emily Gilmore style…" Sookie said, excitedly recounting the highlights of the last twenty-four hours.

"Your mom is here?" asked Luke looking around the party.

"Not here, here," Lorelai answered. "She and my father went to see some friends tonight. But here in New York, yes. She actually helped with the surprise." Lorelai said quietly.

"Did she know it was…? I mean did you tell her…." Luke asked.

"She knows I was coming to see you, yes."

"And she was okay with that?" he asked looking at her.

"More than okay. They both were. In fact, they invited you and April and Jess to brunch with us tomorrow at the Plaza" Lorelai said hopefully.

"Brunch at the plaza with your parents?"

"I mean, unless you have plans…" Lorelai back peddled, "Or even if you don't have plans, if you don't want to go, I understand, I mean it's a lot, and God knows brunch with Richard and Emily is not exactly a top ten fun time. So no problem, I will tell them you and April had plans." Lorelai said.

Before Luke could respond, Sookie grabbed his arm and looked him in the eye.

"I need a drink. I'm going to go get a drink. Luke, come help me," she said.

Sookie started away from the group towards the bar, and with no other choice, Luke followed her. Once they reached the bar, Sookie turned on him.

"Now, Sookie," Luke started, seeing she was upset.

"Don't now Sookie me. You listen to me. You do not know the leap of faith it took to get her to come tonight. And you know who talked her into it? Emily. And once she was all dressed and ready you know who talked her out of her second thoughts? He father. They've changed. Ok… maybe not all the way changed, but changed enough! Changed enough to see that you are what she wants and changed enough to just want her to be happy. She has been getting along with them, especially with her mom. They've been sharing things and talking, and Emily has been… well… she's been really supportive of Lorelai, and I wasn't."

"Sookie…" Luke tried, but there was no stopping her.

"No. I was a very bad friend to Lorelai during this whole thing. And that is done now. So I am telling you that Emily and Richard are changed and that should be good enough, and even if they hadn't changed, it shouldn't matter, it isn't about them, it's about the two of you and you being so pig headed and stubborn and prideful. Lorelai keeps saying that she thinks you've changed, but have you? Because not everything can be exactly how you want it all the time. She isn't going to be who you want her to be, you have to want her to be who she is and to want her to be her and want her for that… Crap! That made sense in my head…"

"Sookie!" Luke yelled.

"What!?"

"Well, if I had been allowed to answer before Lorelai went rambling and you took it to defcon four, you would have heard me say, I would love to go, but I had promised April we would go to China Town tomorrow, so I want to check with her and make sure she doesn't mind changing plans."

"Oh… well... that's reasonable then…." Sookie said.

"I thought so," he answered.

"I just… I guess I realized I haven't been a great friend to her lately. And I hate that. And I want to make up for it"

"Sookie, she knows you love her" Luke said confidently. "She doesn't blame you for anything"

"Even so. I should have done better."

"We all should have done better. Luckily it's never too late. Right?"

"Who are you and where is my grumpy Luke?" Sookie laughed. "You sound positively optimistic"

He looked up and saw Lorelai approaching them uncertainly.

"Some things can make even me hopeful" he said quietly.

"It's like she's your very own Cindy Lou Who" Sookie said.

"I have no idea what that means" he said. But he smiled anyway, as he watched Lorelai approach.

"Luke?" Lorelai asked quietly as she drew up alongside her friends.

"I'll go" Sookie said. She hesitated a moment and then hugged the tall man. "Sorry Luke" she said quietly.

Once Sookie was gone, Lorelai looked at Luke carefully.

"Hi"

"Hey," he answered with a smile. "Can I say something before you begin the babbling thing again?"

"Ok…"

"Well, I would love to go to brunch with your parents. Well maybe love to is too strong, but I would be happy to."

"Is this because Sookie talked you into it?"

"Not at all. Though, you should know, she would have probably tried to beat me up to defend you."

"She has knives" Lorelai said, "and she knows how to use them"

"I bet. But no, she didn't talk me into anything. You started rambling, she dragged me over here to yell at me and all I was going to say was that I had promised April China Town tomorrow so before I said yes, I wanted to make sure she wouldn't mind changing plans."

"That's all?" Lorelai asked.

"Yes. But…." Luke said, hesitating because he wanted to just enjoy having her near him, and didn't want to risk upsetting her.

"But what?" Lorelai asked, knowing there was more.

"But, why did you freak like that?"

"Cause it's my parents. And all of a sudden, I felt like maybe I was pushing you. And let's face it, my parents were always a sore spot, and well, I just didn't want you to feel cornered."

"Lorelai," Luke said, smiling, "I don't feel cornered."

"No?" she asked, smiling. "What do you feel like?"

"I feel like dancing. Care to join me?" he asked holding his hand out to her.

Lorelai blushed and took his hand, letting him lead her to the dance floor.

Once on the floor, he kept hold of her right hand, brining it close against his heart. His left hand snaked around her waist. He felt her fingers wind around his neck, absently playing with his hair. As the song changed, he took a moment to breathe in and smile.

Lorelai leaned into his chest, closing her eyes and letting his warmth envelope her. She had never in all her life felt as safe as she did when he held her. She had forgotten that feeling of absolute peace that only seemed to exist in his arms. She was acutely aware of his body, his strong arms, and his broad shoulders. She knew that she wanted nothing more than to look up at him, to bring their lips together in a kiss, but at the same time, this was better, that for this moment, she simply wanted to enjoy the feeling of being home.

"Lorelai," he whispered into her hair.

"Hmmm?"

"We are going to have to learn to trust each other," he said softly.

"I know. I guess it all feels new in a weird way, and yet it feels like it's been forever," she said, looking up to meet his eyes.

"I just, I need you to give me a chance sometimes instead of jumping the gun and freaking out," he said looking at her.

"I know." She agreed.

"And I need to remember to let you know what I'm thinking" he said.

"That too," she said smiling.

She put her head back against his shoulder, and they continued to dance, each lost in their own thoughts.

"Can I tell you what I am thinking right now," she asked.

"What's that?" he asked, his voice gruff.

"I am thinking I missed you."

"I missed you too, Lorelai," he said simply.

The couple remained on the floor for two more songs. But when the band began to raise the tempo, moving into a swing number, Lorelai prepared to walk off the floor. Luke, however, wasn't quite done with her.

"Where are you going?" he asked, leading her in a spin that brought her back into his arms.

"I figured you wouldn't want to dance to this," she said looking at him

"Well, I guess you figured wrong," he said as he increased their temp and began to execute a perfectly acceptable jitterbug.

Lorelai couldn't help but laugh in delighted surprise as she moved to keep up with him.

"You've been holding out on me. We so couldn't have taken Kirk at the marathon," she said smiling.

Luke laughed, swinging her again, enjoying the pink at her cheeks and the way her hair moved. As they continued dancing, she saw a small group of people off to the side of the floor watching with varying degrees of amusement and shock.

"We seem to have an audience," she said, indicating the group of family and friends.

"Well," he said, spinning her behind his back before bringing her back in close, "let's give them something worth watching," he laughed and led her in an even more complicated step.

When the song ended, she hugged Luke close, flushed and out of breath. "Drink please," she said smiling.

"Sure. Wine? Champagne?" he asked.

"Wine is good," she answered.

He led her to the bar where they were greeted by their friends.

"Well well Danes," Suzanne said, "who knew you had it in you."

"Oh I did" Sookie said with a laugh.

"Excuse me?" Lorelai said, looking at her friend.

"Sure. I remember in High School, he was always in the middle of the floor at all the school dances."

"How did I not know this?" Lorelai asked.

"You never asked," Luke answered simply.

"What else don't I know?" she whispered in his ear as he handed her a glass.

"I guess you'll have to wait and see," he said with a wink that she felt clear down to her toes.

The groups stood talking and laughing. Tiffany and Sookie were discussing the various trays of food being passed, debating ingredients and cooking methods. Every once in a while, Luke would chime in, but mostly he was content to stand with his arm around Lorelai, enjoying the evening.

As the night wore on, there was more dancing and more drinking. Luke took a turn on the floor with each of the women, remembering for the first time in years how much he had enjoyed dancing as a teen.

As the clock moved towards midnight, Lorelai was aware that there was a decision to be made. The night had been perfect up until now. They had danced, hugged and held hands. They were both happy just to be together. But, she couldn't help wondering what would happen when the clock struck twelve.

Seeing Luke spin Rory around the dance floor while Jess danced with April and glared at any boy who looked her way, Lorelai headed outside to catch her breath. She had only walked a few feet when she heard a voice behind her.

"You're not going to freak out in the alley again are you?" she heard Tiffany ask.

Lorelai turned to look at the woman, and Tiffany halted immediately when she noticed tears sparkling in Lorelai's eyes.

"Okay, I am beginning o think it's my fault," said Tiffany, "that for some reason my very presence makes you cry."

"Oh God, no," Lorelai said smiling. "And here I thought I was finally going to be able to convince you I am not a lunatic."

"Are you okay," Tiffany asked. "Everything seemed to be going well."

"It's great. It's amazing," Lorelai said. "It's just… it's almost midnight and… I don't know"

"So help me if you say 'are we there yet' I may lose it," Tiffany said smiling.

"What?" Lorelai asked.

"Nothing. So, you were saying, it's almost midnight… and…"

"And… midnight… New Year's Eve…."

"Yes, that would be why we are all here," the shorter woman said.

"Kissing!" Lorelai said, throwing her arms in the air.

"Well, you're a beautiful woman, but Suzanne might object," Tiffany said lightly. "Oh…" she said when she saw Lorelai scowl, "you meant kissing Luke."

"Forget it," she said, turning away, "I'm being ridiculous."

"Yes you are," Tiffany agreed. "But good for you for realizing it. That is, after all, the first step."

"Do you abuse Luke like this," Lorelai asked, a small smile forming on her lips.

"Oh, I am much much worse to Luke. Suzanne and I threw away all his flannel."

"No! He let you?" Lorelai asked, stunned.

"Well he didn't as much let us as he was unable to stop us." Tiffany replied.

"Wow."

"Now," Tiffany said seriously, "as for the whole midnight thing. I think I have figured out the problem with you two."

"Well, I'm glad someone has" Lorelai said.

"You both think too much. You weigh, you consider, you debate. And you both get frozen in this place of well considered inaction. So just, stop thinking about it. What happens happens."

"Simple as that?" Lorelai asked.

"Simple as that." Tiffany replied and hugged the other woman. "For what it's worth, I think this is your inning"

"What?" Lorelai asked.

"Never mind. Baseball analogy. And if you tell Luke I will have to hurt you," Tiffany said smiling.

"My lips are sealed," Lorelai said seriously.

"Great song, but Vacation is better."

"You're a Go-Go's fan?" Lorelai asked.

"My guilty pleasure. Second only to the Bangles" Tiffany answered.

"I think I love you!" Lorelai laughed.

"What's going on over here?" asked Luke as he approached the two women.

"Just girl talk" Lorelai said.

"You realize the thought of you two talking terrifies me," Luke said, his arm going back around Lorelai.

"Well deal with it Danes," Tiffany said.

"Yes chef," he smirked.

"Ohhh…. How do I get him to do what I say like that?" Lorelai asked laughing.

"Learn to cook," Luke answered.

"I can cook," Lorelai responded. "I now know how to make three kinds of eggs, roasted chicken, French toast, broiled salmon, roasted carrots and homemade mashed potatoes." She said triumphantly.

Luke looked at her and smiled.

"Maybe you can cook for me one night?" he asked.

"Maybe we can cook together," she amended.

"Yes chef," he said to Lorelai with a smile.

"Let's go inside," Tiffany said. "It's almost midnight"

"Yeah, and it's cold," Luke agreed.

"We'll be right behind you," Lorelai said, holding Luke's hand. "And Tiffany?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks" Lorelai said simply.

"Anytime." Tiffany answered and went back inside.

"You okay?" Luke asked carefully. "I came back from dancing with Rory and you were gone."

"Just needed some air," she said.

"You have to be freezing" he said. "Come here," and he took her in his arms. "You sure you're okay?" he asked again.

"Fine. I promise. I think I got overwhelmed for a minute. But I'm fine."

"Good." He said holding her close.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"Two minutes to midnight." He said.

"Can I ask you something Luke?"

"Sure," he answered.

"Have you made any New Year's resolutions?" she asked.

"Not really," he answered. He wasn't sure where she was going, but that hadn't been the question he had been expecting.

"I have," She said. "Want to know what they are?"

"Okay,"

"I resolve to believe in you," she said simply. "I resolve to believe in us."

He looked at her for a moment, overcome with emotion.

"You're shoes have little rhinestone bows on them" he said suddenly.

"You noticed that?" she asked.

"I did. Even all fancy, you always have something just a little silly. You also probably have a candy bar in your pocketbook"

"Granola Bar" she amended.

"Granola?" he asked with disbelief.

"Well… Granola and chocolate chips." She said.

"Every time you watch Pretty in Pink, you curse Molly whats-her-name for not picking Ducky" he said.

"Well, he did that whole Try a Little Tenderness thing" she said, still confused.

"You made people vote for Taylor, just so it wouldn't be a shutout. You went to Mrs. Kim's once a week for a year and bought something you didn't need just so you could casually tell her that Lane was okay. Even with Rory out of the house, you can't go to sleep until you look in her room and say goodnight. You own at least seven pairs of sneakers, each one a different shade of pink, and you can't help buying them because they make you happy. You can smell the snow. You name inanimate objects. You have nine different pairs of pajamas with coffee cups on them. You know how smart you are, but you worry that it's not good enough because you didn't go to Yale. You keep that little housekeeper on your staff, even though she isn't good at her job, because she's a young single mom and you believe you have to pay it forward. You cry every time you hear the song Dear Prudence. You think that everything you ever needed to know can be found in a teen movie from the 80's. You have a truly shocking collection of Barry Manilow cd's that no one is supposed to know about. You buy Babette a new gnome every Christmas even though they secretly creep you out. You chew your lip when you do math. And sometimes, when you think everyone is asleep, you look out the window and cry a little bit because you miss your mom. It's not because you're beautiful," he said looking at her.

"What?" Lorelai asked.

"I don't love you because you're beautiful. I don't love you because you're strong. It's because of all the things that only I know. It's because you laugh at the Muppet show song and talk a mile a minute and can always find the joy in anything. It's because you are full of light and because you make me a better person," he said.

"I don't know what to say." She said looking into his eyes.

"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know. It's not because you're beautiful, which you are. And it's not because you're wild or you're quirky, or you're some sort of Disney princess cartoon character that the town and everyone else has tried to turn you into. I love you because you're the only person who has ever made me feel alive. You are the only person who has been able to remind me that I like dancing, that I know how to laugh. You are the only person I have ever wanted to be strong for, to take care of. I love you because you make me feel"

"Luke?" she said quietly, hearing the countdown to midnight coming from inside.

"Yeah," he said shyly looking at her.

"It's gonna snow" she said simply.

And then, with the party breaking into cheers, and the distant sound of the band playing Old Lang Syne, Lorelai wound her arms around Luke's neck and looked deeply into his eyes.

"I love you Luke," she said quietly. "I love you, and I trust you, and I know now."

"What do you know?" he asked quietly.

"It's always been you" she said simply.

And with that, she brought her lips to his, slowly at first, remembering this part of their dance, the feeling of his lips moving against hers. And as the music and the merriment inside continued, she felt his hands slide around her waist, pulling her into him until there was no space between them. She felt herself melt into him, and for the first time in her life, she allowed herself to let go.

Luke felt her mold herself to him, felt her resistance disappear as she allowed herself to belong to him. He wound his hand into her hair and deepened their kiss, feeling every inch of his body respond to her. He had kissed her hundreds of times before, maybe thousands, but this was different. Maybe it was the abandon with which she was clinging to him, maybe it was the way she had given herself over to the moment and held nothing back, but for the first time, Luke believed that she was his, and he was hers.

This was the kiss, he realized, the last first kiss. This was the moment when forever began.

"Happy New Year" he whispered when they broke apart for a moment. He looked deep into her eyes and smiled.

"Happy New Year" she replied.

And as he leaned down to kiss her once again; Lorelai was not surprised to realize that it had begun to snow.

* * *

 _ **Author's Note –**_

 _ **This is not the end. There are more chapters to come. So I hope you will stay with me to find out about Brunch at the Plaza, Colorado, and of course Emily and Lorelai's new business venture. And of course, there will be lot's of love for our Java Junkies… and maybe some challenges too, as they try to build their future without being caught in traps of the past.**_

 _ **Hope you keep reading, and see you soon!**_


	10. Chapter 9

**As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from Time to time.**

 **Chapter Nine – January 1, 2010**

* * *

The following morning Lorelai woke up to knocking. She looked around and remembered that she was in a different room than the one she had shared with Rory the previous night, courtesy of her mother's penchant for attempting to plan every detail of everyone's life. Lorelai shook her head, knowing her mother had meant well, even if her methods had been a little bizarre. She padded to the door and found a room service waiter with coffee, tea and an artful display of pastry and fruit.

"Where shall I set this?" he asked.

"I didn't order anything" Lorelai said, confused.

"Compliments of Mrs. Gilmore" the young man answered.

"Over there is great" Lorelai said pointing to the small table by the window. The attendant placed the food and left, while Lorelai stretched and inhaled the smell of coffee. Lorelai thought about the night before and smiled, humming with contentment. The evening had been everything she had hoped for and more. She wasn't sure what would happen next, but she knew that for the first time in a very long time, she was truly happy.

Lorelai had just finished fixing her cup of coffee when there was another knock at the door. Rising to answer it, she found Sookie and Jackson packed up and ready to leave.

"You really have to get out of here?" asked Lorelai disappointedly.

"My mom is expecting us for lunch and we want to swing by the house first," Jackson answered.

"Thank you for being here guys" Lorelai said.

"Oh sweetie, thank you!" Sookie said hugging her friend. "Now, we have to get going, but I am going to want details when you get home"

"How about I call you tomorrow," Lorelai said.

"You better"

"Or better yet, why don't I come by the inn and we can have lunch," Lorelai asked.

"Even better." Sookie said, hugging her again. "Okay, we've gotta go, but one question first. Is everything okay now?"

"I think so Sook," Lorelai said with a smile.

"So you're 'Luke and Lorelai' again?" she asked making sure.

"Well, I would hold off on having Kirk print up any tee-shirts, but yeah, I think we're getting there"

Sookie let out a little squeal and couldn't help but grab her friend for another hug.

"Okay Sook." Lorelai said. "I'll see you tomorrow for lunch."

"Lorelai," Jackson said, "Thank you for this. It was incredible."

"Well, it was all my mom" Lorelai said.

"I just want to say… I mean…" suddenly Jackson grabbed her into an enormous bear hug, "I'm happy for you both," he said in her ear.

"Thanks Jackson" she said smiling when he let her go.

With a final round of hugs between the women, Jackson and Sookie left. Lorelai, with nothing to do, called Rory's room to see if her daughter wanted breakfast.

A few minutes later, another knock at the door revealed Rory in her pajamas.

"Hey kid" Lorelai said letting Rory in and indicating the breakfast tray.

"Ohhhh coffee coffee coffee coffee" Rory said, fixing herself a cup.

"It appears Emily thought of everything. Coffee and sweets for me, tea and fruit for Luke. How did she even know he likes tea and fruit?" Lorelai asked.

"It's grandma. She probably has spies," Rory said around a mouthful of Danish. "So, you happy?"

"I have to tell you, I am" Lorelai answered.

"No regrets about coming?"

"Not one" Lorelai answered truthfully.

"No regrets about waking up alone?" Rory asked, alluding to her grandmother's failed plan.

"Not really. I mean I miss him in that way… but … I think it was the better choice. He and I always could ignore anything that was wrong between us by focusing on the sex. It was the one place where nothing mattered except us and while it was always amazing… I mean for a quiet man, Rory…"

"La La La La I can't hear you," Rory said, her hands over her ears.

"Sorry," Lorelai said with a little smile.

"Look, I'm glad you two are… shall we say… compatible… but visuals of my mommy and my surrogate dad… no thank you… especially not first thing in the morning" Rory said laughing.

"Understood. The point was that I think it's better that we get back to that part slowly, you know when we have everything else worked out. I think we went too fast the first time"

"Too fast is never good," Rory said, milking the innuendo.

"What happened to no Luke sex talk?" Lorelai said.

"Sorry, it was too easy"

"Well so was I the first time. I mean I slept with him on our first date," Lorelai said.

"Sure, after eight years of foreplay" Rory laughed.

"True, but still, we never really learned how to be a couple. We went from me not even knowing if I was dating Luke to him declaring he was 'all in' and us back at his apartment in a single evening. I think this time, well I want to take it a little slower. It doesn't mean I have doubts or I am trying to give him the run around" Lorelai assured her daughter.

"I know mom," Rory said. "I get it."

"I really love him," Lorelai said with a soft smile.

"I've always known that" Rory said grabbing another pastry.

"No one likes a know it all" Lorelai smiled.

"So…" Rory said, "How about Grandma arranging for this room for you two"

"Am I the only one who thought that was weird… like Ed Wood weird?"

"No," Rory answered, "By the look on his face, I think Luke thought it was weird too."

They laughed remembering the moment the evening before where Lorelai discovered her mother's handiwork.

* * *

Following their kiss, Luke and Lorelai had gone in to celebrate with their family and friends. As Tiffany handed around more champagne, Luke questioned Lorelai about her claims to have a granola bar in her pocketbook.

"Well I told you, it's got chocolate…," she said.

"Does the wrapper say Snickers," he asked.

"No!" she exclaimed, "It's a real granola bar"

"Sure" he said with a roll of his eyes.

"You don't believe me?" she asked with mock horror, widening her eyes and beginning to pout.

"I know you. And I know there is no way you have anything even approaching healthy in that bag" Luke said.

Lorelai, pleased to know that she had him, opened her bag to pull out the Quaker Oats bar she had stashed there.

"Voila" she said triumphantly, not noticing the envelope that fell out of her bag to the floor.

"What's that?" Sookie said, picking up the fallen item.

"It's from my Grandma, I recognize the handwriting," Rory said plucking the envelope from Sookie's hand and giving it to her mother. "It's for you."

"What is it?" asked Sookie, noticing her friend reading a note and turning bright red.

"Nothing" Lorelai said.

"Come on… what did Fairy God-Emily give you?" Sookie asked.

"Fairy God-Emily?" Suzanne questioned. "Who is that?"

"My mother apparently," Lorelai said.

"She was amazing. She arranged for Jackson to have lunch with Daniel Archer, who is an amazing pioneer of hydroponic gardening, we had lunch at Brasserie Les Halles WITH Anthony Bourdain, I mean, seriously, I got to have escargot with Anthony Bourdain!" Sookie gushed.

"The way I hear it, you got to have grappa with Anthony Bourdain because you were too busy hyperventilating to speak never mind eat," said Jackson laughing.

"Tomato – Tomahto" Sookie laughed and smacked her husband lightly on the arm, "She arranged for our dresses and we had our hair and makeup done like we were going to the Oscars. She's like a wizard – Oh – The Wizard of Hartford!" Sookie clapped, "So, Lorelai, what did she have in her bag for you?"

"It's just a room key," Lorelai said trying to minimize it.

"Didn't you already have a room?" Luke asked. "You have somewhere to stay tonight, right?"

"What did the note say?" Asked Rory.

"Nothing," Lorelai answered, still blushing.

"Oh for crying out loud" Suzanne said, taking the note from Lorelai's hands.

"Suze!" Tiffany yelled, but it was too late.

"Lorelai," Suzanne read, "I thought you might like your own suite this evening. If so, I am sure April can stay with Rory. Enjoy and I will see you all for brunch."

"Grandma got you a separate room?" Rory asked unbelieving.

"Who wants more champagne," Luke asked suddenly, clearly embarrassed by the situation and unsure of how he should react.

Lorelai blushing and embarrassed herself, put her arm around Luke so that she could whisper in his ear.

"It's okay…" she said, knowing that he was weirded out by the whole thing and not sure if either of them were ready for that step.

"Well, that's my grandma" Rory said, looking over at her mother and Luke and trying to deflect attention from their embarrassment. "She is a firm believer in go big or go home"

"I'll say" Luke mumbled.

"We okay?" Lorelai asked in his ear. The truth was she feared that Emily had inadvertently thrown a wet blanket on their reunion.

Luke looked at Lorelai, saw the worry in her eyes and forced himself to smile.

"Yeah." He whispered back. "Not sure how I feel about your mom scheduling sex for us…" he said, trying to break the tension and show her he wasn't upset.

"So, what's going on? Am I staying with Rory at the Plaza?" April asked.

Luke whipped around, having forgotten for a moment that she had witnessed the exchange. His face turned red and he began to stammer.

"Not this time," said Lorelai smiling, saving Luke from answering.

"Yeah, we live here, or I live here anyway, so there is no reason for us to have to stay at a hotel," Luke said.

"Well if you want to spend the night with Lorelai, it's cool. I mean, I understand." April said matter of factly, furthering Luke's embarrassment.

"April!" he grumbled.

"What? I don't imagine either of you are virgins – I mean just the fact that Rory and I are standing here pretty much negates that possibility" April said.

"Young lady…" Luke said, turning to his daughter.

"And that's enough of that conversation," Jess said taking the younger girl by the arm with a smile. "Come on kid. Let's get you a Shirley Temple," he added, leading her back towards the bar with Rory following.

The group of adults laughed and began moving on to other topics. As for Luke, he looked at Lorelai and noticed there was still something in her eyes.

"Hey, let's dance" he said, taking her hand and leading her to the floor.

The two joined together and began to move in time to the slow song the band was playing.

"You okay," Luke asked.

"Yeah"

"Lorelai, what is it?" he asked

"About tonight… the room… my mom…" Lorelai said into his shoulder, unable to look him the eyes.

"Lorelai, look at me" he said, the tip of his finger guiding her chin up until he could see her eyes. "It's okay. If anything, I guess I should be flattered. Seems like some weird version of the Emily seal of approval"

"It's twisted" Lorelai said, "and as great as she has been, she always takes it that one step too far, and now you're embarrassed, and…"

"Hey," Luke said, "stop that. Yeah I was embarrassed. That's me. I get embarrassed about sex in public"

"Sex in public – dirty" Lorelai said with a quiet laugh.

"Crazy" Luke answered, kissing her lightly, "anyway, yeah I was embarrassed but it's okay, and I don't think my embarrassment was why you looked so upset. Are you upset that I didn't want to spend the night? Cause believe me, it's not that I don't want to…" he said.

"I want to too" she said, "but I'm glad we're not going to. I just don't want you to think I am trying to put you off or that I'm not sure"

"I know," he said, kissing her again.

"I want to take this slow, but I don't want you to think I'm not sure, 'cause I am, sure I mean. I am completely sure, a Sure Thing kind of sure, but I just…"

"Lorelai, it's okay. I understand," Luke said holding her close.

"What do you think?" she asked.

"Can I have a request and a promise?" Luke asked.

"Okay…" Lorelai said unsure, and yet at the same time pleased that their request and promise thing was translating out of email and helping them learn to talk to each other.

"Okay, request," Luke said, looking deep into her eyes. "I request that you not obsess over the right way and the wrong way to do things."

"I can promise to try. You know I love to obsess, but I will try to keep it a little less crazy making," Lorelai said.

"Good. You're crazy enough," Luke said with a light laugh.

"And the promise?" Lorelai asked.

"I promise that when the time is right, we will both know it, and until then, I will be dreaming about getting to make love to you again."

"Thank you," Lorelai said quietly.

"Never doubt yourself Lorelai, and please, never doubt this or us again," Luke said seriously.

"Okay," she answered. "I just need to make sure you know I'm not going to run again."

"I know. And I need you to know that even if you do, this time I will catch you, and I'll never let you get away again," Luke answered.

"Well, thank God you're a track star," Lorelai said, resting her head on his shoulder once again.

"State Champion," he replied with a smile.

"Our very own Butch Danes."

"Your very own anything, Lorelai. I mean it. I am yours. Always."

"Back at'cha," she answered as they continued to dance.

* * *

Rory and Lorelai continued to discuss the events of the evening before. Eventually Lorelai couldn't resist brining up Jess.

"So Jess looked good," Lorelai said with a big smile.

"Don't start mom, we're friends" answered Rory.

"Does he know that?" she asked.

"Yes he does. And so does his girlfriend" Rory answered.

"I'm just saying, you too seemed awfully cozy"

"Mom, seriously, there is nothing there. We are friends," Rory said, holding up her hand as she saw her mother prepare to interrupt. "Not friends like you and Luke were friends where everyone could see that all you really wanted to do was jump each other. We are regular, non pent up sexual frustration friends."

"If you say so," Lorelai said.

"Seriously, this isn't me being coy or deflecting or denying. This is me stating fact. Jess and I are friends. We will only ever be friends. He has a girlfriend who I actually like"

"And what about you?" Lorelai asked.

"What about me?"

"Are you seeing anyone?"

"No one special" Rory said. "A few dates here and there, but no one worth writing home about"

"No one worth kissing at midnight" Lorelai asked.

"Not yet, but I remain ever hopeful" Rory answered looking at her phone.

"Text from Jess?" Lorelai asked.

"Mom, you need to get over the whole Jess thing. For your information, I was simply checking the time, and as it is after nine thirty, we better get moving. You know Grandma will have a canary if we aren't there by ten thirty so we can be prepared for Luke and them at eleven"

"Have you seen her this morning?" Lorelai asked.

"Nope. Haven't seen her since we left for the party last night."

"So she doesn't know Luke didn't stay?"

"I don't know. I guess she'll ask," Rory said getting to her feet. "I really should go get showered and dressed."

"I know. Okay then, kiss mommy and go get yourself dressed." Lorelai said, holding her cheek out to Rory.

Rory gave her a loud smacking kiss and headed out. "Bye crazy mommy" she said as she left.

* * *

At quarter after ten, Lorelai was dressed and knowing on her mother's door.

"Good Morning, Lorelai" Emily said, opening the door. "Is Luke still sleeping?"

"I would imagine he is… in his apartment," Lorelai answered. "About that… really? Did you really arrange for me to have a booty call?"

"I did no such thing," Emily said.

"Did you put the key in my bag?" Lorelai asked.

"Well yes. However, it wasn't for a booty call as you put it. I didn't know if you and Luke would want to… well want some…"

"Alone time?" Lorelai supplied.

"Precisely. And I can't imagine he has a large apartment, with New York rents what they are, and with April staying with him… I was trying to be nice," Emily said crossly.

"I know mom, and I appreciate it. I do" Lorelai said with sincerity.

"But he went home?"

"He had April, and we just…"

"Did the evening not go as you had hoped? Will they be joining us for brunch?" Emily asked.

"The evening was perfect. Everything about it was perfect. And yes, they will be here at eleven."

"But he went home," she said again.

"It's better this way mom, honest. But thank you for trying to get me laid" she said, mostly to get a reaction from her mother.

"Honestly, Lorelai. I do not know when you became so parochial in your views towards sex," Emily said shortly.

"And I don't know when you became Ms. Cosmo Girl" Lorelai answered. "Let's face it mom, this is not the kind of thing we talk about."

"It's the kind of thing you and Rory talk about isn't it?" Emily asked.

"Well, sure, but that's different."

"It's different because you consider each other friends in addition to being mother and daughter. Is it so wrong for me to want to be your friend too?" Emily asked loudly.

Lorelai was stunned. She always assumed that she and her mother didn't relate that way because the elder Gilmore woman didn't want to.

"You want us to be friends?" Lorelai asked carefully.

"Never mind Lorelai. I can see no matter what I do, you will never be open to it, never believe I have honest intentions. I will go see if your father is ready and we can head downstairs," Emily said in a huff.

"Mom, wait" Lorelai yelled.

"What is it Lorelai," Emily asked.

"I'm sorry. You're right." Lorelai said. She saw Emily quickly cross to the window and throw open the curtains.

"Nope no indication here," Emily said.

"What?" Lorelai asked.

"I was seeing if there was any sign that hell had just frozen over" Emily said.

"You know what mom; I'm not the only one who shuts down the potential for us to have a real relationship. I could live without the sarcasm" Lorelai yelled.

"You're one to talk. Do you even know how to speak without being flippant?" Emily asked.

"Better flippant than judgmental," Lorelai yelled.

"I have gone out of my way not to be judgmental. This whole time, this ridiculousness with Luke and I have said nothing," Emily yelled back.

"Ah-HA!" Lorelai exclaimed, "So you don't approve of Luke. You still think he is somehow less than your Hartford crowd because he doesn't come from money. You still think he's not good enough"

"That is not it at all," Emily said.

"Well then what? Come on… let's hear about his quaint diner and his rustic truck and his preference for beer"

"Lorelai stop it," Emily said, clearly losing her patience.

"The truth is you can tell me all you want how he isn't good enough. I don't care!"

"It's not him who I don't think is good enough," Emily roared, pulling Lorelai up short.

"So what you're saying," Lorelai said, "is you think I'm not good enough for him"

"Oh Lorelai, no" Emily said quietly. "I didn't mean to say that. What I meant to say was that I think you risked something very precious in the past year or so. You took a chance and you got very lucky."

"Don't you think I know that?" Lorelai asked

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do think you know that."

"So, you don't think I'm good enough for Luke? You don't think he… that we…" Lorelai stumbled, not knowing what to say.

"Oh Lorelai," Emily said. "I think you are both good enough. I think you are perfect together in a way so few couple are. Nevertheless, I think you still are so afraid of being hurt that you often hurt first out of some sense of self-preservation. Unless…"

"Unless…" Lorelai prodded her.

"Unless that is only how you are with me. That you're so afraid I will hurt you that you try to hurt me first," Emily said.

Lorelai thought about it and realized Emily had a point.

"Maybe…" Lorelai said, "Maybe I do… with him, and with you."

"Can we begin this conversation again?" Emily asked.

"Okay…"

"Lorelai, I have been thinking about the relationship you have with Rory and I find myself envious and so I would officially like to request to be your friend," Emily said stiffly.

Lorelai couldn't help but laugh. Noticing the look of hurt on her mother's face, she tried to back pedal, but there was no way she could suppress her laughter.

"Oh, mom, I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you, honest" Lorelai said between giggles. "That was just so earnest."

"Lorelai…" her mother said, becoming frustrated.

"Sorry," Lorelai said, finally getting herself under control. "Okay, ask me again."

"I don't think…"

"Come on mom, ask me again" Lorelai insisted.

"I would like for us to try being friends," Emily said primly.

"I would love that mom," Lorelai said smiling.

"Thank you" Emily said, obviously pleased. "Now, as your friend, can I make a request?"

"Okay…" Lorelai answered.

"Well, as your friend, I would very much like to actually get to know Luke. It occurs to me I know very little about him, even from you, and I don't have any personal relationship with him at all. I am not trying to interfere. I just would like to get to know him" Emily said hopefully.

"I would as well," Richard said, having come into the room on the tail end of the conversation. "I know I didn't give him much of a chance before, but I would like to get to know him better Lorelai, that is, if you think he would be willing…"

"I would love for you guys to know him," Lorelai answered.

"Well… that seems to be settled. How was the party?" Richard asked.

"Amazing and perfect and everything I wanted" said Lorelai happily.

"I'm glad," Richard answered.

Rory chose that moment to enter.

"Hey mom," she said. She looked from her mother to her grandparents, noting they all looked quietly pleased and wondered what she had missed.

"Everything okay in here?" she asked.

"Everything is just fine," Emily answered.

"Better than fine," Richard amended.

"Better than coffee" Lorelai added, earning her a smile from the rest of the room.

* * *

Eleven o'clock found the Gilmore's in the Palm Restaurant in the lobby of the Plaza, waiting for Luke and his family. Lorelai was fidgeting nervously as she waited for them to arrive.

"Lorelai, stop that," Emily said as her daughter's leg shook uncontrollably under the table.

"Sorry," she said, as she began to drum her fingers against the table.

"Want me to text Jess and see if they're almost here?" Rory asked.

"Nonsense, they aren't even late, we're early," Emily answered.

"Look," Richard said pointing towards the hostess stand, "There they are."

The Gilmores stood up to greet their guests. Luke shook hands all around, reacquainting everyone with April. Jess and Rory hugged hello. When Luke walked over to Lorelai they regarded each other shyly, neither sure what to do. Lorelai felt the nerves in her stomach and clasped her hands together so no one would notice them shaking. Richard, however, had noticed with a smile; and so had Emily.

"Hi," Lorelai said quietly to Luke.

"Morning" Luke said, his hands jammed in his pockets as he looked up at her from under his lashes.

"Well, let's all sit. There's coffee, and Luke they said once you were here they would bring out their selection of teas for you." Emily said.

The group took their seats and all looked around the table, no one knowing where to begin.

"So," said April, diving right in, "Mr. and Mrs. Gilmore, this is a pretty amazing hotel. I can't believe I am actually having brunch at the plaza. Talk about a bucket list moment"

"You have a bucket list?" Richard said, instantly charmed by the young serious girl.

"Don't you?" she asked sincerely.

"Well, I hadn't thought of it," Richard responded.

"You should make one. Everyone should have a bucket list. Staying at the plaza is on mine, but this is close enough to be excellent"

"May I ask why you want to stay at the Plaza?" Emily asked the girl.

"Eloise" April said simply.

"Who?" Richard asked, but Emily had begun to smile.

"Lorelai loved that book as a child. She used to tell me all the time she was running away to stay at the plaza"

April looked at Lorelai with approval. "I used to tell my mom the same thing," she said laughing. "Did you like Eloise?" She asked Rory.

"I was more into Secret Garden," Rory said.

"Bridge to Terabithia for me" said Jess, surprising them.

"Really?" Rory asked.

"Yeah. I loved that book," he answered.

"Was Secret Garden the book that made you love reading Rory?" April asked. She didn't notice her father looking on with pride at his daughter who had somehow managed to take an awkward moment and smooth it over.

"Oh no. I guess the first book that got me going was Little Women,"

"I could have guessed that," said Jess.

"Okay hot shot, what was yours" Rory asked him.

"Not saying," Jess said, picking up his menu.

"Come on, I showed you mine," Rory insisted.

"Dirty," Lorelai mumbled loud enough for Luke to hear, earning her a half scowl and half laugh from the man.

"You'll laugh," Jess said.

"We would never laugh," said Richard, full of seriousness, "Literature is a very personal thing. Discovering a book that speaks to you is a lot like falling in love"

"Which book was your first love Mr. Gilmore?" April asked.

"It's Richard, and I would have to say the first book that really captured my imagination when I was a boy was The Call of the Wild"

"Good one," April said with approval.

"You've read it?" he asked.

"Sure. I try to read everything. Though I mostly love stuff looking at the Dystopian Future. I really liked The Giver, for example, as well as 1984"

"Water Ship Down" Jess said suddenly.

"The one about the rabbits?" Lorelai asked.

"There was a cartoon version of it on TV. I started watching it when I was like ten or eleven. I thought it was just another cartoon. But the idea of those rabbits being so human… When I found out it was a book, I borrowed it from the library. I didn't get all of it the first time, but that was the book." Jess said.

"Why would we make fun of that," asked Richard, "it's an excellent choice."

"It's about little bunny rabbits," Lorelai chuckled.

"I read that one," Luke said. "It was good."

"Really?" Jess asked.

"What" Luke asked, "I read."

"I know you can read Uncle Luke," Jess said with a smirk. "I just didn't know you did"

"Well I don't read as much as you and Rory, or April, but I like a good book"

"What was your first favorite," Lorelai asked him.

"I'm not sure, but probably something by Louis L'Amour. My dad liked westerns, and I guess he turned me on to them too," Luke answered. "What was your favorite Lorelai?"

"Easy," Lorelai said. "Anne of Green Gables. I loved that she wouldn't be what everyone expected her to be. She had to be herself."

"That suits you," said Emily. When she saw the look on her daughters face, she laughed. "Oh look at you Lorelai, looking so shocked. Anne of Green Gables is an excellent heroine for you. I meant it as a compliment."

Lorelai looked at her mother carefully, remembering their conversation about being friends and decided that her mother was being honest, and that she hadn't intended the comment as a slight.

"What was your favorite mom?" she asked.

"That's hard, but probably Marjorie Morningstar," she said.

"Really?" Lorelai asks, "Like the movie?"

"Yes. I read it the summer I turned sixteen. I was so envious of her and her ability to pursue a life outside of what was expected."

"But doesn't she eventually become exactly what everyone expected her to?" Lorelai asked, "At least that's how I remember it."

"Me too," Rory said. "I read the book in high school, and I remember thinking the end was a cop out, that she had failed."

"That's not what I remember," Emily said. "I always thought that while she ended up where she did, it was because she wanted to, not because it was her only choice."

"Hmmm" Rory said thoughtfully. "I think I should read that one again."

"Me too," said Lorelai.

"I can read it too, and so can you Mrs. Gilmore-"

"Emily, please"

"Emily. You can read it too, and we can have like a book club"

"What a splendid idea" Emily said pleased. "But I think we should do all of them. We can start with mine, but we should read all of our favorites"

"Great idea mom," Lorelai said, and Emily was pleased to see that Lorelai meant it.

The conversation about books had successfully broken the ice and brunch proceeded nicely.

As the group finished eating, Richard rose from the table and looked to Luke.

"Luke, I was wondering if you would join me at the bar for a moment," he asked.

"Sure," Luke answered hesitantly, rising to follow the older man.

Lorelai watched them retreat to the bar nervously, wondering what her father wanted.

Once at the bar, Richard turned to Luke. Noticing the younger man's look of trepidation, Richard smiled.

"Luke, I am not here to give you a hard time. If anything, it is quite the opposite. I know you will never ask for it, but I want you to know, you have my blessing with Lorelai"

"Uhm… thank you?" Luke said uncertainly.

"Look, I know that nothing is settled in the formal sense with you and Lorelai, but I know my daughter, and I dare say, you are it for her. So, no matter where it goes from here, I want you to know that Emily and I both approve."

"Thank you," Luke said again, unsure what else there was he could say.

"May I share something with you?" Richard asked.

"Okay…"

"I overheard my wife and Lorelai talking this morning. I won't get into the details, but suffice it to say that in the end they were talking about the idea of being friends. Lorelai and Rory are great friends, and sadly, that is something neither Emily nor I have ever enjoyed with Lorelai. Emily is working on building that with Lorelai, but it's harder for me, as her father, but I would very much like if you and I could be friends." Richard said.

"Well… yeah… of course…" Luke stammered, not sure if he and Richard Gilmore would ever really be friends.

"I can see you are hesitant Luke. May I ask why?"

"I don't like golf," Luke said suddenly.

"Pardon?" Richard asked.

"I don't like golf, I don't want to read the classics, and I don't need an art dealer. Also, I don't want to franchise the diner. It's a diner. What makes it good is that it's not a franchise," Luke said in a single breath.

"Fair enough. Moreover, please, allow me to apologize for before. That was not an honest attempt to get to know you, and that was shortsighted on my part. I would like to rectify that. So you say you don't like to golf, what do you like to do?" Richard asked.

"Fish?" Luke said unsurely.

"Well, I dare say I feel about fishing the way you feel about golf."

"Chess" Luke said. "I used to play with my dad all the time. I don't think I've really played since…"

"Since he passed," asked Richard.

"Yeah." Luke answered quietly.

"I enjoy chess very much, and while Lorelai and Emily both have the mind for it, neither of them have the patience. I was going to try and teach Rory, but I never got around to it. But if you would be willing, I would be pleased if you and I could play on occasion."

"I would like that," Luke said simply. "We will have to set something up for when I get back from Aspen"

"So you're still going?" Richard asked.

"Lorelai knows and…" Luke began, getting defensive.

"Please, don't misunderstand. I did not mean to criticize. I think it's good you're going. It won't hurt Lorelai to have to wait for you for a change, and I think she will be happy to wait as long as she knows you're coming back."

"I am," Luke assured him.

"Well then, I see no reason you shouldn't go to Aspen. From what Lorelai told us, it sounds like a wonderful opportunity"

"I'm looking forward to it," agreed Luke. "I mean I'm gonna miss Lorelai like hell, but this is something I never thought I'd get to do."

"It's important for a man to follow his dreams," Richard said. "Do you think you prefer this kind of cooking to the diner?" he asked.

Luke considered the man. Regardless of his words of approval, Luke was still sensitive to the idea that Richard might be judging him.

"I don't know" Luke answered honestly.

"Well, either way, you clearly have a good head for business and talent as a chef, so no matter what you decide, I am sure it will be successful," Richard said with certainty, earning him a smile from Luke.

"Thank you. And, uhm… thank you for your blessing, I guess. I mean yes, thank you. I know how happy Lorelai has been to be getting closer to her mom and to you, and I am happy that she and I being together won't get in the way of that"

"Would it have mattered if it did?" Richard asked.

"Honestly?" Luke asked. "No"

"That, son, is why I approve." Richard said with a smile. "Lorelai is a strong woman. She is so much like her mother, though I suggest you don't ever tell her that"

"I would never dare" Luke said chuckling.

"It is a wonderful thing to love and be loved by a woman like that, one who knows her own mind, one who is able to be a partner rather than simply and appendage." Richard said.

"I agree"

"But the thing is, Lorelai, and Emily, both have a need to be taken care of, to be safe. They would both deny it. And I do not want you to think that I think either of them is unable to take care of themselves. Nevertheless, they need someone that is able to love as fiercely as they do. I forgot that for a while, and it nearly cost me everything. So the fact that you don't need our approval tells me that you would not let anything stand in your way, and that alone would be enough to get my support," said Richard.

"Thank you, Richard."

"Now, if I may, I know you lost your father some time ago. And I do not want you to think what I am about to say is meant to be in any way disrespectful of that relationship, but a Father in Law can sometimes offer the best of both worlds, the advice of someone older who has been there but still, not a father, more of a friend"

"Richard, you know I haven't… I mean we are just working this out… we haven't even talked about next month let alone getting married. We are taking it slow," Luke said

"Are you planning to change your mind about Lorelai?"

"Never," Luke said with certainty.

"You think you'll meet someone else?"

"No," Luke answered.

"You think she will"

"No I don't. I think we both know what we want," Luke said.

"So in one way or another, you will be together."

"Yes we will. I will never let go of her again,"

"Good man," Richard said smiling. "So, with that in mind, and even though I know I am not really your Father in Law, well, I want you to feel you can call on me, that you can come to me, I am making a mess of this…" Richard said, and Luke realized it was the first time he had ever seen the man shaken.

"Richard, I would be honored to be able to call on you," Luke said.

"Thank you," Richard said, pleased. "Now we should return to the table before Lorelai gets too anxious"

They began to walk away when Richard turned back to Luke suddenly.

"You make her nervous you know," Richard said, regarding the younger man.

"I noticed that last night at the party. I guess it stuck out to me because… well… she's Lorelai. I've seen her a lot of things, but I don't think I'd ever seen her nervous before," Luke answered. "Why do you mention it?"

"Felt fantastic didn't it?" Richard asked, smiling knowingly.

"Damn sure did" Luke said, returning the older man's smile.

And with that, they returned to the table.

The rest of brunch proceeded nicely, and soon it was time to say goodbye. Luke was spending the rest of the day with April, and then early the following morning he would put her on a plane back to her mom and he would head out to Aspen.

"April," Emily said, seeing Luke and Lorelai looking at each other "Did you know there is a lovely gift shop in the lobby. Why don't we go pick you out a souvenir, what with this being a bucket list moment and all?"

"That's not necessary," Luke began, but Emily cut him off.

"Nonsense. It will give you and Lorelai a moment for a proper goodbye. I am sure April would prefer not to be exposed to the, shall we say, sappier side you your relationship"

"Yes, please spare me," April said laughing.

"Good, so it's settled. We will all adjourn to the gift shop. When you're ready, you can meet us there," Richard said, leading the rest of the group out the door of the restaurant.

Luke looked at Lorelai and smiled sadly.

"This sucks," she said simply.

"I have thought a hundred times since last night of just canceling it and coming home to Stars Hollow with you…" Luke said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"No," Lorelai said firmly. "You have to do this. What's six more months?"

"Yeah," Luke answered, "But as you said, it sucks."

He gathered her into his arms, inhaling the smell of her hair, trying to memorize how her body fit to his.

"God, I am going to miss you," he whispered into her hair.

"Me too," she said, trying her best to keep her tears at bay.

"So," he said pulling back from her. "Promises and requests?"

"You go first," she said.

"Well, I promise to email you every chance I get. And I request that you spend the next six months doing whatever makes you happy"

"I will be working on the retreat with my mom mostly I think. We have meetings with the architects soon, and will break ground in spring."

"And you're looking forward to this? To working with your mom."

"Actually, I am. I think it will be great. I think for the first time she and I might have a shot at becoming real friends."

"I think that's great," Luke said sincerely. "Speaking of which, your dad and I have come to a kind of understanding too."

"I was going to ask you what you two talked about."

"Mostly guy stuff. Dad stuff," he said. "He gave me his blessing and his approval, on behalf of him and Emily both."

"Really?" Lorelai asked.

"Really. And I honestly think he was sincere. We talked about playing chess together when I get back"

"You play chess?" Lorelai asked.

"I am a man of many many talents," he said, kissing her.

"Okay," she said when they finally broke apart. "My turn."

"Okay," Luke said, reaching out and wrapping a strand of her hair around his finger, luxuriating in the feel.

"Ok, promise; I promise to be here when you get back. Request…" she said hesitating.

"Anything, Lorelai. You can ask me anything, you know that right?" he asked.

"I know. Okay, request… this time… please wait for me?" Lorelai said, looking into his eyes.

"Oh Lorelai," he said pulling her into his arms, "I waited for you last time too. I will wait for you forever."

And with that, he once again pulled the love of his life into his arms.


	11. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine.**

 **Chapter 10: March 2010**

* * *

Luke began this morning as he had begun every morning for the past three months; with the shrill call of his alarm. He reached over and silenced the offending object, and then without moving, he reached over to his nightstand, took his iPhone off of its charger and opened the email application.

TO: DinerGuy

FROM: LVGILMORE

SUBJECT: Why I hate Mornings: Item 752

Good morning.

Well, not good, so… morning.

I need coffee. Why don't you have coffee you ask? Well because the man who makes the special coffee that I like is in Aspen and that is too far to go for coffee. So I can make my own coffee or I can go to the diner, but the coffee isn't quite right… or I can suffer and drink tea.

Yeah, like that will happen.

Anyway, ignore me. I am just cranky. Why are you cranky you ask? Because my mother is a crazy person. Like "the people, the people, break the glass" kind of a crazy person. One minute she is all gung ho on this project and the next she has some fundraiser that is really going to require her attention for the next two weeks. I don't get it. This was her idea. She came to me. She got me all excited and now… nothing. I can't get her to understand she has to either be in or out. That building a business can't be a hobby.

Sorry, clearly the yoga isn't working today.

So, I miss you. Why do you miss me you ask? Well I miss you because you are kind, and you are warm, and you make me happy. And of course for the most important reason – you know how to make the coffee. It always comes back to the coffee.

Promise: I promise I don't only love you for your coffee (your cute butt helps)

Request: Can you speed up time? Can you build me one of those "beam me up Scotty" things and then I can break into a million little pieces and fly through the air to you…. Like Wonkavision… except then I would be tiny, and that would be a problem is so many ways…

See what happens when I don't have the coffee?

Have a good day :)

L- 

Luke smiled as he read her rambling email. He looked at his clock. Nine in the morning. He wondered what he was going to do when he got home and had to switch back to diner hours. Then again, when he got back home, there was nothing to stop him from keeping on at least some of the extra staff so that he could sleep in a little. Luke shook his head. He wasn't used to having so many possibilities ahead of him. It freaked him out a little to know there was no real plan, no obligation, no requirements. There was him, and he hoped there was Lorelai. There were Rory and April and Jess. And the rest was yet to be defined.

Luke clicked reply on the email, drafted Lorelai a reply, hit send and went to get ready for his morning run.

* * *

 _ **Meanwhile, in Stars Hollow.**_

Lorelai sat behind her desk looking over the third quarter reports for the Dragonfly. She had to admit she was proud of herself for having had a hand in creating something so successful. The problem was, she had created it and then it had learned to walk on its own, and now she was unneeded.

If only she could get her mother moving.

She was excited about their retreat project. But it seemed like the more invested she got, the more her mother backed away. Lorelai had been so happy with all the progress she and her mother had made, but lately it felt as though her mother had placed her on a back burner to simmer on her own. She was getting more frustrated with each week that passed, and she knew that one day soon, the whole thing would come to a head, and she was not looking forward to that particular battle.

Lorelai was putting her files away when she heard the tell tale beep from her phone alerting her to a new email. Glancing at the time as she grabbed her phone, she knew exactly who the email was from.

TO:LVGILMORE

FROM: DinerGuy

SUBJECT: RE: Why I hate Mornings: Item 752

So, finally the truth comes out. You only want me for my coffee… okay, I guess to be fair that was never really a secret to begin with. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I didn't know how to make the coffee…

And by the way, did you really try to mix Willy Wonka with Star Trek? I mean come on. One is based on science and the other is based on candy. And no, the machine that makes the everlasting gobstopers does not count as science.

Stop mocking me while you read… and don't show this to Sookie… or Rory!

I'm sorry your mom is making you nuts. You knew this was a possibility when you went into business with her. Maybe you need to have a partners meeting. I remember you did that with Sookie in the beginning, before the Dragonfly, kind of set expectations and talk about what each of you will do. If not, you can always try valium (for her not you… with your standard caffeine intake, you would probably have to OD before a tranquilizer would even have an effect.)

So, if it's nine fifteen here, it's eleven fifteen by you, which means you should be just about to go into the kitchen and bug Sookie about lunch. Sookie has a surprise for you.

You're welcome. (You're going to thank me later!)

Ok, off to run and then to work. I'll call you around five your time when I get a break between the lunch and dinner service.

I miss you too.

Promise: I promise to watch at least three more of the movies on your "must watch" list (I will never get to all 50)

Request: Don't kill your mother.

Bye

Luke.

Lorelai clicked off the screen and immediately ran into the kitchen.

"Where is it?" Lorelai asked the room in general.

"Sookie is in back in the prep area" one of the line chefs said.

"Thanks," Lorelai answered, walking through the kitchen to the prep station that was off to the side.

As Lorelai approached the area, she saw Sookie standing there smiling, a covered dish waiting on the table beside her.

"Oh oh," giggled Lorelai, "is that my surprise."

"Yep," Sookie answered, happy to see Lorelai in a good mood.

"What is it?" Lorelai asked.

"One way to find out," Sookie said indicating the cover.

Lorelai lifted the cover off the dish and smiled at what she saw.

"Is today another taste test?" Lorelai asked. Ever since she had declared Luke's Red Vine Salad to be the best salad in the entire universe, Sookie had been trying to replicate it based on her descriptions. Thus far, this plan had not been a success.

"Taste away," Sookie said, handing her a fork.

Lorelai took a bite and then stopped mid chew, her eyes growing wide. She started to talk, quickly chewed and swallowed her mouthful and then began again.

"It's the Red Vine Salad," Lorelai said shocked. "You did it! Wait till I tell Luke… wait, he knew you got it. He told me you had a surprise for me. How did he know unless… did he actually give you the recipe? I thought Luke said he would never tell you the recipe for that. Some sort of super secret chef code where no one can know how you really saw the carrot in half"

"We made a deal," Sookie replied.

"What deal?" Lorelai asked.

"I traded him, my Asian avocado and salmon salad for this," Sookie said.

"Still, I can't believe he gave this one up. He was having so much fun torturing you about it."

"Well I might have played a little dirty on that one," Sookie admitted.

"What did you do Ray?" Lorelai asked, her mouth full of salad.

"I might have told him that by giving me the recipe he would indirectly be feeding you, since it's his salad."

"You used his feelings for me to weasel the recipe out of him?" Lorelai asked.

Sookie nodded embarrassed.

"Good call!" Lorelai said. "So that was all it took?"

"And I had to admit, in writing, that he is the creator of the greatest salad in the universe" Sookie answered. "Yup. All I had to do was pimp out my best friend, swallow my pride, and Voila. The Red Vine Salad."

"Have you tasted this salad," Lorelai asked, taking another forkful. "Totally worth it."

"Oh, before you ask, I also had to promise not to put it on the menu. He doesn't know if he wants to use it at his place and after all it is his recipe," Sookie said.

"I figured," Lorelai answered. "Thanks for making this Sookie. Seriously. I know you only really did it for me, and I really appreciate it."

"No problem," Sookie answered. "I have to admit, it's a great recipe. If Luke starts serving stuff like this at the diner, he might become our competition.

"If my mother ever gets off her ass and we open the retreat, that might be competition too," Lorelai said.

"True, but we talked about that. You said you were going to let me talk to the head chef and we will figure out a way to deconflict so that both places aren't the same."

"Absolutely. I offered to make you executive chef of both, and then you can have all the power," Lorelai said.

"I know sweetie. And I appreciate the offer, but I want to stick here," Sookie said with a smile.

"You're afraid to be in business with Emily," Lorelai said.

"A little bit" Sookie laughed. "But really, it just comes down to preferring to run my own kitchen and cook my own food rather than being a manager and letting other people do the cooking."

"I know Sook." Lorelai said. "Speaking of the retreat. I have to get up to Hartford. My mom and I are supposed to get together at one."

"Is it about the business?" Sookie asked.

"Who knows at this point," Lorelai answered with a shrug. "I mean the place doesn't even have a name yet"

"You'll get there," Sookie said, patting Lorelai's back.

"Yeah. I know. I just…"

"I know, patience is not your virtue," Sookie laughed.

"You know me so well. Ok, gotta go," Lorelai said over her shoulder.

* * *

One o'clock found Lorelai pulling up in front of a small building in the business district of Hartford. She checked the address her mother had given her to confirm she was in the right place and got out of her car.

She walked up to the building and rang the bell.

"Lorelai, you're here," said Emily standing aside so her daughter could enter.

"Yep."

"And right on time, too," Emily said.

"Yep again," Lorelai replied looking at her mother's excited face. "Uhm… exactly where are we"

"Well, follow me and I will show you," Emily said.

Lorelai followed her mother through a second door into a large reception area. The space was tastefully decorated with soft sofas, a large table with chairs, a hutch. The space was somewhere between a living room and a waiting room. On the back wall were two closed doors.

"Mom?" Lorelai asked, confused.

"Welcome to the headquarters of Gilmore and Gilmore" Emily said proudly.

"I'm sorry, the what?" Lorelai asked.

"Our headquarters," Emily answered, her arms sweeping expansively across the space. "We are a real business, so we needed a real office."

"Mom…" Lorelai began.

"Your office is through that door, the other office is mine. Now I didn't decorate your office because I wasn't sure what you would like. But I have all the catalogues, so you just pick things and it will be done before you know it," Emily effused.

"Mom…" Lorelai said more loudly.

"Oh, I also had them install a wireless network throughout the whole place. The young man who came to install the phones suggested it. Apparently it is much easier than other kinds of networks. I have the pass code written down on a piece of paper…"

"Mom! Stop!" Lorelai shouted, bringing her mother up short. "What the hell is all this?"

"I just told you, it's our official offices," Emily said.

"Great. We have business offices, but we don't do any actual business."

"Lorelai, what has gotten in to you today," Emily asked sharply. "I expected you to be pleased about this."

"Pleased," Lorelai repeated. "This is not how you run a business. You don't drop God knows how much money on an office before you have even signed off on the architect's renderings. We don't have a business plan, permits, any ideas about any zoning issues. We don't even have a name!"

"Lorelai, please calm down," Emily said.

"No. I won't calm down. I knew this was a mistake, I knew it. I wanted to believe so much in this. But you just don't get it," Lorelai said.

"What don't I get," Emily said, losing her patience.

"Just…forget it," Lorelai said.

"I will not forget it. You have something to say to me, go ahead and say it." Emily said.

Lorelai took a breath and began again.

"Mom, I just don't know if you and I can work together," Lorelai said.

"Why on earth not?" Emily said. "Because I got us offices. I didn't buy anything. It's all rented. I just wanted a place for us to hang our hats, to be real career girls," Emily said lightly.

"Career girls," Lorelai said?

"Well, yes." Emily said.

"Oh my God," Lorelai said quietly. "I get it now. This is a game."

"I don't understand," Emily said.

"This is a game. You are playing at being a career girl the same way I used to play at being a Rockette. All I wanted were the pretty costumes. The trappings, not the work. That's what you're doing. You want the trappings. You don't understand how to work," Lorelai finished.

"I don't know how to work? Who do you think keeps everything running? Who do you think manages every fundraiser, ever DAR event, every moment of your father's life? I don't know how to work?" Emily said, getting louder as she went until she was yelling at Lorelai.

"I just meant –" Lorelai began, but Emily cut her off.

"I know what you meant. You and your father both believe that all I know is shopping and dinner parties. That I am incapable of anything else. Both of you are so smart and I am just some vapid housewife…"

"No one ever called you vapid," Lorelai interjected.

"You didn't have to." Emily said.

"Mom, calm down. All I was trying to say is that I know…"

"You know how to work. I know Lorelai. You never let me forget for one moment how hard you worked, how you did everything on your own, all your own hard work. Your house, your business, Rory, everything all by yourself. You certainly never needed me. And why would you, I don't know how to work!"

"So what? You want me to apologize for not needing you, for making it when I was on my own at sixteen with a baby…" Lorelai yelled back.

"Whose fault was that?" Emily asked.

"Yes I know. Me, the disappointment who couldn't keep her legs together."

"Lorelai, that is not what I meant," Emily said.

"Oh come on. My entire life you have resented the fact that I am who I am and not who you want me to be."

"All I ever wanted for you was the best," Emily said.

"No. All you ever wanted for me was to have exactly what you wanted for me." Lorelai said.

"What's wrong with that," Emily asked.

"Because wanting what you think is best and wanting what is best for me are two different things."

"Lorelai, you're being ridiculous," Emily said dismissively.

"Oh my God. Do you know how much I truly hate when you say that. I am not being ridiculous."

"Oh for heaven's sake," Emily snorted. "I can see we are at that point when nothing I say matters anymore because you have decided I am the wicked witch,"

"If the pointy hat fits," Lorelai said under her breath.

"Fine. That's fine," Emily said gathering her things. "Perhaps it was a mistake to think we could work together."

"Unbelievable. You're mad at me because I made a life for myself without your help."

"That is not true," Emily answered.

"Of course it's true. Every time you don't approve of something, do you talk to me about it? Do you even try to see it from my side? Of course not. You swoop in and tell me I am doing it wrong. But not this time, because I know how to do this."

"I never said you didn't," Emily yelled.

"Then what mom? You want me to apologize for running away? Want me to apologize for getting pregnant, for embarrassing you? What? What do you want from me because I am not going to apologize for working hard to make a life for me and Rory!"

"Lorelai -" Emily began, but Lorelai cut her off.

"I have to go mom," Lorelai said heading out the door, leaving Emily standing there alone.

* * *

Lorelai spent the remainder of the afternoon shopping in an attempt to get her frustration out via some good old retail therapy. The truth was, she was blindsided. She had honestly thought she and her mother were past all of this, past being angry at each other.

Passing a Starbucks, Lorelai ducked in, ordered a cappuccino and put her bags at her feet. Taking a sip of her drink, she took out her phone to text Rory.

( _Don't tell Luke, but I'm cheating on him with Starbucks_ ) Lorelai sent. She sipped her drink as she waited for the reply.

( _Starbucks? You want him to have a stroke. Not only is it someone else's coffee, it is chain coffee, franchise coffee, the coffee that is single handedly killing the American diner. How could you?)_ came the reply.

( _Oh good. Now you don't have to tell him because you have yelled at me on his behalf)_ Lorelai answered.

( _If I promise not to tell him, what's in it for me?)_ Rory asked.

( _How about I promise never to make you apologize to me for being successful and raising a child)_ Lorelai replied.

( _Grandma?)_

( _Who else?_ ) Lorelai responded.

( _I thought you two were getting along_ )

( _We were. But it was too good to last I guess_ ) Lorelai typed.

( _What happened._ )

( _Oh, it's too much for me to type. Usual stuff. I'm a disappointment._ ) Lorelai answered.

( _You've never disappointed me._ ) Rory answered immediately.

( _Thanks kid. That means a lot._ ) Lorelai typed back.

( _So, what are you going to do?_ ) Asked Rory.

( _I don't know. Right now, I am still too angry to want to talk to her_ )

( _Well… I think you should talk to her. Calm down first for sure. But you need to talk this out once and for all_ ) Rory typed.

( _What's the point_ ) Lorelai asked.

( _The point is maybe you do it once, say everything that needs to be said, and then you can really move on_ )

( _And just today Luke made me promise not to kill my mother_ ) Lorelai answered.

( _LOL_ ) came the response.

( _I love you kid._ )

( _love you too mom_ ) Rory responded.

* * *

 _ **Meanwhile… in Aspen**_

Luke, on an hour break before dinner began, walked to the downtown area with the intent of going to his favorite little coffee shop. He had to admit he loved Aspen, with its shops and amazing restaurants. Sure, it was often full of uppity tourist types, but he was used to that from Hartford and New York, and the truth was, he loved the clean feel of the air.

He also knew that Lorelai would love the little town. He couldn't wait to tell her that he had managed to get them three passes to the Food and Wine classic in June. He knew she would be ecstatic to come out, to say nothing of her crush on that one chef from the cooking show she watched.

He was smiling to himself, anticipating a little quiet time, when he heard a voice calling to him.

"Hey, Luke," came the yell from the pretty blond woman across the street.

He knew he had no way to avoid her, so he came to a standstill as she crossed the street.

"Heather, hey." Luke reluctantly greeted her.

He had met Heather his first week in Aspen when he went running for the first time. Unused to the altitude, he had almost thrown up after going a couple of blocks. She had been running by and had stopped to make sure he was okay.

It turned out, she lived in the building across from his, and soon, they became running partners, keeping a similar schedule. He had enjoyed running with her, having someone to keep pace with. Luke had found himself opening up to Heather a little bit. He had been honest from the start that he was involved with someone, and she had said she understood, and the truth was he enjoyed having someone to talk to.

Luke hadn't become concerned until Valentine's Day. He had been coming home from work after closing the restaurant and had seen her sitting on his front stoop waiting for him.

"What are you doing here, it's almost midnight" he had asked worried.

"Waiting for you," she said standing up. "Wanted to wish you a happy Valentine's Day"

"Oh.. Uhm thanks." Luke said, becoming uncomfortable about what this was.

"That's it," Heather asked looking up at him coyly. "All I get is 'Uhm, thanks'"

"Heather, look, I'm flattered, but I'm seeing someone." Luke said, trying to move around her to his door.

"Yeah, in Connecticut," she answered. "But you're not in Connecticut. You're here. You must be lonely," she said, touching his arm lightly. "I understand the rules. I won't be a problem. But you don't have to be lonely"

As Heather spoke she had inched closer to him until she was fully in his space. Without touching her, Luke moved himself closer to his door in an attempt to get away from her.

"Heather, you should go home," Luke said.

"She'll never know," Heather repeated.

"I'd know," Luke answered. "I may be a lot of things, but I don't cheat."

"Are you telling me you're actually turning down free sex?" Heather asked.

"What I am telling you is that if you don't get off my stoop, I will remove you," Luke said, hoping it wouldn't come to that as he didn't want to touch the woman for any reason.

"Spoil sport," Heather said, the flirtation still evident in her voice.

"Go home Heather. I'm not interested," Luke said again, with as much force as he could without yelling.

"Fine," she said, waving backwards over her shoulder. "If you change your mind, you know which building is mine. I'm apartment 3-F"

"Good night Heather," he said, opening the door to his own building.

He showered and got ready for bed, still unsure of what had happened with Heather. The truth was he did like her, and if he wasn't with Lorelai, he would have welcomed her attention. But there was nothing that would bring him to cheat on Lorelai. He hadn't been with another woman since the first time he and Lorelai had been together. Even when they split up, he had gone out once or twice, but he had not taken another woman to bed. Unlike…

He stopped the thought before it could fully form, not wanting to start thinking about her time with Christopher.

He felt bad about Heather. He tried to go over his behavior towards her, to figure out if there was any way he was giving her mixed messages. He didn't think he had, but he still regretted her feelings getting hurt.

The following morning, Heather had once again been on his doorstep, this time armed with a cup of tea and an apology.

She had told Luke she was sorry for the position she had put him in. That her date had bailed on her at the last minute and she had gone looking for a little fun.

For a week or so, nothing more had been said, and they had gone back to their easy friendship, running together most mornings, seeing each other around the neighborhood and the like.

Then about two weeks ago, she had once again been on his doorstep when he had gotten home. They went through the same conversation, with her propositioning him and him turning her down. The following morning she had once again apologized, but Luke, never one for drama, had decided the best choice was to avoid her.

Unfortunately, Heather was hard to avoid.

"You on break," Heather said as she drew up along side of him.

"Yeah, actually I've gotta go," Luke said starting off down the street.

Heather walked with him, never breaking her stride.

"Where are you off to?" Heather asked. "You have time for some coffee?"

"Heather, I really don't have time today," Luke said again. He knew that he should probably just tell her outright to stay away from him, but he felt badly about the entire situation and didn't want to either embarrass her or egg her on.

"Come on, I'm sure you have fifteen minutes," she said.

"I really don't," he responded, wishing for the first time that the people here knew "grumpy Luke" so that he could mumble a few rude words and stalk away. Unfortunately, it seemed grumpy Luke had been left behind with his flannel.

"How about tonight after your shift, you want to get a drink. I don't mind that it's late," Heather said. Luke was beginning to wonder if she would ever just give up and leave him alone.

"Heather, I can't. But thanks. Hey I gotta go," he said sprinting across the street against the light in an attempt to get away from her.

Luke wondered, not for the first time, if it was a mistake not telling Lorelai about Heather. Up until now, he felt like he had the situation well in hand, but he was beginning to realize Heather wasn't going to just go away, and he worried that by not telling Lorelai he looked like he had something to hide. He decided the best course of action would be to tell Lorelai when he spoke to her this afternoon.

Lorelai

He looked at his watch realizing it was almost three o'clock his time, so five in Stars Hollow. He ran quickly into the coffee shop, getting a tea and muffin to go, and he headed outside to a little bench where he could talk to Lorelai in private.

She answered on the third ring, her voice exaggeratedly breathily and low.

"Lorelai's house of pleasure, your wish is our command" she said.

"What if I had been your mother," Luke said laughing.

"I knew it wasn't" Lorelai said, snuggling into the couch for a chat.

"How could you know that," he asked.

"Caller ID?" she answered with a chuckle, "Besides, she's not speaking to me right now."

"What happened," he asked, concern in his voice.

"Nope. Don't want to talk about it. Let's talk about something fun. How are you?" Lorelai asked.

"Oh you know me," Luke said, knowing he better bring it up now then wait. "I have a stalker I think."

"Are the restaurant groupies getting out of hand," Lorelai asked.

"I don't have restaurant groupies."

"You had diner groupies," Lorelai said.

"Babette and Miss Patty don't count," Luke laughed.

"I'll be your groupie," Lorelai offered and then taking on a breathy voice again started calling "oh Luke, over here Luke, you're so sexy."

Luke knew that if he wasn't careful he would follow Lorelai right down one of her rabbit holes, and never bring up Heather at all.

"Lorelai, I'm serious," he said, not wanting to upset her, but also needing her to hear him.

Lorelai stopped laughing at once, her stomach tightening.

"What's going on?" she asked carefully.

So Luke told her the whole story, omitting nothing. When he finished, he waited for her response.

"Wow," was all Lorelai could say.

"I want you to know I didn't lead her on," he said. "I told her day one that I was with someone, I don't want you to think I would ever, or that I have any interest in…"

"It's okay babe," Lorelai said. She could hear Luke exhale on the other end of the phone. "I know you wouldn't cheat," Lorelai's thoughts turning to her time with Christopher, a fact she and Luke had never really hashed out. All of a sudden she realized Luke had asked her a question and she didn't know what it was.

"Sorry. I didn't hear you," she said.

"I asked you what you think I should do," Luke repeated.

"I know you're not going to want to hear this," Lorelai began, "But I think you need to be blunt. I know you're trying to be nice about this, and while I think that's really sweet of you, I think now is when your general approach would be better."

"My general approach," Luke asked.

"Scare her away," Lorelai said laughing.

"What do you mean scare her away," Luke asked, "I'm not scary."

"Oh my God, Luke, if anyone in Stars Hollow heard this conversation they would think they were in the Twilight Zone. You were perhaps the most unfriendly, cranky, grumpy, antisocial person in that town. Stars Hollow Luke would have this girl running for the hills."

"Okay, point taken, but I am trying not to be that guy. You didn't love that guy…" Luke said, and instantly regretted it.

"Oh, Luke, I did love that guy. I do love that guy. I love you, in whatever form you want to take. I think it's great that you've lightened up. I think you needed that. But you don't have to let go of who you are. Are you seriously going to let a little blond woman scare you," she asked, half teasing. "Would Stars Hollow Luke let this bother him."

"Probably not," Luke agreed. "But Stars Hollow Luke didn't have you."

"Yes he did," she said quietly.

"Not really," he mumbled before he could stop himself.

"Luke…" she said, knowing where this line of conversation would take them.

"Listen," he said, clearing his throat. "I only have about 10 more minutes, which isn't enough time to get into well… that… so instead, tell me what happened with your mom. Did you have a partners meeting?"

"I didn't get the chance. We had a huge blow up. It was awful. I thought we were past it, but there she was making me feel small and worthless yet again. When will I learn," Lorelai huffed.

"Well… never," Luke said simply.

"What!?"

"She's your mother. You love her. And because you love her, you'll never really stop hoping that it will get better."

"The rest is just details," Lorelai muttered.

"What? I didn't hear you," Luke asked.

"Nothing. Oh, I just remembered something." Lorelai answered.

"Well I hope it's something good." Luke said with a smile.

"Something great," Lorelai yelled, "I can't believe I almost forgot to thank you. You gave Sookie the recipe. Thank you Thank you Thank you"

"You're welcome," Luke said quietly.

"I love that salad. I could marry that salad and have little salad babies," Lorelai said.

"You realize you get stranger every year," Luke asked.

"Yup," Lorelai said smiling. "It's all part of my master plan."

"Keep it up then," Luke said. "Listen I have to get back to the restaurant."

"Okay. I think I am going to go talk to my mother," Lorelai answered.

"Good," Luke said smiling.

"But if she starts yelling 'no more wire hangers' I am out of there," Lorelai said.

"Huh," Luke asked confused.

"Ah. You haven't gotten to Mommy Dearest yet," Lorelai said.

"I decided to do them alphabetically," Luke said, referring to her list of must see movies that she assigned to him to watch while he was in Aspen.

"Well," Lorelai said. "You are a Golden God."

Luke smiled into the phone. "And you are my Penny Lane. Well, without the Quaaludes OD"

Lorelai smiled as well, pleased. "Did you like that one."

"Actually I did." Luke said. "I'm up to L for this weekend."

"Oh, yay, League of Their Own" Lorelai enthused.

"That's the girl baseball movie, right?" Luke asked.

"Trust me, this one you're gonna love. You are so Jimmy Dugan," she giggled. "There's no crying in baseball," she said very seriously.

"What?" he asked confused as to her apparent topic change. "Of course there's no crying in baseball."

"I knew it." Lorelai said triumphantly "Jimmy Dugan."

"Okay, crazy lady, I've got to go." Luke said.

"Okay. Tomorrow?" Lorelai asked.

"Same bat time, same bat station." Luke said.

"Very good grasshopper. You are learning," Lorelai laughed.

"Bye," Luke said quietly.

"Bye." Lorelai responded. After she hung up, she gathered herself together, got in her car and began the ride to her parent's home.

* * *

Lorelai rang her mother's doorbell about forty five minutes later. The latest maid let her in and led her to the sitting room to wait. After a few moments Emily entered.

"Lorelai, what brings you here," her mother asked. "Have you thought of some other ways I have failed you?"

"Mom," Lorelai said uncertainly and then paused.

"Well what is it. I am very busy not working," Emily said.

"I love you," Lorelai said quietly. Emily looked at her, speechless. "Now is where you say, that you love me too," Lorelai added.

"Of course I love you, Lorelai, don't be redicu-" Emily cut herself off before she could finish the word. "I'm sorry Lorelai. And yes, I love you too."

"Well then, we need to figure this out because if I love you and you love me, then as someone once told me, all the rest is details."

"And I am very good at details," Emily said with a smile.


	12. Chapter 11

**Author's Note:**

 **Thank you so much for the reviews. I always appreciate them. I know there were a few people who did not agree with how Luke handled (or didn't handle) the Heather thing… fear not. It's all part of the larger picture for our Java Junkies.**

 **I know this chapter took a while to get up. Sorry about that. Here's hoping it was worth the wait….**

 **As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from Time to time.**

* * *

 **Chapter 11 - June 2010**

Lorelai was running back and forth in her bedroom at the Crap Shack wearing nothing but her underwear and a bra. Half of her wardrobe was strewn around the room, creating the illusion that a very localized tornado had touched down only in her closet. She reached for her favorite pair of light wash jeans for the third time in an hour, slid them up her legs, buttoned them and studied herself in the mirror.

"The problem is," she explained to Rory who she had on speakerphone, "I want to be comfy on the plane but cute in the airport. I need something that travels well, but also doesn't look like I'm trying too hard, and all that says jeans. But let's face it, sometimes I bloat when I fly, so do I really want to wear jeans for that, ending up both uncomfortable and potentially with a muffin top…"

"Mom," Rory interjected, "you have never had a muffin top ever."

"You never met me when I was pregnant" Lorelai insisted

"You wouldn't let dad buy me the Delorian," Rory said.

"Regardless. I am getting older, a sad but true fact, and gravity affects us all," Lorelai said, looking at herself in the jeans from every angle and attempting to pooch her belly out to see if it made a difference.

"Mom, you're over thinking this."

"And another thing," exclaimed Lorelai, "the outfit also has to flatter my tush."

"I think this is a lot of pressure to put on one outfit," Rory said with mock sincerity.

"Well, it's important. Luke always liked my tush."

"Gah," Rory yelled into the phone, "TMI mom! Ugh, new topic. When do you leave tomorrow?"

"I have a car coming at seven to take me to JFK, from there I fly into Denver where Luke will pick me up and drive us to Aspen. I hate that you're not coming, by the way."

"Had to work, no choice. But you'll have fun."

Luke had originally secured three tickets for the event, with the idea that Lorelai would come with Rory and perhaps Sookie. But Rory had to work and Sookie had a family wedding she couldn't miss. Luke had then reached out to Tiffany and Suzanne, but neither of them could afford to get away. So rather than inviting people just for the sake of it, Luke had given the two extra passes back to his boss to do with as he pleased.

"Still, I'm not going to have anyone to hang out with all day," Lorelai whined.

"True, but then again there will be tents full of food and wine, isn't that like your own personal holy land?"

"That it is. And who knows, maybe I will even get to meet Tom Colicchio."

"Dare to dream," Rory agreed.

"I will miss you with every bite," Lorelai laughed.

"Thanks mom," Rory said. All of a sudden, her mind clicked on something her mother had said earlier, "Wait, did you say the car is coming at seven?" Rory asked.

"Yeah, but I am usually up at six, so it's no biggie," Lorelai answered.

"This whole new early morning version of you still freaks me out. Are you sure you're really my mother?" Rory asked.

"No, I have been replaced by Pod Lorelai and I am going to suck your brain out of your ear using a pink Hello Kitty crazy straw" Lorelai deadpanned.

"Mommy," yelled Rory, "it really IS you!"

"Nut job," Lorelai said laughing. "Now, riddle me this… cotton or lace?"

"For a top?" Rory asked.

"For underwear" Lorelai responded.

"Okay, daughter getting grossed out here." Rory giggled.

"But you still have to help me decide on lingerie," Lorelai whined.

"Isn't that Sookie's job?"

"Sookie abdicated her position as co-decision maker, so now it falls to you," Lorelai said.

"Wait. Is abdicating an option?" Rory asked.

"Not for you, oh darling fruit of my womb," Lorelai responded.

"If you need lingerie does that mean you changed your mind and you're going to stay at Luke's," Rory asked.

"Nope. Staying at the hotel. It's better this way. Luke has to be up mega early for the festival, and also…" Lorelai paused, looking for the right words, "I am not quite sure he and I are ready for alone time," she said diplomatically.

"So you're not going to spend any time alone? I figured you'd get at least one date night," Rory said.

"Yes, I am sure we will have some time alone… but I don't know if we're ready for … alone time…" Lorelai repeated emphasizing the words.

"Oh… right…alone time… got it. Okay. Can I ask why?" Rory asked.

"We talked about it and we both agreed it was better for me to stay at the hotel, better for us to get all the other pieces of our relationship back on track before adding sex back in, although there is a part of me that wants to just attack him in the first maintenance closet we find at the airport. But no, it's been decided… still… what happens happens, hence the lingerie," Lorelai said, before adding "...and you really don't want to hear about any of this do you?"

"Thank you for noticing, and I will be sending you a bill to cover my therapy. So next topic," Rory said. "How's everything with Grandma?"

"Better. I think the last three months have been good. At least there is some forward progress with the retreat. Hopefully this time next year we will be almost there."

"And you guys are getting along?" Rory asked.

"Mostly. I mean we have our moments, but she hasn't told me to go to my closet and pray in at least three weeks," Lorelai said.

"That is progress," Rory replied.

"I thought so," Lorelai said.

"You know… they're all gonna laugh at you," Rory said shrilly.

"Nice," Lorelai laughed. "I just have so many ideas for the retreat, and I think it could be something really amazing…" Lorelai said. Without a pause, she continued, "So, do you think she's pretty?"

"What have I told you about changing topics without signaling," Rory teased. "Do I think who is pretty?"

"Now Rory," Lorelai said sweetly, "You have to be able to keep up with Mommy's crazy if you want to keep being my favorite."

"I'm your only," Rory pointed out.

"Which makes it that much more important," Lorelai insisted. She was quiet for a moment as she tried on a blue pullover that accentuated her cleavage nicely. "He said she's blond. Blond usually means cute, and she runs so she is obviously in shape and also into all that healthy living nonsense…"

"Are we back on Heather," sighed Rory.

"This is important," Lorelai insisted.

"Is this why Sookie abdicated?"

"Maybe," Lorelai admitted.

"Why are we talking about this again? I thought we moved past this back in April. You know nothing has happened, nothing will happen… I can conjugate this in Latin if it will be more convincing," Rory said.

"If he wasn't with me, he probably would have taken her out," Lorelai said. "He admitted that himself."

"Okay. So if he was single he would have taken her out maybe once. They would have gone to dinner and week later she would have boiled a bunny rabbit on his stove and he would have run for the hills. But he's not single; he doesn't want to be single and so none of that happened. I am not seeing the problem."

"But if he was single it could have," insisted Lorelai.

"So?" Rory asked.

"What do you mean so? That means something!" Lorelai insisted.

"It means something that in a purely fictional alternate reality that exists only in your mind, a single Luke, who, for whatever reason, is not with you in any way, may have gone out on a hypothetical date with another woman?"

"Well, when you say it like that, you make it sound crazy," Lorelai said.

"If the straight jacket fits," Rory responded.

"Fine," Lorelai huffed, removing the blue sweater and laying it aside to wear the following day. "For the record, in all valid alternate realities, I am married to George Clooney and Luke is a monk."

"So noted," Rory laughed. "So are you excited about…" she began before Lorelai cut her off.

"But, just for the sake of argument, what if he didn't go out with her out of some kind of obligation to me but really he wants to go out with her and do something healthy… like jog, and drink juice."

"Mom…" Rory tried to interrupt, but she realized there was no stopping the crazy train now.

"I mean what do we really have in common? I still hate sports, and I am not going to run unless I am being chased, and even then, the running would only happen if I knew I wouldn't be able to beat my attacker to death with my shoe, which would also mean I would have to stop and consider what shoes I was wearing, so here I am shoeless being attacked by a mugger and he is out on a jogging date with Heather…"

"Oh my God Mom!" Rory yelled. "You have to stop fixating on this."

"He would never cheat, right?" Lorelai said.

"Of course not" Rory said with certainty. "It's not even that he wouldn't risk you. It's that he doesn't want anything except you."

"Thank you," Lorelai said. "Okay. Announcement. I have settled on the jeans with the higher Lycra content, my light blue v-neck sweater and a white cammi to wear on the plane. And of course flip flops."

"Of course. Good. So we're done."

"Yep," said Lorelai. "Now I just have to figure out what to actually pack."

"Of course you do," said Rory laughing.

"And you will be pleased to note we are officially done talking about Heather," Lorelai announced.

"Thank goodness" Rory answered.

"But first, just one small tiny little question. Do you really think that…?"

"So help me, if you finish that sentence I am hanging up," Rory said. "Why are you worried about this? I mean Luke said he took care of it"

"He did," Lorelai answered.

"And you trust him, don't you?" Rory asked.

"With this," Lorelai said, "one hundred percent."

Rory chose to ignore her mother's equivocation and focus on the issue at hand. "So then, what is the problem?"

"I don't know," Lorelai said quietly.

"Is Heather still around?" Rory asked.

"He sees her around town, but apparently she doesn't even say hi to him now," Lorelai confirmed.

"So see? Luke got her to back off," Rory said.

"True. I guess part of it is how long it took him to deal with it. I mean she really went after him. I know how flattering it can be to have someone go all out to get you to notice them," Lorelai said. "And don't tell me that's not true Miss 'I had my very own coffee cart for a day'"

"Okay, yes, that level of attention can be fun, but I still don't see…" Rory began, but her mother cut her off.

"Yes the attention can be fun, and I know that he didn't encourage it or anything, he wouldn't do that… but…that kind of attention... that focused 'I want you' attention is hard to resist." Lorelai said.

"So you don't think he resisted?"

"No" Lorelai answered.

"No?" Rory repeated sounding shocked.

"Oh. Then yes."

"Mom," Rory said, "Which is it?"

"What was the question?" Lorelai asked.

"Mom!"

"I was trying to say yes I know he resisted, or no, I know he wouldn't cheat," Lorelai said again. "You really need to make these questions easier to understand for those of us without the fancy Yale degree," Lorelai complained.

"So if you know all this," Rory said, "If you know he wouldn't do anything then why is this bothering you? I mean this is well-discussed territory. So unless there is something new to add…"

"Did I tell you how he finally got rid of her?" Lorelai asked.

"Well, no, but is the how actually important? The point is he got rid of her. He only loves you." Rory said.

"Maybe that's true of Stars Hollow Luke…but…"

Rory made a loud buzzer sound interrupting her mother.

"I'm sorry, I'm going to need a judge's ruling on this" Rory said, clearly confused. "Stars Hollow Luke?"

"Yeah. It's part of this new leaf thing we've both been doing. I was telling him how in each hotel I stayed at last year, I changed something about myself, tried something I never liked before, whatever. And I would keep it up, no matter what, until I left that hotel. This way I could find out what I really like and what I don't without rushing to judgment."

"Okay…" Rory said.

"So I think that's what happened, why it took him so long to deal with this. He is currently Aspen Luke, and Aspen Luke is all about being nice,"

"Stars Hollow Luke is nice," Rory insisted.

"If we surveyed a hundred people, would nice really be one of the top five answers on the board?" Lorelai asked.

"Okay," Rory agreed. "Point taken. Go on."

"So since he is in Aspen Luke mode, he tried to do the whole 'let her down easy' thing because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. Besides, I think he was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt after the first time, especially after she apologized. I think he was a little harsh the first time she tried it and later he felt bad for her, that maybe something had happened with her boyfriend or something, and after all, who hasn't randomly propositioned their male friends for sex?" Lorelai said.

"I haven't" Rory replied.

"Yeah, me either," Lorelai agreed, "but the Doctors at Seattle Grace do it all the time, so it must be a thing."

"Yes, in the land where all doctors look like Patrick Dempsey," Rory said.

"Can't Buy Me Love," Lorelai enthused.

"The riding mower," Rory said dreamily.

"Enchanted" they both said together with a sigh.

"Right. Anyway, where was I?" Lorelai said suddenly, bringing them back to the discussion at hand.

"Randomly propositioning male friends for sex," Rory answered.

"Right. So he tried to write it off as a what do you call it…"

"A one off," Rory supplied.

"Exactly. Only then a couple of weeks later she does it again. So now, he is uncomfortable and he just wants her to leave him alone altogether. But instead of just telling her bluntly to leave him the hell alone, he tries this 'kind but firm' thing because he gets it into his head the he should try to approach this in a way different than he usually would, because he is trying to be a more tolerant person or something," Lorelai said.

"As opposed to Stars Hollow Luke," Rory said.

"Now you're catching on. Apparently, he decided that Stars Hollow Luke was too mean and grumpy and yelled way too often for no real reason," Lorelai said.

"Can't really argue with that," Rory agreed.

"And that because of that," Lorelai continued, "he had a hard time dealing with people. So he was working on finding balance. But Aspen Luke over-corrected for Stars Hollow Luke and refused to yell at anyone for anything including the crazy she-devil who definitely deserved to be yelled at..."

"And because he doesn't yell at her, and tries to be a nice guy about it, she thinks she may still have a shot and just keeps going after him," Rory concludes.

"Yep," Lorelai confirmed.

"Someone better call Wisteria Lane and tell them someone is missing," Rory said.

"Tell me about it," Lorelai agreed. "So around this point, middle of March, is when he tells me about the whole situation, including that it has been going on since Valentine's Day. So I tell him that clearly the nice guy thing isn't doing it, and that he needs to do what he has to so that she leaves him alone. But because Stars Hollow Luke yells at everyone all the time and Aspen Luke doesn't want to be like that…"

"In real life, there is still only one actual Luke, right?" Rory asked.

"Even after he and I talk," Lorelai continued undeterred, "he is still trying to be nice about it. 'Trying to avoid her all together while remaining polite' was how he put it."

"Silly Aspen Luke, there is no way to deter a she-devil using polite avoidance," Rory said.

"Well you know that and I know that, but apparently Aspen Luke didn't know that," Lorelai said.

"This isn't going to end well…" Rory said.

"So after a few more weeks of this, she must have pushed him over the edge and apparently he lost it on her in the middle of the sidewalk, in front of the neighborhood coffee shop"

"Aspen Luke's version of 'Luke's' but in Aspen," Rory asked.

"Precisely," Lorelai agreed.

"I'm actually bothered that you understood that." Rory said.

"Can I finish?" Lorelai said.

"By all means. I am dying to hear the conclusion of the tale of two Luke's"

"Anyway," Lorelai said, "So he lost it in the middle of the street, yelling at her about taking a hint and not laying off, and that she needs to just get the hell away from him… you can imagine"

"In other words, Stars Hollow Luke showed up," Rory said.

"So it would seem."

"Ouch," Rory said.

"No. No ouch. No feeling bad for the brazen hussy," Lorelai said.

"You are absolutely right. I apologize. Please continue," Rory said.

"Well that is pretty much it. He freaked out on her and now apparently, even though he sees her around the neighborhood, she won't even make eye contact."

"So then what's the problem?"

"I'm still mostly Stars Hollow Lorelai. What if Aspen Luke doesn't like Stars Hollow Lorelai? What if I don't like Aspen Luke? What if everything about Aspen Luke is opposite of Stars Hollow Luke. Stars Hollow Luke yells so Aspen Luke is nice to everyone. Stars Hollow Luke doesn't really socialize, so Aspen Luke has friends and goes out."

"Stars Hollow Luke is eternally faithful to Lorelai…" Rory said, leaving the end of the sentence open.

"Yeah," Lorelai said quietly.

"Mom," Rory said kindly. "You're not really worried about the idea that Luke might have cheated."

"I'm not?" Lorelai asked.

"No, you're not. Because you know there is no version of Luke that would do that,"

"Maybe…" Lorelai said.

"Wanna know what I think?" Rory said.

"Why not, seeing as you're on the phone and all," Lorelai said.

"I think that you got past this whole thing back in April. I think you know Luke handled it in the best way he knew how, and I think you know that he would never cheat ever. But I think about two weeks ago the tickets arrived and you started to freak because going to Aspen is a big step, a no turning back kind of a step, and that means that at some point you are going to have to really talk about all the things that went wrong, and that means talking about Dad, and I think you are afraid to do that, so you are freaking out about Heather instead."

"So you're saying it's just a little self created drama?" Lorelai asked quietly.

"All you need is a lighter, a can of hairspray and Rob Lowe," Rory answered.

Lorelai chuckled quietly.

"It's okay that you're scared, Mom. I think it's actually good that you're scared. It means that you know this is it, this is the one for all the marbles," Rory said.

"All in," Lorelai whispered.

"What?" Rory asked.

"Nothing. Thank you Rory." Lorelai said.

"Anytime," Rory said, "I still owe you for the 31 consecutive hours where I debated if turning down Logan had been the right move."

"Ah yes, Proposal-gate, I remember it well," Lorelai teased.

"I have to go, Mom," Rory said.

"I know. Me too. I will call you from the airport before I board and after I land," said Lorelai.

"Love you, have fun, and mom?"

"What?" Lorelai asked.

"Speaking as your best friend and not your daughter – go with the blue lace"

"Shirt?" Lorelai asked.

"Underwear. Even if he doesn't see it, you'll know it's there."

"And so the student becomes the teacher. Goodnight babe."

"Night mom" Rory said and hung up the phone.

Lorelai looked around the disaster area called her room and began sorting things in to piles to better decide what to pack. An hour later, she had made pretty good progress when her phone buzzed, alerting her to a text.

 _(You still awake?)_ the text from Luke read.

( _Yeah. Packing and talking to Rory)_ she answered.

( _Why are you packing now? It's almost eleven your time and you're leaving first thing in the morning?)_ came the response.

( _Why are you asking why?_ ) she replied.

( _Good point. So what's up with Rory?_ ) Luke asked.

( _Oh you know the usual. Work, dating, talking her crazy mother down off the ledge.)_ Lorelai replied.

( _What ledge? Are you having second thoughts?_ ) Came the reply.

( _No)_ she answered and hit send right away so he wouldn't have to wait. ( _No second thoughts, not about seeing you. I can't wait for this weekend.)_ She added.

( _So what ledge?_ ) Luke asked.

( _Nothing. Never mind, shouldn't have mentioned it_ ) she replied.

When there was no immediate response, she turned back to her bed to add the final pile of items to her suitcase. Less than a minute later, her phone rang.

"What ledge?" asked Luke, not bothering with hello.

"Luke, it's not a big deal. It's me. You know me. Just making mountains out of molehills," Lorelai said trying to laugh it off. "Hey, did I tell you I'm only wearing my underwear," she said softly, hoping to distract him.

"Well take a minute and put on a robe because I want to know about the ledge," Luke said.

Lorelai, realizing he wasn't going to back down, sat on her bed and sighed.

"I'm scared, okay?" She finally said quietly.

"You're scared?" he repeated.

"Yes." She replied, embarrassed by her own insecurities.

"Oh Lorelai, why?" Luke asked.

"What if… what if we aren't Luke and Lorelai anymore? What if it's too different?"

"Is this the whole Aspen Luke versus Stars Hollow Luke thing again?" he asked, a smile in his voice.

"Don't mock. It makes sense to me," she said in a huff.

"I'm sure it does," he answered. "But come on Lorelai, I'm just me. I haven't changed that much."

"You went four whole months without yelling at anyone. That is not you," she said.

"True. It was something I wanted to try. Like you and Pilates,"

"I hated Pilates," Lorelai said.

"And I hated being nice to people who were pissing me off. But I am still kind of glad I tried,"

"I guess," Lorelai said.

"Will it make you feel better if I told you I yelled at my neighbor for letting his dog pee on my stoop?" Luke asked.

"Did you really?" Lorelai asked.

"Just last night. You can ask him about it when you get here. I'm still me, Lorelai. Yeah, I've been trying to change the way I react to the world, I've been trying to laugh more and yell less, but that doesn't mean I'm not still me."

"Okay…" she said quietly.

"It doesn't matter where I live, New York, Aspen, Stars Hollow or the moon. I am just Luke. I am your Luke," he said quietly.

"Are you?" Lorelai asked.

"Come on, what is this really about?" he asked softly.

"I just… this makes it real. New York was so sudden, a spur of the moment thing, all whirlwind and my Mom and the plaza hotel. This is deliberate. This is it." She said. When a minute passed and she hadn't gotten a response, she began to think that maybe she had dropped the call. "Luke?" she asked.

"Lorelai, uhm… are you going to run again because I don't think I can handle it if you do." Luke said, his voice getting oddly distant. "So just please tell me now..."

"No. I'm not going to run," she assured him. "The only place I want to run to is you anyway. But…"

"But what?" he asked.

"But what if you run?" she asked quietly.

"I never have before," he said confidently, "I don't run."

"I'm just saying that both of us have hurt this relationship, not just me,"

"I'm not saying I was perfect. We both know I wasn't. But I never ran," Luke insisted.

"Enough about the running," Lorelai said.

"Well, it's important" Luke said, starting to sound angry.

"I know it's important," Lorelai said, "but I don't know why we are talking about it now."

"Because you're getting scared again, and that means you might run again," Luke said, getting louder. "I know how this works. You tell me that all you want is me and as soon as it gets real you're out the door."

"Wow," Lorelai said. "So all of this has been what? Us coming back together has been what, a test? You still don't trust me?"

"Of course I trust you," Luke yelled. "But I know you and…"

"You know me and what? You know that I am always the screw up? What is this? Because we started out talking about Aspen and…"

"No, you started off talking about freaking out and how Rory had to calm you down and all I am saying is if this is a build up to you taking off again I want to know in advance," he yelled.

"I can't believe you're even saying this," Lorelai said.

"I think you can understand how the idea that you might run away again would make me a little nervous," he yelled. "I mean come on Lorelai"

"Please don't yell at me," Lorelai said, trying to remain calm.

"Well, you're being impossible."

"I'm not being impossible. I am being honest," Lorelai said getting louder.

"I don't understand what this is all about. Do you want to come to Aspen or not? Cause if you don't want to see me, what have we been doing…"

"When did I say I didn't want to see you?" Lorelai shouted. "And for the record, nice to know you can put up with your stalker girl for four months without yelling but I try and tell you how I feel and I get both barrels"

"Well you said you wanted Stars Hollow Luke," he vented.

"What the hell are we even fighting about?" Lorelai asked. She wasn't sure how this conversation had gone bad so quickly, but this was the first real argument they had had since they had started talking again, and it was unnerving her.

"It's about the fact that you're not the only one with something on the line. Do you know what it did to me when you left? Do you have any idea? Ask Babette about it sometime. Ask Jess… Ask Rory,"

"I don't have to ask them. They all made it perfectly clear that it was all my fault. Do you know that not one person cared that I was hurt, that I was devastated. Not one person tried to understand or even asked, and that includes my best friend and my own daughter. I was hurt and angry and confused and no one cared. No. It was just 'poor Luke' this and 'evil Lorelai' that."

"Well what did you expect?" he yelled. "You left and went on a cross country tour of four star hotels, carrying on as if nothing had happened…"

"That is not fair. I was miserable. I had lost everything…"

"You mean you had thrown everything away," Luke yelled.

"Luke, I thought you understood now. I thought you knew I needed that time," Lorelai said.

"Well I don't understand. I don't understand how you can run away from me time and again…"

"Listen, why are we getting into this tonight? I'm going to be there tomorrow and it's going to be…" Lorelai said, trying to calm the argument down.

Luke, on the other hand wasn't even hearing her anymore.

"…Meanwhile you had run away and it almost destroyed me," he said. "And for you to think…" he began, but Lorelai had finally had enough.

"Holy crap Luke. Enough. I don't know where this is coming from but enough about how I run and you are just so –what? So steadfast? So willing to see things through? So willing to work it out? You're full of it." Lorelai yelled. "Did it ever occur to you that we were so broken by the time we kissed at Rory's graduation that I didn't think it could ever be better?"

"So rather than try, you ran," he repeated.

"I ran… I ran… I ran…," Lorelai shouted. "What are you upset about, that I beat you to the punch? That I ran away before you had the chance to push me away?"

"Don't blame this on me," Luke yelled.

"Well then don't try to blame everything on me!" Lorelai countered.

"Well… this wasn't the first time you ran away…" Luke said.

"Oh for crying out loud, fine. When else? When else did I run? Name a time," Lorelai shouted.

"The night in the street, you ran that night… you ran straight to him," Luke said

"That was not me running away from our relationship. How could it have been when by that point there was no relationship to run away from?"

"You can't excuse it Lorelai. You ran away and you ran to him," Luke steamed.

"Fine. I ran away that night, and I ran away the night you came to my house, but you've been running a lot longer than that." Lorelai said.

"I never ran away from you," Luke yelled. "Not one time did I run away."

"Yes you did," she yelled back, equaling his volume. She took a moment to breathe before she went on. "After my parents vow renewal. You said it was too much and you ran. Because of Christopher. And the answering machine message… Christopher again… and again you ran. And both of those were before anything happened, before…that night, before Paris." She said, her voice getting louder as more of her anger and fear came to the surface.

"No," Luke interrupted. "That is not the same thing"

"It is exactly the same thing," Lorelai insisted.

"So going to Christopher was what? Payback?" he boomed.

"I don't want to talk about that now. Not like this when we are already angry," Lorelai said, struggling to get them both calm again.

"Well then what Lorelai. What is this all about? Because up until a little while ago I was looking forward to a pretty amazing weekend."

"Well so was I," Lorelai said.

"Then why bring all this up now," Luke asked.

"I didn't. You did." Lorelai said quietly.

"No I didn't. Why would I. All I said is…"

"All you did Luke was assume that because I am scared I am going to run. And not only did you assume that, you got angry at me for it. You got angry at me for something I wasn't going to do, something I promised you I would never do again, and for something you have done yourself more than once."

"But I just…" Luke began, but Lorelai cut him off.

"No. I am not going around in this circle again," Lorelai said.

"So what, that's it?" Luke asked.

"Oh my God Luke! You have got to stop doing that," Lorelai insisted. "You have got to stop thinking every fight is the end of everything. Sometimes it's just a fight. Sometimes it's just a sign that there are things that need to be talked about," Lorelai said.

"I thought we have talked," Luke said. "All these months we've been talking. I thought –"

"We have been talking, and it's been great. But I think we have talked around everything but never about the one thing we need to discuss. And that, Luke is why I was scared."

"I don't understand," Luke said, trying to calm down. "Why?"

"Because if this is going to work this time, we are going to have to talk about all of it and figure it out, because Christopher isn't some random ex, he is never going to be totally out of my life any more than Anna will ever be out of yours. We are going to have to finally talk about Christopher, and I am afraid that when we do, it will break us for good," Lorelai concluded, breathing hard. "So please, just don't tell me you never ran," she added quietly.

Luke was quiet as he considered what Lorelai had said.

"Luke, you still there?" she asked after a moment.

"You're right," he finally said. "I ran before. I ran first, before you ever did. I was so angry at you for giving up and walking away, but I did it first, didn't I? I told you I was all in and then I bolted."

"Yeah," said Lorelai.

"You're right that we are going to have to really talk about all of this too," Luke said.

"I know," she agreed. "And I am terrified."

"Promise and request?" he asked her softly.

"Okay…"

"I promise no matter what I won't walk away. I won't ask for space or time to process or anything else. When we talk about it, we do it like ripping a band aid off, all at once."

"Okay, Lorelai said again. What's the request?" she asked.

"That you make me the same promise," he answered.

"Okay, then I promise not to run, not to freak, and not to disappear. We will get it all out there, deal with it and then move past it"

"Good," Luke said. "Request?"

"Can we not do it this weekend?" Lorelai said.

"Lorelai is that what's been bothering you?" Luke asked.

"Well I didn't want to talk about it and ruin this amazing once in a life time trip, and I didn't want to not talk about it, and then it becomes something we never talked about, but we both know is still there…" Lorelai said.

"Not this weekend. Let's just make this weekend about fun," Luke said. "And I'll be home in less than two weeks. We can do it then."

"But we have to do it, not just say we are going to do it. We are both pretty good at denial and avoidance."

"Okay," said Luke. "How about this. I get home for good on Thursday the 29th. I'm going to be beat on Friday, but what if Saturday I come over, we have dinner and we get it all out then."

"It's a date," Lorelai said.

"Believe it or not, I have been thinking about the same thing. Well about Christopher. And you're right, we need to talk about it," he said. "But not this weekend and not tonight."

"Good." Lorelai agreed.

"So… on to more important topics…" Luke said.

"Yes..." Lorelai asked, feeling lighter than she had in two weeks.

"Tell me about this underwear…" Luke said in a low voice.

"Dirty," Lorelai said.

"You like dirty though," he said.

"Yes. Yes I do…," she agreed.

* * *

The following day, after a morning of airport shuttles and a flight that had been delayed twice, Lorelai finally landed in Denver. As she moved slowly through the exit line, Lorelai felt her heart begin to race.

"I think I'm about to hyperventilate," she muttered, looking past the crowds to find Luke.

All at once, she saw him. It was Luke, and he was amazing, but he was also… different. He was wearing tan cargo shorts and a solid blue tee shirt, a long sleeve shirt over it with the sleeves cuffed. His hair had begun to grow in again, and he was tan and fit. However, the biggest change was his posture. He stood there leaning against a column waiting for her and smiling. No frustration, no annoyance at the people rushing past him, no hint that he was building up to a rant on the evils of airports. He looked absolutely relaxed. He looked wonderful.

He looked up, saw her and his smile widened. That was all it took and she was running towards him.

"You're…" was all he managed to say before she was kissing him soundly. He tasted like fresh air, and sunshine… and Luke. And she couldn't get enough.

Luke was pleased with the greeting he had received. He may have looked relaxed, but he had spent hours this morning trying to figure out if it was okay to just grab her and kiss her.

Apparently, it was okay.

After a few moments, the pair became aware of catcalls and wolf whistles coming from the waiting area.

"Thank you very much, next show is at seven. Tip your waitress and try the veal," Lorelai said laughing. Then smiling shyly, she looked up at Luke.

"Hi," she said looking in to his eyes, relieved that no matter what else had changed, in his eyes she could see the same Luke she had always loved.

"Back at'cha," he said, kissing her softly.

The pair proceeded to the baggage area and then, with bags in hand, they stepped out into the Denver sunshine. A short shuttle ride later and they were in the parking lot looking for Luke's car.

"I just realized, I am looking for Oscar," Lorelai said.

"Oscar?" asked Luke. "Dare I ask?"

"It's grumpy, it's green, it's your truck, it's Oscar," Lorelai replied.

"Why must you name my things," Luke asked.

"Dirty," Lorelai said laughing.

She was surprised, however, when he moved closer to her and whispered in her ear "count on it." She could feel his breath on her ear and felt his voice vibrate all the way down to her toes.

"What are we looking for?" she asked, knowing she was blushing.

"That," said Luke, clicking the key fob.

Lorelai stood open mouthed staring at Luke's vehicle.

"You got a Jeep?" she said, taking in the shining black Wrangler with no top.

"I rented a Jeep," Luke clarified. "I don't drive that much on the day to day. So whenever I am going to have a few days off I rent a different car. I was thinking I should retire the Truck when I get home, so this has been like extended test driving."

"And, what has been your favorite so far," she asked.

"Dodge Ram Pick Up," he said.

"I don't know," Lorelai said, "I can see myself quickly becoming attached to this Jeep."

Luke got the luggage stowed and they climbed into the Jeep.

"Alright, you buckled in?" Luke asked, turning on the ignition. "Okay, let's go."

As he set off out of Denver, Lorelai chatted animatedly about the coming festival and what she was most looking forward to. There were the workshops offered to professionals about wine pairings, that she had signed up for based on her role as owner of an inn. There were also several cooking sessions that sounding interesting. Lorelai was also looking forward to seeing how many celebrity chefs she could meet, and of course, the Grand Tasting Tent.

"So, let me understand this," Lorelai said.

"Here we go again," said Luke indulgently.

"There is a huge tent in the middle of a park, and inside the tent are little samples of all the most amazing food you can imagine ever, and because I have a pass, I can go around as much as I want and eat whatever I want?" Lorelai said with wonder.

"Yes, Lorelai." Luke said.

"This is going to be a magical weekend," she said with wonder in her voice.

Luke placed his hand on her hers, intertwining their fingers together and said "yes it is."

They wound their way closer to Aspen, driving through the mountains. The scenery was breathtaking. In places the water was so clear and the sky was so blue that it looked like you were looking at perfect mirror images of the mountain ranges.

As they continued their way up the mountain, she was surprised to see snow on the ground.

"Is that really snow?" Lorelai asked.

"Never melts this far up," Luke answered.

"It's all so beautiful," Lorelai added.

About three hours into the ride, Luke pulled off the road into a small turn out on the shoulder. He got out of the jeep, walked around and helped Lorelai out of her side.

"What are we doing?" she asked. "Have you finally decided to kill me where no one will find the body?"

"Maybe," he said, wrapping his arms around her from behind and turning her so she could fully take in the horizon.

"I don't have words," she whispered, overcome between the awe inspiring beauty before her and the strength of Luke's arms around her. She leaned back into him, and they stood like that, letting the world turn around them for a change.

After a few moments, Luke gave her a squeeze and led her back to the Jeep.

"Okay, we are about to go through the independence pass," Luke said seriously.

"Ohh Ohh, I know about this. Isn't it super dangerous or something," Lorelai said, looking at him skeptically.

"Only if you're stupid or you're a bad driver," he said. "I am neither."

"Why do I feel like I am about to be issued rules," Lorelai said.

"Because you are. I need to pay attention to my driving. So no distracting me," he said, putting his hand on the key to turn the ignition back on.

"Wait," Lorelai said.

"What?"

"Well if I can't distract you on the pass, maybe I should do this now," she said sliding over to him.

She leaned across the center console, twisting her body so that she was facing him. Slowly with a smile, she brought her lips to his.

Their kiss was sweet and full of promise.

"Ok," Lorelai said, sitting back in her own seat and buckling up, "I'm ready now. Drive on,"

"Yes ma'am," Luke said laughing.

Luke proceeded through the pass and at first Lorelai was fine. After about ten minutes, however, she looked out her passenger window and let out an involuntary scream.

"Damnit, Lorelai," Luke said, his voice tight. Her scream had made him shift his concentration from the road to her, and in doing so jerk the wheel slightly. "What's wrong," he asked more softly, conscious that he wasn't angry, only scared.

"Nothing, sorry, just, we're so close to the edge. Are we going to fall off? I mean there's no guardrail."

"We're fine," he said smiling, his heart returning to its normal rate.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yes," he said.

That seemed to satisfy Lorelai for a moment, and she sat back quietly, looking out her passenger window again. However, after another five minutes, he could see her out of the corner of his eye trying to sit up straighter so that she could see farther down the road.

"I mean are you really really sure?" Lorelai said. "Cause, I don't like to be a side seat driver or anything, but maybe you can't tell how close to the edge you really are?"

"We're fine," Luke repeated, trying to sound reassuring.

"See, you say that, but you, as the driver are on the inside, while I as the passenger am on the outside which means I have the better view and I say we are really close to the edge."

"Lorelai…" he said

"Maybe you should drive more in the middle of the road?" she said. "Just a suggestion."

"If I drive in the center of the road, people coming in the other direction may not see me." Luke explained.

"You mean this insanity is two-ways?" she said, her voice getting a little high and panicky.

"You're safe," Luke said, putting a hand reassuringly on her leg.

"That's great and thank you for the comfort, but hands at ten and two buddy," Lorelai told him.

Luke returned his hands to the wheel, and once again, Lorelai looked out the window. This time, however, Luke knew the reprieve would be brief, so he was prepared when she spoke again.

"Uhm, yeah, just wondering why there aren't guard rails…" she said.

"Don't know," Luke answered.

"Seems like there should be," Lorelai said. "Especially for the people like you who drive too close to the edge."

"I am not too close to the edge; I am exactly where I am supposed to be."

"See, you think you are where you are supposed to be but really you keep listing to the right…" Lorelai said.

"I am not listing," Luke answered.

"Again, maybe you don't see it being the driver, but as your passenger I can tell you, you are definitely listing here."

"Hey Lorelai," Luke said.

"What,"

"It's over. We're out of the pass. Welcome to Aspen" Luke said.

Lorelai took a moment to look around and a slow smile returned to her face.

"Luke?" she asked.

"Yes…"

"Can we do the Independence Pass again on the way back to the airport? That was so much fun!" Lorelai enthused.

"Are you kidding," Luke asked. "You were terrified the whole time and now you want to do it again?"

"Of course, it's like a roller coaster. Don't you like roller coasters?" she asked.

"Not really," Luke said. "But to be fair, I haven't been on one since I was about seventeen. I threw up everywhere. Ever since, no roller costars and no slurpies"

"Oh…" she said. "Not good"

"Tell me about it." Luke said.

"At least tell me you weren't on a date," she said looking over at him. She could see him cringe. "You were on a date?"

"A first date," Luke specified.

"Did you actually puke on your date?" Lorelai asked.

"Just a little on her shoe." He said laughing.

"I bet there was no second date after that," Lorelai said.

"Actually, it was Rachael," Luke said.

Lorelai was silent for a moment and Luke was getting ready to apologize for bringing her up when Lorelai burst into laughter.

"I don't know if that makes it better or worse," she said, tears in her eyes.

"Me either," Luke said seriously and then began to laugh too.

About fifteen minutes later they found themselves pulling into a small hotel parking lot.

"It's not great, but with the Classic in town, it's really all that was left," Luke said.

"It looks perfect," Lorelai said. "Believe me, after my year on the road, I can find the good in anyplace."

"Okay, well, you want to get registered, get your luggage in? I mean, do I drop you off or come inside or…"

"Luke…" Lorelai said smiling.

"Yeah?" he said looking at her.

"It's okay. Honest." She said. "Listen, why don't you help me get my luggage in, I'll register and then is there a little place we can grab a light dinner. It's almost six here so you have to be hungry, and I know I'm starving."

"Okay," Luke said, relaxing again. "We'll get you all set up and then how about we go to Rita's?"

"What's Rita's?"

"It's the coffee house I told you about."

"Ah yes… Aspen Luke's 'Luke's'" Lorelai said.

"What?" Luke asked.

"Nothing. Rory said it better. Tell me about Rita's," Lorelai said laughing.

"People rave about the coffee, and they also do sandwiches, salads, flatbreads, stuff like that. Unless you want something heavier."

"Nope. Rita's sounds perfect."

Lorelai went to the desk to check in and get her keys. Luke followed her, carrying her luggage, to her room. Once she had everything deposited and situated, she and Luke stood in the center of the room looking at each other awkwardly.

"So this is your room?" Luke said.

"Yup. This is my room." Lorelai agreed.

"Great room." He said.

"Seems to be," she answered.

"Right,"

"So….."

"Should we head over to Rita's?" Luke asked suddenly.

"Yes, good." Lorelai answered relieved.

They headed out of the hotel, into the warmth of the June evening. For all of the excitement of their reunion at the airport and the easy comfort and humor of the drive from Denver, they found themselves quiet as they walked through the streets. After a few moments, Lorelai couldn't take the silence.

"Why does this feel weird?" she asked.

"It does, right?" Luke said smiling.

"I mean it's not like we've never gone to dinner before," Lorelai said.

"Yeah. God knows this isn't our first date," Luke said.

"Nope, not even close."

"But it does feel weird," Luke reiterated.

"Weird weird. Like so weird I can't even come up with a pithy yet appropriate pop culture reference weird," Lorelai said.

Luke laughed, breaking some of the tension of the moment.

They kept on walking, Luke occasionally pointing out some store or restaurant he frequented, and Lorelai asking occasional questions. They seemed to be settling into the evening, when Lorelai realized she was beginning to feel a little woozy. She wasn't sure what it was from, but she figured it would pass so she kept walking.

For his part, Luke knew exactly why he felt so uncomfortable. In his mind, no matter what he had said to Lorelai in an attempt to seem calm, this was a first date. In fact, it was more than that. It was the mother of all first dates… the last first date. He realized since the kiss on New Year's Eve, he had begun thinking about everything this way. The last first kiss, the last first date, and he wanted it to be perfect. Unfortunately, right about now his nerves were driving him into his own head, and for some reason, Lorelai wasn't gabbing on as usual, which had left them once again with this strange silence.

Luke chanced a look over at Lorelai, and was suddenly alarmed. Lorelai was sweating lightly and breathing funny.

"Damn it" Luke said, "I forgot you're not used to it."

"What?"

"The altitude. You feel light headed like you can't catch your breath?"

"Yeah," Lorelai said sounding sad. "I hope I'm not getting sick. I'm sorry Luke."

"No. It will pass. Your body has to acclimate to the altitude here. I can't believe I didn't think of it. Damn it. I'm sorry Lorelai. Want me to take you back to your hotel? Or if you don't want to walk you can sit here and I can run back get my car and come back and get you?"

"You said it's just the altitude?" Lorelai said.

"Yeah. Happens to almost everyone,"

"Well, what helps?" Lorelai asked.

"Sitting down will help. So will water."

"Are we almost at Rita's?" Lorelai asked.

"Next block over."

"Okay, well then let's go there and get me something to drink." Lorelai said, smiling.

"You sure?" Luke asked.

"Yeah. And look at it this way, if I puke on you, you can consider it karmic retribution for Rachel and the slurpies," Lorelai said with a brief smile.

"Great." Luke said. "Come on."

He held out his hand and Lorelai readily accepted it. Luke, wanting to distract Lorelai from how she was feeling until he could get her sitting down, went back into tour guide mode, pointing out the various sites around the little town. Finally, Luke was holding open a door, and they were entering Rita's.

"Bells," Lorelai said with a smile as they walked through the door. "She has bells."

"I never noticed before." Luke said.

"I love bells," Lorelai said.

"I know," Luke said, guiding her to a table.

As soon as she was sitting, she began to feel a little better. She looked around the little café and saw immediately why Luke liked the place so much. The walls were painted a light blue, and it seemed that every inch of space was covered with pictures, signs, posters and other memorabilia.

"So this is Rita's?" Lorelai asked.

"Yup," came a voice to her left. "And I am Rita herself."

Lorelai looked over to the sixtyish woman standing next to her table. She was wearing a flowing peasant skirt and a tee shirt advertising a Jazz festival from the late eighties. Her grey hair was long and curly, flowing almost down to her waist. Her brown eyes laughed mischievously, and Lorelai knew instantly that this woman was a kindred spirit.

"Well it's a pleasure to meet you Rita," Lorelai said extending her hand. "I'm Lorelai."

"Of course you are," said Rita. "I am pleased to finally meet you. After listening to Luke talk about you, it's nice to put a face with a name."

"He talks about me does he," Lorelai said smiling.

"Is this really necessary?" Luke said.

"Yes it is. So you just sit there and scowl," Rita said.

"I thought Aspen Luke doesn't scowl," Lorelai said.

"I don't scowl," Luke said. "This is just my face."

"So your resting face is a scowl?" Lorelai said.

"No, my face is just my face," Luke said.

"So, as I was saying," Rita said. "He told me all about you and your daughter Rory and Stars Hollow."

"Really," Lorelai said.

"Well, without you here, I had an opening for an annoyingly talkative woman. Luckily I found Rita." Luke said, and while he tried to sound gruff, Lorelai could see true affection in his eyes for the older woman.

"So how do you like Aspen so far," Rita asked.

"Well, I've only been here about a half an hour, and so far, it has made me want to hurl," Lorelai said.

"Altitude," Luke clarified, not wanting Rita to get the wrong idea.

"It's always tough at first. Getting something in your stomach will help," Rita said. "What can I get you?" she continued, taking a notepad out of her pocket and pulling a pen out of the mass of curls on her head.

"Some water and some bread would help I bet," Luke said.

"What is this, a prison movie?" Lorelai asked. "Can I please have a cup of coffee? I hear your coffee is fantastic."

"Lorelai, I don't know if coffee…" Luke began, but Rita cut him off.

"Let the woman have a cup of coffee," she said to Luke in a scolding tone, "Not everyone has gone over to the health craze dark side. Some of us like our caffeine and processed foods."

"A woman after my own heart," Lorelai said with a smile.

"I will bring you that coffee and meantime look at the menus and decide what you want," Rita said leaving the table.

"So this is Rita's," Lorelai asked.

"Yup."

"I like it," Lorelai said smiling.

"I thought you would," Luke said, reaching across the table and taking her hand.

"She reminds me of Maisy," Lorelai said, "If Maisy had been a hippie."

"I hadn't thought of it," Luke answered, "but yeah, she does."

Dinner proceeded nicely, Luke and Lorelai falling into their familiar pattern of banter. Lorelai brought Luke up to speed on Rory's life and listened while Luke bragged shamelessly about both April and Jess.

When it came time to leave, Rita handed her a little take out bag.

"What's this," Lorelai asked.

"Some chocolate cake for later in case you get hungry," Rita said with a smile.

"Oh, you really did tell her all about me," Lorelai said, batting her eyes at Luke.

"So it would seem," Luke said, a little embarrassed.

"He's very sweet on you," Rita said confidentially.

"I'm pretty sweet on him too," Lorelai answered softly.

"Well, you make sure you stop back in here," Rita said, "I want to see you again before you leave."

"Will do," Lorelai said.

The couple made their way back to Lorelai's hotel.

"Best last first date," Lorelai said smiling.

"What?" Luke said, surprised and pleased that Lorelai was thinking the same thing he was.

"Oh... I just meant…" Lorelai said, growing embarrassed.

Before she could find a way to explain her comment, Luke had taken her face in his hands and begun to kiss her. The kiss was both sweet and passionate, full of all the pent up feelings they both had. Lorelai felt Luke move his hands to her waist to pull her into to him more closely. Lorelai wound her fingers into Luke's hair and leaned further into the kiss, feeling it clear down to her toes.

"Best last first date," Luke said quietly into her hair as he continued to hold her close.

* * *

The next two days passed in a blur. Luke was working the festival with his boss, leaving Lorelai time to wander around the grounds.

In typical Lorelai fashion, she made friends easily, and managed to find people to buddy up with as she moved from table to table in the grand tasting tents.

The food was amazing, way beyond anything Lorelai had expected. After the first few tables, where the description of the dishes left her unwilling to try them, she soon realized that the better approach was to taste first and read after. This led her to the shocking discovery that she liked sea urchin, buffalo meat and, of all things, tofu.

During her time at the grand tasting, she would periodically make her way to Luke's area. He was there as an assistant, which meant plating food, lugging boxes and doing whatever else his chef required of him. Sensitive to the idea that she didn't want to get him in trouble, she would generally confine herself to a subtle wave or a smile before moving on. However, she couldn't resist going through the line once on the last day, when she noticed Luke was manning the booth alone.

"And what is this," Lorelai said indicating the dish.

"Beef infused with chipotle over a lime apple slaw," Luke said formally, wanting to keep the interaction professional, but knowing that he wasn't going to be able to resist her.

"Chipotle you say," Lorelai said examining the plate. "Is it spicy?"

"More of a smoky heat," Luke answered, handing out plates to the other customers while keeping up the conversation with Lorelai.

"Ohh...that's the best kind. Looks all safe and good and then, the heat just sneaks up on you," Lorelai said, and while her words were about the food, between the husk in her voice and the way her eyes trailed over him, he knew her meaning was something entirely different.

"If you want to step over here," Luke said, indicating the side of the table, "we can continue this without blocking the line,"

Lorelai stepped over to the side of the table.

"So tell me more about this smoky heat," Lorelai said.

"Well," he said pausing in his work to turn fully towards her, "the best thing about it is that it's unexpected," And he pulled her quickly into his body, kissing her deeply and quickly before releasing her and turning back to the customers.

"Unexpected," Lorelai said, blushing furiously and stumbling a little as she recovered from the kiss, "well you said it."

"See you around nine?" Luke asked.

"Nine." Lorelai agreed, and walked away.

Each evening since the festival began, Luke had met Lorelai out front at nine. They had gone to Rita's again the first night, Luke shocked that Lorelai could even consider food after attending the Classic all day. Still, Lorelai had insisted, and they had gone to the café for dessert. While they sat, Rita told stories about Luke during the time he had been there. She was especially amused by his first few months when he had been trying so hard not to yell.

"I've never seen anything like it," Rita said. "Someone would do something to piss him off, and instead of yelling he would come in here, take one of the seats in the corner, and mumble under his breath. But if I asked him what was wrong he would smile this tight little smile and tell me he was fine. For the first three weeks, I thought he was a lunatic. Then he explained that he had given up yelling at people."

"Ah, so then you understood that all the muttering was just his way of getting the ranting out without actually ranting." Lorelai said.

"Exactly," Rita said. "So then it became a game as to who would finally push him over the edge. Terry and James, my cooks, would get his order wrong and bump into him in the streets just to see if they could make him lose it."

"I knew it!" Luke exclaimed. "I knew they were messing with me"

"But in the end it was that little chippy who made him lose it. I stood right here and watched the whole thing,"

"Rita," Luke said quietly, "we don't need to talk about that."

"Served her right," Rita said, continuing as if Luke hadn't even spoken. "Trashy little thing. Going after a taken man shows she has no class. Told her to stay clear of my place from now on. Don't need that sort of thing here. We're a family restaurant. And I also told her to stay far away while Lorelai is in town, but I think she would have done that anyway. Besides, she's getting hers. James told me she started dating Kevin, you know Luke, the tall guy from the Alpine store on Elm," she said, pausing to look at Luke. When she saw he was looking down at his plate, she went on, "well, turns out she lured Kevin away from that sweet little Marcie who works at the pharmacy. But now, Kevin is running around on Heather with some other girl, and Heather has no idea. As the people of my generation said, karma's a bitch"

Lorelai looked at Luke, who was staring down at his plate unhappily. For her part, as Rita concluded her story, she looked more closely at the couple in front of her and realized she may have touched on a nerve.

"Luke," Rita said, not sure what she could say.

"So Rita," Lorelai said brightly. "You said you saw the whole thing? Did his face turn all red and that vain in his head pop out? That's how you know it's a genuine no BS Luke Danes rant. Believe me, I have seen my fair share. Even been on the receiving end of a few. But nothing like this guy at home Taylor Doose. Like the one time, while Luke was on vacation, he cut a window in Luke's diner without permission. Oh my god," Lorelai laughed.

As Lorelai continued the story, she reached across the table and placed her hand in front of Luke palm up. After a moment, she felt him place his hand in hers. When she felt that, she knew they were past the Heather thing once and for all, so she took a moment in her retelling of Taylor making Rory the Ice Ceram Princess to look at Luke and smile.

* * *

All in all, the trip to Aspen had been a raging success, and as Lorelai sat on a bench on the final night waiting for Luke to appear, she thought back over the past few days with a smile.

Lorelai sighed as she realized that she was flying back tomorrow. With Sookie out of town for that wedding, Michele had been working doubles to ensure there was always a senior member of the inn's management on hand, so Lorelai had promised him that she would get back as soon as possible so that he could have a much needed day off.

She was lost in her own thoughts when she saw Luke approach.

"Did you go home to change?" Lorelai asked, taking him in. On the previous nights, he had met her wearing cargo shorts and a tee shirt, fresh from his work at the festival. Tonight, however, he was wearing jeans and a black polo shirt, his muscles evident under the fabric.

"Yeah. I got off an hour early and figured rather than calling you I would take the opportunity to change so that I can look halfway human for our final evening together," Luke said, helping her to her feet.

Luke looked at Lorelai and smiled. He loved her like this, in a soft sundress and sandals, her hair curling loosely, just a hint of makeup.

"You're beautiful," he muttered, almost to himself. Realizing he had spoken aloud, he leaned over to kiss her lightly before repeating the sentiment, "You look beautiful."

"Thank you," Lorelai said smiling, "You look pretty great yourself. So, what is the plan for this evening?" Lorelai asked, falling into step beside him.

"Well, I thought I would take you to my place," Luke said. He looked over at the uncertain look on Lorelai's face and realized what he had just said. "My restaurant I mean. I got us a reservation, and even though I am not cooking tonight, I wanted you to see it."

"Oh, great," Lorelai said, not sure if she was relieved or disappointed, "perfect."

The kept on walking, holding hands, the quiet between them now comfortable.

"You know," Luke said slowly, "I would love to show you where I live. I mean it's a great little apartment, and it seems weird to me that you haven't seen it. But I don't want you to think, I mean, I know we talked about it, and I think you're right, we're right, I mean I'm not trying to, but…"

"Luke," Lorelai said with a laugh. "I know you're not trying to get me back to your place and seduce me. I know we talked about this and we agreed that we're not ready for that yet. But I would like to see where you live. So how about if after dinner we just go to your place and hang out for a while."

"If you're sure," Luke said.

"Luke," Lorelai said, "I think we're both adults. It's fine. Let's just enjoy tonight, no more overthinking."

"Deal," Luke said with a smile.

The entered the small restaurant and were guided to a table in the back.

"Everything smells amazing," Lorelai said.

"I hope it's okay, but I kind of ordered ahead and got us a tasting menu, that way you can try some of my favorite dishes here. But if there is something else you want let me know and I will get that too," Luke said.

"That sounds great," Lorelai said, looking around the space. "This place is wonderful. It's romantic without being dark, it's hip without being trendy. It's good for a dinner meeting, a date or a girl's night out. This is exactly the kind of place I would put at the retreat," she finished.

"So you're serious about opening a restaurant at the retreat?" Luke asked.

"I think so," Lorelai said. "We want to turn one of the out buildings into a restaurant, this way both guests of the retreat and the general public can come. This place is exactly the vibe in my head. I mean there are some things I would change of course to make it more home, but I love the feel that this space is whatever you need it to be."

"What kind of food are you going to have?" Luke asked interested.

"Don't know. I offered Sookie a role as executive chef so she could oversee the new place and the Dragonfly, but she didn't want it. So I am going to have to eventually figure something out. The goal is to make sure it doesn't come too close to what Sookie serves at the Inn. I want to make sure there is a clear distinction so I am not competing against myself."

"Makes sense," Luke said.

As the food started to arrive, Lorelai continued to fill Luke in on the retreat project as well as other happenings around Stars Hollow. They ate at a leisurely pace, enjoying the food and the company. Finally, two hours after they began, they left the little restaurant hand in hand.

They headed back to Luke's apartment talking and laughing, each of them reliving their favorite dishes from the exquisite meal they had just shared.

When they arrived at Luke's apartment, Luke held the door open and let Lorelai enter the space first. It was not at all what she had expected, and yet in some ways it was completely Luke.

The space was sparsely furnished, a simple couch, bookshelves and an entertainment center being the only items in the room. Looking to her left, Lorelai could see a small kitchen. To the side was a closed door, which she imagined, must be the bedroom.

"It came furnished," Luke said, looking around the apartment. "I didn't see the need to really decorate or do anything since it's not permanent."

"It's a great place," Lorelai said smiling as she walked over to the couch to sit down.

"It serves its purpose," Luke said. "Funny thing is as tiny as it is, it's still bigger than my apartment over the diner."

"That's true, although with the extension you built for Jess, it's probably close," Lorelai added.

"Maybe," Luke said, sitting beside her.

"So," Lorelai said, smoothing the fabric of her dress over her legs, "I really had a great time. Tonight and the whole trip."

"I'm glad," Luke said.

"Oh I didn't tell you," Lorelai said, suddenly excited and turning towards him. "I met Tom Colicchio."

"The bald guy from Top Chef?" Luke asked, still confused as to what she saw in the famous chef.

"Yup. He was doing a book signing so I bought the book and stood on line for like thirty minutes to meet him and do you know what happened?" Lorelai asked, getting so involved in her story that she was no longer nervous.

"What happened?" Luke asked smiling.

"Nothing!" Lorelai shouted. "I mean I didn't expect a cosmic connection or for him to offer to escort me around the tasting tent, but he didn't even look up and make eye contact, he scribbled his name on the book, said thank you and that was it. It was totally disappointing!"

"That sucks," Luke said sincerely. He knew that of all the celebrity chefs roaming the little town for the Classic, this was the one she most wanted to meet, and he wished that it had been a more memorable experience for her.

"Oh well," said Lorelai. "I also got to meet Gail Simmons and she was super nice, and I didn't even have to buy a book or anything. Also, Emeril was there which was great, though I didn't really get to meet him, just saw him across a room.

"I'm glad you had fun," Luke said, putting his arm around her and pulling her into his chest.

"It was amazing," Lorelai said. "I don't want to leave, but at least I know you'll be home soon."

"Not soon enough," Luke said leaning down to kiss her.

Lorelai shifted her body so she was almost curled up in his lap and pressed her body flush against his as they continued to kiss. She felt him tangle one hand in her hair while the other wound around her back to anchor her to him. She felt his lips move against her neck, nibbling and lightly biting while his hands continued to skim over her skin.

Luke was lost in the complete sensation of having Lorelai in his arms again. He had forgotten what it felt like to have her weight pressing on him, to feel her mouth truly yield against his. He had forgotten how soft her skin was, how silken her hair. He heard her sigh quietly as he moved from one side of her neck to the other before coming back to her lips once again.

Lorelai ran her hands over his arms, feeling the tightness of the muscles there. He had always been in shape, but nothing like this, she realized, moving her hands around his back and tracing the ridges and planes of his body through his shirt.

They kept on like this, oblivious to time passing, lost to everything but their senses.

Finally, Luke pulled away from her and whispered in her ear.

"We need to stop now or I'm not going to be able to stop," he growled, biting her ear lightly.

"So maybe we don't stop," Lorelai said, bringing her lips to his for another kiss.

After another moment, Luke pulled away again. "We have to stop," Luke said. "It's what we agreed."

"I don't want to anymore," Lorelai said, wanting nothing more than to feel him make love to her.

"You don't' want to now, but you'll wish you had later," Luke said, tucking her tightly into his side. "I'll be home soon. We have the rest of forever for this."

"The rest of forever?" Lorelai asked.

"Well, the first time, the first night at Sniffy's I told you I was all in, but I wasn't, and neither were you. That night I thought it was forever, but we squandered it. But now we get a second chance, and while we lost some years, we still have the rest of forever," Luke said.

"That was quite a speech," Lorelai said with a soft smile. "I could get used to poly-syllabic Luke"

The continued to sit quietly on his couch, every so often talking about some memory or some inconsequential piece of fluff. Every so often, they would kiss, but they remained careful to keep it in check. Finally, around midnight, Luke drove Lorelai back to her hotel.

"I'll pick you up at seven," he said, holding her hands.

"I'll be here," she answered.

With a final kiss, Luke returned to his car, and Lorelai watched as he drove away.

* * *

The drive back to Denver from Aspen was quieter than the ride there had been. When he finally got her to the airport and walked with her as far as security, neither of them seemed willing to let go or say goodbye.

"I'll be back before you know it," said Luke.

"I know," said Lorelai with a sad smile.

"This was perfect," Luke said, kissing her lightly. "Now, you go ahead through security and get to your gate before we stand here all day and you miss your plane."

"Okay," Lorelai said, still not letting go of his hand.

"Okay," Luke said, pulling her in for a final kiss.

"I don't want to let go," Lorelai whispered, holding close to him. "I'm afraid that if I let go something terrible will happen."

"Nothing terrible is going to happen," Luke said smoothing back her hair.

"The plane could crash in the mountains and I could be forced to resort to cannibalism," Lorelai said, adding some gravitas to her voice.

"Well in that case, make sure you find someone who tastes like cheeseburgers," Luke said.

"I love you," Lorelai whispered in his ear.

Luke smiled before looking deep into her eyes. "I love you too."


	13. Chapter 12

**Author's Note:**

 **As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from Time to time.**

 **Chapter 12 - September 2010**

* * *

Lorelai walked into her house with grocery bags, mail, keys and a dry cleaning bag, all balanced precariously in her arms. She stumbled over to the couch and tipped the pile just enough for the dry cleaning to slide off the top. The thumb and index finger of her left hand relaxed letting the keys and the mail drop to the couch. She then made her way to the kitchen where she deposited the bags on the kitchen table.

"Holy hell," she said to the room, kicking her shoes off and leaving them where they fell.

She looked at her watch, saw that it was five fifteen and calculated that she had about an hour until Luke came over.

She put away the groceries, smiling at the evidence of Luke in the things she bought - skim milk alongside her whole milk, Raisin Bran next to her Lucky Charms. Even though he still had the apartment, he often spent the weekend with Lorelai, usually arriving Friday evening and leaving Monday morning to open the diner. It was a good arrangement, and they were both satisfied with the time they had together as well as the time they still had apart.

Having Luke back in Stars Hollow had required a bit of a learning curve at first. They were so used to communicating every day but not seeing each other that the sudden proximity was at times unnerving. Lorelai would blow into the diner and almost be surprised to see him behind the counter.

Overall, Lorelai thought, putting away the last of the groceries, it had been smooth sailing, smoother than she had expected. The people of the town loved them both, and were happy to see them reunited. Of course, there had been questions; after all, the town had invested more than was normal in the relationship between Luke and Lorelai. People wanted to know if they were moving in together, if they were getting married, if they were going to leave town. Lorelai handled the inquiries by inviting Patty and Babette to lunch at the Dragonfly and giving them an abridged version of the story to tell the rest of the town. "Yes," she confirmed, "they were back together and it was serious." "No," she said, "they were not even thinking in terms of marriage and moving in together", "Yes," she assured them "they had every intention of staying in town". With Patty and Babette having the inside scoop, pretty soon everyone in Stars Hollow knew the story and began to settle into the new reality. And slowly, people got used to a happier, less argumentative Luke and a quieter more grounded Lorelai.

The harder part had been them getting used to each other again.

It had been tempting at first to be on "good behavior" all the time, and for a while, they both tried. Lorelai kept the pop culture references and the rambling, nonsensical storytelling to a minimum, and Luke continued watching the movies on Lorelai's 50 must watch list, and discussed them in detail with her over dinner. They both tried to be hyper aware of what the other wanted, becoming deferential to the point of paralysis. The whole thing came to a head two weeks in, when it took them forty minutes to decide what to have for dinner because neither of them wanted to make the decision and risk the other one being disappointed.

After that, they had talked about it and realized that trying to maintain these "best version" selves was exhausting. Lorelai didn't want to have to clean her entire house every time Luke came over, and for his part, Luke sometimes wanted to sit on the couch and watch Sports Center and not have to have a witty conversation.

Slowly they settled into the relationship, each being honest enough to be who they were, but both also remaining aware of the real pitfalls that they had fallen into in the past.

Luke had made it a point to continue to talk to Lorelai every day. He was aware that he tended to close himself off and that she was not inclined to push him, nor should she have to. So Luke went out of his way to talk to her about things large and small that happened during his day. He told stories about the various customers and shared news about April and Jess. He made sure that she knew that his life was hers, and that she was welcome in every aspect of it.

For Lorelai, the changes had been more subtle, but no less important. Once they were home again, it had taken an act of will on her part to open herself up to loving him completely. She had never been someone for whom trust came naturally, so she made sure that she let Luke know in big ways and small, that she loved him completely, holding nothing back.

The truth was it had been a good three months, perhaps the best three months they had ever spent together. They laughed often, bantering good naturedly about all the usual subjects, and it seemed like for the first time they were learning how to be in love without losing their friendship.

Finally finished with the groceries, and with little more than thirty minutes before Luke arrived, Lorelai began to head to her bedroom to change. She was almost to the stairs when she saw the light on her old answering machine blinking.

She looked at it, head cocked to one side, as if she didn't quite understand. Anyone who knew her knew to call on her cell. The house phone was almost never used anymore save calling for takeout and the occasional courtesy call.

She reached over to the machine and pushed the play button. After a moment, she heard the message begin.

"Hey Lor," came the disembodied voice, and that was all it took. Only one person ever called her Lor.

"This is what I get for patting myself on the back about how wonderful everything is," she thought to herself. Because for as much as she and Luke had moved on from the issues in their past, allowing Christopher back into her life in any way was going to put their newly found balance to the test.

No matter how much she explained, and how hard he tried to understand, Christopher would always be a sore spot between them. She understood why. She was not so naïve as to think that Luke would ever like or respect him. Chris' absenteeism throughout Rory's life was enough to ensure Luke thought the man was scum. But beyond his many failed attempts at being a father to Rory, Luke knew that Christopher would always be special to Lorelai, and that she afforded him a generosity and easy forgiveness that she gave to no one else. Lorelai couldn't explain why this was, and she knew that it was her acceptance of Christopher as he was that hurt Luke who couldn't understand how Lorelai could see past almost twenty seven years of bullshit and still let him in. What she had tried to explain to him that night, the night they had gotten it all out on the table, was that the reason she could let Christopher in time and again was that she didn't love him, and that she didn't miss him when he was gone.

Lorelai still remembered every detail of Luke's homecoming and the evening they now referred to as the official airing of the grievances.

* * *

When Luke had arrived home on Thursday, Lorelai had been there to greet him. Most of the town had been in the diner at some point over the previous forty-eight hours, asking for arrival times and wanting to see if there was any welcome home celebration in the works. Lorelai had given Lane strict instructions not to tell anyone anything and instead to assure people that there would be a party at a later date. Part of it was that Lorelai knew Luke would be exhausted, and that even the newly social Luke wouldn't want to be ambushed as soon as he got home with all the insanity of the Stars Hollow townies. The rest of it was that she wanted Luke to herself.

Lorelai had let herself into Luke's apartment a couple of hours before he was due back. In that time she opened windows, changed sheets, put food in the fridge and made sure that he was coming home to a welcoming place. He had shipped most of his items home, so she had unpacked, done laundry and put away what she could. She was aware that she hadn't been in his apartment in years, and wasn't sure what the rules were surrounding going in his drawers, so she settled for folding the clean clothes and piling them on his dresser for him to deal with when he returned. She had everything done and was sitting on the couch reading a book when she heard his tread on the stairs. All of a sudden, she was frantic. Maybe she shouldn't have let herself in. Maybe she was taking too many liberties. Maybe he wouldn't want to see her right away anymore than he had wanted to see anyone else.

She had stood up, put her feet in her shoes and grabbed her bag, ready to leave as soon as he opened the door. She figured she would tell him the she had stocked the fridge and then get out of his way.

As soon as she saw him, however, all of her fears were laid to rest.

He saw her as soon as he opened the door. He took in her look of uncertainty, and before she had time to say anything, he had closed the distance between them in two long strides, pulled her into his arms and kissed her soundly.

"Welcome home," Lorelai said softly when his lips finally left hers.

"Good to be here," Luke said kissing her again.

Lorelai had fixed him a sandwich and brought him a beer, earning a joke about her sudden domesticity, and when he finished, the two had sat down on the couch, much as they had in his apartment in Aspen, and talked quietly about everything and nothing, their conversation broken by kisses and contented silences.

Lorelai was in the middle of a detailed explanation of Michele's latest encounter with Kirk when she heard Luke soring softly.

"Babe," she said gently, shaking his shoulder. "Luke, wake up."

He opened his eyes, blinking up at her.

"You're here," he said smiling, still half-asleep, and reached for her.

"Yes, I'm here and you're home. But if you sleep on this terrible couch you'll regret it tomorrow."

"Love this couch," he mumbled trying to drag her down to him. "Love you. Love you on the couch."

"You sound like Sam I am," Lorelai said.

"No I don't," Luke said, his eyes beginning to close again.

"Nope," Lorelai said getting up and trying to pull him to his feet. "Get into that bed mister."

"Dirty," Luke mumbled as he stood up and shuffled over to the bed.

"Yeah yeah," Lorelai said laughing. "Big talk for a man who is sleeping on his feet."

"I'll have a cup of coffee and wake up," Luke said.

"Now I know you're dreaming," Lorelai said, helping him off with his sneakers and attempting to make him as comfortable as possible on his bed.

"Coffee is of the devil," Luke said, his voice still thick with sleep.

"There's the Luke I know," Lorelai answered.

"See you tomorrow?" Luke asked softly.

"I thought you were going to sleep all day tomorrow." Lorelai said.

"See you Saturday," Luke said. "Call you tomorrow."

"Okay," Lorelai said, leaning down and kissing him softly. "Talk to you tomorrow."

The following day, Luke had mostly slept. During a brief period of lucidity around three o'clock, he called Lorelai and arranged to meet her at her house the following evening. They both tried to sound light about it, but they were both dreading the conversation.

The next evening, Luke arrived carrying bags of food. He knocked on the door and was greeted by Lorelai wearing her sock-monkey pajama pants and a pink tee shirt, a messy knot of hair on the top of her head.

"I was trying to figure out what the appropriate outfit was for talking to the love of your life about the time you ran off and slept with your daughter's father, and nothing seemed right. I tried on seven different outfits, but jeans seemed too casual and a skirt seemed too formal and next thing I knew you were knocking and I guess sock monkey pajamas is the official attire for conversations that you don't want to have," Lorelai said.

"Lorelai," Luke said, looking at her, "I don't think what you're wearing matters. And if it helps, I have always liked these PJ's."

Luke came in and looked around realizing that so much was the same and yet so much was different since he had last been here with Lorelai.

He walked into the kitchen, followed by Lorelai who seemed to crackle with nervous energy. He began unpacking the bag, showing Lorelai what he had brought.

"I brought cheeseburgers and fries," he said taking the two containers out of the bag and placing them on the table.

"You're going to eat a cheeseburger?" Lorelai asked, surprised.

"I have decided that any food in strict moderation is okay," he smiled. "I have also discovered that I make a damn fine cheeseburger."

"Yes you do," she answered, beginning to relax a little. "Oh," she exclaimed, reaching in to the refrigerator, "I made this."

Lorelai placed a large bowl on the table.

"What is it?" Luke asked.

"Pear and walnut salad with blue cheese crumbles," she answered proudly. "And I even made the vinaigrette from scratch, although that was just this once, usually I buy it from the store or steal some from Sookie, but I was trying to show off tonight, so I made it from scratch. Don't worry though I tasted it before I put it on the salad, and it's okay…"

"Lorelai," Luke said calmly, putting his hands on her shoulders so she would look him in the eye. "Calm down. I meant what I said. We have to do this, but I am not going anywhere and neither are you."

"Okay," Lorelai said. "Can't we pretend we had the crappy conversation and just agree to never speak of Chris again ever?"

"Lorelai …"

"No you're right. We have to do this. Chris will always be here. Rory and he have been talking more lately. I think they are finally building some kind of relationship. Maybe not father and daughter… more like an eccentric uncle you laugh at but kind of love anyway."

"And do you kind of love him anyway," Luke asked quietly.

"I loved him when I was a kid. He was fun, the perfect vehicle for getting away with things. My parents approved of course and so they never looked to closely at what time we got home or things like that," Lorelai said. "But I haven't loved him like that for a long time. Probably not since he promised to come to the hospital when Rory was born but never showed. After that, there were times when I thought… when I guess part of me hoped… but I didn't love him anymore, not completely. I couldn't. Even when we were together over the years, before you and me, I could never love him without reservation. Not after he walked away from Rory."

"Then why?" Luke asked quietly, looking down at his shoes.

"Do you want to eat first and talk after?" Lorelai said softly.

"We already started, let's talk now and eat after."

"Okay," Lorelai said. She grabbed a bottle of water off the table. "You want anything to drink?" she asked.

"I'm good," he said.

"Well then, I guess let's go sit and get this over with," she said, leading him into the living room.

They sat side by side on the couch, not touching, Luke looking down at his lap and Lorelai staring ahead into the distance. Now that they were here, it seemed there was no good place to begin.

"Rory calls it my scorched earth policy," Lorelai said finally.

"What?" Luke asked, turning slightly to look at her.

"Like the Army, scorched earth, leave nothing salvageable behind," Lorelai said.

"I know what it means; I just don't see how it applies."

"You have to understand, until that moment, standing in front of the diner, I really thought I was going to marry you. I thought that we would figure it out," Lorelai said softly.

"We might have if…" Luke began, but Lorelai cut him off.

"No. We wouldn't have figured it out. We might have gotten married anyway, when you realized you couldn't put me off forever, but it wouldn't have been okay."

"You can't know that," he said stiffly.

"I do know it, and so do you," she said. "Are you trying to tell me we had a good relationship then?"

"Well, no but…"

"Luke, I was miserable. And part of that was your fault, but most of it was mine. I had become this shadow of myself, too afraid of losing you to stand up to you."

"I never wanted that. I didn't know…"

"Yes you did," Lorelai interrupted. "This is only going to work if we're honest. You knew I was unhappy, and you knew that I was too afraid to push you too far. And you used that to keep me at bay."

"I knew you were unhappy," Luke admitted quietly. "And I couldn't understand why you weren't fighting with me over it. So rather than try, I convinced myself that if you weren't going to say anything then nothing was really that wrong."

"I kept expecting you to wake up, to see what was going on and to come back to me."

"I hadn't left you," Luke said reflexively.

"Luke…"

"I hadn't intended to leave you. But yeah, I guess I wasn't really with you either. But why the hell did you let me get away with it. You never let me get away with anything, and yet somehow you were willing to let me disappear,"

"Let you? Tell me, how could I have stopped you?"

"I don't know," Luke said, frustrated.

"Well I didn't know either. I didn't know what would work and what would make it worse, so I froze. I was so scared of losing you, of losing the one person in the entire world who I had ever let in."

"Lorelai…"

"No. You have to understand this to understand what happened. For years, I didn't let myself think of you like that. I'm not stupid and I'm not blind. I knew how you felt, maybe not the extent of it, but I knew the attraction was there. And it excited me. I would think about it, wonder what would happen if I just kissed you or if we... But that's all I could do. Little fantasies. Because there was no way I was going to let myself love you."

"Why?"

"I have never loved anything so much that I couldn't walk away. Nothing except Rory. Everything else in my life – my parents, my home, even friends, were always to a degree expendable. I know how that makes me sound, but it's the truth. I created a little bubble around me and Rory and never let anyone close enough to hurt us"

"But…"

"But I let you in. Slowly at first. But soon you had become important… too important. And I was angry about that. So I tried to back away, but I couldn't. So instead, I told myself it was fine, that we were friends and that it was all no big deal. Then there was the summer after Rory and Jess had the car accident. The summer we didn't talk, and I realized then that you were the one person besides Rory that I couldn't walk away from. You were essential to me. And it scared the shit out of me."

"Lorelai…" Luke said softly. But the truth was he didn't know what to say. So he sat back and let her continue.

"I knew then that I loved you."

"Oh Lorelai. Then why? Why did we wait? Maybe it would have been easier if we had tried sooner."

"I wasn't ready then. Hell, when you sat in Sniffy's telling me you were all in, I still wasn't ready. But by that point I knew that it was now or never, and never wasn't an option for me. So I jumped."

"I wasn't ready either I don't think. Which sounds ridiculous. I mean we weren't kids," Luke said.

"Maybe not, but I think we both had massive changes happen when we were young, and somehow we both just turned away from the world at that point and, I don't know.. atrophied or something. Granted I did it with charm and humor and you did it with sullen ranting, but the result was the same. Neither of us knew how to let someone else in."

"I remember telling you I was all in. And I meant it. But I don't think I really understood what being all in was. I had thought about this, dreamed about it for so long that when I finally got you there I went from zero to ninety. And I shouldn't have, because I didn't know how to be with you like that," Luke said.

"I don't think either of us understood. And we never tried to understand. We just kept moving forward without any clue where we were going," Lorelai said.

"But even if that's true, you knew I would never set out to hurt you, and I just don't understand…"

"Luke, if you want to understand you have to let me tell it," Lorelai said.

"Okay," Luke said, sitting back and looking down at his hands again.

"Things had been bad for so long. First with not telling me about April, and then with postponing the wedding, all the while I am telling you I understand when really I want to scream until you heard me. The night I gave you the ultimatum, I had been to dinner with my parents. Christopher had been there, and this other woman, I forget her name, but my parents had invited her to set up with Chris. And I was so pleased on the one hand, because this was tacit approval of you and me. And on the other hand, the whole thing was like a kick in the gut. Just as they finally approve, there is nothing for them to approve of."

Lorelai paused and took a breath. Luke was still looking down at his feet. His hands were fisted and his jaw was clenched and she could tell it was taking everything in him not to interrupt.

"So after dinner, I went to find you. I went there that night and thought the ultimatum would shock you into action. When you said no, I still wasn't fazed. I was sure that the sight of me walking away would be enough. But it wasn't, and you let me leave. You let me go without saying a word. I realized then that this was what you did every time. You shut down, you closed yourself off to me, you made it impossible for me to stay, and then you blamed me when I left."

"Lorelai…"

"Maybe it wasn't as calculated as all that, but that's how it worked out," Lorelai said. She took a second to take a drink of water and then continued with the story. "So I went home and I sat on the porch, sure that any second I would see your truck's headlights. But I didn't. And I realized that it had to stop. I couldn't keep breaking my heart for you. And I knew that if you came back then, or if you came back the next day, or the next week, I would take you back gladly. So I thought about how to make it stop, how to make sure you wouldn't come back and hurt me again. And I knew that the one way to guarantee you would never come back was to go to him. So I got in my car, drove to Hartford, and I made it so you wouldn't come back."

"I don't understand," Luke said. "I always thought it just happened, that you went over there to talk and…"

"I went over there to have sex with him. It was calculating and manipulative and every bit as cold and wrong an action as I have ever taken, but I can't pretend now that it just happened. It was my intention. I knew exactly what I was doing."

"But why him?" Luke asked, jumping up. "You can't tell me he's the only guy you knew. Why go to him, if it had been anyone else except him…"

"That right there," Lorelai said quietly, "is why him. Scorched earth, remember. I fixed it so that I would be tainted to you, so that you would never want me back. I fixed it so that I would never have to suffer through you breaking my heart again, and if I destroyed myself in the process, so what, my heart didn't seem like too steep a price to pay to be done with it."

Luke looked at her sitting on the couch, and he didn't know what to say. He had always thought that she had gone over there upset and that Christopher had preyed on that. It had never occurred to him that Christopher had been the prey. All of a sudden, he was striding across the room and out the front door.

"Luke," Lorelai yelled racing after him. "Don't. You promised."

"I'm not leaving," he said from the darkness on her porch. "I just needed a minute to collect my thoughts."

"But you're not leaving," she repeated.

"I'm not leaving. I just need a minute." He said.

"Okay," Lorelai said, sitting on the step.

"What are you doing," Luke asked.

"Staying with you. It's what I promised to do," Lorelai said.

For a few moments neither of them said anything. Lorelai could hear him breathing and it took all her willpower to remain quiet and let him digest what she had told him. It had never occurred to her that he would have thought what happened with Christopher was unintentional. If she was capable of unintentional sex, she would have gone to bed with far more people than she had.

For the first time since beginning the story, she began to wonder if this wasn't going to break them after all.

"I never realized…" he began, his voice rough with anger and hurt.

"Wait," she interrupted. "Let's not talk out here unless you want it all over town."

He followed her back inside in silence. Once she shut the door, he turned on her. "I never realized that you hated me that much," he said, barely keeping his anger in check. "That you hated me so much for not eloping to Maryland that you set out to purposely destroy me. You didn't get what you wanted so you decided to break my heart!" He yelled.

"No," Lorelai said. "I didn't think I was breaking your heart,"

"Oh come on," he said interrupting her, "you just said you went over there to screw him because you knew it would hurt me the most."

"No," Lorelai said, "I went to him because it was the one thing I thought you would never forgive. That had nothing to do with breaking your heart. By that point, I didn't think I had enough of your heart to break anymore. But I knew Chris would wound your pride and make you angry and reinforce everything you had ever believed about me."

"How can you say all that and then say you weren't trying to break my heart?" Luke yelled.

"Because by the time I went to him, you didn't love me anymore," Lorelai screamed before sitting back on the couch and beginning to cry.

Luke stood looking at her. "I always loved you," he said.

"No. You didn't. If you did, you wouldn't have been able to let me walk away. I knew I would never be able to watch you walk away from me. Not ever. But you could. You could hear me tell you it was now or never and you could pick never."

"I didn't think… I thought you were just angry. I didn't think you would really leave."

"Are you sure about that?" Lorelai asked. "Are you sure my leaving wasn't exactly what you wanted?"

"I don't know what I wanted by then. I was so confused… overwhelmed. I couldn't get my head around all of it. April, Anna, you… I just… I couldn't…."

"I know." Lorelai said.

"Yeah. You knew. You knew I was so screwed up. But it didn't matter. You didn't get what you wanted at the very moment you wanted it, you set out to hurt me in the worst possible way," Luke said.

"The very moment I had wanted it? I had been waiting for months for you to remember that I even existed. I had been more patient with you than I have ever been about anything. And you think that this was some kind of temper tantrum," Lorelai yelled.

"Well, no, but…"

"Luke, you were all I ever wanted," Lorelai said. "You were everything I was too stupid to see. And all those years, you had been so strong, so sure. And so when we got together, I just assumed that strength and surety would transfer. But it didn't. Even before April, you didn't believe in us, and you let that uncertainty keep you from trusting me."

"So now it's my fault you slept with him," Luke said harshly.

"No. It's my fault I slept with him. My fault I married him. But it was your fault that you loved me for eight years and then the second I opened myself up to that love, you freaked out and shut down."

"I did not," Luke said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, you did," Lorelai said softly. "It was as if the fantasy you had built up in your head had left you disappointed by the reality."

"That's not it," Luke said. "That wasn't why."

"Then why?" Lorelai asked.

"Because for years I watched you fall for some guy, be crazy about him for six months and then cut him off cold. And I couldn't imagine that you wouldn't do the same to me. You were better than any fantasy, which is why I couldn't handle the idea of losing you."

"So you pushed me away, you froze me out, you gave me no reason to stay and then you got to say to yourself that you had known it all along."

"No. I mean, April…" Luke began.

"It had nothing to do with April, not really. It sucked that you didn't tell me about her right away, sucked that you lied and you marked a giant part of your life off limits-" Lorelai began.

"I didn't mean to, and I know I should have told you right away about April, I get that. If I had told you right away, then maybe…"

"This is not about April," Lorelai interrupted, getting frustrated by his lack of understanding. "Maybe I'm not explaining this right, but it really wasn't about April. She was a convenient excuse at the time, but she wasn't the reason. It was about us. Before we got together, we were pretty good friends, right?" Lorelai asked.

"I think so," Luke answered.

"And in all the time we were friends, did you ever know me to cheat on someone I was dating?"

"Well, no." Luke said.

"And in all the time we were friends did you know me to be dishonest? I don't mean little things like Babette's green dress, I mean about big stuff," Lorelai asked.

"Never," he conceded.

"So why is it, that the second we got together you were convinced I was going to lie or cheat. That the minute we got together you started waiting for me to leave?"

"I don't know," Luke said softly.

"Did you really think I was killing time with you until something better came along?" Lorelai asked.

"Mostly no, not just anything better, him." Luke said.

"Luke, I never loved Christopher the way I love you. Never."

"I guess I always thought that if you had to choose, you'd choose him." Luke said. "And then you did. You left me and went to him."

"But I didn't leave you. You were already gone. I went to him because I was afraid you would come back, and I didn't think I could take breaking my heart for you again."

"So say I understand all that," Luke said, once again sitting beside her, "why marry him?"

"Because it was easy. Because by marrying him I risked nothing and gained everything," Lorelai said.

"The money…" Luke said, thinking that was what she meant by everything.

"No, not the money. I don't give a shit about the money and it kind of sucks that you think I did," Lorelai said hotly.

"Well if not the money, what did you gain?" Luke said.

"I made it impossible for you to come back, even if you wanted to. You're too good, to righteous, and even if I was weak, even if I crawled back to you and begged, you would never touch another man's wife. Not even if that wife was me," Lorelai said.

"So you went through all that to be rid of me," he said, "to make it so I would never want you back?"

"It was never about him," Luke. "If anything, he was the victim this time. He even knew what I was doing."

"Lorelai," Luke said.

"But Chris could never say no to me, not when I really set my mind to it, so I convinced him that it was okay. That it was over between you and me. I told him that I wanted him," Lorelai said. "He didn't believe me... but he pretended he did and gave me what I wanted."

"But…" Luke said, but Lorelai interrupted him.

"I have spent a lifetime talking about how manipulative my mother is, how calculating. I have looked at her with disgust as she used people to get what she wanted without regard to what they wanted. At that moment, convincing Christopher I wanted him even though we both knew I was lying, I was worse than she ever was. She may trade on people's fear or their greed, but I traded on his love. I used it to get what I wanted, and I knew I was hurting him, and I didn't care. All I cared about was that I would stop hurting," she finished. She had begun to cry while she had explained it to him and she sat now, her face in her hands, trying to hide her tears. "I tried to convince myself he deserved it for all the years he had hurt and disappointed Rory, and maybe he did, but that doesn't make what I did right."

"I'm sorry Lorelai but you are not going to convince me to feel bad for that guy. He's a jackass," Luke said.

"He's really not," Lorelai said smiling. "The thing about me and Christopher is we were each so big a part of creating each other. But then I had Rory and I had to grow up all at once and he never grew up at all. And that doesn't excuse how he was with Rory. Nothing excuses that ever. But as much as you like to hate him, he isn't a bad guy. He's not malicious. He doesn't set out to hurt people, he just never sees what he's doing until it's too late"

"Please don't defend him to me Lorelai"

"But it's the truth"

"Do you realize that for years I watched him blow through town and leave a path of destruction in his wake? For years, I would see your face light up with hope only to see you have to put yourself back together again, when he disappointed you yet again. And somehow, you never turned him away. So please don't tell me you don't love him"

"Luke, of course there is part of me that will always hold Christopher in my heart. He was my first love, my first everything, and I am sure there is part of you that holds Rachael the same way. The only difference is I don't have the luxury of putting Chris on a shelf with old yearbooks and consigning him to the land of nostalgia because he and I had a child together and like it or not that is a tie that never breaks. And I'm sorry if you want me to pretend to hate him. But I don't hate him. He's a screw up and a rotten father and as irresponsible a person as you are ever likely to meet, but I don't hate him. But not hating him is not the same as wanting him."

"So everything he did and you can't hate him. But me, you can hate enough to try and ensure I will be out of your life forever."

"I never loved him enough to really hate him. I've never loved anyone enough to really hate them, except for you."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"No," she said, "but that doesn't make it any less true."

They had gone round and round about Christopher, sometimes yelling, sometimes crying, and sometimes walking out on to the porch for a few moments of quiet. Finally, as the clock approached eleven, they began to understand.

"We spent so much time being afraid." Lorelai said. "You were afraid I was going to leave and I was afraid you didn't want me to stay."

"So now what," Luke asked. "I mean I guess it's good to get it out in the open, but it doesn't mean that I will ever be okay with him."

"You don't have to be okay with him," Lorelai said. "But you do have to be okay with me. And that means that you have to be able to put what happened behind us and not use it as a way to punish me, not bring it up during arguments. It has to get put away for good."

"I can do that," Luke said.

"I'm not done," Lorelai said. "Being okay with me also means that you don't have to like or respect Christopher, but you have to accept that he is a part of my life, of our lives, by virtue of being Rory's father. I don't hate him, and I don't want to have to worry every time his name comes up because you do."

"I'll do my best," Luke said.

"Okay," Lorelai said.

"And you have to tell me when he is in touch or when he's around. You can't keep it from me because you think I'll get mad. The only way I will get mad is if you are hiding things from me."

"I understand," Lorelai said quietly.

"Okay."

"Okay."

"So, uhm, is there anything else? I mean, is there anything else we need to talk about?" Luke asked looking at her.

"I think I'm all talked out," Lorelai said quietly, leaning into him.

"I didn't know that was possible," Luke chuckled.

"Oh, so we're making with the jokes now?" Lorelai said, smiling. And just like that, she knew it would be okay, that they would be okay.

* * *

And now here she was, three months later, listening to the one voice she didn't want to hear.

"Been a while," said Christopher's voice on the machine. "I know. And I know you probably don't want to hear from me, I mean Rory keeps me up to date on you, sort of, and I hear you are happy and in love and all that. I'm glad," he said. "I always knew it was him. I should give you an I told you so, but I won't." he continued in a softer voice, before seeming to come back to himself to continue. "Anyway, if you wouldn't mind, can you please call me back? I'm still at the same cell I used to be. I need to talk to you. It's not life or death, but it might be important… or it might be nothing. I don't know. But I need to tell you what I know. I'm not going to cause any trouble for you, I just…" and the answering machine cut him off.

The beep and the end of the message woke Lorelai up. She blinked rapidly, as if she was coming out of a dream. Lorelai hesitated at the machine for a moment, her finger poised over the erase button, before turning away from the machine and heading upstairs. She knew if nothing else, she was going to have to tell Luke about the message, and it would probably be better if he could hear it for himself.

When Luke let himself in a little while later, Lorelai was sitting on the couch wearing her sock monkey PJ's.

"Well, hello." Luke said, leaning over to kiss her.

"Hey babe," Lorelai answered quietly.

"You okay," Luke asked sitting on the couch next to her and pulling her feet onto his lap. "You not feeling well?"

"There's a message on the machine," Lorelai said. "A sock monkey message."

"What," Luke asked.

"Chris called."

"What did he want?" Luke asked. His voice remained calm, but his hand momentarily froze on her leg before beginning to rub again.

"He wants me to call him. I left the message on the machine," Lorelai said.

"Did you call him back?"

"Not yet. I figured I would wait until you were here," Lorelai said.

"Well," Luke said, patting her leg before getting up off the couch. "Go call him back and I'll start dinner."

With Luke out of the room, Lorelai picked up the phone and called Chris back.

Fifteen minutes later, Lorelai wandered into the kitchen and put her arms around Luke.

"What did he want," Luke asked his voice tight.

"Oh, he screwed up huge," Lorelai said, "And he needed to know how bad the fallout would be."

Luke was immediately concerned, but he could see that Lorelai didn't look angry, so he forced himself to calm down.

"What did he do?" Luke asked.

"He gave a rich jerk Rory's phone number when he shouldn't have," Lorelai said.

"You gonna call Rory?"

"In the morning. For now, what'cha cooking good looking?"

"Chicken Parm." Luke said smiling.

"And garlic bread?"

"Of course"

"And Spaghetti?" Lorelai smiled.

"And I have brownies for dessert," Luke said smiling.

"I love you," Lorelai said, pulling him into her and kissing him deeply.

"Wow, I didn't know garlic bread would get me kissed like that," Luke laughed.

"Not the garlic bread." Lorelai said.

"The spaghetti?" Luke asked with a smile.

"Nope,"

Luke pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply. "The brownies?" he asked.

"Of course, the brownies," Lorelai said. She tangled her fingers through the curls at the base of Luke's neck and looked up into his deep blue eyes. "Is there anything here that will burn if left unattended?" Lorelai asked.

Luke reached over and turned off the flame under the pasta pot that was not yet boiling. Stretching further to his left, he turned the oven off and then brought his arms back around Lorelai's waist. "Not anymore," he said lowly, leaning down and capturing her lips with his own.

Lorelai melted into the kiss, molding her body to his, feeling his heat and his desire pouring into her.

"Upstairs?" Lorelai asked, breaking the kiss only long enough to get the one word out.

"Too far," Luke answered, lifting her up and placing her on the counter.

"I thought you said this is unsanitary," Lorelai said.

"Not in the diner. No health inspector here," he said, bringing his lips to her throat, his hands roaming over her body, the thin fabric of her tank top and the soft flannel of her pj bottoms creating just the right amount of friction.

Lorelia wrapped her legs around Luke, hooking her feet behind him and pushing her body into him in the most intimate of ways.

Luke was quickly losing control. No matter how often he touched her, it floored him. The smoothness of her skin, her strong legs gripping him to her. His hands skimmed down her back and reached under the waistband of her pants.

Lorelai could barely catch her breath. "Upstairs," Lorelai said again.

Luke pulled her body flush to him, his lips hot against her skin. He bit her ear lightly and nodded.

"Upstairs," Luke agreed, lifting Lorelai off the counter.

* * *

 _ **Meanwhile, in Washington, DC…**_

Rory sat at the bar, nursing a beer and looking at her phone.

She had gotten into the groove of DC life and was enjoying every moment of it. Her career was going well, and she had begun to earn a reputation for fairness and accuracy in her reporting. The young Turks of the DC scene liked her and trusted her to tell the stories without reveling her sources, so that had begun to come to her with progressively more interesting tips.

It was one such tip that had her sitting in the bar on a Friday night.

She had received a text earlier in the day from a number she didn't recognize.

( _I have a scoop for you,_ ) the text had read. ( _I hear you can be trusted_.)

She had texted back immediately.

( _Who is this?)_ she had asked, knowing it was probably a wasted question.

( _No names,)_ the text had come back at once. ( _You want the story?)_

( _I don't know. What's the story?_ ) Rory responded.

( _It's good. It's got everything. Money. Sex. Love. And hopefully redemption)_ had come the response.

( _Sounds like a Nick Sparks novel, not a news story_ ) Rory had replied.

( _Meet me and find out_ ) had come the reply.

So here Rory sat, nursing her beer and trying to figure out what to ask her new source.

"Hey Ace," came a voice from behind her.

Rory froze beer halfway to her lips.

"You gonna turn around and look at me," he asked.

Rory finished the last swallow of beer and turned to face the voice.

"How did you get my number," Rory asked.

"Ran into your dad. He says to call him."

"Oh believe me, I'm going to call him," Rory said with a half smile.

"Come on. You really that upset to see me?" Logan asked.

"I haven't decided yet," Rory answered.

"Well why don't I buy you another beer while you think about it."

Rory hesitated, but only for a moment. That smile.

"Vodka rocks," Rory said. "One drink. I will promise you one drink. For old time's sake."

"One drink," Logan agreed. "I'll take it for now."

"For now?" Rory asked.

"I told you Ace," Logan said. "I'm hoping for redemption."

* * *

 **Author's Note –**

 **I know the update took a long time. I have to admit, I couldn't "hear" this chapter and wasn't sure where it was going, how to introduce Christopher (especially knowing I don't hate him the way so many do) and also making the choice to introduce Logan.**

 **I hope you forgive me for bringing them back- And just remember - just because Logan wants redemption doesn't mean he will get it...**

 **As always – thank you for the reviews – they are always very appreciated.**


	14. Chapter 13

**Author's Note:**

 **As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from Time to time.**

* * *

 **Chapter 13- October 2010**

Rory was stretched out on the couch in the Crap Shack, her hair tucked back behind her ears, pen in hand and ever present notebook open in front of her. She had come into town to celebrate her twenty-seventh birthday, and was using the time to hang with her mom and pretend she was sixteen again.

"He's cute," Rory said.

"Eh," said Lorelai.

"You don't think he's cute?"

"If you like that sort of thing," Lorelai replied.

"Not everyone can rock flannel," Rory said with a laugh.

"True. Then again, Luke almost never wears the flannel anymore."

"I've noticed that," said Rory.

"He does rock the Black tee shirt and jeans combo," Lorelai said with a smile.

"I'm really not comfortable discussing Luke's relative hotness."

"But I'm supposed to discuss Logan?"

"It's for the list. All things serve the list."

"I thought all things serve the Beam," said Lorelai.

"Mom, focus. Logan…"

"Logan is, I don't know… a little… I don't know… pretty I guess."

"I like pretty," Rory said.

"Then put it in the pro column," Lorelai said.

"Ok. Pretty is a pro."

"To tell the truth, Logan always reminded me a little of Christopher,"

"And now I am freaked out again," said Rory.

"Oh relax Electra," Lorelai laughed. "So where are we?"

"Well, pro's are pretty, funny, charming, shared history, intelligent..."

"And con's?" Lorelai asked.

"Self-centered, irresponsible, pampered, impulsive, entitled… what else?" Rory asked. "Oh – terrible family."

"Rory, we shouldn't judge him based on his family. We wouldn't want him to judge you based on our family."

"Our family is not to the right of Attila the Hun," Rory said.

"None the less…"

"Fine," Rory sighed.

"Why are we re-writing a list we finished writing three years ago. Don't you have the old list? Can't we just use that one?" Lorelai asked.

Rory pulled a folded sheet of paper out of the back of her notebook. "I want the new list for the sake of comparison."

"You're deranged," said Lorelai. "Why are you so upset about this?"

"I don't know."

"I mean you said he didn't try anything. That he had a drink with you and then asked if it would be okay if he kept in touch."

"But why keep in touch? Who does that?" Rory asked.

"Well has he been in touch?"

"A few texts," Rory answered. "Noting major."

"Okay," Lorelai said, "so what's the problem?"

"I can't explain it. I just don't see the point," Rory replied.

"You keep in touch with Jess," Lorelai said.

"That's different."

"How?"

"Jess is… I don't know… family I guess," Rory said quietly. "And don't start. It's not like that with him. We are strictly platonic. Besides, with you and Luke back together, it would be a little too V.C. Andrew's if Jess and I were together too."

"Fine, fine," Lorelai said. "Besides, we're talking about Logan, not Jess."

"You brought up Jess," Rory said.

"Well I am un-bringing him up," Lorelai said.

"Can you do that?" Rory asked.

"Just did, so I guess so," Lorelai answered. "Now explain to me again what the issue is here."

Rory closed her notebook and sat up to face her mother. "It feels like going backwards," Rory said. "I settled this. We settled this. I mean we spent how many hours discussing this. It was…"

"Settled?" Lorelai answered.

"Exactly," Rory said. "And now he's back? Why?"

"I don't…"

"Why!" Rory exploded. "It's unnecessary."

"So then don't talk to him again," Lorelai said simply.

"I can't just not talk to him,"

"So talk to him," Lorelai said.

"Were you always this unhelpful? I feel like you used to be more helpful," Rory said.

"I am very helpful," Lorelai said.

"So then help me!" Rory exclaimed, flinging herself back on the bed.

"Aren't you a little old for teen angst?" Lorelai said.

"I'm sorry… did you just call me immature? Hope you're not too attached to that glass house there," Rory said.

"I'm not immature, I'm whimsical," Lorelai said.

"You're a grown woman in a zombie hello kitty tee shirt." Rory pointed out.

"Exactly. Whimsical."

"Just tell me what to do," Rory said.

"I don't know what you should do," Lorelai said seriously. "He proposed, you said no and that was that. You were pretty certain you made the right choice at the time."

"I am still sure it was the right thing," Rory said.

"Well then…"

"I don't know mom, will it sound nuts if I say that there is part of me that doesn't know why he didn't hit on me?"

"Did you want him to?" Lorelai asked.

"No, but I don't know why he didn't," Rory said.

"1977 called and wants it Rock Anthem back," Lorelai said.

"Mom…."

"Sorry," Lorelai smirked. "But you can't expect me to ignore a perfectly good song cue"

"Try."

"Right," Lorelai answered. "Continue."

"I can't even explain it. It was so weird. Mom, I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do," she complained.

"Nope." Lorelai said.

"Come on, Mom. I thought you like telling people what to do,"

"You have to find the answer for yourself," Lorelai said, picking up another shirt and beginning to fold again.

Rory shook her head, kissed her mother's cheek and headed out of the room.

"Where are you going?" Lorelai called.

"Emerald city apparently," Rory replied, letting the front door shut heavily behind her.

"Follow the yellow brick road," Lorelai called in her best munchkin voice, "and tell the wizard we're out of toilet paper."

* * *

Rory headed across town to the diner. Walking in, she took her mother's regular seat at the counter and waited for Luke to come by.

"Hey kid," Luke said, putting a cup of coffee in front of her without being asked. "You here for food?"

"Will you tell me what to do please," Rory asked.

"Eat a vegetable," Luke said.

"About Logan," Rory said.

Luke smiled at the young woman he couldn't help thinking of as a daughter. "Is there something that would make you think I have any good advice about relationships?"

"You and my mom are doing pretty well," Rory said with a smile.

"Great. So if you carry around a great unrequited love for eight years, finally get the person to notice you, screw it up royally, send them running back to their ex, take another two plus years to finally get it together, then I will have some very specialized advice for you," Luke said.

"Very funny. Everyone's a comedian today," Rory said.

"Does he make you happy?" Luke asked.

"He did sometimes," Rory said.

"Enough of the time to want him back?"

"No," Rory said.

"Well there's your answer then," Luke said.

"So you're saying I shouldn't talk to him," Rory said.

"I am saying," Luke said, "that you are a smart, talented independent Gilmore woman, and I wouldn't dream of telling you what to do."

"Well, I'll give you points for calling me a woman instead of a girl," Rory said.

"Are you hungry?"

"Nah," Rory said. "Just agitated."

"I hear pie is good for that," Luke said, handing Rory a plate with a slice of pie.

"Pie is good for everything," Rory said, digging in. "So, how's April?" Rory asked.

"Fine, good. Too old. You're both too old," Luke said. "April just started her junior year of high school, you're twenty-seven. Where did the time go?"

"I have no idea. Most days I still feel sixteen," Rory said.

"Well," Luke chuckled, "You're mom acts thirteen on a good day,"

"Look at it this way – she keeps you young," Rory said.

"She does that," Luke said with a quiet smile.

"So, am I allowed to ask how it's all going," Rory said.

"Why wouldn't you be allowed to ask?" Luke said.

"I don't know, I mean, I don't want to pry or whatever," Rory said.

"It's going great," Luke said. "I mean, it's still tough sometimes, and we are so different, but it's… it's really great, Rory. I didn't know it could be this… "

"Great?" Rory finished with a smile.

"Yeah," Luke said quietly. "I hope she's as happy as I am."

"She is," Rory said.

"Yeah?"

"I believe her word was fan-freaking-tastic as opposed to great – but you know that she's given to hyperbole," Rory said.

"So, any big plans for your birthday? I know you and your mom are doing the whole spa thing tomorrow, and there is dinner tonight with your grandparents…"

"Are you coming?" Rory interrupted.

"Yes, I am coming to dinner. But I thought your mom said you have a week off?"

"I was actually thinking of going up to the city to see Jess."

"Really? That's-" Luke said.

"Do I have to give you the speech too?" Rory said. "Why can't anyone get past this? I dated him a million years ago. Why are people still talking about it? It's like this whole thing with Logan. I should get tee shirts made – then people can self-identify as Team Jess or Team Logan and save me the headache of answering the same friggen question over and over!"

"Uhm, Rory," Luke said.

"What?"

"I didn't say anything except the word that," Luke said.

"Oh,"

"Hell of a rant there," Luke laughed.

"I learned from the best," Rory said.

"Yes you did my young Padawan," Luke answered.

"Is that a Star Trek thing?" Rory asked.

"I give up," Luke said. He held up his hand in a Vulcan salute. "Live long and prosper,"

"Nah nu – Nah nu," Rory said laughing and getting up from her stool.

"Hey," Luke said as she turned away from the counter, "For what it's worth, my shirt would say Team Rory."

"Thanks," Rory said with a smile. "I was always Team Luke myself."

"Tell your mom I'll be there at seven to pick you two up for dinner," Luke said.

"Will do," Rory said, "oh and Luke, mom said to tell you to pick up some toilet paper," Rory said leaving the diner.

Through the window, she saw Luke simultaneously shake his head disapprovingly, grin sweetly and make a note on his pad to remember the TP.

Rory wandered around town, taking in the various sights. She had no particular direction in mind, but it was only three o'clock and she didn't want to go back home and obsess about Logan.

She knew that the one person who would give her unbiased advice about her life was usually Jess. It was one of the things she valued most about him. Unlike most of the people in her life who had crowned her a princess, Jess was only too aware of how shallow and entitled she could be, and he generally thought nothing of calling her on it. However, she knew that Jess had never liked Logan, who he viewed as a self-important over privileged waste of an incredible education, and she wasn't necessarily in the mood to hear Jess rant about income inequality and the underground populist movement.

Rory sighed deeply and thought about where she was. Twenty-seven years old, and she had to admit that her professional life was fulfilling beyond what she had imagined possible all those years ago at the Yale Daily News. She enjoyed the pace of the work she was doing, and had found a real niche in politics, finding the human interest among the DC sharks and politicos. She had great friends, both old and new, and was as close to her mom as ever, if not in proximity then at least in spirit. Rory was happy overall. The only area of her life that was somewhat lacking was the romantic, and she was actually generally comfortable with her lack of boyfriend.

Perhaps it was a function of having been raised by Lorelai Gilmore, but try as she might, Rory could not understand how so many of the women her age were so desperate to be coupled.

"Oh well," Rory mumbled as she made her way across town. The reality was that she was content. She had spent a lot of years bouncing from boy to boy, Dean to Jess to Logan. She learned something from each of them didn't regret much, but she also knew that while each of them had something special, something she needed, none of them was right for her in the way that Luke was ultimately right for her mother.

Rory walked Stars Hollow for another hour before returning to her mother's house to begin to get ready.

* * *

At seven sharp, Luke pulled up in front of the Crap Shack and beeped once.

Rory and Lorelai ran down the stairs of the porch, laughing and arguing in their typical way.

"I'm the girlfriend," Lorelai said.

"My birthday," Rory countered.

"You would not have a birthday had I not given birth," Lorelai whined.

"I repeat, I appreciate the effort – but still, my birthday,"

"Are you two getting in the truck," Luke asked through the open window.

"It's my birthday and I should get to sit in the front," said Rory

"And I have reminded her that without me, she would not even exist," Lorelai said with a pout.

"You are going to make me choose, aren't you?" said Luke.

"Yes Luke," Rory said, batting her baby blues at Luke, "And remember, you wouldn't want to say no to the Birthday Girl, would you?"

"Really Luke," Lorelai said, purposely making her voice husky and flirtatious, "you really don't want to say not to me. After all, I know how to show my appreciation."

"Nu-hu," Rory said pointing, "you're fighting dirty"

"Very dirty," Lorelai said to Luke, shooting him an over-exaggerated wink.

"That's it," Luke grumbled, turning off the truck's ignition and getting out.

"What are you doing," Lorelai said. "We're going to be late."

"We're taking the jeep," Luke said. "This way you both sit in the front and I can drink at dinner."

"Pretty sneaky," Lorelai said, walking over to her jeep.

The small group piled in and they set out for the Gilmore mansion in Hartford.

Forty-five minutes later, they were sitting on sofas in Emily's well-appointed living room, sipping drinks.

Emily smiled as she listened to Luke and Richard discuss the merits of billiards versus eight-ball. She was so pleased that she had finally gotten to a place where they were a true family.

Much had changed since their New Year's Day brunch at the plaza. There was still a certain awkwardness at times, an over attention paid to what was said and how it was meant, but overall, Lorelai and Luke joined Emily and Richard for dinner once a month, sometimes at the house, sometimes at a restaurant, sometimes at Lorelai's house with Luke serving as chef, and these occasions were, if not relaxed then at least generally cheerful and free from hysterics.

Emily appreciated how far they had all come, but above all, she was thrilled about her current relationship with Lorelai.

"Lorelai," Emily said, her mind snapping back to the present, "why don't we step in to the other room for a moment. I wanted to talk with you about the retreat."

Lorelai got up and followed her mother into the neighboring room. Not having much to contribute to the conversation Luke and her Grandfather were having, Rory followed the other women.

"Now Lorelai, please don't be stubborn just for the sake of it," Emily was saying as Rory entered the room.

"When have you ever known me to do that?" Lorelai asked.

"Are you serious?" Emily asked. "You were born stubborn."

"Must be genetic," Lorelai answered.

"Stop fighting on my birthday," Rory said, moving between the two other women.

"Oh, we're not fighting," said Emily with a smile.

"Sounds like fighting," Rory said.

"Nah," answered Lorelai. "This is just recreational. Just because John McEnroe retired doesn't mean he doesn't like hitting a ball back and forth on occasion."

"You two are very strange," Rory said. "So if you're not arguing, what is the discussion about?"

"The name of the retreat," Lorelai said.

"I want something traditional and classic," Emily said.

"You mean pretentious," Lorelai countered.

"Well better a little pretentious than overly cutesy," Emily snuffed.

"I disagree," Lorelai said.

"Of course you do," Emily replied.

"Did you call me in here for this?" Lorelai asked.

"Actually, no," said Emily. "

"Well then let's table the name and move on to whatever you wanted to discuss."

"We can't table the name forever, Lorelai. We need to give Elliot a name," Emily said.

"Pete's Dragon," Rory asked in a stage whisper.

"The architect," Emily said with an eye roll.

"I didn't know there were many dragon architects," Rory said.

"Oh Stabler!" Lorelai said.

"Yes! He was hot!" Rory said.

"Yes, in that very blue color, I will beat anyone who looks at you way" Lorelai enthused.

"Do you mind," Emily said.

"Not at all," Lorelai said turning to her mother, "who's your favorite Elliot?"

"The architect," Emily said primly.

"Boo. You're no fun." Lorelai said.

"So you've told me."

"Ok, fine. What's the hurry of getting Elliot the name?"

"This," Emily said, walking over to a simple wooden easel that had a framed picture sitting on it covered.

Emily removed the fabric from the picture and revealed an artist's rendering of the retreat. The main building, which had been the original house, had been converted into a day retreat with spaces for spa services as well as conference rooms and classrooms, making the location ideal for corporate and private users. Once they had started planning, they had realized that while huge, the property was not big enough to suit their imaginations. So Richard had bought the two adjoining farms, upon which the architect planned to erect a main inn house as well as a dozen or so smaller bungalows. The lake would be maintained and made larger, with a covered bridge leading to a flower garden, a hedge maze and an outdoor amphitheater. Finally, simultaneously convenient to the rest of the property as well as to the road, there would be a restaurant with its own garden in back to promote a true farm to table experience, something Lorelai had been reading about that was becoming popular on the West coast.

"Mom," Lorelai whispered. "it's perfect."

"You're pleased then?" Emily said smiling.

"I didn't expect it to be so…. I don't know…. It's like he was able to see exactly inside my mind." Lorelai said.

"Well, perhaps this helped," Emily said, presenting Lorelai with a bound black book.

"What's this?" Lorelai asked, opening the book and flipping through the pages. For the second time, she was stunned speechless.

"What is it," Rory asked.

"My doodles," Lorelai said. "You saved all my doodles. Only some of these I don't recognize…"

"Most of them are from recently. I got in the habit of making copies of your notes since you would tend to sketch out what you were describing while you were talking. Then I started making my own sketches, not on purpose mind you, but I guess the idea was in my head, and I have always loved to draw…"

"I remember your Moonscape grandma," Rory said.

"Thank you dear. Anyway, I brought all the sketches, doodles, and scrapes of notes to a friend of mine who laid this out. I thought we could keep adding to it, and perhaps Rory would write some prose to go along with it and we can have it printed and bound and placed in the rooms as sort of a history,"

"Mom, I think that's a fantastic idea," Lorelai said.

"Good. I was hoping you wouldn't think it was silly,"

"I think it's perfect," Lorelai said.

"What's going on in here," came Richard's booming voice.

"I was showing Lorelai the artist's rendering."

"May I," Luke said quietly.

Emily moved aside to give him room to see the drawing.

"It's phenomenal. Really something special," Luke said, placing his arm around Lorelai and smiling.

"I still don't understand why you don't want to run the restaurant," Emily said.

"Mom," Lorelai whispered. As well as she and Emily were getting along, her mother's tendency to overstep still made her crazy.

"I like my diner," Luke said. "Besides, this belongs to Lorelai, and to you. It's a special thing that you are doing this together. I think it should stay like that."

"If you say so," said Emily.

"He has said so every one of the three dozen times you have mentioned it," said Richard in a teasing voice.

"Well fine," Emily said primly, though Rory was beginning to suspect it was an act and that her grandmother was pleased this would be something for only her and Lorelai.

"It is beautiful Emily," Luke said, "And while I don't want to be involved formally, if you need help hiring a chef or picking things out for the kitchen or anything like that, I am happy to share what little I know, though," he said turning to Lorelai, "I am still thinking you are better off with Sookie in that capacity than me."

"Nonsense," Emily said. "You have become an outstanding chef."

"Some of us think he was always pretty outstanding," Lorelai said.

"Well, yes, coffee and burgers sure, but after your time in New York and Aspen, now you're a real chef,"

"That's interesting," Lorelai said stiffly. "Is Hartford where you trained to be a real snob or did you have to go to Europe for that?"

"Actually, it's taught as part of the undergraduate program at Yale," Richard said with mock seriousness, leading them all to laughter.

Three hours later, the small group was pulling back up in front of Lorelai's house sated and happy.

"I never thought I'd say this, but that was almost fun," Luke said holding the door open for Lorelai and Rory.

"Oh my god, you drank the Kool-Aid" Lorelai said, "well that's it then, no hope for you."

"I think I'll survive," Luke said smiling softly. "Coffee or tea?"

"Coffee," said Lorelai and Rory together.

"Coming up," Luke said heading into the kitchen.

"I'm going to go upstairs and change," Lorelai said.

Rory wandered into the kitchen and sat down to watch Luke fix their coffee.

"Hey kid," he said shyly. "I know you're real birthday is tomorrow, and that your mom will do the whole four in the morning thing and then you two will go to the spa…"

"Not before we eat chocolate chip pancakes," Rory interrupted.

"Of course. Pancakes then the spa. Well anyway, I know your mom will do the birthday thing tomorrow and your grandparents sent you a check last week, but well… I wanted to give you a little something," Luke said, holding a package out to Rory.

"Oh Luke, thank you," Rory said looking at the large box.

"It's actually two somethings," Luke said, watching Rory make quick work of the wrapping paper.

Rory opened the box revealing two leather books, one old and one new.

Not sure what she was looking at, she pulled the newer book out first. Opening it, she realized it was a leather bound journal. There was an intricate design on the front and a leather tie that held it closed. It was clearly hand crafted and absolutely beautiful. Setting it carefully back in the box, she took out the older book. This one was wrapped in a protective linen cover. When she revealed it, she looked from it to Luke with wide eyes.

"Is this…" was all she could get out.

"Well, it's not the true complete first edition, but it's the first set like this with the slip covers. I think they called it a library edition or something. You can see inside there is an inscription from a father to his daughter dated 1928, and I thought… well you said you liked Little Women, and I thought one day maybe you could write your own story, about you and your mom, you know, instead of Little Women, the Gilmore Girls or something"

Rory launched herself into Luke's arms.

"Thank you so much," Rory said. "I can't even begin to explain how incredible this is. How did you find them, I mean, it's just so much, so beautiful."

"I'm glad you like them kid," Luke said blushing.

"I love them," Rory said sincerely. "And I love you Luke. Not because of this, because of the present. I just love you for everything, for all my life."

"I love you too," Luke said gruffly, trying to hide the emotion in his voice.

Lorelai had come back down stairs and now stood in the doorway watching the scene before her. It had been a long road full of twists and missteps. Nevertheless, they had gotten here. They were a family. And as Lorelai watched the two most important people in her world share a quiet moment full of love, she couldn't help but smile to herself and wonder what would happen next.

* * *

 **Author's Note: So I have been having a bit of a block with a couple of things in this story. I think I have solved most of them so I hope to update more frequently.**

 **The only thing I haven't figured out is what to name the retreat. (I am open to ideas….)**

 **Hope you keep reading!**


	15. Chapter 14

**Author's Note:**

 **As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from Time to time.**

 **Please note: I made some minor updates to this chapter. If you read the old Chapter 14 - you aren't missing any major plot points - but I cleaned some of it up a little. Thanks.**

* * *

 **March 2011**

Luke looked at Lorelai and fought the overwhelming urge to start yelling. He could not understand how she was unable to see his point of view on this.

"Lorelai," he began again, forcing his voice to remain calm, "you can't tell me you didn't think I would have a problem with this."

"I knew you'd have a problem with it Luke," she answered, "which is why I wanted to discuss it. But you aren't even willing to do that."

"You have to understand…" he began.

"No," she interrupted, "you have to understand. We talked about this."

"Right. And we agreed you wouldn't have any relationship with him."

"No," Lorelai said slowly, "we agreed I wouldn't hide any contact with him. I will always have a relationship with him. He's Rory's father."

"Oh," he answered with a snort, "is that what he is."

"Yes. And he's also an old friend."

"He's your ex-husband, your ex-lover, the person you used to tank our relationship. How is this complicated?"

"But that's the thing Luke," Lorelai said, "it is complicated. It will always be complicated when it comes to Christopher."

As Luke paced around the small room trying to gather his thoughts, Lorelai sat on the couch watching him move. She had known this was going to be a thing when she brought it up. But she had also known that it was necessary. When Chris had called back in September to tell her that he had given Logan Rory's number, Lorelai had called him back, listened, and disconnected quickly. She had next heard from him a month later for Rory's birthday and then again at the holidays. Each time she had told Luke that he had called and each time Luke had swallowed his distrust of the situation and pretended that nothing was bothering him. But even without saying anything, Lorelai could feel Luke flinch anytime Christopher's name was mentioned.

And to be fair, she did understand. She knew that if the situation was reversed she would hate to think of him in touch with Nicole or God forbid Rachael. Nevertheless, it didn't change the fact that she still considered him a friend, and he had called and asked her to meet.

"Luke…"

"No. It's one thing to have contact about Rory. But what you're suggesting…"

"What I am suggesting is that he called me and asked to meet me for coffee. He wanted to talk to me about something and..."

"And how do you think that makes me feel?" Luke yelled.

"I don't know exactly. You haven't stopped yelling long enough to tell me."

"Well you know what, Lorelai, I hate it. I hate the idea of him in the same state let alone the same room with you."

"Luke," Lorelai said quietly. "Please don't tell me you think that I would…"

"No," Luke said, sitting beside her on the sofa, and forcing himself to calm down again. "I know you wouldn't. But I can't help it. I think of him and all I see is the worst period of my life. All I see is him with you in the house I renovated. All I think of is how all of this almost got away from me."

"I understand that. And if it is a choice, I am of course going to choose you and not see him. If it is a choice between our relationship having a crack and me meeting Chris for a cup of coffee I will tell him to forget it."

"Thank you," Luke said with an exhale.

"Of course, forcing that kind of choice creates its own cracks," Lorelai added.

"So what then Lorelai, we are doomed either way? What? I have to pretend it's okay with me so that I am not making you choose?"

"I don't know Luke. I don't know what to do here. I mean I see your side. I get it. I do. But I also see my side. And I think what's bothering me is that you don't."

"I don't what," Luke asked.

"See my side."

"No, Lorelai, I don't see your side. Your side is ridiculous."

"That's not fair."

"Look, it's simple. I asked you not to see him. Either you will or you won't"

"And if I do," Lorelai said.

"Then I guess I will have to get over it," Luke said.

"Luke…"

"Well what do you want me to say? Do you want me to lie to you and tell you its fine?"

"No, I want it to actually be fine," Lorelai said sadly.

"I don't know what to tell you."

Lorelai sighed. She knew what the right thing was. She knew the easiest thing would be to call Chris back and tell him that whatever he needed to tell her he could tell her on the phone or not at all. She knew that her wanting to see him was hurting Luke. But that didn't change the fact that in her mind Chris was nothing more than an old friend, and she wanted to have a cup of coffee with her old friend.

"Look," Luke said getting up. "I need to run over to the diner. I told Lane I would come by and help her with the new meat vendor."

"Luke, don't run away,"

"I'm not Lorelai," he said. "But right now we're going in circles. I think an hour to digest all of this will help. I'll be back after I help Lane and we'll talk."

"I don't want this to turn into a thing," Lorelai said.

"It's already a thing."

"I don't want it to turn into a big thing," Lorelai said.

Luke leaned down and kissed Lorelai's head. "No big thing. We're done with the big things, Just details, right?" he said, invoking Emily's advice which had become a sort of mantra between them.

"Just details," she replied smiling.

Luke put on his shoes and went to grab his keys.

"Can I just say one more thing," Lorelai called before he left. "Something to think about,"

"What's that," Luke asked.

"If back before I came to you on New Year's Eve we had decided we were just friends. If we had talked through all of it and decided to just keep our friendship and to move on – "Lorelai began.

"Yeah…"

"Eventually you would have found someone else, I might have too,"

"Okay…"

"Would you have wanted whoever it is I found to tell me that you and I can't be friends?"

"No but that's different," Luke said.

"It's very different. I never loved him the way I love you," Lorelai said.

Luke sighed and returned to stand in front of Lorelai "I do understand what you're saying. And if you and I hadn't ended up together, and you would found someone new I would want to keep being friends."

"Okay then," Lorelai said.

"But here's the thing. If you and I hadn't ended up together and we were just friends, it would have killed me. And I would have never stopped trying to get you back. And that is what I am afraid of. Because no matter how you feel about him, Christopher will always love you."

"Luke…" Lorelai said.

"Tell me I'm wrong," Luke said, challenging her to deny it.

"Luke, he knows it's over,"

"That's not what I asked," Luke said.

"It's not like that with us. I don't think it's ever been like that with us," Lorelai said.

"Yeah, it has. I know you Lorelai. You may have slept with him out of some self-destructive desire to blow up the world, but you married him because you love him"

"Luke, I have never loved anyone the way I love you."

"Maybe not like you love me, I get that and I believe it. But you did love him, and you did marry him," Luke said, his anger boiling up again.

"Luke, please listen. I am exactly where I want to be,"

"Lorelai I can't help it. He got you."

"You got me. I'm here!"

"Yeah, now…" Luke said.

"Do you still not trust me?" Lorelai said, standing to face him.

"I don't trust him," Luke yelled.

"Well, I do," Lorelai yelled back.

"Well that's always been your first mistake," Luke hollered.

"We're not getting anywhere," Lorelai said exhausted.

"Listen; let me run to the diner before Lane sends Mrs. Kim after me. We'll talk about it when I get back."

"Fine," she said shortly.

"Lorelai don't," Luke said.

"Don't what? Don't be pissed that you don't trust me?"

"I trust you, not him"

"You don't have to trust him. You have to trust me,"

"I do," Luke said with sincerity.

"Do you?" Lorelai asked.

"Lorelai, you're not being fair,"

"Well neither are you," Lorelai said.

"Enough. I'm going to go before this gets any worse. I'll talk to you when I get home."

"Fine," Lorelai said. "See you then."

"Okay then." Luke said. He took one last look and went out the front door.

"Bye," Lorelai said to the already closed door.

* * *

An hour and a half later, Luke let himself back into Lorelai's house. He had noticed as he pulled up that the jeep was gone and the house was dark.

"Lorelai," he called, though he wasn't surprised when he got no answer.

He walked into the kitchen, grabbed a beer from the fridge and took out his phone to call her cell.

"Lorelai," he said when she answered. "Where are you?"

"I ran over to the inn," Lorelai answered.

"I thought we were going to talk," Luke said.

"Where are you?" Lorelai asked.

"At the house waiting for you," Luke answered, letting his annoyance color his voice.

"Well, I should be back in about a half an hour. But I'm tired of arguing about this Luke."

"So what then? One of us just has to suck it up and be pissed?"

"We need to understand. One of us needs to understand"

"You mean I have to understand," Luke said.

"That's not what I said," Lorelai replied.

"It's what you meant. You can't ever say no to him. To me, to everyone else, sure, but to Christopher, never."

"That's not true," Lorelai said.

"Of course it's true. What is about him? Why does he deserve endless and unlimited forgiveness?"

"I don't have anything to forgive him for"

"How about being a shitty father. Have you forgiven him for that?" Luke seethed.

"You're not upset about this because he's a bad father. So don't use that as an excuse."

"You're right. I'm upset that after everything you can think of him as a friend."

"But that's the thing Luke, that's my decision, not yours."

"Well your decision is stupid," Luke yelled, knowing he was going too far, but unable to stop himself.

"You know what…" Luke heard her yell, and then the line went dead.

"What the hell? Lorelai? Are you there?" Luke yelled into the phone. When the line began to buzz he knew there was no one left on the phone.

Luke looked at the phone confused. It wasn't like her to hang up on him, but it wasn't like him to imply she was stupid.

He took a beat and dialed her phone back.

"Hey, this is Lorelai. You know what to do." Came her voice.

"Lorelai, call me back when you get this," Luke said disconnecting the phone.

He sat down on the couch and turned on the TV, and began to wait.

After twenty minutes of watching TV without really seeing it, Luke dialed her phone again. Once again it went straight to voicemail. This time he hung up without leaving a message.

Another forty minutes had passed, and Luke was beginning to worry. He picked up the phone and dialed the inn.

"Hi Michel, it's Luke" he said when the man answered the phone.

"Yes, Luke, what?" came Michel's answer.

"Where's Lorelai?"

"It was not my turn to watch her. As her boyfriend," Michel said, making the word sound both ridiculous and condescending, "shouldn't you know where she is?"

"Is Sookie there," Luke asked, ignoring Michel's comment.

"I suppose, he replied, making no further comment.

"Can I talk to her please," Luke said, trying to remain calm.

"If you must," Michel said, transferring him into the kitchen.

After a moment, he heard Sookie pick up.

"This is Sookie," she said, sounding breathless.

"Hey. It's Luke. Is Lorelai there?"

"She left almost an hour ago," Sookie answered.

"How pissed was she?" Luke asked.

"She wasn't pissed. She felt bad about something, I could tell that much, but she didn't want to talk about it. What's going on?"

"Nothing. Christopher. Just… nothing. Do me a favor. She's not answering her phone. Can you call her and make sure she's okay," Luke asked.

"Maybe she went home."

"I'm at the house. She isn't here. She hung up on me and now she's not answering my call."

"She hung up on you?" Sookie asked.

"I may have implied she was being stupid," Luke said quietly.

"I'll call her and make sure she's okay. But she's probably pissed. I'm sure she'll call you when she calms down."

"I'm not leaving. I'm not letting this turn into one of those things that we don't talk about and next thing you know we broke up and I don't know why," Luke said.

"Luke, couples fight. You know that. And it's good to take a cooling down period. Go home. I'll call her and let her know I spoke to you and that I told you to go home."

"Let me know that she's okay Sookie," Luke said.

"I will. I'm sure she's fine." Sookie answered. "Go home."

"Alright," Luke agreed. "Call me at the diner."

"Will do," Sookie answered. "Couples fight Luke. It's gonna be fine."

"Thanks Sookie," Luke said and hung up.

Luke took a minute to look around, and knowing that Sookie was right. He grabbed a piece of paper off of the phone table and wrote Lorelai a quick note.

"Lorelai – I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it, not like that. I can't pretend I understand, but I am willing to listen. Promise – I am here when you are ready to talk. Request, call me when you get home, even if it's just to tell me you're ok. Luke."

Luke left the note in the kitchen propped up against the coffee pot, locked the front door and left for the diner.

Luke was just walking into his diner when he heard Lane on the phone.

"Hey Luke. It's Sookie for you," Lane called holding the phone out to him.

"Did you talk to her?" he asked without saying hello.

"She didn't answer her phone, but I left a message. I'm sure she's fine. She probably forgot to charge her phone."

"Okay," Luke said.

"She wouldn't do anything…" Sookie said.

"Listen Sookie," Luke interrupted. "I've got to go."

"Luke-"

"Thanks Sookie, I'll talk to you later." Luke said. And without giving her a chance to reply he hung up.

"Everything okay?" asked Lane, looking at her boss.

"Yeah, fine. Why don't you call it an early night? I can close up. Go spend time with those beautiful babies"

"Luke, if you need to be somewhere…" Lane offered.

"It's fine Lane. I actually need to be here. I need to be doing something…. Look. Take the night off, with pay. You've earned it. And I will see you tomorrow."

"If you're sure," Lane said.

"I am. Good night." Luke said.

"Alright then. There's a great documentary on the Sex Pistols tonight that I might be in time to catch." Lane said grabbing her bag and heading for the door. "See ya."

"Night Lane," Luke called putting on his apron and tucking an order pad into his waist.

* * *

An hour and a half later, the diner was closed up and cleaned, and Lorelai still had not called. Luke paced around the apartment, getting angrier as each moment passed. Part of him wanted to storm back to her house and have it out. He knew he had messed up saying what he had said, but the truth was that he did think the way she let Chris in over and over again was stupid. Or if not stupid then naïve.

But there was another part of him, the stubborn part, which was pissed, and wanted her to come to him. He wanted her to admit she had been wrong. Hell, if he was being honest, what he wanted was for her to rush to him, to tell him that she would never speak to that piece of crap again.

"Damnit" he mumbled.

He looked at the clock and saw that it was nine thirty. The diner had been closed for a half an hour, and still there was no word from Lorelai.

"Fuck," Luke yelled. He had moved past guilt for implying she was stupid straight into fury for her letting him worry like this. "That's it," he said to his empty apartment, grabbing his keys and heading downstairs and out to his truck.

He had gotten the key in the ignition when he saw Coop's cruiser pull up behind him.

"Damnit," he muttered, rolling down his window and calling to his old friend. "No time Coop," he called, hoping to forestall whatever had brought the town deputy out.

"Hey Luke," the other man said walking up to the truck. "Do me a favor and get out of the truck for a second. I have to talk to you."

"I really can't Coop," Luke said, trying to mask the anger he was feeling.

"Luke, get out of the truck. It's important," Coop said, his voice low.

"What the hell," Luke muttered slamming out of his truck. "I don't have time right now Coop."

Now that Luke was out of the truck and standing in front of him, Coop couldn't look the man in his eye. He had delivered more than his share of these messages, but this was different. This was Luke and Lorelai. He didn't know where to begin

"Spit it out man," Luke said losing his patience.

"Luke, there's been an accident." Coop said quietly

"What? Where?"

"We're not sure what happened yet. Some kids found her jeep on the side of the road about a half a mile from the Dragonfly…"

"Wait," Luke said, his pulse racing. "You mean… Lorelai?"

"It Looks like someone ran the stop sign and hit her. The car was pushed off the road and I guess no one came by. You know no one uses that back road. Anyway, the driver's door was banged in and she was breathing but unconscious. They called a rig and they took her to the trauma center in Hartford. We have no idea how long she was there before the kids found her, but she is strong and healthy and she was still breathing so all of that is good."

"When did the kids find her?" Luke asked quietly.

"About an hour and a half ago. I know I should have gotten here sooner, but I wasn't on the scene and the new guy who responded didn't recognize her or the jeep. She didn't have any ID on her, which you and I know isn't unusual for Lorelai, but they entered into the system as Jane Doe at the hospital. The new guy was running the jeeps tags back at the station so he could file his report. I have no idea why he didn't do it at the scene, or how none of the responders knew it was her or knew who to call, but no one seemed to know and the hospital didn't even try, just rushed her into surgery and I am so sorry Luke man. I just found out because I saw the report come up when he ran the tags and I realized and I came right here and…"

"About three hours," Luke said quietly.

"What?"

"She was in the car for about three hours." Luke said louder.

"How can you know that," Coop asked.

"Cause I think I was on the phone with her when the accident happened. Where is she? I need to…"

Coop was restraining him as Luke tried to move past him to his truck.

"Get off me man or make no mistake, I will slug you," Luke said between gritted teeth.

"Get in the cruiser Luke. I'll take you to her. Besides. You probably want to call her parents and Rory," Coop said, guiding Luke to the car.

"Rory," Luke whispered.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, Luke was walking into the emergency room at Hartford Hospital. He hadn't taken two steps before Richard Gilmore was standing before him, his usually stoic and imposing veneer completely missing.

"Luke," the older man said, pulling him into a half embrace. "Thank God."

"What's going on?" Luke asked, trying to look everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

"She's in surgery. We don't know much more than that right now. She came in with some internal bleeding. They are not sure what the extent of the damage is yet. But they said that her heart beat is strong and there should be no damage to her brain, so for now we wait and we hope."

"What about the guy who hit her?" Luke said.

"We don't know. Hit and run. But I assure you, I will not stop until whoever did this is found and destroyed."

"Luke?" came a voice from behind him.

Luke turned and found Emily Gilmore staring at him. She looked frenzied.

"Emily," was all he could get out before she was off and running.

"This hospital is, if possible, worse than it was last time. The staff are frighteningly incompetent. I don't think we should be here Richard. We should have her moved."

"This is the number two ranked hospital in Connecticut", Emily," Richard replied. It was clear to Luke that this was not the first time they had gone through this.

"Yale – New Haven is number one," Emily countered. "Not to mention Columbia Presbyterian in new York. That is the best in the area. We could make them take her there in a helicopter…"

"She is in surgery now. Let's get through that and then we can make decisions,"

"What if she doesn't get through that? Back water incompetents probably leave their imitation Rolex watch inside of her,"

"Emily please calm down," Richard said.

"Do not dare tell me to calm down. That is my daughter in there cut up in front of them. That is… she is…. I will not calm down, do you understand me. If she… if they…" Emily was looking around wild-eyed. She seemed to be in every direction at once. All of a sudden, her eyes landed on Luke.

"I will not calm down," Emily said.

"I know," he said to Emily. And Luke did know. He knew that there was someone to blame for this nightmare, and he knew that he, Luke, was that person.

An unending loop of self-recrimination had been running through his mind since Coop had told him what had happened.

If he hadn't fought with her;

If he hadn't gone to the diner;

If he hadn't called her when he got back to her place;

If he hadn't argued with her on the phone, probably distracting her;

If he hadn't fought with her;

Round and round he had been going and he could not make himself stop.

Richard led the group back to the waiting lounge. Everyone was terrified and no one was speaking much. They had gotten in touch with Rory in DC. Emily had insisted the Rory call a car rather than driving. They expected Rory to arrive in another hour or so. In the meantime, Luke had called Sookie who had agreed to hold down the fort at the Inn, but who he was periodically texting, even though it was only to tell her they didn't know anything.

After the group had been there for an hour, and Lorelai had been in surgery for a total of three, the doctor came out once to update them on progress, but left them with little more knowledge and far less hope than he had found them.

"She is still in surgery," the doctor had told them, "she had lost a considerable amount of blood and is still not out of the woods." It seemed the concern was their inability to get her to clot. Luke, aware of the sickening irony of what he was about to do, stepped to the side of room and took out his phone. He scrolled through the few numbers he had stored in there and found the one he needed and hit send. When the voice mail picked up, he was instantly relieved and then disgusted at his own relief.

"Hi," he said into the phone. "This is Luke Danes. I have your number because… well I guess that part isn't important. Anyway, I am calling because there has been an accident. Lorelai is in surgery. It's… well, it's pretty bad and…" Luke paused, collecting himself and drawing in a deep breath before continuing, "And, I know she would want you here, would want you to know. Anyway, Rory is on her way. It's about eleven at night now. You can call me at this number, this is my cell. Okay," he said and snapped the phone shut.

That chore complete, Luke returned to his chair and to anyone who was watching, it would have seemed that Luke Danes simply shut off.

They sat there, Emily calling doctors she knew from the club and her other groups, trying to make sure that the team here was qualified, which of course they were. Richard alternated between calling his lawyer, calling Lorelai's insurance carriers and calling Rory with updates.

For his part, Luke sat and stared. He refused to speak, even when spoken to. Since hanging up the phone, he had not done more than sit in the uncomfortable chair and wait to find out if he had finally managed to lose Lorelai for good.

At one thirty in the morning, the group heard the lounge door open and looked up to see Rory standing there.

"I came as fast as I could," Rory said.

Richard Gilmore gathered his granddaughter into his arms and led her to the couch. Richard and Emily brought Rory up to speed quickly. For his part, Luke could not even make eye contact with Rory. He knew that eventually they would know he was to blame for all of this, and then they would all hate him.

Rory looked over at Luke with a question in her eyes, but before she could say anything, he was up and moving towards the door she had just entered.

"Are you okay?" Richard asked.

"Be right back," Luke said, heading through the door and into the hall.

Once he was out of sight of the Gilmores, he sat heavily down on a bench in the hall. He buried his face in his hands and began the process of doing the one thing he had not done since he was a child sitting in this same hospital, waiting for his mother to wake up. He began to pray. One sentence over and over, till the words almost seemed to lose meaning. "Just don't die, don't leave me here," he whispered over and over. He was so engrossed in this that he jumped when Rory placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Luke," she whispered looking at him.

"I am so sorry Rory. I am so so sorry,"

"Luke, stop that. You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I do. It was me, it was all my fault," Luke said.

"Were you driving the car that hit her?"

"Well, no, but I was… if I hadn't… I mean if I had just stopped, but oh no. Not Luke Danes. Never give in when there is a chance you can destroy everything in a single stroke of stubbornness. Never think that there is the possibility that someone else might be right. It's my fault Rory, don't you see that? It's all on me. I did this. We could be home right now if I could have just once kept my damn opinions to myself…"

"So the way you figure it, my mother is in the hospital in surgery because you had a valid and understandable problem with her wanting to meet my dad for coffee. Not because some idiot ran a stop sign and then left her for dead. No. It's because you didn't want her to drink coffee with my father that we are all here."

"Rory?" Luke asked.

"She called me right after you left to go to the diner," Rory said. "She told me what was going on. And for what it's worth, and as much as I love my dad, I told her she was being an idiot and just a little selfish," Rory said, her voice beginning to pitch up.

"Rory…"

"So see? I yelled at her too. I told her you were right and she was wrong. So is this my fault too Luke? Is it?"

"Of course not," Luke said.

"Well then don't tell me it's your fault either." Rory said.

"But it is my fault," Luke insisted. "She told me not to leave, but of course I needed space, and now, look, nothing but freaking space," Luke yelled throwing his arms wide.

"Luke, you did not cause this,"

"Of course I did. I left. I was angry and yelling and I left and then I called her stupid and acted like I didn't trust her and now here we are, and I have to be able to fix this Rory. I need one more chance."

"Luke, she is going to be fine,"

"You can't know that," Luke yelled, stopping only when he took in the panicked look in Rory's eyes.

"Oh, kid, I am so sorry. Of course she's going to be fine. It's just she wouldn't be here at all if I had just,"

"Just what, never dared to argue with her. I somehow don't think that's a viable long term plan for the two of you," Rory said.

"You don't understand…" Luke began.

"No I don't understand, and neither do you. Neither can anyone. This is horrible and miserable and perhaps the most terrified I have been in my life, but it is not your fault. But if you shut down and refuse to be here because of some weird self-flagellating sense of guilt, then I will wait until she is all healed and I will tell her you didn't help me and I will watch her kick your ass."

"Luke," came Richard's voice. "The doctor needs to speak to us."

Luke placed his arm around Rory's shoulder and they headed back to the lounge.

Once everyone was seated and looking at the doctor expectantly, he cleared his throat and began.

"Well, we got her bleeding controlled and she is currently stable. They are closing her up, but I wanted to let you know what we did. There was severe internal damage, both because of the trauma of the crash itself as well as due to the time between the crash and when she was found. We removed her spleen and her gallbladder. There was also some damage to the liver, but we were able to repair that."

"So she's going to be fine then," Emily said. "She doesn't need any of those things, right?"

"True. She can live a perfectly healthy life without her spleen or gallbladder. There were some other complications, however."

"What else," Richard said, taking Emily's hand.

"There was bleeding in her uterus. It turned out she had some pretty significant fibroids, do you know if she was being followed for those?"

"Yeah," Rory said quietly. "The doctor had mentioned them to her about a year ago, but she didn't really have any symptoms so she wasn't really being treated for them"

"Well, the fibroids combined with the trauma and other internal issues caused a hemorrhage. The only way we were able to get it under control was through a partial hysterectomy."

"Partial, so does that mean…" began Luke.

"It means we removed the uterus. But due to her age and the lack of damage, we kept her cervix and ovaries in so that she should not enter a medically induced menopause."

"But she can't…"

"She can't have any additional children," the doctor confirmed. "So that is the most of it. She should be heading to recovery now and you can plan that she should wake up at least a little in the next two hours. But she is going to be groggy and upset, so no more than one or two at her bedside at a time."

"Thank you doctor," Richard said, shaking the man's hand.

"She is healthy and strong. I am hopeful she will make a full recovery." The doctor said as he left the room.

"A hysterectomy," Emily said, looking at her lap. "Well it could have been much worse. She survived and she is going to be fine. So she doesn't have any more children. I can't imagine that she was considering having more anyway. I mean. She is certainly no longer young. I mean let's face it. Even if this hadn't happened, she missed her window for more children, so…"

No one had noticed Luke had left the room until he slammed the door behind him on his way out.

* * *

 **Author's Note**

 **Any mistakes in the medical aspect of this – I apologize – I researched what I could…**

 **Thank you**


	16. Chapter 15

**Author's Note:**

 **As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from Time to time.**

* * *

 **March 2011 (Part B)**

The doctor had told them it would take about two hours for Lorelai to wake up. But it had been eight hours since Lorelai had come out of surgery, and with the clock approaching ten in the morning, she had still not woken up. In addition to the removal of her spleen and gallbladder, the repair of her liver and of course the partial hysterectomy, she had been pretty banged up in the crash. Her left leg was broken in multiple places, as was her left arm. She had broken two ribs and her face was cut and bruised.

Looking at her caused Luke physical pain. He couldn't stand seeing her so broken, let alone so still. It seemed to go against everything that made her Lorelai. She was never this unnaturally still or this quiet. He needed her to wake up.

The doctors had told them that sometimes it took a while for people to wake up, and that her heart was strong and there was no reason to panic. However, all Luke could do was panic as he wandered the halls of the hospital like a ghost, answering questions with monosyllabic grunts and avoiding the Gilmores as much as he could.

Christopher had arrived about thirty minutes earlier, responding to the message Luke had left for him the night before. It had turned out he was out of town, but he had caught the first available flight to be here. Luke had seen him come off the elevator and had reluctantly moved to greet him.

"Thanks for calling me Luke," Chris had said, offering the other man his hand.

"She would have wanted me to," Luke said, unable to make eye contact, shoving his hands in his pockets, refusing Chris's handshake.

"Can I…"

"She's in room 324. She's not awake and…" Luke didn't know what else to say.

"What about Rory?"

"Rory went back to her grandparents' house about a half hour ago for a quick shower. She'll be back soon."

"Okay," Chris said uncertainly.

"Yeah," Luke said.

Luke had watched as Chris headed down the hall to Lorelai's room, knocked softly and entered.

Luke had left then, going outside to get some fresh air, knowing that Chris was sitting with Lorelai.

He couldn't figure out how to feel. He knew it had all gone off the rails somehow. They had been doing so well. Sure, they bickered, but when hadn't they. It was as much a part of their relationship as coffee and town meetings. But things had been good. They had been pretty much perfect. But standing outside the hospital, Luke began to realize that things had been so good because Lorelai had made them that way. Again. It was always her.

Luke decided to take a walk and try to clear his head.

Luke thought back to the argument that had started everything. Yet another argument about Christopher. When he thought back over the entirety of their relationship, it occurred to him that so many of their problems had been tied up with Christopher. And he simply didn't know what to do with that.

He had made his way slowly back to the hospital in a fog. He hadn't slept and his eyes were gritty from exhaustion and frustration.

Christopher.

What was it about than man? Was it that she had slept with him? That she had married him? That she would always in some way love him? He didn't know. He trusted Lorelai. He believed that there was nothing left between the two of them. He knew that if she had wanted Christopher, she would have stayed with him. Nevertheless, he just couldn't come to terms with it.

He took the elevator back up to the third floor and made his way to Lorelai's room. The door was slightly ajar, and he could see Chis sitting at her bedside holding her hand lightly.

"You gotta wake up Lor," Luke heard him say. "That man out there is not going to make it without you, so you need to wake up. To say nothing of Rory, your parents and half of that crazy town you live in. They all need you. I need you..."

Luke tensed. Part of him knew he should not be listening to this, but he couldn't help it. He needed to know.

"I need you, Lor… you're my…. You're my best friend. Sad but true. The only one I still have. The only one I haven't driven away Come on. I know you; you're doing this for the drama of it, right? Like someone on that stupid doctor show you love. Well I'll tell you what. It's time. It's time to make your miraculous recovery. Everyone has had enough of this. Come on, if you wake up, I will smuggle you in some coffee. Hell, I'll smuggle you in cheeseburgers and tequila. Just wake up already. You didn't see him Lor. He's wandering the halls like a condemned man. He is so lost. He loves you so much. I just hope he knows what he's got. I hope he understands how incredible you are. He probably doesn't. But that's your fault. You have never understood that you are better than all of them… better than all of us. But you are. You're selfless and kind and just so good… I hate this. I hate seeing you like this. If I ever find out who did this to you…"

"I did," came Luke's answer from the door.

"I'm sorry, what?" Chris asked, turning to face him.

"I did this. I yelled at her, I argued with her, I refused to listen when she tried to tell me…"

"Luke, you didn't do this."

"Yes I did. In fact… we did. You helped."

"What?" Chris said, rising to his feet and approaching the other man.

"You couldn't leave her alone. I get that you have to be in her life because all of a sudden you're Rory's dad"

"That's not all of a sudden,"

"But you couldn't resist trying to get your hooks into her again. I heard you just now. And you're right, she is so good, so kind and you use that. You use that to keep coming into her life and hurting her…"

"Now wait just a minute," Chris said, trying to keep his voice low.

"No. I will not wait. What did you want this time? Why did you have to call her? To bother her? Why did you have to try to come between us again?"

"Luke, I understand that you're upset. We're all upset. But you don't know what you're saying. I have no intention of coming between you two. In fact, if I had to guess, you're doing a pretty good job of screwing it all up without my help. And you know what; it wouldn't be the first time."

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about," Luke said, his fists clenching.

"What. You gonna punch me again? Does it make you feel better? Well then, go ahead. Beat the crap out of me, because you know what - I'll heal and you won't. She loves you. She loves you for whatever reason that I can't for the life of me understand. And all you seem to do is convince her that she's not good enough…"

"Dad," came Rory's voice from the hall.

"Hey kid," Chris said turning to his daughter.

"What are you doing here?" Rory asked.

"Luke called me. Which, by the way, I appreciated, since you didn't."

"Why would I?" Rory asked.

"Excuse me?"

"All you do is mess stuff up. You show up, she lets you mess with her and the next thing you know the entire rest of her life is screwed up. Even now, maybe if you hadn't been trying to mess things up with mom and Luke she wouldn't be here. Maybe I wouldn't have to sit here knowing the last thing I ever did was yell at her about you!"

"Why would you yell at her about me?" Chris asked. "What did I do? For that matter what did she do?"

"She was fighting with Luke over you… again! Because you call and she feels like she has to come."

"Rory, you don't know what you're talking about…"

"Yes I do Dad. She called me. She told me that you called and that you wanted to meet her and that Luke was upset about it and they were fighting."

"And that is somehow my fault?"

"Of course it is. The two of you. You just keep coming back and she can't seem to turn you away," Rory said.

"Not that I owe you and explanation," Chris said looking at her, "But we're friends. Why shouldn't I be able to call her?"

"You're not friends," Rory said.

"I am very sorry, but I don't think that is for you to decide Rory," Chris said.

"So who should decide? You?" she yelled.

"Rory, I think you need to calm down," Chris said, reaching for his daughter.

"No. I am done being calm. She is so lucky to have Luke and you just don't get it."

"You know what, you're right. I don't get it," Chris yelled, finally losing his temper. "You all claim to love her so much. So I don't get why I never hear anyone talk about how lucky _**he**_ is to have _**her**_! Maybe she keeps me in her life because in the end I seem to be the only one who knows how lucky I am that she loves me, and not the other way around."

"You stop right there," Luke said, his finger in Chris' face.

"No. I won't stop. That woman in there is remarkable. She is kind and generous and full of love. She makes the whole world better. And you two, that town, all of you, all you do is look at her and see this flakey, self-centered cartoon character. Good for a laugh. Excellent to call when you need someone to do something for you. But not to be taken seriously. Not to be respected. Not to be admired. No. None of you understand that it's you who's lucky, not her. So I'll tell you what Luke, you want to stand around here blaming yourself for this in some thinly veiled attempt to further your own canonization, go ahead. Your town needs its sainted martyr, and we all know how you get off on being "poor Luke". But do not stand there and tell me that I caused this. I did not cause this, and neither did you. Some asshole non-driver caused this. And so how about instead of making this about you, you make it about her just this once. Make it about how important she is, not how important you are."

"Christopher. You stop right there," Emily said as she moved towards the scene. "You have no right to talk to him that way."

"I'm sorry Emily. I left my libretto at home. Is he now the hero and I'm the villain? Weren't you the one committed to the idea that she should never end up with… what did you call him…the 'Neanderthal lumberjack' I believe."

"That was a long time ago. A lot has changed."

"He is the best thing that ever happened to her," interjected Rory.

"You know what, Rory? When exactly did you become so self-righteous? Was it at Yale or was it while you were playing princess of the manor in your Grandmother's pool house? He's the best thing that happened to her? She is the best thing that happened to him… to any of us! And that especially goes for you Rory. I don't know when you went from thinking your mother was the best thing in the world to thinking so little of her. But it's unfortunate. Because she is incredible. And you are so busy bullying her and belittling her and enumerating all of the ways that she screws up..."

"I don't…"

"Yes you do. When did you decide you're better than her?" Chris asked his daughter seriously.

"I don't think…" Rory started.

"Really? How many times in the past two years have you told her that you weren't on her side? How many times have you chosen him," he said pointing to Luke, "over her. You think that doesn't hurt her?"

"How do you know what…" Luke asked.

"I know," Chris said, "Because she told me."

"Lorelai did? You've been talking to her this whole time?"

"Not Lorelai. Rory," Chris said looking at his daughter. "You have told me over and over again how much she screws up, how much I screw up. Apparently the only people in the world incapable of being wrong are you and your beloved Luke"

"Do not yell at Rory like that," Emily said.

"I will yell at her if she deserves it. Contrary to what you all seem to think, he is not her father, I am. Sorry to disappoint you princess, but you're stuck with me. You all are," Chris said. And with that, he turned and walked away.

"Christopher, you come back here," Emily seethed.

"Let him go," Richard said, speaking from the back of the group, anger evident in his voice.

"How dare he," Rory said. "How dare he say all those things to me…?"

"The truth hurts, doesn't it," Richard said looking at his granddaughter.

"What?" Rory asked.

"Is he so wrong? Have I not listened to you time and again talk about your mother like she is some errant child?"

"I just…" Rory began, but she had nothing more to say.

"He's just being typical Christopher," Luke said, putting an arm around Rory.

"If you mean that he is continuing to love Lorelai unconditionally, to see only the best, most wonderful things about her, then yes, you're right, it is typical Christopher."

"So we're back to I'm not good enough for her?" Luke said, turning to the older man.

"He didn't say that, you didn't say that Richard," Emily interjected.

"No, you're right. I didn't say that. She loves you Luke. She loves you beyond anything I ever hoped for her. So no, I don't think there is anyone better for her than you. But that doesn't mean that I don't agree with Christopher."

"What?" Rory asked.

"I know you love her Luke. I don't doubt that. I know you will support her and take care of her and be with her for as long as you can."

"Of course I will," Luke said.

"But I think Chris was right in saying that we all spend a lot of time thinking that Lorelai is lucky to have us when we are the ones who are lucky to have her."

"Luke…" came a quiet voice from beyond the doorway.

"Lorelai?" he answered, running into the room and to her bedside.

"I'm so sorry babe," Lorelai said quietly.

"No. Don't be sorry. I'm sorry."

"I hurt," Lorelai said groggily.

"I know. The doctor will be in and he will fix that for you."

"Rory?" Lorelai asked.

"Right here mom," Rory said moving to the bed and taking her mother's hand.

"Hey kid," Lorelai said, trying to smile.

"Mommy," Rory said, her eyes wide, unconsciously reverting to the childhood term of endearment.

"It's okay sweetie. No worries, I'll be fine. You know me. Takes a lickin' keeps on tickin'" Lorelai said quietly.

"Grandma and Grandpa are here," Rory said.

"And so is Chris," Luke added. "I called him."

"Thank you," said Lorelai.

"Don't," Luke said roughly. "Don't thank me for that."

"Luke, please, don't still be mad at me. Can we wait till I'm at full strength and then you can be mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you Lorelai. I'm mad at me," Luke answered quietly.

"Well, none of that. No one to be mad at for this unless they catch the idiot in the red Volvo."

"But I," Luke began, but Lorelai held her hand up to quiet him.

"Not now. I'm tired and I hurt and I just want to rest, okay. We can fight tomorrow." Lorelai mumbled, beginning to drift off again.

The doctor entered, trailed by Emily and Richard. Christopher lurked unseen in the doorway, not wanting to intrude, but wanting to know what happened.

"Lorelai?" the doctor said. "Can you open your eyes for me for a minute?"

"I'd rather not," came her mumbled reply. "Sleep please."

"I know, but this will just take a moment. Can you tell me your name?"

"Lorelai Gilmore."

"And what day is today?"

"I think Friday?"

"It's Saturday mom," Rory said looking at the doctor worried.

"Well that makes sense. The accident was yesterday, so she is probably a little confused. Who's the president?"

"Josiah Bartlet?" Lorelai asked. "Andrew Shepard? Matt Santos"

"Excuse me?" the doctor said, beginning to look concerned.

"It's the Arron Sorkin trifecta," Chris said from the doorway.

Lorelai half smiled and answered again. "Barack Obama"

"I think she's going to be fine," the doctor said. "Let's not tire her out though. She needs her rest. You are one lucky lady," the doctor concluded, getting up to leave.

"I'm the lucky one," Luke whispered.

And although no one saw it, Christopher smiled as he began to walk away.

"Christopher, wait," Richard called down the hallway.

"I don't have the energy to fight with you too Richard."

"I don't want to fight. I just want to know. What are you looking for from Lorelai? She is with Luke now, and while it might not be perfect… I think they are good for each other."

"I'm not trying to interfere. To tell you the truth, I'm rooting for them. She's wanted him for a long time, and I want her to have everything she wants."

"Alright then…" Richard said carefully.

"I had actually wanted to talk to her about a job offer I got. I wasn't kidding before. She is my best friend. At least she is the only person I can count on to be on my side and to tell me the truth. I wanted her take on it before I made a decision."

"That's all?" Richard asked.

"Yeah. No plots. No plans. I usually leave the psychological warfare to you and Emily." Christopher answered. He waited a moment and looked up at the older man. "Sorry Richard."

"No, I deserve that. We deserve that." Richard said.

"I just wanted to talk to her. I didn't mean to cause anything between them. Nevertheless, I meant what I said. I know he loves her and I am glad, but he is such a sanctimonious prick sometimes. He remembers everything Lorelai ever did wrong and rubs her nose in it over and over again. But from what I remember, he married some random lawyer on a cruise rather than just ask Lorelai out. He hid his daughter from her for two freaking months while they were engaged. He has left her more times than I can count, each time blaming her rather than looking in the mirror to place blame. That stupid town has declared him their tragic misunderstood hero, and so they all help him blame her for everything. Did you know that even Sookie stopped speaking to her at one point over Luke? To say nothing of the way that Rory has become so self-righteous and judgmental. Last I checked my daughter is far from perfect. Or was it some other girl who lost her virginity to a married man, dropped out of college to live in a pool house as a pampered prim donna, used everyone to get whatever she wanted and clouded it all through this veneer of sweetness and perfection. Lorelai and I might be screw-ups at times. But who isn't? At least the two of us are honest. At least we don't hold ourselves out as some moral compass and judge everyone else as lacking…"

"Dad?" Rory said, having heard his exchange with her grandfather. "Is that really what you think of me? That I am some self-righteous hypocrite?"

"I think at times…" Chris began, trying to find words that were honest but that would not hurt his daughter. Finally, unable to think of how to say what he wanted to say, he simply said "yes. I think sometimes you are."

"I'm going to go find Emily," Richard said, walking back up the hall.

Rory stood looking at him, tears in her eyes. She knew that if Jess were here, he would echo most of what her father had said. In fact, he had said very much the same thing to her the night before when she had called him to rail about her mother's stupidity in fighting with Luke and how her selfishness in wanting to see Chris may have finally killed her.

"Rory, kid, don't cry," Chris said moving towards her. "Your mom is going to be fine. And the good news is, you don't have to be… well you know…"

"A self-righteous hypocrite?" she said, smiling a little through her tears.

"Well, yes." Chris said, hugging her to him. "I love you Rory. Everyone does."

"Why?" Rory asked into his chest. "Why would people love someone who is just judgmental and self-centered?"

"Because you're you," Chris said simply. "You're the miraculous Rory Gilmore, princess of Stars Hollow, Yale and beyond."

"Maybe I should stop being a princess and try to just be Rory?" she asked quietly.

"I think that would be a good start," Chris agreed. "Where's Luke?"

"Sitting with mom. Please don't fight with him anymore."

"I wasn't going to," Chris said. It hurt him that his daughter would always look to Luke first, before she looked to him. Nevertheless, he understood that Luke had earned Rory's loyalty through years of birthdays and school projects and caterpillar funerals. Luke had been there when he Christopher hadn't and he had accepted that in many ways Luke would continue to come first in his daughter's heart. "Do me a favor?"

"Okay," Rory said looking at him.

"I know that he's been more of a father to you than I have. I did that myself and now I have to accept it. But your mother had done everything for you. From the moment you were born, you have been her single most important thought, the one thing she uses to make all her decisions. You have to stop taking his side over hers. You need to be on her side. Even if you disagree. Be on her side because she's your mother, and because it's what she does for you every time."

"I'll try," Rory said.

"Try hard. They call it unconditional love Rory. And I think she has more than earned that from you."

"Of course I love her unconditionally," Rory said, taken aback at the thought that anyone could question her love for her mother.

"I know you do. But I think you forget to act like you do."

"Yeah," Rory said, knowing her father had a point. "I love you too you know," Rory said hugging her father close.

"I know you do. And I love you, kid." Chris said.

While Rory and Chris talked about the future, and Emily and Richard went in search of a decent cup of tea, Luke sat at Lorelai's bedside, her hand clasped between his. She was sleeping again following a healthy dose of painkiller the nurse had administered. And while he knew it would be better to talk to her when she was awake, he couldn't keep his thoughts inside anymore.

"I know I'm lucky," Luke said. "I do know it Lorelai. And I never meant for you to think that I don't know that. You are everything in my world. You make the world real and bright and beautiful. I heard Chris just now with your dad. He called me a sanctimonious prick. And he's right. I am. I am judgmental and self-righteous and stubborn. I guess it serves me right to have Christopher be the one who… the one to make me see that… Oh God Lorelai, I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I don't know how to be the man you deserve. But I want to. I want to so much. I really thought we were getting there. But I see it now. I see that you were the one making it all work and I am just… me. This past year I have been so busy congratulating myself for how well this is all going with us, but you're the one who has been making it work, not me. I am still the same Luke I always was. And I am so sorry Lorelai. I am so sorry if for a minute or a second I made you feel like you weren't good enough. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you. And I will do better. I will try to be everything you need. I will never take you for granted again. You want to hang out with Christopher, that's fine. It's up to you. I get it now. I understand. It's not about him at all. It's me. It's about me trusting you. And I do. I trust you with my heart and my life and my world and my everything. Just don't leave me. Let me show you I can be what you need me to be. I know I can. You just tell me. Tell me what you need me to do and I will do it…"

"Luke," came her whispered reply.

"What do you need?" Luke asked desperately.

"I need you to shut up so I can sleep," Lorelai said with a half-drugged smile.

"Okay," Luke said. "I love you Lorelai."

"Love you too," she mumbled, already nodding off again. "Just details,"

"Just details," Luke repeated, putting his head down on her bed and for the first time in two days, drifting off to sleep.


	17. Chapter 16

**Author's Note:**

 **As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from Time to time.**

 **I am sorry for the time between updates in the past months. Unfortunately, life gets in the way and no one pays me for this (I wish…) but I thank you for sticking with me. I really do love the feedback (even when the feedback is asking me what the heck I was thinking….)**

 **And now, without further ado**

* * *

 **July 2011**

"It's hot Luke," Lorelai said from her perch by the window.

"I know. I'm sorry, I'll be done soon," came Luke's voice from the other side of the room. He was straining to get the new window unit AC sitting correctly, the old one having gasped its last breath the evening before.

"I know, but it's friggen hot and my leg itches," Lorelai said.

"Tomorrow," Luke said, referring to the appointment with the orthopedist who would remove Lorelai's final cast.

It had been a long four months for the two of them.

The first weeks after the accident had been a blur of doctors and of gratitude that she hadn't been hurt worse than she was. Lorelai had been in the hospital for two weeks, undergoing a second series of surgeries, this time on her leg. When she had finally been sent home, there had been rehab and restrictions, both of which Lorelai adhered to with a single mindedness that surprised people. She had slowly mastered the crutches required of her and had accepted the dietary restrictions caused by the removal of her gallbladder. She had approached the entire thing with her patented charm and sarcasm, and she seemed determined, to make the best of the situation.

However, as March had given way to April, and then April to May, Lorelai had become restless, resenting her inability to move at will, to wear cute shoes, to eat unlimited amounts of fried food. She had also begun to grow frustrated with Luke's constant hovering and his guilt. They hadn't really talked about the argument before her accident or whatever had happened at the hospital with Christopher, but Luke's forced chipperness was wearing on her. Who would have believed the time would come when she missed him being grumpy.

She thought again about Christopher and everything that had happened before and after the accident. If there was one silver lining in all of this, Luke seemed to have come to a grudging peace with Chris. Lorelai knew better than to expect the two men would ever be best friends, but after the second time Luke came to the hospital and found Chris at Lorelai's bedside, playing gin rummy and losing to Lorelai badly, he seemed to accept that Chris was a permanent part of her life.

As for Luke, the four months since Lorelai's accident had been both good and bad. Good in so far as there was not a moment of any day where he was not grateful that she had lived, that she had not been disfigured or disabled. He looked at her sitting in her chair or sleeping and knew how close he had come to losing the most important thing in the world. He also knew that now more than ever, he needed to show her every day just how much he loved her.

Therefore, for four months he had gone out of his way to give her everything she wanted. Sometimes, like with coffee, of which she was up to seven cups today, he knew it was wrong and that no matter that she wanted it he really should be telling her that he wouldn't enable the rapid decline of her internal organs. Nevertheless, for somethings, surprisingly, he had found that when he had taken time to listen to her side of things, he could see her logic. More than that, he was beginning to realize that most of the time, when she dug her heels in, it was because she knew she was right.

That had been the case with her continued relationship with Christopher.

Luke had come to understand and then to actually believe that there was nothing there but friendship. He understood that Chris was family not just to Rory but to Lorelai as well, and that while it might not be Luke's first choice, he knew well enough that loving someone meant you accepted all of them, family included. He also had to admit that Christopher, in his own way, wasn't a bad guy. Granted, Luke would never be okay with what he viewed as Chris's complete abandonment of Rory and Lorelai, but the truth was, the girls seemed to have forgiven him time and again, and Luke was coming to discover that Chris was actually funny and not as entirely evil as Luke may have once believed. The fact that Christopher had accepted a job that would send him to Europe at the end of August and that would keep him there for twelve months minimum was just a bonus as far as Luke was concerned.

"Luke," Lorelai called from her seat, startling him.

"Damnit!" she heard him mutter.

"What?" she called

"Nothing, sorry nothing at all, my fault," he said in a rush, putting the AC unit back on the floor and moving towards her. "What do you need?"

"A mint chip shake," Lorelai said.

"We're out of mint chip. I can run to Dosey's when I am done with the AC," Luke replied.

"No, that's okay…"

"Nope, I've got it," he answered. "Let me just finish here and then I will run to Dosey's get the ice cream and then do you want anything else?"

"Can you get a video?"

"Sure. What do you want to watch?"

"Bridges of Madison County," she said with a straight face.

"Sure," he said, adding it to a running list he kept in his back pocket at all times.

"Seriously?" she asked.

"What?" he asked looking at her.

"You're going to watch Bridges of Madison County with me?"

"If it's what you want." Luke said softly.

"I also need more coffee, and maybe a cheeseburger and fries," Lorelai said, waiting for the comment about the amount of fat in the combined meal of a burger, fries and a shake, to say nothing of what would be the sixth cup of coffee he had brought her toady. The truth was, she had stopped drinking them after the third cup.

"You want me to make them or do you want me to go to that new place and get you take out?" Luke asked his pencil at the ready.

"Either," Lorelai said, looking out the window.

"Whatever you want," Luke said, turning back to the AC.

Fifteen minutes later, he had the unit secured in the window and had turned back to Lorelai.

"Okay, I have the ice cream, burger, fries, movie, coffee, what else?"

"Just you back," Lorelai said quietly.

"I'll be back in a half an hour tops," Luke said dropping a kiss on her head and leaving.

"That's not what I meant," Lorelai whispered to the empty house as she heard his truck drive away.

Lorelai looked around her spotless house (cleaned by Luke) and out the window to her beautiful landscaping (done by Luke) and shook her head. It's not that she minded being pampered. But this was something else. This was four months of watching him do some sort of self-imposed penance, and she couldn't take it much longer.

The sound of the phone brought her out of her reverie.

"Hello," she asked.

"Hi mom," came the answer on the other end. If Luke was being overly solicitous, Rory had become down right spooky.

"Hey kid, what's up," Lorelai asked.

"I just wanted to check on you, make sure you're okay and tell you I love you."

"I love you too babe," Lorelai said.

"I know that mom, I always know that. I just want to make sure you don't need anything,"

Lorelai shook her head. It was as if they had become pod-people. Some sort of bizarre Stepford versions of themselves. She wondered, not for the first time, what had happened at the hospital. She knew there had been some sort of confrontation with Christopher, but no one would give her any details. All she knew was that neither of them had grumbled or complained once since her accident, and while she was willing to believe that some of that was just the natural result of a close call, she couldn't help think there was more to it than that.

"I'm good. Luke is out getting me staples – you know, burger fries, ice cream…" Lorelai said.

"I thought the doctor said," Rory began but then seemed to almost stop herself. "Never mind. You know best."

"Since when?" Lorelai asked with a laugh.

"Since always mom. You don't need us to tell you what to do," Rory said quickly.

"Okay…." Lorelai said carefully.

"So, tomorrow's the big day?" Rory said brightly.

"Yep. Saying goodbye to Chester."

"Chester?" Rory asked.

"I couldn't think of a name that rhymed with plaster so that was the best I could do," Lorelai said.

"Good one," Rory said. However, Lorelai could tell, she was just saying it. Like Luke, Rory was saying whatever Lorelai wanted to hear.

"I have to go kid," Lorelai said.

"Okay. I will call you later though," Rory said.

"Okay. Later," Lorelai said and hit the disconnect. Then without considering what she was doing, she hit the speed dial four on her phone.

"Mom," she asked quietly. She didn't know why, but all of a sudden she was close to tears.

"Lorelai, are you okay? What is it?" Emily said in a rush.

"I'm fine." Lorelai said. "But I need to talk to you. And I need you to be honest."

"Of course, Lorelai. I am always honest," Emily said.

"Well then I need you to honestly tell me what happened at the hospital," Lorelai said.

"In terms of what?"

"In terms of Luke and Rory and the blind obedience they seem to have developed," Lorelai said.

"I don't know what you mean," Emily said.

"Yes you do. You've seen it. HE does whatever I ask, they both do," Lorelai said.

"And this is a bad thing?"

"They don't fight with me at all," Lorelai said.

"Again, this is a bad thing?"

"Mom. It's not them. It's not us. There is no banter, no shouting, just this mindless acquiescence to whatever I want. He is out getting me burgers, fries and an ice cream. And coffee. He is going to bring me an extra-large coffee… and…"

"Lorelai, you are not supposed to eat that stuff," Emily said shortly.

"I know that mom. That's the point. He knows it too. And he didn't say anything other than okay,"

"Lorelai, I don't think I should," Emily began, but Lorelai cut her off.

"Tell me. I can't take this."

"It was Christopher. He had some pretty harsh words for Luke, well for both of them really, and I think what made it worse was that your father agreed with him."

"Oh mom, what happened," Lorelai said.

"He called Luke a sanctimonious pr… well he called him sanctimonious, and accused Rory of being overly self-righteous," Emily said a matter of factly.

"No," Lorelai whispered.

"They deserved it," Emily said. And after a pause, she amended her statement, "we deserved it."

"Mom?"

"We all treat you like a child, and sometimes like a not very bright child. But even that wasn't the worst of it."

"How could it be worse?" Lorelai asked.

"Rory was yelling at her father, telling him how he needed to stay away from you, that you were so lucky to have Luke and that he, Christopher, was always messing it up,"

"Okay. That's nothing new; I have heard that rant from Rory a million times. So has Chris," Lorelai said.

"Well I guess it was one time too many. He asked how come no one ever said how lucky Luke is to have you. He wanted to know why none of us appreciate you,"

"Mom, Luke appreciates me. I know you all appreciate me," Lorelai said.

"We do. Nevertheless, the truth is, we seldom act as if we do. So I would guess what you are seeing from Luke and Rory is their attempt to treat you better."

"Great," Lorelai said with a huff.

"Maybe you should try to talk to them," Emily offered.

"I think I have a better idea," Lorelai said, a slow smile creeping across her face.

"Lorelai…"

"Come on mom. What's the good of being untouchably perfect if you can't have a little fun with it," Lorelai said.

"Why do I get the feeling you are planning something," Emily asked.

"Cause you know me only too well. I will call you later, mom. I have to go." Lorelai said quickly.

"Lorelai, don't be too hard on them. Whatever they have done they have done out of love," Emily said.

"I know" Lorelai answered. "Bye mom."

Lorelai disconnected again, and quickly dialed Rory.

"Hi mom, what do you need?" Rory asked.

"I need you to come home tomorrow night. I want to celebrate being rid of Chester," Lorelai said.

"Mom, I don't know," Rory started.

"I thought you're in New York this week," Lorelai said.

"I am. I have an interview tomorrow at nine in the morning, and then I was going to work on some background. I am supposed to be back in DC on Monday morning for staff meeting."

Lorelai did her best to get her smile under control before answering, not wanting Rory to hear the mirth in her voice.

"Please Rory, I need you here, please," Lorelai said.

"Of course. Is seven good, that should give me enough time to get everything for work done," Rory asked.

"Seven is good, but five thirty would be better," Lorelai said.

"Sure mom, five thirty," Rory said. "No problem, I'll make it work."

"Okay, I will see you then," Lorelai said.

She was going to get them to start treating her like herself again, even if it killed her.

"Shit," she muttered, hearing Luke's truck come up the drive, "I friggen hate Bridges of Madison County."

* * *

The doctor's appointment the next day went without incident. The cast came off, and Lorelai was sent home with a new PT regimen, a cane for when she needed it and orders to elevate her leg whenever it was bothering her.

It was four in the afternoon when they got back to Lorelai's house. As Luke walked around the truck to help Lorelai out, she couldn't help but smile.

This was going to be fun.

As soon as they got into the house, Lorelai settled herself on the couch and smiled.

"Luke?" she called.

"What do you need?" he asked. Crouching in front of her.

"I'd love a cup of coffee." Lorelai said sweetly.

"Sure," Luke said and turned to go into the kitchen. Lorelai took his absence to look at her phone. She had spent most of the day sending Rory a series of texts full of meaningless requests. Each one had been answered with "no problem." Yep, this was definitely going to be fun.

Luke came in a moment later with a large mug of coffee.

"Luke, would you mind making it iced coffee? It's just so hot…"

"Sure," he said moving back into the kitchen. He returned a moment later with the coffee in a large ice filled glass.

"Did you put in sugar?" she asked.

"You don't take sugar," Luke answered.

"I do when it's iced." Lorelai said.

"Oh, well, I'll get it," Luke said.

Once Luke was out of the room, Lorelai shifted on the couch and turned towards the kitchen.

"You know, the AC you put down here isn't nearly as good as the one in the bedroom," Lorelai said.

"I can turn it up," Luke said, handing her the now-sweetened iced coffee and moving over to the new AC unit.

"I think it's all the way up," Lorelai said.

"Yeah it is. I guess the upstairs one is more powerful. But that makes sense since heat rises." Luke said.

"But I'm hot and I'm down here," Lorelai said.

"Do you want to go upstairs," Luke asked.

"No, Rory's going to be here soon."

"I thought she wasn't coming till five-thirty."

"I told her to come at four-thirty instead." Lorelai said offhandedly.

"Oh, okay," Luke said.

"Luke, it's hot," Lorelai said again.

"I guess I could switch the units," Luke said, "I mean if you prefer the other one down here, it doesn't take much, just have to carry them, but there's no real installation," Luke said.

Lorelai could tell he was hedging, that he didn't want to trade out the heavy machines.

"If you wouldn't mind, that would be great," Lorelai said, pretending to ignore his brief look of annoyance. "Thanks babe"

"Sure," Luke said.

Lorelai listened as he went upstairs. She wondered how far she was going to be able to take this before one or both of them cracked. She was looking forward to finding out.

Just then, she heard the front door open.

"Hey mom," Rory called. She was carrying seven or eight bags, each from a different store.

"Just in time," Lorelai called to her daughter.

Rory put the bags on the other couch and leaned down to kiss her mother on the cheek. "Just in time for what."

"Look at my legs," Lorelai said, gesturing to her lower half.

"I see no more Chester," Rory said smiling.

"Yup. But look at how white and ugly that leg is. My legs don't match. They look horrible," Lorelai said, bringing out her award winning pout.

"You just got your cast off. It's been months," Rory said.

"I need a pedicure," Lorelai announced.

"We can go tomorrow to the beauty shop,"

"No, I want one now," Lorelai said.

"Is this why I had to go to four different CVS stores to find baby blue nail polish with silver sparkles?" Rory asked.

"Why indeed it is. Do you want something to drink first?"

"First before what?" Rory asked.

"Before you paint my toes," Lorelai answered.

"I'm painting them? You know how I feel about feet. Why don't I take you…"

"Cause I want you to do them," Lorelai answered.

At this moment, they heard a loud bang from directly overhead

"Damn stupid freakin' mother loving…" came Luke's voice

"Luke, are you okay," called Lorelai. She didn't want him to get hurt.

"I'm fine," he called back, "No worries. All under control. Is Rory here?"

'Hi Luke," Rory called up the stairs.

"Hey kid. Be down in a few," he called.

"What is he doing up there," Rory asked.

"Bringing the air conditioner down," Lorelai answered.

"But isn't that the new air conditioner you just got?" Rory asked pointing to the window.

"I want that one upstairs."

"Why?" Rory asked. "It seems like a lot of work, and isn't the whole idea to have the more powerful one upstairs to better cool the entire house?"

"Is it?" asked Lorelai, her blue eyes wide.

"It's fine Rory," said Luke coming down the stairs with the appliance held in front of him, his muscles straining at the exertion. "This is how she wants it, it's fine."

"Okay," Rory said. "Yeah, sure. You're right."

Lorelai looked at the two of them and saw something pass between them. All at once, she couldn't take it anymore. She had an entire evening of meaningless chores planned for them, all designed to make them slowly lose their minds. Instead, no more than twenty minutes in and it was Lorelai who snapped.

"That is it," Lorelai screamed at the top of her lungs. "Enough. I can't take it for another second."

"Lorelai, what's wrong?" Luke asked, putting the AC down and rushing to her. "What do you need? Can I get you something?"

"Yeah Luke. You wanna get me something? Get me you and Rory!" Lorelai yelled.

"We're right here mom," Rory said with concern in her voice. "Are you okay? Do you know where you are?"

"I know where I am. I'm in the friggen Twilight Zone. Any second, Rod Serling is going to stroll in here and announce that I am trapped in a puzzle or something."

"Lorelai," Luke said calmly, trying to take her hand in his, "you need to tell us what upset you. This way we can fix it…"

"You are upsetting me. You are both upsetting me," Lorelai shouted, pointing back and forth between them.

"Do you want us to go?" Rory asked quietly. "Are you tired? Do you need to rest or something?"

"I don't want… Rory no!" Lorelai said, seeing the pain on her daughter's face. "Both of you, sit down."

They sat down, Rory on the couch next to her mom, Luke on the coffee table, where he could hold Lorelai's hand.

"Luke?"

"Yeah Lorelai," he answered.

"How many cups of coffee am I supposed to drink a day?" Lorelai asked.

"At most three," Luke answered.

"How many have I had?"

"Seven," Luke answered.

"Well, really I had two and a half. I dumped the others. But that's not the point. You brought me seven cups of coffee today. Either you are trying to kill me in the most drawn out manner possible or you are trying really really hard not to fight with me about anything."

"Well…" Luke began

"And didn't you have things to do today." Lorelai asked her daughter.

"Well yeah, but how many times have you dropped everything for me. I don't mind doing it for you…" Rory said.

"I know babe and I love you for it. But come on. How long did it take you to find baby blue nail polish with silver sparkles?"

"Almost an hour," Rory said.

"And there was nothing else you could have been doing with that time?"

"Well sure there was but you needed…"

"I _needed_ baby blue nail polish with silver sparkles?"

"Well you wanted it," Rory said quietly.

"I am not breakable you guys. You need to stop treating me like I'm made of glass," Lorelai said.

"We're not. We're trying to be nice. We're trying to be supportive and show you we know how lucky we are to have you," Rory said.

"I know you love me," Lorelai said. "And I know you appreciate me."

"That's right, we do," said Rory.

"But this isn't you. It isn't either of you," Lorelai said.

"But mom," Rory said, but Lorelai was quick to interrupt.

"Rory. I don't need you to bow and scrape and give in to my every whim. I don't want you to pretend to be this perfect little thing. I want you to be you. And sometimes that means we disagree. But we're almost always better for it."

"But dad said," Rory interrupted.

"Your dad apparently said a number of things he shouldn't have," Lorelai said glancing at Luke quickly before turning her attention back to Rory. "But whatever he said, this is not what he meant. Very few people in my life argue with me the way your father does. And I like that about him. And I always loved that about the both of you. That you tell me the truth."

"But you almost died," Luke said coming off the table in one sweeping movement. "I fought with you and you almost died."

"Luke, that is not your fault," Lorelai said.

"But,"

"No. It is Jason McNeil's fault. And he already pled guilty, lost his license and got locked up. His fault. Not yours, not mine, not anyone else."

"Lorelai…. I just…. I mean… can't you understand…. Christopher…. He just… we…," Luke scrubbed his hands over his face and looked desperately at Lorelai.

"Christopher told you that you didn't appreciate me enough?"

"Yeah. He said that we are lucky to have you, and mom we know that. We do. We are so sorry that we weren't acting like it, but we do know it," Rory said in a rush. "I know it. I couldn't imagine having a better mom than you. You've always been my best friend. Even when we were fighting…"

"Yes!" Lorelei said pointing at Rory. "Say that again."

"What?"

"We have always been best friends. Even when we were fighting." Lorelai said smiling at her daughter before turning to Luke. "And you. The first time I fell in love with you was in the middle of a fight. I don't remember what it was about or who was right or who was wrong, just that it felt good to argue with you. It felt right. This is who we are. And I know your dad Rory. He didn't want you to treat me like a china doll. God knows he never has. He just wanted you to remember that there is a difference between arguing with me and just discounting what I am saying out of hand without listening. And that is something you both do sometimes. And that is not okay. Get it?"

"Yeah," Rory said looking at her mother. "I get it."

"And what about you?" Lorelai asked, turning to Luke. "Do you get what I am saying to you?"

"You want me to fight with you?" he asked slowly.

"Yes. And I want you to rant sometimes and I want you to tell me I drink too much coffee and eat too many fried foods and for the love of God- not to agree to watch Bridges of Madison County ever ever again!"

"You watched Bridges of Madison County?" Rory asked Luke, shocked.

"Yeah," he answered.

"But you hate that movie" Rory said looking at her mother.

"You what?" Luke said, his voice shooting up.

"I hate that movie. It is good as a sedative but as a movie it's horrible."

"Then why…" Luke said shaking his head.

"Cause I thought for sure you would say no."

Luke shook his head and laughed. "Well how did that work out for you?"

Lorelai laughed back.

"Look. It's not easy. Finding the balance between fighting and not fighting, between honesty and anger, figuring out how to not run and not shut down…. I think we are always going to be figuring that out. But you can't just give in Luke. You can't just give up and give in. I don't want some sweet sensitive man. I want you."

"You know I'm not really sure how to respond to that…" Luke said with a small chuckle.

"Tell me you love me," Lorelai said.

"I love you," Luke answered.

"Now kiss me," Lorelai said.

And Luke leaned over and kissed her softly and deeply right on her lips.

"And you, child," Lorelai said turning to Rory when the kissing was done. "Tell me you love me"

"I love you mommy dearest," Rory said with a giggle.

"Thank you Tina Darling," Lorelai laughed. "Now kiss me."

Rory hugged her mother and kissed her gently on the cheek.

"Listen," Luke said. "Why don't we go to the diner for dinner, rent some movies and come back here and relax."

"Sounds good. I have seventeen very specific kinds of candy with me," Rory said pointing to the bags she had brought in with her, "including Mary Jane's and Twizzlers made with Hersey Syrup."

"I really can't believe you found all of them," Lorelai said.

"I can't believe you did that to me to prove a point. I didn't get any work done today."

"But you made your old feeble mommy very happy." Lorelai said.

"If you say so," Rory grumbled. But Lorelai could see the twinkle in her eye and knew that the younger Gilmore wasn't mad.

"I do still need my pedicure tonight," Lorelai said.

"Mom no. Gross. I hate feet and you know it." Rory

"Are you really saying no?" Lorelai asked.

"Well you told me to so in some ways I am obeying the spirit of the instructions I have been given." Rory said.

"I'll do it," Luke said distractedly.

"Uhm Luke, I thought we agreed…"Lorelai began.

"No… I know…. I didn't mean…," Luke looked down and Rory and Lorelai could both see he was blushing furiously, "I really don't mind. How hard can it be? And I uhm… I like your toes…. They're cute"

"I'm gonna be a little sick I think," Rory said laughing.

"You shut up," Lorelai said pointing to Rory, before turning to Luke "You kiss me again."

When the kissing was done, Luke straightened up and moved to the window.

"Tell you what. Why don't you two figure out what you want and I will finish switching out the air conditioners and we can go."

"Uhm Luke?" Lorelai said, her eyes wide.

"What," Luke asked, straining to hold on to the AC.

"You know that was all part of…. You didn't need to…. I mean the air was fine….."

"Lorelai, do not tell me the air conditioners were fine as they were and that was all part of the 'see how far I can push them' ploy" Luke said tightly.

"Well…." She said looking at her hands trying not to smile.

"You have got to be kidding me. I could have had a heart attack in this heat. You know that right. Of all the silly, immature things…."

"Hey Luke," Lorelai interrupted.

"Yeah… what," he grumbled.

"Welcome back."

Luke looked at her, looked at the window, shrugged and once again picked up the large appliance.

"I am putting this one back upstairs. That one can stay where it is. And no pedicure for you," he said pointing at Lorelai with his chin.

Lorelai extended her recently freed leg out towards him and wiggled her toes. "Come on, you know you want to," she said teasingly.

"Fine. But I pick the color."

"As long as it's baby blue with silver sparkles," Rory said.

Lorelai laughed as Luke headed back upstairs to re-install the air conditioner in its window.


	18. Chapter 17- An Interlude

**Author's Note:**

 **As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from Time to time.**

* * *

 **August 2011 –**

 **MIDNIGHT: AN INTERLUDE**

Luke awoke with a start and realized he was alone in the bed. Pulling on a tee shirt, he crept down the stairs, listening to the silence of the house.

She was sitting, looking out the window, and he was struck by the stillness and serenity he saw in her face. She never failed to stun him. The simplicity of her, sitting in her pajamas, her hair loose around her shoulders, the moon reflected in her blue eyes. She was everything he had ever dreamed of. And all these years later, there was a knot in his stomach that he was still messing it up.

* * *

She had told him that no matter what she accepted him.

She had told him with certainty that he was the love of her life.

She had told him to relax, that she knew that they would both try over and over and that they would both fail at least thirty percent of the time.

He didn't understand all of it then. To be fair, she had come out of surgery hopped up on pain meds and he hadn't slept in a week. But of everything she had said that night, the piece he remembered best was her saying that she accepted him no matter what.

He had come back to that over and over. The idea that she was willing to see past his bluster and his closed off heart. He hadn't understood right away; had thought it was Lorelai being Lorelai. But the idea had nibbled at the corner of his mind, refusing to stay silent.

He had still been trying to work it through a week later as he sat in the waiting room during the third surgery, and Christopher had come in.

Luke had been on his feet instantly, coiled and tense. He had walked over to the other man, jaws clenched and fists tight, ready to say something (though he wasn't sure exactly what), when he had actually looked at the other man.

He had seen no resentment in Christopher, no anger, just a resigned kind of placidity. Chris knew Luke hated him, and he could even understand why. But it didn't change anything. And in that moment, Lorelai's words played through his head once again.

She accepted him no matter what.

All at once, the anger had drained out of Luke.

"She accepts me," Luke had whispered, talking as much to himself as to Christopher.

"Of course she does," Chris had answered. "I have never known Lorelai to judge. Mock… sure… but she doesn't judge."

"She doesn't, does she?" Luke had asked. "I do."

"Believe me, I know," Chris had said with a cynical chuckle.

"I just… "Luke started, but he faded off, unsure how to express what he was thinking.

"You just think you're always right. Your way is always right. It doesn't leave a lot of room for understanding," Chris said simply.

"I don't think I'm always right," Luke said stiffly.

"Sure you do," Chris said. "It's what allows you to be so self-righteous."

"I just…" Luke had begun, but Chris had placed a hand on the other man's shoulder and looked him in the eye.

"You love them. You have for years. For you, loving them means protecting them,"

"What's wrong with wanting to protect them?" Luke had asked, shaking off the other man's hand.

"Nothing. Except – what exactly are you protecting them from? From me? Is that really about them or about you?"

"You can't be serious. You can't tell me you would be any different. Hell you weren't any different. You didn't want me anywhere near her when you two were together."

"Of course I didn't," Chris said.

"Well, there you go," Luke said, feeling vindicated, and yes, a bit self-righteous.

"You don't get it, do you?" Chris said.

"What."

"I didn't want you around because I knew it was only a matter of time. I didn't want you around because I knew even when she said otherwise, that it was always you. She loves you. She has been in love with you for years. I knew it. I bet that teacher, what's his name…"

"Max," Luke supplied unthinkingly.

"I bet Max knew it. I know Digger knew it. He and I even had a drink or five about it once. Everyone seems to have known it except you."

Luke looked down at his feet. He didn't know how to say the next part, but he knew if he was ever going to get past this, it had to be said.

"She loves you too," Luke mumbled.

"Of course she does," Chris answered with a smile. "And I love her."

Luke looked up at the other man sharply. He didn't know what he had expected Chris to say, but it wasn't that.

"Do you really think it's the same thing?" Chris asked him.

"You just said it, she loves you," Luke said.

"Of course she loves me. I've known her for her entire life. She and I have been friends since we were kids. We understand each other, even when we don't necessarily like each other. She will always love me, just like I will always love her. But the thing is, Luke, that doesn't mean what you think it does. She can love me. Just like I can love her, and we can still both know that we're friends. Only friends. We have had more chances than we ever really needed, and if it had been meant to be something else, it would have been. But it was never me. I was never the one for her, not like that. It's always been you."

"But…"

"Luke," Chris said. "There is something deeply twisted about this conversation, you know that right?"

"Yeah," Luke said.

"But Lorelai is my best friend. And because of that, I want her to be happy. She wants you. So that is what I want for her. I want the two of you to finally work. To finally get it together. But if that's going to happen, you really need to get your head out of your ass," Chris said, that carefree smile back on his face.

"Excuse me? I don't think I need you…" Luke began before Chris interrupted.

"Oh get off it. You don't like me, that's fine. I can't say that you are on the top of my Christmas card list either. But if you love her, you need to listen to what I am trying to tell you."

Luke geared up to tell Chris where he could shove his advice, when all the fight just drained out of him.

"I'm listening," Luke said sitting back in one of the waiting room chairs.

"Stop judging her. Stop trying to tell her what to do. Do you realize you are the first person who has tried to tell her what to do since she was sixteen? Just the fact that she is still with you, that she even begins to listen, should tell you something. She has been on her own forever. She raised Rory on her own. She started her own business and made herself a life that is remarkable, and she did it all on her own. I know you look at her and see the silly, the quirky. You need to start looking past that and see what I see,"

"And what's that,"

"She has an iron will. She is stronger than anyone I have ever met. She is honest and she has a heart that never quits. And above all, she has never, ever, needed to be protected."

"But I love her, and if I can protect her…" Luke began

"From WHAT?" Chris broke in. "What are you protecting her from?"

"I don't know," Luke yelled back.

"I don't know either, but it's not working. All you're doing is rubbing the shine off of her. It's what happened last time. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but by the time she came to me, she was… I don't know, grey. You had rubbed all her sparkle off of her. You may hate me, and you may think you have good reasons. Hell, I am willing to concede that in some things you may even be right about me. I was a lousy father and not much better as a man. But I saw what you did to her with your silence and your unwavering need to do everything your way. I saw the toll it took on her. And while I do hope you two figure it out and get your fairy tale ending, I will never like you any more than you like me. I will never be able to like someone who was willing to break her that thoughtlessly."

"I never…" Luke began. But Chris was on a roll.

"No. You need to hear this. You are going to sit your stubborn ass there, and you are going to hear this. Nothing, not her parents, not getting pregnant and raising a kid on her own, not Hartford society, nothing has ever managed to dim Lorelai's shine. Her parents, society, everyone has spent a lifetime trying to convince her that she was wrong, that she was weaker or less worthy, and she looked every one of them in the eye and laughed in their faces. But not you. She trusts you like she has trusted no one else in her life ever, not her parents, not me, not anyone. And because of that, because she trusts you like that, when you tell her she is weak or wrong or silly or whatever, she believes you."

"But I think she's everything," Luke said.

"Well maybe tell her that once in a while instead of acting like you and Rory are the adults and she is the child."

"We don't…" Luke began.

"Sure you do. And believe me, Rory and I have a conversation coming that is long overdue, but that is between me and my daughter."

"You have no right to lecture Rory…"

"I have every right. And if I don't, if I am stepping over the line, Lorelai will tell me that. Or Rory will. But do not mistake this thing we are doing here as male bonding. I am not going to suggest we grab a beer after. You and I are not friends, Luke. Personally, I think you're a bit of an asshole. But whatever. Lorelai loves you so as I said, I want her to be happy. But do not think you have a say in my relationship with my daughter," Chris said.

"I have been…," Luke began.

"Stop. Just stop," Chris had said, "let's not fight. I am honestly tired of fighting with you, not to mention that I think I have gotten punched by you enough for one life. I said what I wanted to say. You can either listen or not. Your call. If you love her half as much as you claim you do, you will listen to what I said. You said that she accepts you?"

"Yeah," Luke said.

"Why not start by accepting her back?"

* * *

Luke smiled softly, watching Lorelai and remembering the conversation with Chris. He had not wanted to admit it at the time, but Chris had been right. He had spent a decade underestimating Lorelai Gilmore. Just like everyone else. Everyone except Christopher.

Perhaps that is why she could never turn her back on Chris, because he had always understood her in some basic way that everyone else had missed.

Luke sighed quietly. She really did amaze him. She was, perhaps, the most honest person he had ever known. Sure, she was all about the drama of a thing, the spectacle. But she was so open.

It scared the hell out of him.

* * *

Once she had come home from the hospital, they had fallen into a routine. He had begun to understand what Chris had been trying to tell him, or so he had thought at the time, and he had responded in the only way he knew how – in the extreme.

He had tried to be as open and accepting as she was. He had accepted anything she had said without question, without argument. He had wanted so badly to show her that he knew he was the lucky one, that he was capable of not judging. So he thought the answer was in trying to be perfect. To offer no comment, no resistance. He honestly believed that by simply agreeing with her about everything, she would see that he was willing to stop thinking only of himself.

Clearly, it hadn't worked.

Luke shook his head remembering the day she had gotten her cast off.

They had all had a good laugh at the time, but the truth was he had been frustrated and embarrassed. He had been trying to do the right thing, and once again it had gone wrong.

They had gotten back from the dinner that night, and he had gone upstairs to throw on some sweats. Coming back downstairs, he had heard Rory and Lorelai on the couch talking quietly.

"I am sorry mom," Rory said.

"It's okay kid."

"It's really not. I don't know when I stopped treating you like my hero."

"Probably when you grew up," Lorelai answered. "It's what's supposed to happen."

"That's not… I mean yeah, I guess, but I don't know when I started thinking I was superior," Rory said, and Luke could hear the shame in her voice.

"I do," Lorelai said quietly. "It was when you were at Yale. It was during the Dean thing. It was when you went to Italy with your grandmother. It was a little at a time over those years. It was when you looked at my life, and compared it to your Grandmother and Logan and Yale, and you decided all of that was better than the crap shack and Stars Hollow."

Rory was crying quietly, and Luke couldn't make out what she said, but she heard Lorelai's response.

"Oh honey," Lorelai had said, "I know that. I know you love me. You are the best thing in my life; you are the thing I am most proud of."

"But, I didn't mean to hurt you," Rory said.

"I know that,"

"I wasn't on your side. I should have been on your side. It shouldn't have mattered that I love Luke or that I thought he was right, I should have been on your side. He wasn't right, and I made that so much worse for you. I have made so many things so much worse for you," Rory said through her tears.

"Yeah," Lorelai said, looking at her daughter, "The truth is that sometimes you have. But you have made so many things so much better. And I'm glad you love Luke. And I understand if you agree with him, and you don't agree with me. That's okay."

"No it's not," Rory said vehemently.

"Sure it is. You are not required to agree with me all the time. That wasn't the part that bothered me Rory. It was the fact that you hadn't even listened to what I was saying. You rushed to judgment and assumed that I was being selfish or childish or whatever. You have to understand that I am not quite as flakey as you think."

"I don't think you're flakey," Rory said smiling through her tears.

"Maybe just a little?" Lorelai laughed lightly. "It's okay baby. It really is."

"No mom, it's not."

"Rory, you are so smart. You are so special. And I am so proud of you. But you need to know that being smart and being special is not the same thing as always being right. Sometimes, you have to realize that not everything is how you're going to expect it to be. You have to give the people in your life the freedom to be who they are, without the fear that you will withhold your love from them if they dare to disappoint you."

"Mom…I…" Rory chocked out, but she was crying again.

"Rory it's okay baby," Lorelai said pulling her daughter to her.

"Mom, I love you. You're amazing,"

"You're pretty amazing too…" Lorelai answered.

Luke had gone back upstairs at that point, not wanting to eavesdrop on any more of the moment between mother and daughter.

* * *

He knew how much it had hurt Lorelai to feel like he and Rory had teamed up against her. But only now was he beginning to see his part in that. Only now was he beginning to see that he had enjoyed knowing Rory was on his side, that some small petty part of him had used her agreement to validate his position.

Luke had felt sick, knowing that he had driven a wedge between them, and that he had done it out of nothing more than his eternal sense of needing to win.

He had gone upstairs that night and not said anything else about it. Not for the first time, he didn't know where to begin. And the more he thought about it, the more he became convinced that no matter which direction he turned, he was going to make it worse.

So Luke did what he always did. He retreated into his own mind and shut down. And even while he was doing it, he knew it was wrong. He knew it was the one thing he had promised Lorelai he wouldn't do. But he was confused and angry at himself and afraid that in the end, he was destined to lose her for good.

So he let a week pass, and then another, without saying anything. They went about their day to day with laughter and their regular banter, but he could feel Lorelai's confusion, her anger at being forced yet again to wait for him to be ready.

After two weeks, he knew she was getting restless, tired of waiting for him to figure out something she understood with such simplicity. She was getting tired of waiting for him to speak, for him to be able to move beyond emails and phone calls and promises and requests and to just talk to her.

So tonight, as they had gotten ready for bed, she had said simply "I just want to know what you're thinking. It doesn't have to be right. It just has to be true."

He knew it was now or never. And for the first time he realized it would be better to say the wrong thing than to lose her with silence.

* * *

He looked at her in sitting in the moonlight and took a breath.

"Lorelai?"

"Hey babe," she said, not looking away from the window. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't," Luke said.

"It's the middle of the night," Lorelai said.

"Yeah." Luke answered. He knew what he wanted to say, what he needed to say, but he really didn't know where to begin.

"Luke?" Lorelai said, turning to look at him.

"I accept you," Luke said.

"What?"

"I mean, I have been trying to figure this out, trying to understand why it was so easy when I was in New York and in Aspen to just love you without judgment. To just talk to you. Why as soon as we were in the same place, I fell backwards. I have been trying to figure it out, and I don't know. I try to do my best, and I think I am doing it right, but I'm not. I don't want you to doubt yourself, or to doubt me, or…"

"Luke, I never doubt you."

"You should," Luke said quietly. "I don't deserve you. I don't know how to..." but once again he just shook his head, as always, at a loss for words.

"Don't stop. You don't know how to what?" Lorelai urged when he had faded into silence.

"I don't know! I don't know how to love you right I guess. I mean I love you so much, more than I ever thought I could, but I don't know how to do it right."

"Stop that. You know how to love me. You know all of it. You just have to let go,"

"Let go?" Luke asked.

"Yeah. You can't control it. You just have to let go. That's why New York and Aspen were easier. Because you weren't here, so there was not even an illusion of control. You just had to go along for the ride."

"I just want to be what you want," Luke said.

"You are Luke," Lorelai said softly. "Don't you know that? You never had to change for me. It wasn't about that. You are what I want. What I have always wanted. But you can't only love the parts of me that make sense to you. And you can't shut me out when it gets hard. You have to be able to talk to me.."

"I do…"

"Talk Luke. Not rant, not yell. And not just give me my way in every little thing in an attempt to avoid talking to me," Lorelai said.

"Yeah about that," Luke began. "I was trying not to judge,"

"What?" Lorelai asked.

"I was trying to show you that I don't judge you, That I don't think I know better all the time. That I am capable of compromise."

"Oh Luke, babe…" Lorelai said with a smile. "That's not compromise. That's surrender. I don't want that from you. Why would you think that I did?"

"I don't know. I was trying to follow some advice I was given."

"I have to tell you, I think it may have been faulty advice." Lorelai said.

"No. I think the advice was good. I think I am just an idiot."

"Well, sometimes, but at least you're my idiot," she said curling into his arms.

The two sat in the window for a few minutes, comfortable in their shared embrace. But Luke knew he needed to finish this conversation, no matter how much he didn't want to.

"Do you agree with him?" he asked her tentatively.

"With who?" Lorelai asked.

"With Chris. That I'm sanctimonious and self-righteous and unforgiving?"

"The truth?" Lorelai asked quietly.

"Yes"

"Sometimes, yes. But I have never said that to him. And you have to know that I didn't put him up to whatever it was he said to you. We don't discuss you. Not really, beyond him knowing that I love you, that this is where I want to be."

"Why?" Luke asked.

"Why what?"

"Why do you keep giving me more chances?"

"Because I love you, and I want you. So what other choice do I have," Lorelai said simply. "You're a good man Luke. You are the best man I know. And I love you more than I thought I would ever love anyone other than Rory."

"I love you too. You know that right?" Luke said quickly.

"I never doubt you love me. But you need to trust me. Not just with Christopher, but with everything. You have to believe that I know what I am doing."

"I know," Luke said.

"You have to talk to me," Lorelai said.

"Yeah," Luke said.

"You have to use more than one syllable at a time," Lorelai said.

"Lorelai," Luke said, desperation creeping into his voice.

"Better – that was three syllables" she said, stroking his cheek softly. "Luke, I am willing to do whatever I have to for this to work. I am sticking with you, with us. I love you and I know that this is where I want to be. But you need to meet me half way."

"Why do I feel like we're having the same conversation over and over again?"

"Because we are," Lorelai said. "Because that's what a relationship is. It's learning and trying and screwing up, and forgetting and fixing and trying again, and starting over, and remembering every day that while love is easy, relationships are hard."

"I…" he began, but once again he stopped, the words stuck in his throat.

"What Luke? Just say something. Stop trying to think it through first. You're not being graded here. Just talk to me."

"I love you Lorelai. I will love you forever," he said in a single rush, the damn on his feelings finally breaking. "And I trust you, I trust you to know what you need and what you should do and…." He paused before gathering his courage again, "And I trust you to know who your friends are and who should be in your life. You're my… my everything. Damn it, I know that sounds stupid and corny and cliché, and I think it's even a lyric from one of those annoying soft rock love songs they play in the grocery store, but it's true. You're everything to me, Lorelai. You're my conscience and the best part of me. And I will try, and apparently I will fail at least thirty percent of the time,"

"We both will," Lorelai said stoking his cheek.

"But I will keep talking, and keep listening and keep trying."

"That," Lorelai said. "is all I ever needed."

"Okay," Luke said softly.

"You had me at hello…" Lorelai said, smiling at him softly.

"What?"

"Take me to bed or loose me forever?" she asked with a giggle.

"That," he said kissing her softly, "can be arranged."


	19. Chapter 18

**Author's Note:**

 **As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from Time to time.**

 **I hope people are still reading and enjoying this story. I am trying to update as often as possible, but my work schedule will make that harder through the summer.**

 **I do appreciate feedback, if for no other reason than so that I know I should keep going.**

* * *

 **September 2011**

Lorelai walked into the offices of Gilmore and Gilmore, shaking her head at the ornate sign her mother had installed in the outer office. It still bugged her that they had these offices and no actual business. However, if she was being honest, she had to admit the office space was beautiful; tasteful and elegant with just a hint of something fresh. Emily had succeed in creating a space that reflected them both. Unfortunately, the space was all she seemed to have created since they had their first conversation about this project two full years ago.

Lorelai was beyond frustrated. She had tried in a hundred different ways to urge her mother into action, everything from gentle prodding to outright complaining, and yet here they were. Lorelai had begun to realize that perhaps her improved relationship with her mother was enough. Perhaps the retreat was not meant to be.

If that was the case, it was fine. However, she had to know, one way or the other, so that she could move on.

Lorelai straightened her back and took a deep breath. She knew she was prepared for this meeting. She had been up until all hours the night before rehearsing, first on the phone with Rory and then with Luke, and she knew exactly what she wanted to say.

"Mother," she said, entering Emily's office and taking a seat in the guest chair.

"Lorelai," Emily said smiling. "How are you dear?"

"Frustrated if you must know the truth." Lorelai said calmly.

She knew that the key to this would be to remain calm and smiling no matter what.

"Whatever for," Emily asked.

"This project, this… thing we are supposed to be doing, all we do is talk about it. We have some beautiful artist's renderings, half a coffee table book and a property that is gathering moss as we speak. We need to either do this or forget about it. We need a plan, we need to write down an actual plan and then stick to it. We need charts and….."

"Plans?" Emily offered.

"Well… yes," Lorelai answered.

"I quite agree," Emily said.

"I mean…" Lorelai said, before her mother's words registered. "You what?"

"I agree Lorelai. Frankly, I'm a little disappointed. You got the Dragonfly off the ground much quicker than this."

"That's my point. This shouldn't be taking this long," Lorelai said.

"I already said I agree." Emily said smiling.

"Why are you smiling? You agree. What does that even mean? If you agree, then why are we stuck here?"

"Well," Emily said, considering her daughter, "What exactly have you done to un-stick us?"

"Me?" Lorelai asked.

"Who else?" Emily said. "When we started this, what did I propose?"

"I don't…" Lorelai began, but Emily quickly continued.

"I told you I would provide the money and you would provide the know-how. I have been sitting here, checkbook at the ready, and you haven't done a thing."

"I've asked you time and time again to get moving on this and you never do," Lorelai said, shaking her head at her mother.

"And what have you done?" Emily countered.

"I've tried to get you to do something!" Lorelai answered. She knew that she was starting to lose her calm, but she couldn't understand what the problem was.

"Yes, so you've said. You tried to get me to do something. I suspect you are here today, once again, to try to get me to do something, but I ask you Lorelai, what have you done," Emily asked again.

"Wait, when did this become my fault," Lorelai asked.

"I didn't say it was your fault Lorelai. Did you hear me say the word fault?"

"I feel like you're saying it's my fault," Lorelai said just a touch petulantly.

"No. What I said was that instead of waiting for me to take charge, why haven't you? You're the expert, not me. Aren't you?

"Well, yes…" Lorelai answered.

"And over the years, wasn't one of your complaints that I don't take you seriously?"

"Well, sure but…"

"So, if you are the expert, and you want to be taken seriously, why are you waiting for me to take charge?"

"I don't know?" Lorelai asked, the confusion in her voice apparent.

"Fine, you want me to be in charge, here it is. I think we need to discuss exactly what the plan is and then follow it," Emily offered.

"But I just said that," Lorelai replied.

"Yes," Emily said, "And I agreed."

"Mom!" Lorelai moaned in frustration.

"You look confused," Emily said, regarding her daughter.

"Yeah, well, no, I think…. Never mind. I'm good."

"Are you sure," Emily asked.

"I had a speech prepared," Lorelai said, still not sure how everything had shifted so quickly.

"Would you feel better if I listened to your speech?" Emily said with a smile.

"I just… I don't understand. I have been after you for two years to get moving. You never said that you were waiting for me."

"I figured when you were ready you would get going," Emily said.

Lorelai seemed to consider this for a moment, before once again looking at her mother with annoyance.

"I get it. You are waiting for me to do everything! This is supposed to be a partnership. You can't just dump it all on me!"

"Lorelai?"

"What," she answered, trying in vain to keep her voice calm. Her smile, she knew, was long gone at this point.

"Why exactly are you angry at me? For agreeing with you or for knowing that of the two of us it is better if you are in charge?"

"Well… I…."

"Yes?" Emily prodded.

"I don't know." Lorelai answered, sitting back in her chair.

"Would you like some bottled water while you figure it out? I had one of those little refrigerators put in so that I can have cold drinks whenever I want. It's really quite handy."

"Water, sure, great." Lorelai said, still looking skeptically at her mother.

"Oh for heaven's sake Lorelai, what is it," Emily said as she handed Lorelai a bottle of water and a glass from a tray above the small campus fridge.

"I guess I expected you to tell me I was being ridiculous," Lorelai said, taking the top off the bottle and taking a sip.

"Lorelai, please, must you drink from the bottle, I gave you a glass,"

"I don't need a glass," Lorelai said, taking another sip. "Why dirty a glass for water,"

"Only the uncouth drink from the bottle" Emily said, taking the glass back and placing it back on the tray.

"Perfect," Lorelai said. "Thank you."

"What for?"

"For calling me uncouth. Now I know I am in the right place."

"Why do you still say things like that? I really thought we were past most of that," Emily said, and Lorelai was surprised to hear almost sadness in her mother's voice.

"Oh mom, I don't know," Lorelai said. "I don't mean to. I guess it's just a habit."

"Well I would appreciate the benefit of the doubt every once in a while," Emily said primly.

"You are absolutely right." Lorelai said.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that," Emily said.

"And yet you have the nerve to wonder why I'm a wise ass," Lorelai said.

"Language Lorelai," Emily said, but she was smiling.

"Okay, so if I am understanding this, you were waiting for me to make a plan and then just tell you how much it costs," Lorelai said.

"Well, I would like to be consulted of course, but yes. I figured you would be able to make a timeline and a plan and all of that. I don't know much about renovations or any of this beyond the decorating and design. Perhaps some of the marketing, but, I expect you to lead this."

"But," Lorelai began, but once again, Emily interrupted her.

"You are an amazing business woman Lorelai. I know my money is in good hands with you. I trust you." Emily said.

"Thank you," Lorelai said, beaming.

"You're welcome." Emily said in return.

"Okay, so a plan," Lorelai began "Now, in planning, the first thing we need to do is figure out when we hope to open and then begin working backwards so we can figure out if our opening plan is reasonable or not."

"That makes sense," Emily said.

"I think we should shoot to open next October with a dry run next September. That gives us a full year, which should be more than enough time considering some of the structures are already there. We should try to break ground in early April on any of the new stuff, which will give 6 months to the soft open. In the meantime, the crew can work on renovating the existing buildings, and if they do the schedule right, they should be able to work on the interior stuff through the winter."

"Should we be writing this down?" Emily asked.

"Probably," Lorelai laughed. For the first time, she was beginning to think this was going to be fun.

* * *

"You should have been there," Lorelai said as she and Luke finished their quiet dinner at home. "We were laughing and joking. My mother made a bidet joke."

"I probably don't want to hear it," Luke said smiling.

"No, you really don't. But that's not the point. She is letting me run this. I didn't think… I mean I guess…"

"Lorelai, you are great at this. She knows that. She would be blind not to know that," Luke said.

"I guess," Lorelai said.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I don't know. I guess it's the first time I've ever felt like she respected me. I know how that must sound," Lorelai said.

"It sounds like a daughter who is happy to have earned her mother's respect." Luke said.

"You don't think it's juvenile that I still want my mother's approval," Lorelai said.

"I still want my parents' approval," Luke said quietly.

"Oh, babe," Lorelai said reaching across the table to take his hand, "you have to know that they would be so proud of you."

"Thank you," Luke said.

"You're welcome," Lorelai said, squeezing his hand.

Luke looked at her and smiled. Things had been going well in the month since their midnight talk. Sure, they still bickered, but that was who they were. There were always going to be the little spats about the fact that he wanted to watch every sporting event there was (granted he only watched baseball and football, but that alone took most of the year when you included pre-season). And there would still be the tiffs over her tendency to leave shoes all over the house (which was made worse by the sheer number of shoes she owned and her lack of convenient shoe storage). But for the real stuff, the big stuff, they had seemed to finally find their stride.

He studied her sitting across the table from him in a pair of Yale boxer shorts and a blue tank top. Even like this, especially like this, she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

"Lorelai," Luke asked quietly. "Can I say something to you without sounding, you know, condescending or something?"

"Okay…" Lorelai said.

"Well, it's just… I'm proud of you too. I mean I know how that sounds, and I don't want you to think I am treating you like a kid or whatever, but I just want you to know, I am proud of you, of how far you've come since asking me for business lessons on a bench by the gazebo."

"Thank you," Lorelai said simply and smiled.

"So, what's next for the retreat then?" Luke asked, as he stood to clear away the dinner dishes.

"Well I have some meetings with Tom later this week to get final estimates and schedules together. I am thinking that there is no reason we shouldn't be ready for a soft open this time next year, especially with Emily's checkbook to ease the way."

"Sounds good."

"I may need your help with some of the kitchen stuff though," Lorelai said as she helped him dry dishes.

"Wouldn't Sookie be a better choice?" Luke asked.

"Why?" Lorelai asked.

"Why what?"

"Why would Sookie naturally be a better choice? This isn't shoe-shopping Luke. It's building a restaurant," Lorelai said.

"I don't know, I just think Sookie would be better," Luke said, turning off the water and drying his hands.

"Luke," Lorelai said, waiting for him to turn and look at her, "If you don't want to be involved because you think mixing business with pleasure is a bad idea or because you don't want to be in business with my mom, or with me, or with both of us together, just tell me."

"That's not it," Luke said meeting her eyes briefly before he looked away.

"Then what is it?"

"The restaurant, you're planning something high end, right?"

"Well I would love to have the same type of feel as the place you worked in Aspen. Different execution to be sure, but that all fresh and seasonal menu stuff was great. I don't want the atmosphere to be too stuffy, but I would like it to be a little more chic than the restaurant at the Dragonfly," Lorelai said.

"I'm a diner cook," Luke said.

"What?"

"I cook at a diner. Okay sure I own the place, but I am one waitress short of having someone tell me to kiss their grits."

"Did you just drop an Alice reference?"

"I watched a lot of Nick at Night while you were in the hospital," Luke answered quietly.

"Well as long as you don't start calling me dingy."

"Lorelai, I'm being serious. What do I really know about this stuff?"

"Tiffany's place was pretty swank. And the place in Aspen, well, I already told you that is my inspiration, and last I checked Sookie didn't work in either of those places."

"Lorelai, I just don't know…"

"Are you sure it isn't about working with me?" Lorelai asked.

"I'm sure."

"How about this. I have a pretty good idea of what I want. I will do the initial plans with Tom and then when it starts to come to appliances and specific kitchen layout, will you at least look at it for me?"

"Of course I will," Luke answered.

"Thank you," Lorelai said wrapping her arms around him. "For what it's worth, I think you are every bit as talented chef as Sookie is."

"You don't have to say that," Luke said.

"I know I don't. And I wouldn't. Except that it happens to be true," Lorelai said, placing a soft kiss on his neck. "And you are by far sexier."

"I would hope so," Luke said.

"I don't know. Sookie is pretty cute with the big blue eyes and the dimples," Lorelai teased.

All of a sudden, Luke had her backed up against a wall, his hands skimming roughly over her curves while he nibbled at her neck "Can Sookie do this?" Luke asked, moving against her so that she could feel his desire.

"I wouldn't know," Lorelai said, reaching to his back and pulling him still closer to her.

"Lorelai," he growled, his face buried in her neck, one hand tangled in her hair while his other hand hitched her thigh up around his hip.

Lorelai lost her breath. It never failed to amaze her how good at this part of it they were. She had been attracted to him for so long before they had gotten together the first time, that when they had finally found themselves together everything had been frenzied and passionate. It had been good, but it had been nothing compared to now. She didn't know if it was because they were older, or they were more comfortable with each other, but whatever it was, she hadn't realized before that it was possible to lose yourself so completely in someone else.

She ran her hands over his back, the muscles under his tee shirt firm and taught. She angled her head so that she could bring her mouth to his, their kiss deep and insistent. She felt him shift his grip on her thigh, using his weight to pin her to the wall while his had skimmed higher up her leg, the soft fabric of the shorts she was wearing offering no resistance to his exploring fingers. She moved her hips without thinking, opening herself to his touch, bringing her own hands over his body as she felt his muscles tighten and heard his breathing change.

"Luke," she whispered.

"Hmmmmm" he mumbled against the exposed skin at her throat.

She could feel the stubble on his cheek leaving a rough trail against her skin as he moved his mouth from her collarbone lower, taking advantage of the lack of coverage her tank top provided.

Lorelai moved against him, unconsciously creating more friction while using her hands to rid him of his shirt.

"I love your skin," she said, trailing her lips over his arms and his chest, kissing and softly biting any skin she could reach. "I love the taste of you," she whispered as his fingers crept slowly higher.

Luke was having trouble seeing straight as Lorelai moved against him. He was moments from just taking her up against the wall when through his passion soaked brain he heard the front door open and close.

"Mom," came the voice from the front door.

"Just a second," Lorelai called back, her voice unnaturally high.

"You okay?" Rory called, her voice coming closer to the kitchen where Luke and Lorelai were trying desperately to get themselves back under control.

"Fine, great, stay out there. Do not come into the kitchen," Lorelai called.

"What's wrong," Rory asked, her voice growing even closer.

"Nothing. Just wait there!" Lorelai insisted.

"Think if I gave her a twenty she would go to the movies," Luke muttered, pulling his shirt back on and trying to look like he hadn't been fifteen seconds away from having sex.

"A twenty is all I'm worth to you?" Lorelai said with a giggle as she adjusted the neck of her tank.

"Shit, I'll toss her my wallet and the deed to the diner if she would give me thirty more minutes," Luke said reaching for Lorelai again.

"For that price, she better give us at least an hour," Lorelai said, kissing his jaw.

Luke moved his hand up Lorelai's stomach, pushing her tank top up to reveal the blue lace of her bra.

Lorelai tangled her hands in his hair as she felt Luke's teeth close over the fabric. Lorelai let out a soft moan that was mixed with a shrill scream.

"Please tell me that did not just happen," Luke said, burying his face in her shoulder.

"If by 'that' you mean my grown daughter did not just walk into the kitchen to see you manhandling her mother, than I have bad news for you bud."

"Shit," Luke said blushing a deep red.

Lorelai took a moment to once again readjust her shirt and walked out to the living room where she found Rory sitting on the couch, her face hidden in her hands.

"Rory! You're here!" Lorelai said, still breathless.

"Oh my god, mom, I am so sorry, I didn't mean to…. Interrupt…" Rory whispered, not wanting to further embarrass Luke.

Lorelai blushed and smiled contentedly.

"Did I know you were coming by kid?" Lorelai asked sitting next to Rory on the couch.

"I was in New York the past few days. So I thought I would say hi," Rory said, taking her phone out and looking at it as though it was responsible for the downfall of civilization.

"Why don't we go sit on the porch and you can tell me why you're glaring at your phone. I don't think Luke is going to come out of there just yet."

Rory laughed. "Sounds good."

"We're going outside," Lorelai called.

"Yeah, good idea. I'm just going to stay in here and…. Stay in here," Luke called back, shaking his head over how much of an idiot he sounded like.

Once Lorelai and Rory were settled on the porch, Lorelai took a moment to regard her daughter carefully. On the surface, everything looked fine. Rory was as beautiful as ever, and Lorelai was of course happy to see her. Nevertheless, there was something in Rory's eyes that said this wasn't strictly a social call, and that there was something going on with the youngest Gilmore.

"So, spill," Lorelai said.

"Can't a girl just visit her mother?" Rory asked, looking once again at her phone.

"Sure, but considering what you just interrupted, I am hoping you have a reason," Lorelai said smiling.

"I'm glad to see you so happy mom," Rory said.

"Thank you," Lorelai answered. "But your misdirection will get you nowhere with me. Now what gives?"

"How do you know what the right thing is to do?"

"Leave the gun, take the cannoli," Lorelai said.

"Mom, come on."

"Well, I'm afraid you're going to have to be a little more specific," Lorelai answered.

"I just…" Rory began, but she looked at her phone again and sighed.

"Is this a Logan thing?" Lorelai asked.

"Kind of."

"Kind of?"

"Well I don't know if it's a him thing or a me thing."

"Start at the very beginning," Lorelai said.

"A very good place to start," Rory sang in response.

"Ok Maria. Very good. Now you want to tell me what's going on?"

"I just don't get it," Rory said loudly.

"Rory…"

"I know, okay, I know. It's been almost a year though. He started by telling me he wanted redemption, I don't even know what that is supposed to mean, but okay, whatever. But then what I ask you. Nothing. Nothing happened since then. A year. There have been a bunch of text messages, all of them perfectly friendly. We've had dinner about a dozen times, always strictly platonic and apparently always on the fourth week of the month,"

"What?" Lorelai asked confused. But Rory was on a roll.

"He asks about my life and my friends and my work. He never asks if I am seeing anyone, but then again I never ask him that either. But over and over, it's the same thing. Like he's checking something off a list. If his idea was trying to win me back, where is the coffee cart? Where are the flowers and the grand gestures? A bunch of platonic texts and a monthly dinner and nothing else. I don't understand what he wants."

"Do you want him to win you back?" Lorelai asked gently.

"I don't know"

"Could it be that he wants to be your friend," Lorelai said.

"Why?" Rory asked.

"What do you mean why?"

"I mean he has friends. And I am sure he has any number of women to amuse him. So what is with the monthly dinner and the random texts?"

"Have you asked him?" Lorelai said.

"Well, not outright."

"Why not?"

"What am I supposed to say – 'gee Logan, why are you trying to get to know me' he would think I was crazy"

"Oh honey," Lorelai said hugging her daughter, "I am sure he knows you're crazy."

"Thanks mom." Rory said frowning.

"Well something must have happened. You keep looking at the phone as though it endowed with magical powers"

"Look," Rory said, holding the phone out to her mother.

Lorelai read the exchange of text messages that seemed to have started a few hours before.

( _Hey Ace)_

 _(Hi Logan what's up)_

 _(Just checking in)_

 _(Okay)_

 _(How are you?)_

 _(I'm good. How are you?)_

 _(I'm okay. Keeping busy. You know Mitchem, always keeps me running. I don't think I'm going to be able to make our dinner plans. I have to be on a flight in the morning)_

 _(Did we have dinner plans?)_

 _(Well, not officially no, but it's the third week in the month, so I was going to call you tomorrow night to see if we could go to dinner next week, but it turns out I won't be in town)_

 _(So you're canceling a date you hadn't made yet?)_

 _(Well, the fourth Friday of the month has sort of become a standing thing I thought)_

 _(Oh)_

 _(Well I didn't want you to think I was blowing you off)_

 _(Logan, I honestly hadn't realized.)_

 _(That's okay Ace)_

 _(We can go out the week you get back if you want)_

 _(No, it's okay, I will call you next month)_

 _(Is there a rule that says we can only meet the fourth week of the month? Are you a werewolf?)_

 _(If I were, wouldn't that mean it would be one week a month I couldn't see you?)_

 _(Seriously, what's with the fourth week of the month?)_

 _(Just striving for consistency)_

 _(Why?)_

But that was the last message. Logan apparently hadn't responded.

"Do you see what I mean? I sent that three hours ago and nothing. What the hell!" Rory said looking at the phone again.

"I don't know sweets." Lorelai said.

"I don't understand," Rory said.

"What do your friends say?"

"I don't really have friends like that, to talk about stuff like this. Paris is in Europe with Doyle, Lane and I haven't really talked in ages. The only people I talk to about stuff like this are you and…"

"Jess?" Lorelai asked.

"Yeah. But Jess and I don't talk about Logan. So that leaves you." Rory said.

"Why don't you and Jess talk about Logan? I thought you and Jess talk about everything."

"We do. But on certain things we agree to disagree. Actually on this one thing."

"He doesn't like Logan I take it?" Lorelai asked.

"It's not what you think. He is not harboring some deep and abiding love for me. There is no horoscope in his wallet."

"I didn't say anything," Lorelai protested.

"I just know how your mind works. This isn't some bizarre CW teen angst nonsense. There is no creek, I have never met anyone named Pacey, or Dawson for that matter, and you and I are not going to fall in love with brothers, or an Uncle and a Nephew as it were."

"Rory, I have honestly gotten over the whole Jess thing. I just figure, he's your best friend, isn't he?"

"Yeah, most of the time," Rory answered.

"So you should be able to talk about this with him."

"He hates Logan," Rory said.

"That seems pretty severe. Has he ever even really met Logan?"

"At Yale once that I remember," Rory answered.

"So what's the problem?"

"He thinks Logan is a pampered, pretentious waste of an education with an undeserved trust fund and bad hair," Rory said.

"That's pretty specific."

"He's said it more than once," Rory replied.

"Well, first of all, I don't think Jess should be making comments about anyone's hair," Lorelai said.

"It's gotten better over the years."

"If you say so. At least he stopped channeling Fonzie," Lorelai said.

"Mom…"

"Anyway, my point was that if Jess is your best friend, you should be able to talk about this with him."

"But you're my best friend too."

"I know that kid. And if you want, I am happy to give up my evening to over analyze every letter and space of this text."

"Really?" Rory said with a smile.

"Of course."

"You don't think I'm being a ridiculous child," Rory asked.

"Who cares? You are entitled to obsess."

"What are we obsessing about," Luke asked from the door.

"Hi Luke," Rory said, getting up to hug him. "Sorry to have just popped over. I didn't mean to…"

"Stop talking, I beg you," Luke said, hugging her back. "It shall not be mentioned ever, by either of you, okay?"

"Understood," Rory said seriously.

"I may have to tell Sookie. Or Babette…" Lorelai said with a chuckle.

"You do and there will be no coffee for a month," Luke said.

"There is other coffee in the world," Lorelai said.

"Not like my coffee," Luke leaned over and whispered in her ear.

"Are we still talking about coffee," Lorelai asked.

"What do you think?" Luke asked smiling.

"Hello. I'm still here," Rory said.

"I knew that," Luke said straightening up and leaning against the railing. "So you didn't say. What are we obsessing about?"

"Logan," Lorelai answered.

"Mom," Rory said looking embarrassed.

"Is this a coffee and pie conversation or a pizza, coffee and pie conversation?"

"I think pizza, coffee, pie and mallomars," Rory answered seriously.

"You got it. You guys going to stay out here?"

"Is that your way of finding out if we are commandeering the living room because there is a game on," Lorelai asked.

"Maybe," Luke said.

"Go get the coffee and pie and the TV is yours for the remainder of the evening."

"Deal," Luke said before turning to Rory. "Want me to beat him up?"

"You don't even know if he deserves to be beaten up," Rory answered smiling.

"Don't need to. You just give the word." Luke said, smiling.

"Thanks Luke"

"Anytime, kid," he said moving towards his truck. "I'm going to go grab pie from the diner. Anything else while I'm out?"

"Ice cream" Lorelai called.

"And sprinkles" Rory added.

"Insane" Luke muttered as he climbed into his truck.

Rory and Lorelai headed back into the house. Once the pizza was ordered, they set themselves up in Rory's old room, which had become a guest room slash sitting room over the years. Lorelai had traded Rory's old twin bed for a comfy convertible sofa, and the girls now sat together smiling.

"I miss this," Rory said, putting her head on her mother's shoulder.

"I do too, bug," Lorelai said smiling.

"Oh wow, I forgot that you used to call me that," Rory laughed.

"Yeah, I don't even know how it started. Do you remember when you were little and every time I went anywhere I had to 'give you a bug' which meant to give you a lipstick print kiss in the palm of your hand?"

"Yeah. I don't remember why I called it a bug either," Rory said smiling.

Lorelai took Rory's hand and placed a kiss in the palm. Her lipstick was long gone from Luke's kisses, but the thought remained the same.

"A bug for me," Rory whispered and smiled.

"So," Lorelai said, shifting to look at Rory, "why is this such a big thing?"

"I really don't know mom. I mean it's not like I am wandering around thinking I lost on the great love of my life," Rory began.

"But…"

"But what if I missed it?"

"Missed what?" Lorelai asked.

"Missed my great love. What if I was too busy doing something else and I never even noticed him. What if I never find him?"

"Oh Rory, not possible," Lorelai said.

"Why isn't it possible? Plenty of people end up alone."

"Believe me, I know," Lorelai said softly.

"But you didn't mom. You found him," Rory said.

"Yes and how old am I?"

"Is it wrong that I don't want to wait until I am 43 to fall in love?"

"Oh, honey, of course it's not."

"So I guess this thing with Logan is just… I don't know, the road not traveled or something. If I had said yes, I would probably have kids by now. I would have this whole other life. Instead, I am 27 years old and, I don't know, mom. I know you didn't raise me like this, to think I needed a man to be complete, and mostly, I don't, but then sometimes..." Rory said looking at her mother helplessly

"Sometimes you do," Lorelai finished for her. "It's perfectly normal babe."

"Did you feel like this at 27?" Rory asked.

"Well, when I was 27, you were eleven, so I didn't really have a lot of time to date… but yeah. Yeah, I worried about being alone, I worried that your dad had been my shot, and I had missed it."

"What did you do?" Rory asked, sounding more like that long forgotten eleven year old that the woman she currently was.

"I waited. I knew, even then, that your dad wasn't it, and I figured that the universe had something in store for me and there was no use rushing it. Universe usually does things in its own sweet time," Lorelai said.

"I've noticed," Rory answered.

"It will all work out, you'll see." Lorelai said, drawing her daughter in for a hug. "If it hasn't worked out yet, you're not at the end yet."

"Read that in a fortune cookie at Al's" Rory asked with a giggle.

"Oprah," Lorelai said.

"Ah yes, the great font of all wisdom," Rory said.

"I thought that was Nora Ephron?" Lorelai replied.

"Her too," Rory agreed.

"Can I give you one piece of advice," Lorelai asked.

"Of course," Rory answered.

"Just don't settle. You'll know it when you see it, and until then, don't settle for less, okay?"

"Okay mom," Rory smiled.

"When it's right, you'll know," Lorelai said with a quiet smile.


	20. Chapter 19

**Author's Note:**

 **As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from Time to time.**

 **I hope people are still reading and enjoying this story. I am trying to update as often as possible, but my work schedule will make that harder through the summer.**

 **I do appreciate feedback, if for no other reason than so that I know I should keep going.**

* * *

 **November 2011**

"I can't believe they're four," Rory said as she watched Lane's twin boys chase each other around the town square.

Lane had been sitting in the gazebo watching the boys play when Rory had seen her.

"I know. Isn't it bizarre?" Lane replied.

"So how is it?"

"What?" Lane asked.

"Motherhood… wifehood … all of it…"

"I don't know. You think to yourself being a wife and a mom, working in a diner, staying in the same town you grew up in, it isn't really rock and roll, but then again… maybe it is."

"I don't know how to interpret that," Rory said, looking seriously at her oldest friend.

"It's good." Lane answered with a smile. "Unexpected, but good."

Rory had been surprised and pleased to see Lane hanging out in the gazebo with her sons. While they saw each other at the diner when Rory came by, they almost never got to just hang out. Rory missed her oldest friend desperately.

"You all set for tomorrow?" Rory asked. "Are you cooking this year?"

"Nope. Mama Kim is still in charge of all holidays, and since Zach's family can't be here, it looks like tofurkey for us all," Lane said ruefully.

"Man that sucks."

"Eh. I'm used to it. I do miss Luke's Thanksgivings at the Diner though"

"Yeah. Guess he hasn't done that in a while, huh"

"Not for years. Last time was probably when him and your mom were together the first time."

"Wow." Rory answered.

"So how's all that going anyway? He seems happier."

"I think it's finally going really well," Rory answered. "I mean, it had been going well when he first got home last June. It seemed like they had really figured it all out. And watching my mom be so peaceful and so happy was great."

"Yeah, she has been coming over once or twice a week to do yoga with me. It helps. Keeps me from killing Zach and the boys," Lane said. "I keep trying to get her to teach a class once a week at Miss Patty's but she just says she'll think about it."

"Yeah, she likes it to be something she does for her. I guess she's afraid teaching would make it work or something," Rory considered.

"Maybe," Lane agreed. "But either way, she seems really happy these days. There was a while there where I wasn't so sure…"

"I think the accident caused a rough patch for us all. Mom and Luke had been fighting over my dad, which is normal, if not ideal, but then she had the accident and I think Luke and I just… I don't know… wigged."

"Oh Rory, that is totally understandable," Lane said.

"I guess, but it was like we were both so worried and instead of just being there we let every bad and negative thing about us just take over or something."

"Well, you may not realize this, but you and Luke are a lot alike in some ways," Lane said.

"Yeah, I don't think we realized that until we both ended up ganging up on my mom and everyone else. I don't know what happened. I think we were both so angry and so scared. Not that that excuses it but…"

"Well it must have all worked out," Lane said. "I see them all the time and they seem super happy."

"Yeah, she finally called us on in. Not before my dad of all people told us both off."

"Your dad told Luke off?" Lane asked.

"Luke and me both."

"Wow. I can't even imagine," Lane said.

"It wasn't a moment for the highlight reel, I'll tell you that."

"What did he say?" Lane asked.

"Oh a lot of stuff. That Luke and I are judgmental and self-righteous and underestimate my mom,"

"Oh Rory, I'm sure he didn't mean…"

"Oh no," Rory interrupted, "he meant it. I was angry about it for a while, but I realized he was right."

"So what happened?"

"We talked about it, I mean me and my mom, and it's much better now. I think believe it or not, there was still some stuff unsaid from the time with Dean and when I left Yale for a year and lived with my grandparents. I think maybe we had never really gotten back to being us after all that. But I think now we have." Rory said smiling.

"I'm glad. I always envied your relationship with your mom," Lane said.

"How's it going with Mama Kim?" Rory asked.

"Believe it or not, really good. She loves being a grandmother, and while she gives me tons of suggestions, she doesn't try to force me to raise them how she wants. It's good"

"I'm glad," said Rory.

"Yeah. They say being a grandparent is different from being a parent. I guess they were right."

"I guess," Rory said.

"In fact, you'll never guess,"

"What?" Rory asked.

"I caught her giving them candy." Lane said.

"Who," Rory asked confused.

"The boys. My mom has been giving them Hershey's kisses on the sly. She thinks I don't know, but Kwan is incapable of keeping a secret."

"You're kidding. I thought chocolate was one of the paths to the devil."

"I guess she is lightening up in her old age," Lane said. "Anyway, it's really good."

"I have to tell you Lane, it is so good to see you," Rory said.

"You just saw me a couple of months ago," Lane said.

"Yeah, for like a minute. I miss this. I miss sitting here and talking. I miss us. Hey, wanna dye your hair purple?" Rory asked laughing.

"Uhm, I think I'll pass," Lane said. "We could always dye your hair. I think a hot pink would work."

The old friends laughed remembering the hair dye escapade from years before.

"Seriously Lane, I uhm… I feel like I have been a really crappy friend." Rory said softly.

"Rory?"

"I mean it. I never see you, and sure, you're busy, I'm busy, but I'm in town often enough and I should be a better friend to you. I should babysit or something"

"Rory, what…"

"No, Lane. You've always let me get away with being all self-centered and always worried about me, and I haven't even seen these beautiful boys I don't know how long, and you want to know the truth, when I saw you sitting here, the first thing I thought was 'oh good, Lane, I can get her opinion on Logan'. How messed up is that?"

"What about Logan,"

"You're missing the point. I should have thought 'there's my friend Lane who I miss' first instead of only caring about…"

"Rory! Stop!" Lane exclaimed, getting her friend's attention.

"Did you just break out the mommy voice on me?" Rory said, laughing lightly.

"It comes in handy when in the presence of a ranting lunatic."

"In that case, have you used it on Luke," Rory asked.

"Only once. Needless to say it didn't go over well," Lane answered, laughing. "Now, as I was trying to say before you went all spaz queen on me is that I get it. You have a whole other life in DC. You had a lot going on with work and with your mom and your family. I get it. I missed you too. And the truth is, I can do a better job of keeping in touch too. So let's look at the bright side of this. Now that we realize we were not the most outstanding friends ever, let's try to do better."

"I can do that," Rory said, hugging Lane lightly.

"Now, did you say something about Logan?" Lane asked.

"You don't want to hear about that drama. Tell me about the kids."

"Are you kidding me! All I talk about most days is the boys. I love them for sure, they are the best thing in the world, but they are not exactly a great conversation topic. Once you've exhausted Kwan's latest Lego masterpiece and Steve's attempt to create a community of earthworms prepared to worship him as their benevolent God, you have pretty much run out of interesting things to say."

"I don't know, that earthworm thing sounds pretty interesting," Rory said.

"Yeah. Mama Kim was thrilled. She thinks he has potential as an evangelist," Lane answered. "But seriously… Logan?"

"I don't know. I mean, I can't even tell you what's going on, and it's not like we're back together, or even talking about back together. We haven't even really gone on a date. I mean we've gone to dinner, but you know… there hasn't been any… uhm…"

"Rory, I've been married for almost five years, I know what sex is," Lane exclaimed loudly.

"Shhhhhh!" Rory said, turning a deep red and waving her hands in front of Lane's face.

"Rory, come on. What's the big deal?"

"Since when are you so liberated?" Rory asked, remembering Lane's initial reaction to sex.

"Since we figured out how to do it," Lane said laughing. "I would say, sometime about six months after the boys were born."

"Well, congratulations, I guess?" Rory said.

"Okay, so you and Logan haven't been 'doing it'" Lane said, making air quotes.

"Not since we broke up years ago," Rory said.

"Have you gotten any since then?" Lane asked.

"I, uh… well."

"Please do not tell me you haven't had sex in four years!" Lane said.

"No, I have," Rory said.

"When?"

"About two and a half years ago?" Rory admitted quietly.

"Oh my goodness, why?" Lane asked.

"I don't know. I don't want to just sleep with anyone, and there hasn't been anyone really, and well, I don't know okay!"

"This is your problem. You need to get some," Lane said authoritatively.

"Lane, I am not going to just go get some!"

"Why not? You're single, you're beautiful, you're in DC with all those fancy men in their brooks brother suits. I would think, you would have endless opportunities"

"I am not going to just pick some guy up in a bar and sleep with him."

"I know." Lane said. "Neither would I if I were in your position."

"Well okay then,"

"But is there someone? I mean are you waiting for Logan or is there someone else you're interested in?"

"No, not really. I mean, I haven't talked to Dean in years and years, Jess is one of my best friends these days, but there is nothing more than that there, and now this stupid thing with Logan that I can't figure out but that doesn't seem to be anything. And that's it."

"Rory?"

"Yeah?"

"You know there are more than 3 guys in the world, right? It doesn't have to come down to Jess or Logan"

"Or Dean…" Rory added for the sake of symmetry.

"Be serious. It would never be Dean," Lane laughed.

"Okay, good point."

"Did you ever sleep with Jess?" Lane asked.

"No…" Rory answered.

"That's weird. I mean of course you slept with Logan, and we all know you slept with Dean…"

"Thanks," Rory said.

"Come on, indiscretions of youth," Lane said.

"Yeah…"

"Rory, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to make you feel bad."

"No, I know," answered Rory. "It's okay. I just still regret that. I mean on the one hand, from a purely selfish place, I am kind of glad Dean was my first, but then reality sets in and …"

"He was married," Lane finished for her.

"Yeah," Rory answered.

"Yeah," Lane agreed.

The friends sat for a moment, each remembering that time.

"Anyway," Lane said, trying to bring them back to the present. "Never Jess?"

"Nope."

"Why not?" Lane asked.

"I don't know. The timing was never right. And now, I don't know, we're past that window I guess," Rory answered. "You know what? This is depressing. And ridiculous, and a waste of our precious reunion time. I want to hear about Steve's earthworm minions."

Lane laughed, and began to relay the story to Rory.

* * *

The following day found everyone seated around Emily Gilmore's well-appointed table, having finished an expertly prepared Thanksgiving Dinner.

"That really was amazing mom," Lorelai said, patting her stomach. "I don't think I could eat another thing, and you know for me that is saying something."

"I am glad you liked everything. What about you April? Did you have enough," Emily asked.

"More than enough. It was delicious."

"Good. If everyone is full, perhaps we can adjourn to the sitting room. I believe we can wait a while for dessert."

"Dessert?" Lorelai asked.

"I thought you couldn't eat another thing," Luke said with a smile.

"Yes, but that didn't include dessert." Lorelai answered.

"How can you still be shocked by how we eat?" Rory asked.

"Good point," Luke said, smiling.

"Seriously Luke, it's one of those bizarre natural phenomena no one can explain or understand," Jess said with mock seriousness.

"No one asked you wise guy," Lorelai said.

"Just calling it like I see it," Jess answered with a shrug.

"Marta," Emily said calling to the maid, "we will be moving into the sitting room. Please plan for coffee and dessert an hour from now."

"Can I have my coffee now?" Lorelai asked.

"Me too," Rory concurred.

"If you have a pot going, I'll take some too," Jess tagged on.

"Fine. Marta, please serve coffee right away. We will wait on dessert," Emily conceded.

As the group moved into the living room, Rory, Jess, April and Richard began an animated discussion of the latest book they had all read while Emily, Lorelai and Luke talked about the retreat and some recent changes to the construction timeline.

Everyone was sitting and chatting pleasantly when the doorbell rang.

"Are we expecting someone?" Richard asked.

"Mom," Lorelai whispered harshly in her mother's ear. "Please tell me it's not Christopher."

"Hey everyone," came the nonchalant voice from the doorway, "Happy Thanksgiving."

"Logan?" Rory asked.

"Hey Ace," he said, leaning over to kiss her cheek.

"What are you doing here," Rory asked.

Rather than answering, Logan walked over to kiss Lorelai's cheek as well. "You look lovely as always. And Luke, how are you?"

"Fine," Luke said before noticing April sitting wide-eyed. "This is my daughter April," he said.

"And you're Logan?" April asked almost breathless when Logan smiled at her.

"That's what they tell me. Nice to meet you April."

"Richard, Emily, happy Thanksgiving. My parents send their regards," Logan said, greeting each of the Gilmore's in turn.

Throughout the introductions and greetings, Jess had been sitting silently watching the situation play out in front of him. Finally, as Logan approached him with his hand outstretched, Jess stood.

"I'm Logan," he said with a pleasant smile.

"I know who you are," Jess said quietly.

"You have me at a disadvantage then," Logan said affably.

"Logan, this is Jess. You've met," Rory said, moving to stand almost between them.

"Ah-yes. The author and misanthrope. How could I have forgotten," Logan replied.

"I'm not a misanthrope. I only dislike people who deserve it," Jess answered.

"Good to know." Logan said before turning back to the room. "So, what's new with everyone?"

"Same old same old," Lorelai said, trying to defuse the sudden tension in the room. She glanced at Jess who was glowering and then looked at Luke who seemed as confused as she was.

"How about you Logan, what's new with you?" asked Richard.

"Working with a startup. I won't bore you with the details, but I think we have something really special. It's not quite being the king of newspaper publishing, but I am enjoying it."

"I'm glad to hear it," Richard answered.

The room descended into an awkward silence.

"Have you read any good books?" April asked Logan.

"Not lately," Logan answered.

"Not ever," Jess muttered, drawing looks from both Rory and Logan.

"You don't like to read?" April asked. For her this was akin to someone not liking to breathe.

"I read," Logan said smiling, "when I have time."

"Isn't that the same answer Palin gave during the Katie Couric interview?" Jess asked Rory, earning him another look.

"Is there a problem, friend?" Logan asked.

"I'm not your friend," Jess said.

"Can I get you a drink Logan?" Lorelai asked, hoping to shift the attention away from whatever was going on with Jess.

"Scotch neat please," Logan answered before suddenly turning back to face Jess. "Wait a second, are you two together now? Ace hadn't mentioned."

"We're not together," Rory answered quickly.

"Oh, it just seemed like…" Logan began before he was interrupted.

"Her name is Rory, not 'Ace'. What is it with you people and nicknames? Is Rory too hard for you to say," Jess said, taking a step closer to Logan.

"I know her name," Logan said quietly, "After all, _**Rory,**_ " he said emphasizing her name, "how long did we live together? A couple of years I think. Kind of hard to forget the name of the woman you were…"

"Logan," Rory said with a clear warning in her voice.

"Sorry," Logan said, the sparkle in his eyes showing clearly how not sorry he actually was.

"Jackass," Jess muttered.

"Excuse me?" Logan asked,

"I think you heard me, _**friend,**_ " Jess said with a scowl.

"I thought we weren't friends," Logan said quietly.

"That's right," Jess agreed. "I'm not your friend, I'm her friend. And as her friend, I think she should have higher standards."

"Jess," Rory admonished.

"Don't worry Jess, I'm not here to step on your toes or get in your way," Logan said in a low voice, his condescending smile never wavering.

"I wasn't worried." Jess said.

"You sure there buddy? Cause it seems to me that you have a lot of interest in what I call Rory for just being her friend."

"And it seems to me that you are a smarmy used car salesmen who should have understood that holidays are for family and you are not family."

"Jess," Luke said becoming concerned that this disagreement might escalate.

"I should apologize," Logan said to the room. "I didn't mean to upset Jess here, to make him jealous…"

"Of you? You've got to be kidding," Jess said.

"Mom, is dessert almost ready?" Lorelai asked, trying desperately to catch her mother's eye. For her part, however, Emily seemed completely focused on the pattern on the rug. "Mom?"

"All I am saying is that I understand," Logan said.

"Do you now?" Jess replied.

"Of course. I know what it's like to try and win the affections of the fair Miss Gilmore."

"I'm not trying to win anything," Jess said.

"Why not," Logan asked. "Are you with someone else?"

"Logan, this is not…" Rory began, but Logan was already talking.

"All I am saying is that if you have a thing for her, believe me I'd understand."

"And I told you that we're just friends. Although, if I wanted Rory, do you honestly think you and your presence would even matter?" Jess replied.

"Jess, I think you should…" Lorelai tried to interrupt, seeing the embarrassed blush cross her daughter's cheek.

"So you don't want her? Why not? Or is it that you don't think you could get her," Logan asked.

"If I wanted to I would have by now, believe me," Jess answered, before realizing the neat little trap Logan had set.

"Really," Rory said coldly. "Is that a fact?"

"Rory," Jess said looking at her, "you know what I meant."

"I'm not sure I do," Rory answered stiffly.

"Don't be too hard on him Ace. He is clearly undone by your beauty," Logan said.

"Will you shut the hell up," Jess hissed at Logan.

"Hear hear," Richard said. "This is a holiday. This is not the time for this."

"I still want to know what you're doing here," Rory said, regaining some of her composure.

"I was invited," he answered simply.

"Were you really? Because I don't remember mentioning it," Rory replied quickly.

"If you must know," Emily said, speaking up for the first time, "I invited him. Of course I didn't realize the invitation would include a floor show."

"Grandma?" Rory asked.

"Well I ran into him and thought that it would be a nice reunion. I didn't realize it would be a problem," Emily answered.

"No problem on my end," Logan said smoothly, looking at Jess with a challenge in his eye.

"Excuse me would you?" Jess asked, fighting to keep his composure as he left the room and exited the front door.

"Is it alright if I just help myself to that Scotch?" Logan asked.

"What? Oh sure," Lorelai answered distractedly as she watched Rory follow Jess out the front door.

* * *

"I thought you quit," Rory said as she watched Jess take an almost violent drag on his cigarette.

"I did," Jess said, closing his eyes and exhaling.

"Ah," Rory said. "So you want to explain what happened in there?"

"Not really," Jess said, still not looking at her.

"If you wanted me you could have had me?" Rory asked.

"I did not mean that the way it sounded."

"Was there another way to mean it?"

"I don't know. That guy just pisses me off," Jess said quietly.

"Don't blame Logan for this," Rory said.

"Why not?"

"Well, for one thing, he did not come in here and purposely pick a fight," Rory said.

"Of course not. He's too well-bread for that," Jess said.

"As a matter of fact he is."

"So what are you doing out here with the riff-raff then?" Jess asked, looking her in the eye.

"Give me a break," Rory said.

"What, truth hurt?"

"If you must know, I came out here to make sure you were okay," Rory said, "Thought who knows why."

"I don't need your sympathy," Jess said.

"Well good thing I don't have any for you. You embarrassed me," Rory said.

"Sorry. I guess I am still to uncouth for the lofty Gilmores," Jess said stubbing his smoke out on the sole of his shoe.

"You know what, Jess, that's crap and you know it. It doesn't take growing up with money to know how not to act like an idiot"

"Oh, so now I'm an idiot," Jess said, his anger rising again.

"Yes,"

"Fine."

"Great,"

"Well good then," Jess said.

"Right," Rory said, and then without warning started to laugh. "You sound like a fourteen year old."

"I know you are but what am I," Jess said before starting to laugh too. "Seriously Rory, that guy just get's under my skin. I didn't mean to make it seem like I thought you were just…. You know…"

"Waiting for you to ask so I could jump into bed with you?" Rory asked.

"Something like that. Anyway I didn't mean it," Jess said.

"I know," Rory said quietly.

"So Logan's back," Jess said.

"Well…."

"Why didn't you tell me you're seeing him again?"

"I'm not seeing him. I mean I see him, but I'm not seeing him," Rory said, as she watched Jess begin frantically start searching his pockets. "What?"

"Nope, must have left my Gilmore girl decoder ring at home. Can you please try that sentence again in English?"

"I just meant I've seen him a few times for dinner and we've talked on the phone or whatever, but we're not seeing each other… not dating or whatever," Rory said.

"Oh," Jess said.

"Yeah."

"So, I'll ask again, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I knew you would be an ass about it and I didn't want to deal with it," Rory said.

"Good plan. This way we all got to have a little Thanksgiving dinner theater. Much better this way. Yup good plan. Very good plan," Jess answered.

"Yeah," Rory said again, but this time with a smile.

"Well it's for the best. Dinner had been positively pleasant. It's not dinner at Emily Gilmore's unless I leave with a headache and a good story to tell."

"Nice," Rory said with a snort. "Hey… Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you hate him so much?"

"I'm not jealous," Jess said.

"I didn't say you are," Rory answered.

"At least, I'm not jealous anymore," Jess amended quietly.

"You were?"

"Of course I was. You loved him. Closest I ever got to you in those years was when you thought you could use me for a revenge screw after you found out about the girls he had been with. I never made a secret back then about how much I wanted you, that I … well you know…"

"Jess…" Rory said quietly.

"So anyway, I'm not jealous of him, not like that, not anymore, but I guess… can I just say I don't like him and leave it at that?"

"Jess… are you? I mean, do you? Uhm…"

"Rory, I am not pinning away, waiting for you to notice me," Jess said.

"You're not?" Rory asked with a sly pout.

"I mean… it's not like I never think about… I mean, you're beautiful, you've always been beautiful, and I mean…" Jess stammered before realizing Rory had begun to laugh.

"Oh ha ha ha," Jess said.

"You deserved that," Rory said.

"Probably," Jess agreed.

"Look, I don't expect you and Logan to ever really be friends, but he's not a bad guy."

"If you say so," Jess answered.

"I mean it. You'd probably like him if you hadn't already decided he was…"

"The anti-Christ?" Jess supplied with a laugh.

"Don't you think that's a little harsh?"

"You're right," Jess said, "he doesn't have the work ethic to be the anti-Christ," Jess said.

"That's probably true," came the reply from Logan who had walked up to them unseen. "Your grandmother is looking for you," he said to Rory. "She sent me out here to fetch you,"

"She sent you," Rory said with disbelief.

"Well, she sent your mother, but I offered to come instead,"

"Goody for us," Jess mumbled.

"Jess…" Rory said.

"It's okay, go. You know your grandmother doesn't like to be kept waiting. I promise not to mess up pretty-boy's hair," Jess answered.

Rory looked back and forth between them and realized that one way or another, this was probably a conversation she did not need to be present for.

"Fine. But can I say one thing?"

"Could we stop you," Jess asked.

"Not likely," Logan said, earning him a smirk from Jess and a scowl from Rory.

"All I was going to say is that there is no reason for the two of you to act like teen-angst morons. We are all adults here."

"Okay…" Jess said.

"Gotcha," Logan said.

"Oh, never mind," Rory said as she realized the two men were not really listening to her. "I'm going inside for dessert."

They watched as Rory entered the house before turning back to look at each other.

"So," Logan said, "pistols at dawn?"

"I always thought swords were more elegant," Jess answered.

"Peter pan?" Logan asked.

"Inigo Montoya", Jess replied.

"As you wish," Logan answered.

"You're not my type," Jess shot back.

"But she is," Logan said, gesturing to the house.

"I'm not going to talk about her with you," Jess said.

"I get that," Logan said. "And I respect it."

"Right," Jess mumbled.

"I do. Believe it or not, I'm not such a bad guy."

"So she said," Jess said.

"So why not take her word for it?" Logan asked.

"Why are you here?" Jess said with a glare.

"I was invited. I thought we went through this already."

"No, why are you here? Why are you bothering her again? Cause if it's just to mess with her head…"

"Hey," Logan interrupted, "in case you missed it, I was the one who proposed. She was the one who dumped me."

"So?"

"I'm not here to mess with her," Logan said.

"Then what do you want?"

"I think that's between me and her," Logan answered.

"I'm going inside," Jess said turning away.

"Wait, Jess," Logan called.

"What?"

"We are all adults here, at least in theory. Can't we just… I don't know…" Logan said.

"Why can't we all just get along," Jess supplied with a hint of irony in his voice.

"Yeah, something like that," Logan said.

"Why is this starting to feel like an afterschool special?" Jess muttered.

"Look, all I am saying is that we both care about Rory, we both have relationships with her, and in one way or another we will likely run into each other again. Perhaps we can do it without the whole…"

"Teen-angst drama," Jess supplied.

"Exactly." Logan replied.

"Yeah sure," Jess said dismissively.

"You know, Jess, if you gave me half a chance, you'd probably like me. Most people do," Logan said with a grin.

"Most people also like McDonalds. Doesn't mean they're right."

"Touché," Logan answered.

"But I can at least promise to try and be a bit more civil in the future,"

"I appreciate it," Logan said.

"Just don't screw with her," Jess said.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Logan answered.

"Can I go in now or do we need to hug it out?" Jess asked.

"I think a handshake will do," Logan said, once again offering his hand to Jess.

Jess stood for a moment, seeming to contemplate something snarky to say, or at least something dripping with irony. Instead, after a moment, he shook his head, let out a sigh and shook Logan's hand.

* * *

It was four in the morning when Lorelai wandered into her kitchen to find Rory sitting at the table sipping coffee.

"I guess it's good you're not making mac and cheese," Lorelai said.

"Hi mom," Rory said.

"So, wanna talk about what happened?"

"Not really," Rory said.

"That was a lot of drama for one holiday," Lorelai said, pouring her own cup of coffee.

"By Gilmore standards? That didn't even make top ten," Rory said.

"Okay, true fact. But still, what was that?"

"I don't know," Rory said, the exacerbation coloring her voice.

"Want my advice?"

"Always," Rory said looking at her mother.

"They both love you…" Lorelai began before Rory cut her off.

"How many times do I have to tell you…?"

"Oh relax there Frankie," Lorelai said. "I didn't say they were in love with you. Just that they both care about you a lot."

"Okay," Rory conceded.

"And they also represent two very different aspects of who you are, two parts of you that you have always had trouble reconciling yourself."

"Yeah…" Rory said thoughtfully.

"It's like watching your worlds collide."

"Okay, I'll give you that, and that explains why it's awkward for me. It does not explain why they behaved like morons with each other,"

"Because they know, even if you don't, that they are the angel and devil on your shoulder."

"Which one's which," Rory asked with a small laugh.

"No comment," Lorelai answered, "And it doesn't really matter. But they see it, that they are, or at least they were, on the opposing sides of your life. New York versus Yale. Stars Hollow versus Hartford. They represent the two sides of your life, and if you pick one, you negate the other. So how can you expect them to be friends?"

"I don't…" Rory said.

"Sure you do. You're Rory. And you want everyone to be happy and get along," Lorelai said.

"I guess,"

"Oh, babe. It's okay to want that. We all want that. But it might take some time with them."

"Mom, would it be strange if I was thinking about Logan and… well…" Rory said, letting her thought trail off.

"It would be strange if you weren't," Lorelai answered.

"It would be so easy to fall in love with him again," Rory said.

"Yeah?" Lorelai asked.

"Or at least to fall back into bed with him," Rory said.

"Has he… I mean are you and he…" Lorelai said.

"No. Just something Lane said," Rory answered.

"Our Lane was talking about sex?"

"Our Lane has twin sons, one would imagine she is familiar with sex," Rory said.

"Don't let Mrs. Kim hear you say that," Lorelai answered. "So are you considering it?"

"I don't know," Rory said. "Should we be discussing the prospect of me having casual sex?"

"Would it really be casual?" Lorelai asked.

"No, not really," Rory answered.

"Rory, you're a grownup. I'm actually glad we can talk about this stuff."

"Me too mom," Rory said with a smile.

"Has he asked?"

"What? Called and said 'may I sleep with you?'"

"Or climbed through your bedroom window…" Lorelai said.

"How did you know about that?" Rory asked.

"I didn't until right now, but it seemed like a safe bet. He seems the type," Lorelai said.

"Well okay, whatever that means, but to answer your question, nope. Still nothing. I was surprised to see him today though… or yesterday now, I guess."

"Good ol' Emily. Not happy without holiday drama," Lorelai said.

"To be fair, she really was sorry. She didn't think Jess would react like that," Rory said.

"I don't think anyone would have thought Jess would have reacted like that," Lorelai said.

"It was all so…. High school or something."

"So what did Jess say about it?"

"Not much. That he doesn't like Logan,"

"Well, we knew that," Lorelai said. "But did he say why?"

"Not really. Just that it's from… you know… before…" Rory answered vaguely.

"So, did either of them tell you what happened after you came inside, when they talked?"

"Logan said that Jess told him that he better not mess with me. Jess told me that he promised Logan to try and be civil,"

"Interesting…" Lorelai said. "So back to the question at hand. Do you want Logan back?"

"Jess would hate me," Rory said.

"If it was really what you wanted, Jess would get over it," Lorelai said with authority.

"You think so?" Rory said.

"Is it what you really want?" Lorelai asked.

"I don't know…" Rory said. "Maybe?"

"Well the good news is you don't have to make this decision right now. The better news is that we are both awake and caffeinated. Want to get dressed and hit Hartford for the Black Friday sales?"

"Might as well." Rory said.

"Don't worry kid. It will all work out in the end."

"I know, I know…" Rory said with a laugh. "If it hasn't worked out yet, you're not at the end yet."

"Precisely." Lorelai said and smiled.

"I'm going to jump in the shower. Leave in an hour?"

"Sounds good." Lorelai said.

"I love you mom"

"I love you too kid," Lorelai answered as Rory left the room to go get ready. "I love you too."

* * *

 **Author's Note: I do promise I will finish this story, if for no other reason than I know how much it bites to start reading something only to have it fade away with no conclusion.**

 **That being said, it may take longer to update over the next months, so I do apologize.**

 **As always, I welcome your feedback – if for no other reason, than it's good to know someone is still reading.**


	21. Chapter 20

**Author's Note:**

 **As much as I might wish otherwise, the characters are not mine. I just like to visit Stars Hollow from Time to time.**

 **I hope people are still reading and enjoying this story. I am trying to update as often as possible.**

 **I do appreciate feedback, if for no other reason than so that I know I should keep going.**

* * *

 _ **Chapter Eighteen – New Year 2012**_

 _ **New York City – New Year's Eve/ New Year's Day – 12:04 AM**_

Rory held the phone to her ear and used her other hand to block out the sound of the cover band playing Old Lang Syne.

"Yeah, I'm having a blast," Rory said, smiling at Jess who was standing next to her at the bar. "I'm glad I let Jess drag me out."

"When are you going to admit I'm always right," Jess asked her with a smirk, earning him a half-hearted glare.

"What," Rory said into the phone, "no, that was Jess gloating." Rory listed intently to her mom on the other side of the line. "I don't know. I might just crash with Jess," she said with a question in her voice, looking at her friend for confirmation. She smiled when she saw Jess nod. "Yeah, I'll crash at his place. But I'll be at your house by ten tomorrow so we can be to Grandma's for New Year's Day by one," she went on. After listening for another moment, she looked at Jess and said "Mom and Luke want to know if you're coming to my Grandparents house tomorrow."

"I don't know yet," Jess said. "I'm waiting to see if I get a better offer."

"He'll be there," Rory said into the phone, while trying to balance her drink and swat at Jess. The combination, and the fact that she lacked grace of movement in general, caused her to come close to tipping off her stool.

"That's not what I said," Jess said, grabbing her arm to keep her from falling.

"I don't care, you're coming," Rory said to him with a laugh.

"You're not the boss of me," Jess answered with a grin.

"I am most certainly the boss of you, and as such I command you to get me another drink," she said, putting her glass down on the bar.

"Yes mistress," Jess said sarcastically, waiving the bartender down and ordering another round of drinks.

"What?" Rory yelled into the phone, seeming to have forgotten her mother on the other end of the line. "Oh, yeah, I love you too, Mom. Tell Luke I love him and tell Babette and whoever else is there I said Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year, Lorelei," Jess yelled into the phone, earning a scowl from Rory.

"Okay. See you tomorrow, or later today I guess," Rory said.

Rory listened for another moment and hung up as Jess handed her another drink.

"Seriously, Jess. Thanks for taking me out tonight," Rory said, lightly clinking her glass against his.

"No big deal," Jess answered smiling.

The plan for the two of them to come to the small west village bar had been last minute. After the drama at Thanksgiving, Rory had finally broken down and asked Logan directly about his behavior, about the random (or not so random) dinners and about his intentions.

They had met for dinner in Hartford and Rory had used all her skills as an interviewer to get to the truth she wanted. Finally, it had come down to what exactly he had meant by wanting redemption.

"I don't know, Ace," Logan had answered, and Rory could tell that was the truth.

It had been a long dinner, and it had been awkward in parts, but by the end, Logan had admitted that he didn't really have a plan. He came clean that the initial impulse to text her had been just that-and impulse, brought on by running into her dad that one time; and he told her that while he would always love her, it still stung that she had turned down his proposal and he had never really understood why she had.

"Are you trying to get me back? I mean do you want…" Rory had asked, letting the question linger.

"I don't know," Logan had answered. "I know I have never felt for another girl what I felt for you."

Rory hadn't known how to respond to that, so she had simply smiled and agreed that there hadn't been anyone else as significant in her life either.

Logan had also explained that the whole third-week of the month thing. Apparently, it had been his attempt at being dependable. When Rory had pressed him on his reasoning he had admitted that he knew how important both tradition and dependability were to Rory, and so he was trying to establish both.

After the dinner, they had begun talking more, and had even seen each other with a bit more frequency, though it still had yet to progress past friendship. For her part, Rory wasn't entirely sure she wanted him back, but she knew she wanted the option, so as New Year's Eve had drawn closer, she had held off on making plans with the vague hope they might spend the holiday together. Unfortunately, Logan, it turned out, was spending the holiday at a ski-resort, leaving Rory with no other plans than joining her mother and Luke at Babette's.

She had been on the phone with Jess earlier in the day, when she had given in to his suggestion that rather than ring in the New Year Stars Hollow style, she actually act her age and join him at the bar for drinking and a mediocre cover band.

"So," she said, taking a sip from her drink and looking at Jess, "what are your resolutions?"

"Don't have any," Jess said.

"Of course you do. Everyone makes New Year's resolutions," Rory said, smiling.

"Ok then, what are yours?"

"Nope," Rory said, jabbing him in the chest, "I asked you first,"

"And I told you I don't have any," Jess said.

"Okay, resolution number one," she said loudly, "more drinking."

"Careful there Rory," Jess said, "we both know you're a light-weight"

"Am not," Rory said with a laugh. "You'd be surprised what being a DC reporter will do to your tolerance."

"If you say so," said Jess, "Just don't expect me to hold your hair for you when you're puking."

"Seriously, I'm not drunk," Rory said, looking at him levelly.

He considered her for a moment before smiling. "Yeah, I know. In fact I don't think I've ever seen you drunk."

"I've been drunk a few times. To tell the truth, I never liked the feeling much," Rory said, taking another sip.

"I'm with you there," Jess said. "So, then resolution one about more drinking might be ill-advised."

"Probably," Rory agreed. "But it's New Year's Eve, so for tonight it's okay."

"Probably," Jess said, looking at her and smiling.

The two fell into a companionable silence before Rory suddenly looked up and swatted Jess on the arm.

"What was that for?" Jess asked.

"You really wouldn't hold my hair if I was sick," Rory said with a soft pout.

"You know I would," Jess answered, laughing,

"Thanks Jess," she said quietly, and leaned forward to kiss him softly.

"With the hitting and the kissing already," Jess said with mock outrage. "What was that for?"

"For being you. For being my best friend."

"You know, you're my best friend too," Jess said quietly.

"I know," Rory answered, dipping her head so their foreheads touched. "Who'd have believed it?"

Jess laughed at this. "Happy New Year, Rory," he whispered.

"Yeah," Rory said, straightening up and looking away from him.

"What?" Jess asked, noticing her shift in mood.

"Nothing, believe me, girly crap, you don't want to hear it."

"If I didn't want to hear it I wouldn't have asked." Jess said, sipping from his drink.

"It's just…"

"Wait is this a Logan thing, because if it's a Logan thing, you're right, I probably don't want to hear it," Jess said. Rory had mostly kept Jess up to date on what was going on with Logan, including his role in her lack of New Year's Eve planning. As her mother had predicted, Jess was okay with it _if_ it was what Rory wanted. However, he wasn't going to promote the idea, and deep down, he still didn't think Logan was good enough for his best friend.

"No, it's not a Logan thing, not really, at least not completely. It's a me thing. It's a kissing thing," Rory said.

"A kissing thing?" Jess asked. "I am going to need more than that."

"Do you know how long it's been since I have been good and kissed?" Rory asked.

"Shouldn't you be dressed like Liv Tyler when you ask me that?"

"Great movie, but that's not the point."

"Fine. When was the last time you were good and kissed?"

"I will tell you," Rory said. "Years! Years and years…. And years!"

"So, you're saying it's been a while," Jess asked with a smirk.

"Forget it," Rory said turning away from him and staring down at the bar.

"No wait, Rory I'm sorry," he said with sincerity. "Look, I didn't mean to make fun of you."

"Yeah you did," Rory said quietly.

"Okay, I did. But I shouldn't have. Now, what's going on?" Jess said.

"Nothing, never mind."

"No, it's clearly something. Honestly Rory, if it is a Logan thing I'm willing to listen."

"No, it's not really a Logan thing." Rory said. "Did you know I'm 27?"

"I was at your birthday, so yes I did," Jess replied.

"I'm 27."

"I'm 28," Jess countered. "Almost 29"

"Exactly," Rory said triumphantly.

"What?"

"When is the last time you had sex?"

"I don't know," Jess said, clearly embarrassed.

"Of course you know. Tell me," Rory said.

"No."

"Come on. I'll tell you if you tell me," Rory said.

"What makes you think I want to know when the last time you had sex was?"

"Fine, never mind. Forget about sex," Rory said.

"I'll try," Jess said. "Now you want to tell me what this is all about?"

"I'm…." Rory began.

"You're what? You're a pain in the ass is what you are," Jess said, trying to turn to their earlier banter and away from this sudden awkwardness.

"I am not," Rory said. "Well, maybe a little," she amended when she saw Jess raise an eyebrow in disbelief.

"I know, I know, it's a Gilmore thing."

"I'm charming," Rory rebutted.

"You're neurotic," Jess offered.

"I'm neurotically charming or what about charmingly neurotic?"

"Either and both," Jess agreed as he looked over at his friend.

She was right; she was both charming and neurotic. He smiled thinking about how far they had both come- her the town princess and him the rebel without a clue. He was glad they had somehow managed to rescue this friendship. He knew Lorelai and his Uncle suspected there might be more, but for right now Jess was content to have Rory in his life as a friend and confidant. They balanced each other out in some elemental way, and because of that, they generally had a lot of fun.

However, looking at her staring sadly into her drink, he knew she was stewing about something.

"Seriously Rory, what's going on? You can talk to me," he said softly.

"I'm lonely, okay?" Rory said, feeling the blush burn her face. "I'm lonely, and I'm 27 and I haven't had sex in almost three years because I can't do casual sex. It has to be about… I don't know… something, if not love then at least, I don't know, affection or something. But I haven't met anyone who I feel that for, who I trust, and even if I do meet someone, I go out on one or two dates and then nothing. Either they're not interested, or I'm not interested, or they only want casual. It's frustrating, and tiring and depressing and then there's Logan, and I swear to God Jess, I don't know if I actually want him or if it's that I know him well enough to go to bed with him and not feel like crap about it after! Only I probably would feel like crap after because it's him and I wouldn't know what it meant and I would end up obsessing and miserable anyway."

"Rory…. I…." Jess scrubbed his face with his hand trying to figure out what the right thing to say would be.

"No. You know what, never mind. I shouldn't have laid all that on you. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry for telling me stuff," Jess said softly.

"I guess I just… I don't know Jess. I really don't know anymore. I don't know what I want or who I want or what I should be doing."

"You'll get there Rory. I know it might not seem like it, but you'll figure out what you want and what to do."

"Why don't you tell me," Rory said suddenly, jumping off her stool and standing in front of Jess.

"What?" Jess asked, unsure of what she wanted.

"Tell me what to do. Be my Luke."

"Be your what?"

"Yes, that is what I need. I need my very own Luke. Someone to tell me what to do."

"I have never gotten the sense that Luke tells your mom what to do."

"Sure he does. All the time."

"Does she listen?"

"No. Almost never. But that almost never stops him either. So how about it. I have decided that I should have my own Luke… well minus the flannel and the hat, but still… you get the idea…"

Rory was giggling now. She didn't know why the idea amused her so much, but she did know that the thought of having someone else make all her decisions seemed appealing in a temporary sort of way.

"I am not going to tell you what to do Rory." Jess said, looking away from her.

"Why not. You always were bossy. Tell me what to do. Be Luke. You can start easy. I had about seven cups of coffee today…"

"This conversation doesn't even make any sense. What the hell am I supposed to-"

"I'm serious," Rory interrupted him, gripping his face with her hands and turning him to look at her. "Tell me what to do."

"Stop it," Jess said, pulling his face away from her hands.

"What? Why? I have said for years that everyone should have a Luke Danes. So I have elected you to be mine."

"No!"

"Why not?" Rory asked.

It had started as a joke, but there was something underneath now, something that was making Jess either angry or uncomfortable, and while she knew she should drop it and move on, she didn't seem to be able to.

"Stop it Rory," Jess said quietly, once again looking away from her.

"Why? I don't see what the big deal is. I mean honestly Jess; you have been telling me what to do since the day we met. I would think you would welcome the chance to –"

"Because I'm not your friggen Luke!" Jess yelled.

"Jess?" Rory asked, quieted by his outburst.

"I mean give me a break. This isn't who we are. We aren't them. I'm not your damn Luke. I am not your fallback position."

"I wasn't saying you were a fallback position," Rory said softly.

"What do you think; I've been sitting here waiting on the off chance that the magnificent Rory Gilmore was going to once again look my way? Typical. Just typical. I thought we were past this crap," Jess yelled.

"Why are you so angry? It was a joke," she said, unsure.

Jess watched as a single tear slid down Rory's face, and took a deep breath. He had no idea why he was so angry about this. But for as much as he loved Rory, she had always been so entitled, just expecting the world to hold her up and deliver whatever she wanted. And he had been one of those things for a while, waiting on her, begging her. But that had been long ago, in another life.

He heard her mumble something but couldn't make out what she had said.

"What did you say?" he asked gruffly, frustrated that a perfectly fun evening had taken on such a bizarre turn.

"Never mind. I'm sorry okay. I should probably go," Rory muttered.

"Rory stop…"

"What. I said I was sorry, what more do you want from me? I knew I shouldn't have come out tonight. I was already sad and disappointed and feeling crappy. I should have stayed home, eaten mallomars and watched Ryan Seacrest."

Jess tried to get a handle on his feelings. He took a deep breath and blew it out forcefully, trying to get past the last few minutes.

"Come on, we were having fun. Sit down and finish your drink."

Rory sat down sullenly and began staring into the depths of her drink.

Jess watched her quietly from the corner of his eye, trying to think of a way to rescue the evening when he heard her mutter something he couldn't make out.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"I said I know you're not my Luke. Don't you think I know that? Don't you think that I know you don't… that we don't… I know okay."

"Rory – "

"You're not my Luke and I'm not your Lorelai and I get that. I know that."

"Is that a bad thing- that we're not them? Would you want to be?" asked Jess, bumping her shoulder lightly.

"No, it's not a bad thing," she agreed bumping him back.

"I will tell you right now I do not have the skills to build you a tent," Jess said.

"A chuppah," Rory corrected automatically.

"Right. A chuppah."

"Yeah. I know. And I love us, as we are…" Rory continued.

"Me too. So we're good, right? No more crazy talk?"

"I can't promise no more crazy talk," Rory giggled starting to feel better.

"No more crazy Luke talk then, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Rory agreed. She looked over at Jess, who was smiling, relieved to have the evening back on track, and without thinking, she stood up, turned to him and blurted "But maybe, just maybe, part of me wishes that you were… that we were…" Rory said, looking down at her hands.

"Rory?" Jess asked quietly.

"Jess… do you ever wonder, still, about us, about me? Do you ever think that maybe…"

"Why are we still talking about this" Jess muttered, still not looking at her, his smile gone.

"Do you ever wonder if maybe we missed out on some window or some… I don't know, some chance? That we blew it…"

"I don't know. Did we? Maybe this is what we are meant to be," he answered.

"Do you think if I kissed you right now, you'd let me…" Rory asked quietly.

"Rory…" he said, finally looking at her, her eyes still wet with tears, a small smile on her lips, and one moment was all it took.

Without thinking, Jess leaned forward on his stool to where she stood inches in front of him. In one movement, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled Rory flush to his body. He lowered his lips to hers slowly; pausing for a single breath to look her in the eye and make sure this was what she wanted. Seeing nothing in her face but desire, he kissed her, slowly at first, getting reacquainted with her mouth. However, as the kiss lingered, he felt her wind her hand through his hair, her fingernails scraping against the sensitive skin on the back of his neck, and while he knew this wasn't forever, he also knew that he wanted her. He splayed his hands across her hips, anchoring her to him as he gently tugged her bottom lip with his teeth.

For Rory, the moment was both surreal and comfortable, as if she was wandering through Wonderland, amazed and startled, yet completely at home.

She felt his fingers pushing into the soft flesh of her hips, his thumbs brushing the skin below the waistband of her jeans. She felt the strength of his arms, the insistent way he was holding her and realized that the last time they had touched he had been a boy, and that somehow in the intervening years, he had become a man.

She pressed herself into him, feeling wonton and free in a way that was completely out of character, and yet felt divine.

Jess felt her move against him and brought his hand up to her head. Tangling his fingers in her hair, he anchored her to him, trying to memorize every sense. She was soft and pliant against him, and just as she always had, she fit perfectly.

"Jess…" Rory whispered, bringing her hand up to his chest to push him slightly away.

"Rory, I…" Jess said, instantly dropping his hands and wondering if this had all been a catastrophic mistake.

"I want to leave," Rory said softly.

"Right, yeah," he muttered, kicking himself. "You want me to get you a cab? Or a hotel or…"

"I thought you said I could stay with you," Rory said, a soft smile on her lips.

"What?"

"Jess," Rory whispered, leaning into him once again and kissing his neck softly, "I want to leave with you. I want to stay with you. I want to be with you. I can probably say this in Greek if you prefer a more erudite seduction."

"Are you sure? I don't want to be something you obsess over that makes you miserable tomorrow."

"I'm sure Jess. I'm not saying this is…. That we're…. I just…."

"Yeah…." Jess said, tracing the lines of her face. She was his best friend and he loved her, he'd always loved her. And God knew she was beautiful. So while experience and instinct told him this was probably an epic mistake, he tossed some cash on the bar, took her by the hand and led her into the night.

* * *

The following morning, Rory woke to find Jess sitting in a chair next to the bed staring at her.

"Hey," she whispered, her throat rough from the night before, "What'cha doing?"

"Waiting," Jess answered simply.

"For what?"

"For the freak out to begin."

"What freak out?"

"The one you're about to have," Jess answered. "I know you, and I know your mind is right now whirring a thousand miles an hour trying to figure this all out, trying to analyze and justify and whatever else you do in that Gilmore brain of yours, so I'm just waiting for the freak out to begin."

"Okay, I'll tell you what," Rory answered, laying back and closing her eyes again, "right now the only thing freaking me out is you sitting there and staring at me and waiting for me to freak out."

"What?"

"What time is it Jess?" Rory asked, her eyes still closed.

"Almost seven," Jess answered.

"Perfect. Is there coffee?"

"No."

"Can there be coffee?"

"You don't want to talk about this?" Jess asked.

"Do you want to talk about this?" Rory asked him back, opening one eye to gauge his expression.

"I feel like we should."

"Tell you what. You go get coffee, I will go to the bathroom and put on clothes and then we can talk about this."

"Okay" Jess answered rising from the chair. "There's a deli on the corner. I can get coffee and rolls if you want."

"Perfect." Rory said her eyes closing once more.

She listened as Jess gathered his wallet and keys and left the apartment. As soon as she heard the lock click, she bolted out of the bed, grabbed her clothes and ran to the bathroom. Moments later, she emerged and scrambled to dig her phone out of her purse. Dialing frantically she heard her mother's voice come across the line.

"Shit, how are you not there," she muttered, realizing she had gotten Lorelai's voicemail. Hearing the beep, she began speaking.

"Mom, it's me. I have to talk to you… like talk to you talk to you. Me and Jess… and well we… and before you even start I was not drunk… I wish I were drunk. No I don't. I don't know… I did something… we did… well… something… I don't know, stupid? Maybe stupid, maybe not. Maybe just low-grade stupid, like I don't know… I can't even come up with an appropriate esoteric reference for the moment. Mom, you have to call me. I'm freaking out…"

"I knew it," came Jess's voice from the next room.

"Shit. Jess is back. I'm fine. I will see you later. Don't say anything to Luke about… well just don't say anything. Never mind. Gotta go," she said, and hung up her phone and slowly sunk back down to sit on the bed.

"Hi," she said quietly, looking up at Jess who was standing in the door to the room with a brown bag and two cups of coffee. "One of those for me?"

"Rory…"

"Please, okay, you win, I was freaking out. I was trying to do it gracefully and without your knowledge, but whatever. Can I at least have some coffee before the 'I told you so' dance begins?"

Jess walked over to her and sitting down gently beside her handed her a cup of coffee.

"Thanks," she muttered, not looking at him.

"Why didn't you want me to know you were freaking out?" he asked gently, a soft smile on his lips.

"I don't know. I feel like such a child. I bet you hook up all the time."

"Hook up?"

"You know… hook up… with people… with girls, women, sex…" she said. "See this is why I didn't want to talk to you. I sound like a moron."

"First of all, you're not a moron Rory."

"Yes I am."

"And second of all," he continued, talking past her, "I do not 'hook up' all the time. I don't like casual sex. Not anymore. And third of all…"

"There's a third of all?" Rory asked softly.

"Third of all," Jess repeated, "I'm freaking out a little too."

"You are?"

"Of course I am," he exclaimed.

"I don't believe you."

"Why shouldn't I be freaking out?"

"Because you're you. Mr. Cool man Jess. Mr. I have an answer for everything. You don't freak out about sex."

"I do when that sex was with you," he replied, standing up and beginning to pace. "I mean, this is… this is you, and this is me and… did it occur to you that we've never actually done this before?"

"It did actually," Rory said with a quiet giggle.

"Great, you're laughing at me,"

"No I'm not," Rory said, unable to mask her soft chuckle, "Okay, maybe a little."

"This is a whole lot of baggage and history and…"

"Jess," Rory said quietly, "Do you wish we hadn't…"

"No, Rory. Believe me, that's not it."

"Then what, cause I think you're actually more freaked out than I am," Rory said.

"I don't know. I guess I'm just curious what happens next."

"You mean besides hiding from my mother, who is going to have the world's largest 'I told you so' moment over this," Rory said.

"You're mother told you to sleep with me?"

"No. But she predicted that eventually I would," Rory said.

"I'm not sure how I feel about you and your mother discussing…" Jess began, when he all of a sudden stopped mid sentence and put his head in his hands. "Oh my God, Luke can't know. He'd kill me."

"I don't think Luke would kill you. I'm not sixteen."

"Trust me; Luke has not gotten that memo. He will kill me."

Rory looked up into his panicked face and not knowing what else to do, she burst out laughing.

"Okay, yes, Luke will probably kill you. And I can't guarantee he won't find out. In fact, given that my mother knew I was going home with you and given the message I just left her, there is a good chance he will know sometime soon."

"Just fabulous," Jess muttered, running a hand through his hair. "Why are you laughing? This is serious!"

"I know that Jess, but then again, everything with you and I has always been so serious. Maybe that's our problem. Too much overly eloquent angst."

"Are you still freaking out?" Jess asked, sitting beside her again.

"Not as much as I was."

"But…" Jess said, knowing she was weighing something back and forth.

"It's just, I don't know."

"Don't know what? Rory talk to me. Was it, I mean… do you regret it?"

"No. Honestly Jess, I don't regret it, I just don't know how I feel about it."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning I don't know how I feel about this… it's a lot to take in, you know?"

"I know," Jess said softly.

"I don't know how I feel about us or about what happened or how I feel about it happening again, if it should happen again, if I want that. On the other hand, I don't know how I feel about it being a one-time thing. And if it was a one-time thing, how do I feel about having had a one night stand, and does it make a difference that said one night stand was with my best friend instead of a total stranger, and if it does make a difference, does that make it better or worse… and why…"

"Okay, stop," Jess yells with a chuckle. "I get it. Freak out back on track as scheduled.

"I don't want this to change us."

"Me either."

"And I don't know if I can be a booty call"

"You need to update your references Rory," Jess said smiling.

"You know what I mean."

"I know what you mean. And trust me; you are not booty call material." Jess said hoping to get her laughing again.

"So then it would be just this one time. Just chalk this one up and move on…"

"Is that-"Jess started, but Rory cut him off, lost in her own thoughts.

"I think if we never ever do it again we can write it off. But I also think if we keep doing it, it will become a thing and…"

"Rory, can I ask you something?" Jess asked suddenly, grabbing her hand to get her attention.

"Yeah?"

"Do you want it to be a thing? Want us to be a thing?"

"I don't know. I mean Logan-"

"Right," Jess said getting up swiftly.

"What?"

"Nothing, you're right. This was just one of those things."

"Jess?"

"We're fine. It's fine. I agree with you one-hundred percent."

"How can you agree with me when I don't even know what I said?"

"We're friends. It was a one-time thing. We can move on as if it never happened. No problem."

"Jess?"

"Listen Rory, I hate to do this to you, but I think I am going to bail on the whole New Year's Day at Emily's thing."

"But…" Rory said rising to stand next to him. "I thought you said we were okay?"

"We're okay Rory. We're always okay" he answered, not meeting her eye. "Best of friends as always. I'm just tired and don't really feel like facing the whole Hartford thing."

"But you're sure that… I don't know… that we're…"

"Yeah. I'm sure. If I can say one thing with certainty it's that nothing has changed."

For the first time, Rory felt herself exhale.

"Oh thank God. I mean I know it was all my fault, my idea, my… whatever. But as always, you're the best."

"That's me," Jess said sardonically.

"Okay. Well I will let you off the hook for Emily's this time."

"Thanks."

"But I should probably head out. I love you," she said carelessly, kissing him on the cheek and getting up to collect her things.

"Yeah." Jess said quietly. Something in his tone of voice caught Rory and she turned to study him.

He was clearly trying to brush the whole thing off, but Rory realized he looked angry and sad. She took a moment to replay their conversation in her head and realized she hadn't asked him how he felt or what he wanted.

"Jess… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… I don't know… lead you on or whatever…"

"What?" Jess said.

"I don't know you just look upset. And I realized I didn't ask you what you wanted. I just figured neither of us want this… right?"

"Neither of us want…" Jess repeated, letting the sentence trail off.

"You know," she answered, "this, us. As you said, you're not my Luke."

"No, I'm not," Jess said.

"So, see. It makes sense."

"Great." Jess said turning his back on her.

"What's wrong Jess? Why do you seem pissed all of a sudden?"

"Don't worry about it," he muttered.

"Why won't you talk to me? Is this because I said that I didn't… that we shouldn't… cause I mean, if you want to…" Rory stumbled.

"Don't do me any favors," Jess said, ripping the sheets off his bed, knowing he wanted them cleaned, or more to the point, gone.

"Jess?"

"Look. You made it clear what you wanted. You wanted a night. You wanted to get laid," he said harshly, "and who better to service that need than good old Jess."

"I didn't… Jess… That is not…"

"Come on Rory, admit it. You wanted to get some and we all know the perfect Rory Gilmore doesn't pick up strangers in bars. So best of both worlds for you this way. You get to scratch that itch, go slumming a little, with no real risk."

"What are you saying?"

"I am saying, Princess, that you got what you wanted. Nothing has changed. Nothing ever changes, least of all you."

"I thought you said we were okay,"

"Right as rain," he said with a sneer.

"Why are you so angry all of a sudden? I mean you were the one making sure I understood that it meant nothing…"

"When did I ever…" Jess yelled.

"Oh give me a break. How many times did you tell me that you're not my… that we don't… that you don't… and then to be mad at me that I'm not sitting here begging…"

"I never said you meant nothing. But what do you care anyway. At least now you can go find your precious Logan…"

"What the hell does Logan have to do with any of this?"

"Forget it," Jess said angrily.

"I just, I don't understand. I thought you said we were okay?" Rory said, staring at him.

"Yeah, well, I lied," Jess said bitterly.

"Go to hell," Rory said, grabbing her coat and storming out.

"Been there done that" Jess answered the empty apartment. "Been there, done that."


End file.
